Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Giving yourself space
• Part 2 of 3: Dealing with your heartache
• Part 3 of 3: Rebuilding your friendship
• Tips

Have you ever had a close friendship with someone for a long time? Surely. Suddenly you realize that you are in love with that previously Platonic companion. This is very common, so you're not alone in that feeling. And it can hurt a lot more than an "ordinary" unrequited love when you've had a long-term relationship. This jeopardizes both your friendship and your love aspirations, and it can be very painful for both parties.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Giving yourself space

1. Stay away from your best friend for a while. Treat this in a courteous and thoughtful manner. You don't want to completely break the healthy relationship that exists between you, but you want to protect your feelings. Do not make appointments to see each other on a daily basis.
   • There are numerous ways to establish safe and respectful boundaries between yourself and your friend. If you do run into each other, be open without giving him / her all your attention. Protect yourself without ignoring the other.
   • Prepare some reasonable excuses for why the two of you see each other less often for a while. This can make you feel like you're cheating on your boyfriend, especially if the two of you are always telling each other everything. Know that you are only doing this because you need time to get over your crush.
   • Financial issues are almost always understandable, especially when it involves working longer hours. If you work for a long time, you are more tired and that is always a valid excuse.
2. Make sure your feelings are real. Before you distance yourself, you should make sure that you really are in love with this person. The pressure on this situation is immense, as you run the risk of permanently damaging a good friendship.
   • When you are in love, the dopamine levels in your brain will flare up, giving you intense attention and focus for the person you are falling for. Your love will take up a lot of your daily thoughts, so it may feel like you are obsessed with it.
   • It is unlikely that you will be able to think of someone else if you are really in love with this person. Your thoughts about them will all be overly positive, because you no longer see the negative qualities of your crush when you are in love with them.
   • If you feel any of the following, you may actually be in love with your best friend.
   • You need to be sure that these feelings don't come from loneliness and your strong but platonic bond with this person. When considering your love for your best friend, you risk mistaking the friendly relationship between you for romantic love. Make sure your feelings don't come from your desire for a romantic relationship, and this person seems like a good match.
3. Accept the pain. There is a terrible thing to have to go through a difficult emotional event like rejection and then push your feelings away and hide from them. Worse still is fooling yourself as if you shouldn't have these emotions.
   • If you condemn your emotions, or are not allowed to feel them from yourself, then you hide from the reality of your pain.
   • Even though it is extremely difficult to deal with heartache, you will grow stronger in the process. You will also spend less time wallowing in pain if you accept your emotions and try to focus on the present.
4. Tell yourself it's not your fault. If you allow this rejection to completely shatter your well-being, then you are no match for your heartache. While it takes a little extra effort, you will need to take active steps to build your self-esteem.
   • Remember, your rejection doesn't necessarily have to do with you as a person. Your best friend can grapple with big problems around their own identity. He / she may suffer from fear of commitment due to fear and insecurity.
   • Being alone will help you grow, and although it feels like excruciating pain, it will eventually make you stronger.
   • Try to see this as an opportunity to improve yourself or work on your own goals. Rejection has the potential to fuel your motivation as a human being so that you can use these awful feelings as a forward impulse. If you relapse in a downward spiral, you will not get beyond the pain. Remember that rejection is inevitable, and that rejection in itself is less significant than it seems.

Part 2 of 3: Dealing with your heartache

1. Don't try to forget the other person completely. While it may seem counterproductive, try to never think about him / her again. When you try to push all thoughts of this person away from you, you will undoubtedly think of him / her when you don't want to. This actually makes it much more difficult to get over the person.
   • This is known as the "White Bear Effect" because your active attempts not to think of a white bear will no doubt cause the white bear to pop up in your mind. This is the case with all addictions and obsessions.
   • When your crush pops up in your mind, don't pretend it doesn't exist, despite the pain. You don't need to panic, and you certainly don't need to take those thoughts as a sign that you will never get over them.
2. Love yourself. When you've been rejected by your crush, you may immediately hate yourself and feel insecure. You've risked everything, and you probably feel like you've failed in some way. It is critical to overcoming the difficulties to regain confidence in yourself.
   • You need to learn how to connect with your current emotions, instead of thinking about past mistakes. Meditation helps center your thoughts in the now.
   • A simple cross-legged meditation is a good posture to start with. Sit upright and bring your hands to the center of your heart. Hold your palms together with thumbs and little fingers together. Focus on the tip of your nose and breathe gently.
   • When you let go of your fear and anxiety about the past, you can use the energy that is released to move forward powerfully.
3. Return to your friendships. It's critical in overcoming heartbreak that you have people around you who can support you. These friendships are necessary for your well-being, so remember how well you have been treated by these individuals in the past. Good friends are those people you can be yourself with.
   • Depending on how intense your romantic feelings have been for your best friend, it is possible that your other friendships have been suffering for some time. Since you cannot keep languishing over this person, you can focus your energy on healthier relationships in your life.
4. Remind yourself that your feelings are not fact. In the aftermath of a broken heart, you will fall prey to a wide variety of emotions. These can range from fear, anger and deep sadness. However, keep in mind that while these feelings exist, they are by no means a fact.
   • The phrase "real but not true," as coined by Tibetan Buddhist teacher Tsoknyi Rinpoche, is important to keep in mind when processing these emotions. You can recognize that you feel a certain way, without completely falling prey to those emotions.
5. Go on a relaxed date every now and then. While it will take a little more effort on your part, even if you're still recovering, it's not a bad idea to go out with someone else. Don't try to replace your broken heart. However, it is not a bad idea to spend time with someone else in a relaxed romantic setting.
   • Don't burden your date with your sad story. The other does not have to be burdened with what you are going through.
   • Even if the date doesn't turn out to be anything, it can be very comforting to hang out with another person.
   • You can also create a profile on a dating site to get positive feedback from people you don't know. It won't solve your problems, but a positive word from those around you will help heal.
6. Be nice to your best friend. While this is a necessary step for any unrequited love, it is especially important when your crush occupies an important place in your heart as a cherished, loyal friend. Getting angry at your best friend will only make your problems worse.
   • It may seem unproductive, especially when this person broke your heart very recently, but expressing your love for this person will actually help get over them. It can increase your peace of mind and stability, and you will be able to avoid a lot of potential cynicism.
   • This does not mean that you have to express this love for this person in a tangible way. Do not give the other person special attention online or via text message. However, you can convey positive feelings for the other person in your mind.

Part 3 of 3: Rebuilding your friendship

1. Make sure you both want to maintain the friendship. At worst, the confusion of the situation has driven the two of you apart forever. More than likely, you are the person who cannot handle the situation because your feelings have gone unanswered.
   • Once you've taken enough time to be alone and get yourself back on track, you can decide if you're ready to be friends again.
   • Don't be too hard on yourself if you find yourself having a hard time leaving it behind. It can take a lot more time than you initially expected.
   • The longer you don't see each other, the more likely you are to develop new feelings for someone else. This may help you get over your former crush.
2. Spend more time with groups of friends. It is a lot easier to deal with your friendship if you are not always just the two of you. Even then, it remains important to maintain mutual boundaries, however difficult this may be. You may be tempted to do the same activities with each other as you used to. For now, though, it's better to avoid anything too intimate or private.
   • Find out what kind of relationship you have with this person. It may not be possible to watch television together, but you can still chat over a beer or cup of coffee.
3. Be satisfied with your current relationship. Remember, if your friend is happy, you can be too. This is where maturity comes into play. You love your friend and want him / her to be happy no matter what the decision may be.
   • Make sure to push through the clumsiness. Find out what your new limits are as friends.
   • You will both need to adjust your expectations and assess what you are allowed to do, and this begins with the acceptance of the current situation.

Tips

• It's much better to have a great friend for life than a short affair, so understand that a more intimate relationship can make things awkward between the two of you. As the saying goes, "I could kill for a sweet girl like you, but I would be nothing without good friends."
• Give it time. You never know if your best friend's feelings will change, especially if the emotional intimacy of your friendship is maintained. The worst that can happen in that case is that you can leave this pain behind and become best friends again.
• It's hard to see past rejection. If your friend no longer wants to be best friends, then you will have to accept this for what it is.