Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Stimulate old fires
• Method 2 of 3: Start the fire
• Method 3 of 3: Identifying problem areas

No matter how great the relationship you share with someone is, at some point things can start to feel a bit stale - the same routines, the same annoying habits, the same predictable experiences. This is common when two people are together for extended periods of time, but that doesn't mean there aren't ways to make things a little fresher again. Being able to pinpoint problem areas and combine both new experiences and old favorites can help keep a good relationship fresh.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Stimulate old fires

1. Appreciate the past, but don't over-idealize it. Studies show that couples in stagnant relationships often have less accurate memories of their history together. They often emphasize or exaggerate the good times to avoid problems and disappointments that have always existed and are now more serious.
   • For example, it is unrealistic to expect that you will fall head over heels in love again by repeating the old dinner-with-movie pattern from the beginning of your relationship, and this ignores the ups-and-downs that were certainly part of the period in which you got to know each other. However, thinking about the qualities that brought you together in the first place with the help of those memories is a good use of your past experiences.
   • Relationships always start fresh and full of excitement, and working to revive that magic of the past is a great way to eventually freshen things up a bit. However, trying to capture an unrealistic ideal will only lead to more disappointments.
   • The goal should be to recreate some of your past happy memories together, while being aware that both you and your partner are now very different. The past must be a spark for further progress.
2. Relive your past relationship as you are now. From the flowers to the reasonable dinner at the best restaurant you could afford, to that awkward goodbye kiss, can be a fun touch to do with your first date. Use this as a reason to look at your partner with fresh eyes as they are now.
   • Regularly scheduling "dates" where you pull out all the stops can be a fun way to spend some time together and bond. This can be especially helpful if you have children.
   • Schedule dates so that you can both try to outdo each other in trying to orchestrate the ideal night.
3. Flirt, kiss, and be a little naughty. Not all routines have to get boring.Make it your goal to kiss your partner on a daily basis - not a kiss on the cheek, but a real passionate kiss like in the beginning of a relationship.
   • Try out your flirting technique, which has probably been on hold for some time. Even if the end result is making you laugh instead of ending up in the bedroom, it's a fun and easy way to spice up the day.
   • Love can be taken for granted over time. Make sure you don't just say it, but show it, even by simply holding hands or making deep eye contact. Even if you are intimate, be sure to show your love by saying and showing this, by hugging, "naughty language," or whatever works for the two of you.
4. Show gratitude for your partner's presence. In the beginning of a relationship, you tend to cherish every moment together. However, once you get stuck in a rut, it can be all too easy to lose track of all the reasons why you should be grateful for each other.
   • Meaningfully thank your partner for even small tasks you appreciate, such as emptying the trash or paying bills. Or leave a nice note on the fridge or in your partner's briefcase.
   • If you need encouragement to show your gratitude, try to imagine what your life would be like if your partner had either never entered or disappeared from your life. If you feel like your life would be better then your relationship has bigger problems than a bit of stagnation.

Method 2 of 3: Start the fire

1. Try out new things together. Reliving old memories probably isn't enough to revive a relationship. You also have to create new memories together, to work on a sense of excitement and unpredictability.
   • Do something new as a team, such as skydiving, a cooking class, or compete in a bowling competition. It may be easier to take turns choosing something that the two of you can try together. However, stick to things that both of you can enjoy.
   • However, trying new things can also extend to the bedroom. Try skin oils, new poses, role-playing, or whatever makes your intimate routine more interesting.
2. Celebrate each other's triumphs. Use good news for both of you - a promotion, an award, or even saving a lot of money on your auto insurance - as a reason to keep your appreciation for each other and just have a good time together.
   • Never assume that your partner will know how proud or how happy you are for him / her. Tell it and show it. An achievement by one of you is a victory for the team.
   • Also, don't forget to celebrate great efforts, even if they don't bear fruit as intended. Running out of a marathon or making it to the last round of interviews for a dream job is reason enough for a night out.
3. Surprise each other. An encouraging note in your friend's laptop or a sexy message on their voicemail can serve as a little reminder of your incessant affection and appreciation. Any little deviation from the regular routine can help keep things fresh and interesting.
   • While texting each other about dinner plans can be boring, a surprising expression of love or appreciation can have a big impact.
   • Of course, the more old-fashioned promotions can work just as well, such as sending flowers, buying tickets to a sold-out event, arranging a surprise date, or just cleaning the house while your partner is away.
4. Arrange time together without the kids. The arrival of children fundamentally changes you and your relationship with your partner. Even though you cherish every moment with them (or most moments), the changes they cause and the time they take from you can often exacerbate relationship problems.
   • Something as simple as getting more sleep can make a big difference. This may seem like a utopia if you have small children, but being more rested and refreshed will improve everyone's mood and make it easier to see the positive and make positive changes.
   • Take some time to moan about the stress of lugging the kids around or dealing with their fights for the toys, the TV, etc. Of course, share your good experiences too. Show each other that you are in the same boat.
   • Make time for fun and romance. Ask your in-laws to come over for a while or pay the babysitter to stay a little longer. Take that free time if you can, or plan it ahead of time (anticipation can serve as prelude to troubled parents!).
   • Don't feel guilty about setting aside some time alone for the two of you, as a strong, healthy, and fresh relationship between the two of you will also benefit the kids.

Method 3 of 3: Identifying problem areas

1. Think about your commitment to the relationship. People often point to specific causes such as stress or disagreements about money, work, the children, or sex as reasons for a shaky relationship. However, the underlying causes that usually play a role are more general problems, such as a degree of involvement that is not balanced.
   • If either party lacks enough commitment to an important aspect of the relationship - such as saving up for debt payments or making time for family activities - the resulting friction can turn each day into a recurring struggle.
   • By talking to each other and working together to identify weak links in each of you, you can begin the process of smoothing out these friction points. So yes, both of you will have to work on your commitment to the relationship.
2. Examine your “emotional transparency.Healthy relationships are of course built on honesty, but how you present honesty is also important. A shortcoming in any area can ruin a new relationship.
   • Ask yourself if you are hiding things from your partner, either out of selfishness, fear of hurting the other person, or whatever the reason may be. Does the constant avoidance and making excuses create tension in your relationship?
   • If you don't have a hard time being honest, ask yourself if the way you tell the truth is too blunt or judgmental. Can you also bring the truth in a kinder way?
3. Explore how you share responsibilities. While it is important to maintain an identity of your own and a sense of self within the relationship, both parties will also need to be willing to share many things, including the problems you will encounter. In most cases it cannot be just “my” problem or “your” problem, but “our” problem.
   • If your partner is unemployed, for example, a money problem may seem to be borne by your partner rather than you having anything to do with it, especially when it comes to the other person's spending habits. However, regularly blaming someone and pointing out their mistakes will ruin any relationship.
   • As with a baseball club, when there is a “mistake” in the relationship, the entire team must learn to cope and work to rise above it.
4. Analyze your way of showing your appreciation. Whether you have been in a relationship for 6 months, years, or decades, chances are that you will not look into your partner's eyes with longingness and say, "I love you," or "thank you," as in start of your relationship. Over time, focus in relationships often shifts from showing affection and appreciation to solving problems - dealing with the kids, paying the mortgage, etc.
   • Indeed, solving problems together is essential for a relationship to function, but make sure that this focus does not get in the way of expressing true appreciation for each other.