Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 4: Calm down
• Method 2 of 4: Dealing with your anger
• Method 3 of 4: Resolve conflicts
• Method 4 of 4: Get professional help

Strong feelings of hatred towards someone can lead you to want to hurt that person when you are angry. However, beating someone up is unlikely to solve any problems you may have and may pursue you in the form of guilt, bad reputation, or even a lawsuit. Being able to control your emotions and resolve a conflict can help you deal with your emotions in a nonviolent way.

To step

Method 1 of 4: Calm down

1. Go away. Get away from the person you want to hit. If you are very angry, it is better to just walk away (without even explaining it to others) and give yourself time to cool down than to get caught up in a scuffle.
   • If you are with a friend, decide whether it would be better for you to be alone or to let go of your anger through your friend.
2. Take a deep breath. To take advantage of the possible relaxation of deep breathing, take a deep breath into your stomach. Place your hand on your diaphragm (between your stomach and chest) and breathe in deep enough that your hand will start moving as soon as your stomach begins to expand. Then exhale slowly.
   • Stay focused on your breathing, breathing in and out 8-10 times, or until you feel like you have regained control of your emotions.
3. Take advantage of progressive muscle relaxation. Progressive muscle relaxation consists of tightening and relaxing your body in progressive stages. Consciously straining your own muscles can help redirect the anger you feel. To practice progressive muscle relaxation, take a few deep breaths, then do the following:
   • Start with the muscles of your face and head. Hold the tension for 20 seconds, then release.
   • Work your way down, tightening and releasing the shoulders, arms, back, hands, stomach, legs, feet, and toes.
   • Take a deep breath and feel the relaxation of your toes all the way to your head.
4. Talk to yourself positively. Repeat a helpful mantra, such as "I can control my actions". Try to reframe your negative thoughts toward the person in a more positive way. Changing your thinking (known as "cognitive restructuring") from focusing on unreasonable negative or angry thoughts to more realistic, positive thoughts, which can help you resist violent acts.
   • For example, instead of thinking, "I hate this person and I want to beat him up," you might think, "I don't feel like spending time with this person, but I'm above violent behavior."
5. Distract yourself from the anger. Finding a pleasant distraction from the person making you angry can help you move on and keep controlling your actions. A distracting activity can be something that you enjoy, such as playing a video game, shopping, going for a walk, engaging in a hobby, or playing a game of pool with a friend.
6. Remind yourself it's not worth it. Even if you think you can get real satisfaction from hitting someone you hate, it is unlikely that it will make you feel better the way you think it will make you feel. In addition, the result could be that you are arrested or prosecuted for the attack, which can become expensive and time consuming.
   • You might say to yourself, "This guy, while obnoxious, is not worth my time. I can't afford to waste time on my job in jail or on trial, and I'm not willing to give this man power over my life I walk the other way instead of confronting him.
7. Limit your alcohol consumption. If you find yourself in a situation where you may be around someone you don't like, don't drink alcohol. Alcohol consumption can hinder reason and hinder your ability to control your actions effectively.

Method 2 of 4: Dealing with your anger

1. Practice your self-awareness. Knowing when you are going to lose control and possibly turn violent can help you stop yourself before you lose control. Watch your thoughts and the directions of your physical body for signs of emerging anger. Violent behavior may be lurking as soon as you start to feel the following:
   • Tense muscles and jaw
   • Headache or stomachache
   • Increased heart rate
   • Sudden sweating or shaking
   • A dizzy feeling
2. Work on developing impulse control. Most people do not intend to engage in physical violence; it happens in the moment as a response to strong emotions or as the result of an escalating conflict. You can avoid reacting violently to a trigger by strengthening your impulse control. Some strategies for developing or strengthening your impulse control are:
   • Delaying gratification. Delayed gratification in other areas can actually help develop impulse control in general. For example, if you always sit down to watch your favorite TV show right after coming home from work, try to break that habit for an hour and do some housework first. Accepting this procrastination will develop your willpower.
   • Develop a number of "if-then" scenarios in advance. For example, you can decide in advance, "If this person insults me or my friends, I'll walk away."
   • Strengthen your body. Some studies link strengthening your muscles and body through regular exercise with better impulse control and willpower.
3. Acknowledge your feelings. Accept that you hate someone and that you are angry when you are around them. Know this is okay. You may not be able to change your thoughts and feelings about that person, but you can always choose how you interact with that person. Whenever you speak or act, you make a choice about which words and actions to use.
   • For example, you might think, "I don't like this person. The way he talks to me and my friends makes me want to beat him up. It's normal to feel angry and hate certain people, but I will not let him lure me out of my tent and get caught up in a fierce argument. "
4. Get some light exercise. Exercising can help you get rid of your "angry energy". It can also help you feel better by releasing endorphins in your brain, those neurotransmitters that make you feel more comfortable.
   • Consistent exercise over time can help regulate your emotions and strengthen your impulse control, as well as making you feel better in the here and now.

Method 3 of 4: Resolve conflicts

1. Recognize a conflict. Conflict occurs when a difference of opinion escalates to the point of disrupting the interpersonal relationship. There are often strong emotions associated with conflict. Conflicts generally won't go away on their own without specifically addressing them.
2. Focus on maintaining or repairing a relationship. Even if you hate or even hate the person you are in a conflict with, the conflict itself may be the cause of your feelings. Focus your approach on resolving the conflict, thinking that you want to improve the relationship with that person
3. Stay calm and alert. Staying calm can help you listen and respond to other people's premise. Staying calm can also likely prevent the conflict from escalating, because the other person may respond positively to your calm attitude.
4. Control your emotions. This can be very difficult, but it is important to keep control of your emotions when you are involved in a conflict. This does not mean that you should not feel emotions or even express them; it simply means that you should not allow your emotions to take over your actions or attitude.
   • In addition, being aware of your own emotions can help you understand the emotions of other parties involved in conflict. This can help you understand the perspective of others.
5. Recognize the other party's feelings and words. Again, this can be difficult at times when you are in a conflict with someone you don't like. However, accepting and taking into account the feelings of the other person involved in the conflict can help you resolve the conflict. It helps you understand why the person is acting the way he / she does. Acknowledging the other person's feelings out loud can help them see that you understand what that person means and may help relax the situation.
6. Continue to respect differences in personality or opinion. Some conflicts arise from a difference of opinion that cannot be resolved. It is possible to remain respectful of someone even when agreement is not reached on a specific conflict.
7. Find a solution to the conflict between the two of you. The key to resolving or making a decision about the conflict involves working together to identify the specific problems and brainstorm solutions. This may require some flexibility and negotiation, but if both (or all) parties are willing to work together on a solution, it is likely that it can be found.

Method 4 of 4: Get professional help

1. Determine if you have a problem with anger. If you feel an urge to beat someone up, you may have an anger management problem. While anger can be healthy, it can also take unhealthy forms. You may need to learn to manage your anger through self-help or professional help, if the following applies to you:
   • Insignificant things make you very angry.
   • When you are angry, you engage in aggressive behavior, including yelling, screaming, or hitting.
   • The problem is chronic; it happens over and over.
   • When you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, your mood gets worse and your behavior becomes more and more violent.
2. Learn to meditate. Meditation can help you control your emotions. If you find yourself too focused on negative feelings towards another person, give yourself a short mental break through meditation. Meditating regularly can help you control your emotions, which in turn can help control your actions.
   • Take a slow, deep breath. Maintaining this breath is likely to slow your increased heart rate. You need to breathe deep enough so that your stomach bulges as you "inhale".
   • Visualize a golden, white light filling your body as you inhale, relaxing your mind. When you exhale, you visualize muddy or dark colors leaving your body.
   • Making a habit of meditating every morning, even when you are not angry, will generally help you feel more calm.
3. Take an anger management course. Anger management courses have been proven to be very successful. Effective programs help you understand your anger, develop short-term strategies for dealing with your anger, and work on your skills to manage your emotions. There are many options available for finding a program that is right for you.
   • Individual programs may be available in your area for specific age groups, professions or living conditions.
   • Search online for an anger management program that is right for you using keywords such as "Anger Management Course" plus the name of your city, state or region. You can also search for appropriate programs by asking your doctor or therapist, or finding out what courses are being taught in community centers for self-improvement.
4. Get therapy. The best way to learn to keep yourself from beating up others is to identify and treat the cause of your anger. A therapist can teach you relaxation techniques to use while interacting with people you dislike. She can help you develop emotional coping skills and communication training. In addition, a psychoanalyst who specializes in helping to solve problems from a person's past (for example, childhood neglect or abuse) can help mitigate anger associated with past events.
   • You can search for a therapist who specializes in anger management through this website.