Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 4: Develop independent habits
• Method 2 of 4: Make money independently
• Method 3 of 4: Dealing with independence
• Method 4 of 4: Feeling emotionally independent
• Tips
• Warnings

While a committed, committed relationship can enrich your life, feeling that you cannot function without the other person can lead to a problem such as emotional dependence. Emotional dependence is a progressive deviation, meaning that the relationship may start out quite normally, but one person gradually becomes more coercive or dependent on the other, which can lead to an unhealthy relationship. In addition, self-realization is necessary for personal growth and is considered the most important thing we need for motivating our behavior. In general, independent and self-reliant individuals are better able to survive and function than those who depend on others for their happiness and persistence. By taking basic tasks and life skills into your own hands, you will not only remain in control of your own life, but ultimately also contribute to becoming a happier person.

To step

Method 1 of 4: Develop independent habits

1. Claim responsibility for your own life. Part of being independent is taking on certain responsibilities so that you as a person can experience independence. Simple things like paying your bills on time, cleaning up the mess you've made, and getting to school or work on time can make you feel more responsible and independent.
   • If you don't have a job, then you have the responsibility to look for a job, get a training that will help you get a job, or start your own business.
2. Keep your knowledge up to date. Knowledge is power, so having knowledge gives you the power to make your own decisions and assert your independence. Keep your general knowledge up to date and that you know what is going on at work or school, in your city, province, country and around the world.
   • For example, knowing that there will soon be a vote on a regulation that will determine whether chickens can be kept in the backyard in your hometown, you can give the opportunity to lobby and vote for the possibility to keep chickens for fresh eggs.
3. Know what you are heading for. You should have a sense of direction. You need something to drive you. For example: when you go to university, you should at least have an idea of ​​what you want to do after your study time and what interests you about your studies. It is also important to set goals. Set goals for the short, medium, and long term, and be realistic about what you need to do to reach those goals.
   • Find a career coach if you are unsure of what kind of work you want to do. You can find career tests online. Many websites like this one or this one can indicate a direction in this regard.
   • Most schools have career centers or mentors for the enrolled students. These resources can help you form a vision of the future for yourself.
4. Make your own decisions. By allowing people to make decisions for you, you are essentially giving up your independence and confidence in yourself. Be assertive and make your own decisions about yourself based on your goals and dreams. While it is important to consider other people, it is not necessary to leave the making of decisions to others.
   • For example, if you're looking for a place to live with a roommate, make sure you make decisions based on what's best for you. If you prefer to rent a house and be a bit more independent than a college dorm, keep it your preference and don't let your roommate persuade you to do something you don't want.
   • It may also be common for some people to leave all relationship decisions to their partner or family members, such as where to eat out, where to live, to what kind of car to buy. Changing the dynamics of such a relationship can put pressure on that relationship, but by also having a say in making decisions, both on a daily and long-term basis, can give you more control over your life.

Method 2 of 4: Make money independently

1. Learn how to handle money. If someone else manages your money, this can lead to unwanted debts, little freedom to use the money as you want, or have less and less awareness of how to handle money.
   • As a result, you can become more dependent on the person in charge of the money, which not only makes it harder to turn your back on an unhealthy relationship should you need to, but can also create problems if that person doesn't have the finances. take longer (such as in the case of a serious illness or death).
2. Get out of debt. Experts say your total monthly debt payments should not exceed 36% of your gross income (that's your income before taxes, insurance premiums, etc. are deducted). Long-term debts are your mortgage, car expenses, student loans and of course credit cards.
   • If your debts have risen above 36% of your gross income, make a plan to pay off your debts, starting with debt with the highest interest.
   • The options you have include transferring credits to a lender with a lower interest rate, rearranging your monthly budget to free up more credits for paying off your debts, or placing your debts in one payment with a lower interest rate. interest. For example, if you own a home and can finance it in some other way, it may be possible to use the equity invested in your home to pay off your debts without applying for credit elsewhere.
3. Pay in cash instead of using a credit card. While paying off your credit cards, it is important to resist the temptation to add more debt to your current debts. The only way to get out of debt is to restructure the debt you have accumulated in the past. While you are in the process of paying off your debts, don't buy anything if you don't have the cash to pay it off. You can also use a regular debit card, which is, in a sense, the same as paying in cash. Also try to avoid borrowing from friends and family.
4. Always have cash available. Make it easier to pay in cash by always having some in cash. However, make sure you keep this money in a safe place. Also, make sure you have enough savings so that if unexpected expenses arise (and they will happen), you can pay them out of your savings instead of building up more debt.
   • Think of your savings as a way to give yourself a loan with 0% interest. That is why it sometimes makes more financial sense to save than to pay off your debts.
5. Become a home owner. Saving and building equity by owning real estate is still one of the best ways to become independent and build wealth. Renting can keep you trapped in a living situation you want to escape from, and landlords can change the rental conditions when you extend the rental period, which can force you to find another home before choosing it yourself.
   • If you want to buy a house, look for a house or apartment that is within your budget (which means that you do not take out a mortgage that exceeds 28% of your monthly income).
6. Live by the resources you have. Compile a monthly budget and stick to it. This is possible if you are honest about your expenses and include an amount for contingencies. If you do not know where your money is each month, check what expenses you have (rent / mortgage, gas / water / electricity, insurance, taxes) together with expenses for eating (eating out), what you buy and how much you spend on entertainment.
   • An example of a monthly budget might look like this:
     • Mortgage / rent: € 1000
     • Motor vehicle tax: € 400
     • Gas / Electricity: € 200
     • Water: € 30
     • Mobile: € 100
     • Television / Internet: € 100
     • Food: € 800
     • Entertainment: € 150
     • Contents insurance: € 300
     • Health insurance: € 300
     • Car insurance: € 100
     • Petrol: € 200
     • Childcare: € 600
     • Credit card payments: € 200
     • Other expenses (including babysitting, alimony, activities or lessons, property taxes, or additional overheads, such as waste disposal / collection service, or a “landline” phone bill).
   • Seeing your expenses next to your monthly income can help make you more aware of what you can and cannot afford.
   • This gives you an opportunity to talk to people you share the money with and set expectations about how the money should be spent, helping you keep your finger in the pie and be more independent as well.

Method 3 of 4: Dealing with independence

1. Determine and recognize what things you are responsible for. Some things are your responsibility, whether you are aware of them or not. By being aware of these things you can actually take responsibility and take better care of yourself.
2. Cook your own meals. By always leaving the cooking to others or to collect food, you become dependent on others, which puts pressure on your independence. Cooking your own meals helps save money and eat healthier, in addition to feeling that you can do something.
   • Take lessons or learn to cook through a website or from television. If you're really not at home in the kitchen, take a beginner's class at a community center or learn from a chef through one of the cooking shows on TV. Several celebrity chefs have TV shows showcasing simple recipes that can be repeated by even the most reluctant cook.
   • Ask a family member to teach you how to cook. This is a great way to learn the basics of cooking. In addition, you can pay extra attention to those or even learn the family recipes that have been passed down from generation to generation.
3. Create a garden. A fun way to cultivate your independence is to grow your own food. A garden is an inexpensive and active way to grow fruit and vegetables per season, which also gives you a much more satisfied feeling when you eat it.
   • If you live in an urban environment, you may not have a garden at your disposal, but you may be able to grow a tomato plant on the balcony or use pots of herbs to add flavor to your food. Some urban areas have a separate area for a communal garden or roof gardens that you may be able to use or contribute to.
   • Some associations also offer garden tools for rent or have beginner classes in the library. These types of information sources can help you if you are a beginner.
4. Learn basic emergency room skills. Knowing what to do in a situation that requires first aid may even save someone's life and give you confidence by feeling independent, even when there is an emergency.
   • Take first aid classes. In addition to the Red Cross, community colleges and hospitals offer CPR and first aid courses so you know what to do in the event of an emergency involving asphyxiation or unconsciousness.
   • Learn what is necessary during an emergency. Do you know what to do when you are in the wilderness and your friend is bitten by a snake? Knowing how to solve a “what if” scenario can help you become the person everyone turns to when an emergency arises. The Red Cross has a free application for mobile devices about what to do in various emergency situations.
   • Practice using medical equipment. If your partner is in constant need of medical treatment, relying on a doctor or nurse to give an injection or intravenous drip is not very helpful. Ask a nurse to teach you how to use certain medical equipment placed in your home to be in control of the situation so that you (or your loved one) can be more independent.
5. Learn the basics of car maintenance. Don't act like a lady in need standing on the side of the road with a blowout. Waiting for roadside assistance can put you in a vulnerable position, which could put you in danger. For the following basic steps to fix your car, YouTube is a valuable resource for you to learn how to do it. You may even find videos for your make and model of car, which can be very useful if your car requires a repair that is not standard.
   • Learn how to change a tire. Anyone can learn how to change a tire with a little knowledge and skill. The basis is loosening the wheel nuts, jacking up the vehicle, removing the wheel nuts, removing the tire, hanging the spare tire on the nuts, replacing the wheel nuts, lowering the car again and tightening the wheel nuts. Consult your car manual and ask an expert to provide a demonstration
   • Find out how a motor and the drive belt works. Being able to determine the condition of the drive belt yourself and when it needs to be replaced, or when you have problems with the engine, can save you a lot of time but also money. In addition, replacing the belt is a simple task, the cost of having it done by a garage far exceeds the cost of the belt itself. Taking the time to do this yourself can save you a lot of money.
   • Practice changing the oil and brake fluid yourself. A car's oil and brake fluid should be changed and topped up at regular intervals. With a little knowledge and the right material, you can easily do this at home. Each system has different instructions and your car manual can tell you more about which maintenance tasks you need to perform after which number of kilometers.
6. Take care of your own health. Declare yourself independent of prescription medication and run to the doctor for any pain you experience by staying as healthy as possible.
   • Exercise regularly. The Dutch Heart Association recommends exercising 3 to 4 times a week to lower cholesterol and blood pressure. Keep your blood going and your muscles healthy by doing some cardio or strength training on a regular basis.
   • Eat a good and healthy diet. Respecting your body means feeding it healthy, natural, and unprocessed food. Avoid fatty, packaged factory foods such as chips, sweets, and sweet drinks to nourish and nourish your body.
7. Know when to see your doctor. It can be tempting to take your health into your own hands by simply never going to the doctor again. But this is not always the best approach as there are cases where medical attention is required.
   • If you are a "regular client" of the doctor due to a chronic illness, you will notice that those visits become less and less frequent if you stick to a healthy diet and exercise schedule.However, you should continue with periodic health checks and routine exams, depending on your age and risk factors, to spot any problems as early as possible.
   • Know if you are at risk for specific illnesses because of your health, family history and lifestyle.
   • Learn the warning signs of life-threatening conditions such as heart attack, stroke, COPD, chronic lower respiratory disease, cancer (especially lung cancer), HIV / AIDS, diarrhea and diabetes.
   • Learn about other common causes of death in the Western world: Alzheimer's disease, influenza and pneumonia, kidney disease and suicide or diseases that can make a person largely disabled, such as arthritis, depression and addictions.
8. Live separate from the system. If you really want to increase your independence, try to get away from the system (English: off the grid). Save money on energy expenditure by living off the land and thereby showing that you can live completely without help.
   • Consider growing all of your food yourself. From a garden to foraging for berries and mushrooms, learn about the different foods you can grow and eat in the wild. Be extremely careful with anything that grows in the wild, as some plants are poisonous. You may even be able to hunt for your meat, but make sure you adhere to local hunting regulations.
   • Explore alternative energy. Join the "green" movement and explore various alternative energy sources available today. You save money and reduce your carbon dioxide footprint by taking a few simple steps. However, make sure you don't get yourself into debt or agree to a lease that will nullify your financial benefits.
   • Try something before you buy it. If you are unsure whether you can live off the grid, consider renting a vacation home that is outdoors (e.g., in an isolated area such as an island or remote forest) and make your next vacation a mission to to search for the essence of your life.

Method 4 of 4: Feeling emotionally independent

1. Learn to take care of your own feelings and emotions. Emotional independence means that you are able to process your own emotions and do not have to seek the help of others to judge your experiences and feelings for you. Learn to process your feelings and emotions yourself, which means learning how to be introspective and look for the less obvious causes of your feelings, instead of looking at them very superficially.
   • This process can lead to insight into the root of your feelings and ways to avoid negative feelings.
   • Ways to learn how to become more introspective and insightful can be found through professional therapy, self-help books, and certain religions (such as Buddhist teachings about identity and how it can contribute to leading).
2. Try to stay independent. If you already feel emotionally independent in your relationship, try to hold on to it even when major changes occur, such as with the birth of a child.
3. Avoid emotional “triangles” wherever possible. Often people respond to hurt feelings by engaging others to help them process the experience, thus avoiding talking to the person who hurt them in the first place. Psychologist Murray Bowen calls these types of situations "triangles."
4. Express your concerns appropriately. If there is anything that is putting pressure on your relationship, express your concerns or fears and share that experience without allowing other people to increase your anxiety, which can cause you to develop chronic anxiety, or try to solve the problem for you. to unload.
   • Put another way, people should support each other, but they shouldn't make things worse, nor should they replace someone's own thought.
5. Share responsibilities equally. When two or more people have shared a responsibility, individuals should be independent by fulfilling their responsibilities in the most reasonable manner possible.
   • People must also be able to fulfill their individual responsibilities without neglecting shared responsibilities.
   • Each person in a relationship needs to be sure of the other people's loyalty and commitment, and their ability to live up to their responsibilities.
   • For example, if a couple has a baby, they have shared responsibilities as parents and individual responsibilities at work or as a primary caregiver. If one person stays at home to care for the child, then the person going to work has unique responsibilities and concerns. This also applies to the person who stays at home.
6. Ask for help if needed. Try to distinguish between fears / problems that you can deal with / solve yourself and those for which you need help.
   • If you approach other people too easily, they may find it burdensome and less receptive and less willing to help you. This can also make you more dependent on other people.
   • If you have a hard time communicating your problems, you can get angry and see other people as selfish, indifferent, and unsupportive. It may also prevent you from getting the help you need.
   • As long as you don't become dependent on someone else to process your emotions and the partner doesn't feel like loyalty and commitment have disappeared, asking other people for help is healthy.
7. Consider whether new challenges are shared or individual responsibilities. As the relationship grows, there will always be problems and responsibilities that are specific to a person, in addition to problems and responsibilities that are shared.
   • While those problems arise, one will have to realize whether the problem / responsibility is something personal or something that is shared, and the partner or some other resource will have to be brought in.
   • Just as a President or other Head of State discusses a point with his chief advisers, the individual will need to be able to trust himself, as well as those consulted, in order to be independent. He or she will also need to know when a decision will have to be made jointly, making the other person feel trusted and involved.
   • For example, when the child grows up, both parents will have to develop their own relationship with the child and their own style as an educator, but at the same time as parents learn to act together, especially when it comes to larger subjects, on which both parents agree. (eg going to study). People need to be concerned about their own responsibilities and feelings, but at the same time recognize the right of the other parent to do things differently from time to time.
8. Process emotions by keeping a journal. You can keep a journal to help you keep track of the emotional development of a relationship. A journal is basically a day-to-day record of your activities, but it differs from a regular journal because the focus of the writing is inward and the tone is reflective and inspiring. For example, instead of just mentioning that you and your partner went looking for furniture for the nursery, focus on your feelings during that experience, using the events of the day to sort out your thoughts. Keeping this journal is introspective and has no set rules or procedures, but here are a few tips to make it a little easier to get started:
   • Find a special place where it is clean, quiet and pleasant to be. You should also be able to return to this place often and, if privacy is important to you, it should be somewhat private.
   • Before you start writing, you should first relax and take time for self-reflection. Use music to get in the right mood.
   • When you're ready to start, just start writing. Don't worry about your grammar, spelling, or choice of words. Don't worry about what others will think of what you are writing or how it will affect their opinion of you. Think of your journal as confidential and a space you will not be judged for.
9. Keep holding on. If it doesn't want to write, use one of the following questions with an emotion of your choice. To decide which emotion to use, simply take the first emotion word that comes to mind, or grab a dictionary, thesaurus, or any other book and scroll through it until you come across an emotion word. Don't spend time selecting a word, just grab the first word you can find. Insert that emotion word everywhere you see emotion> below. If the emotion is very important to you, take a week to answer all 6 questions, then use the seventh day to read about what you wrote:
   • Write emotion> at the top of the page and let your thoughts run wild (free association) as you fill the paper, until you feel calm and no more thoughts come to mind.
   • What does it mean to you to feel your> emotion?
   • When did you feel the most emotion>? Do you feel more or less that you have a connection with others when you are> emotion?
   • When was the last time you had emotion? Do you feel more or less that you have a connection with others when you are> emotion?
   • How do you react when others are> emotion? What is the source of that response?
   • Reflect on a statement that contains> emotion. (Use an online quote search engine, such as http://www.faganfinder.com/quotes/, to find a quote with your emotion word in it).
10. Reread what you wrote in your diary. As your diary grows, you will regularly review what you have written, focusing on how your relationships have changed and how you have become more / less independent.
    • Where you see room for more independence, think of ways to (1) take responsibility, (2) be informed, (3) know where you are going, and (4) make your own decisions.
11. Seek spiritual help if needed. While this may seem like a contradiction to independence, the help of a good therapist can actually help you become more independent. Keeping a journal can evoke emotions that are difficult to get out all on your own, so don't be shy to seek the help of someone if you find yourself feeling overly anxious or depressed.

Tips

• Learn something new every year. Whether it's weaving baskets or how to give an injection to your dog, learning a completely new skill will add to your bag of tricks.
• Connect with people from all backgrounds and disciplines. You can learn a lot from other people, so look for genuine, good people from different backgrounds and skills.
• Always have an emergency kit at home, with enough spring water for each member of the family for 2-3 days, non-perishable food, flashlights, a radio and a first aid kit.
• Stay loyal to yourself. Don't try to change your own personality to adapt to the way others behave. Stick to your basic goals and principles to maintain your independence.

Warnings

• While an independent lifestyle can build confidence and overall inner peace, never be afraid to ask someone for help. Sometimes, especially in an emergency, you may need help or a professional to take over because you just don't have the necessary equipment.