Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Going through positive emotional changes
• Part 2 of 3: Positive thinking
• Part 3 of 3: Rebuilding yourself

Are you saddened by the loss of a friend, a breakup, because you were cheated, or because of any other disturbing circumstance in your life? Regardless of what caused your grief, and regardless of the consequences, you will have to accept this reality: pain is part of life. Fortunately, you can anticipate things will get better for you over time. Here's how you can help yourself to recover from the pain and get back to life.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Going through positive emotional changes

1. Recognize and accept what hurts you. Define your pain and label it for what it is, instead of letting it define you. It can be difficult to accept things when something happens that we did not expect or that did not meet your expectations. It can be so painful that you can hardly bear it. Still, you will have to acknowledge this pain in order to continue.
   • Analyzing the hurt feelings will allow you to separate the negative feelings from yourself as a whole person. It's okay to feel what you're feeling, and this doesn't make you a bad person, a failure, or a lesser person.
   • For example, if you have been cheated on by your loved one, it is not correct or productive to blame yourself for the other person's mistake. It's okay to feel humiliated and rejected, but don't let those negative emotions make you responsible for someone else's wrongdoing.
2. Try to keep your emotions in check. You may feel hurt, but you can still control your emotions. Emotions are an important part of being human - they allow us to feel for ourselves and others. Yet emotions can take over our lives. You can take control of your emotions through a number of strategies.
   • Taking action is a great way to control your emotional response. If you make a positive contribution to solving the problem, it is not your emotions that hold the wheel, but your practical approach.
   • Shifting your focus can also help you control your feelings. Distract yourself from what's wrong until you can put what happened into perspective. Go to the gym. Call a friend who is always tidy. Go shopping or do some tasks. It's harder to feel down when you keep moving.
3. Allow yourself to grieve. If you have to cry or grieve, do it. But set a time limit for how long you allow yourself to let the emotions run free. Give yourself a day or two - or more, depending on the situation - and then move on.
4. Try to shut it down. Just as any relationship or event has a beginning, they usually have a natural ending, or you create an ending by closing it. Determine the accompanying ritual in advance, so that you know when you did what you had to do to conclude it.
   • You can find "closure" by confronting the perpetrator and forgiving the other. If you take this route, don't make any accusations. Just express how you feel and how you want to proceed. Say something like, "I am really hurt by what you did. I need space to decide whether or not to stay with you. I will contact you again when I have made a decision about that. "
   • Another possible strategy could be as simple as returning properties from an ex-partner and a final word of goodbye. Give yourself time to do this task, but not enough time to procrastinate.
5. Don't dwell on the past. Know that the situation that caused the pain is real and that when it ends, you are no longer obliged to feel sad about it. This situation does not define who you are, but it is something that happened to you. After you've accepted the reality of the pain and tried to shut it down, move on to the next step. This means changing your thoughts so that you don't constantly muse about what happened.
   • Take action to overcome worry. Worrying can be a trap in which you regularly punish yourself for allowing something to happen, or for not having anticipated what would happen. This way of thinking can lead to depression.
   • You can overcome worry by choosing not to let the terrible event happen to you again. You can also find ways to resolve the situation so that it won't bother you in the future. Brainstorm about the different ways you can improve the current situation, or make a list of lessons you have learned because of this. When you know how to take action after a negative event, you give yourself the power to move on.

Part 2 of 3: Positive thinking

1. Appreciate the good in your life. Remember, no matter what happened, there is nothing wrong or broken about you. The situation may change the way you think for some time, but it doesn't change the fact that there are still good things in your life.
   • Take a moment each day to focus on positive friends. Pick up activities that you enjoyed and see all the positive things that are happening in your life. Start a gratitude journal that focuses on the things that are going well in your life. In time, you may see that there are still many things in your life to be happy and grateful for.
2. Let go of negative thoughts. Think positive. Know that filling your head with negative talk can take your whole life down. If you find yourself thinking negatively, attack that negative thought and make it a more positive or realistic thought.
   • For example, a negative thought like, "I'll never get to know good healthy people who don't try to manipulate me," can be replaced by thinking of people you know are kind and trustworthy. Once you know at least one person who fits this positive category, you have voided the negative claim.
   • It is better to radiate love and light to those who have harmed you. Learn to forgive and let go, because it is a mistake to let anyone who has harmed you take up negative space in your heart. It is very liberating to know that someone who has wronged you in the past has no further power over you. Know that letting go of anger does not make up for what happened, but only frees up more room in your life for the positive.
3. Surround yourself with positive, happy people. People like your family, friends, someone special and many others can help you regain your faith in humanity after being hurt. Let them inspire you to recover and eventually let go of the hurt feelings.
   • Find friends you can talk to and even turn the pain into a testimony you can share with others. You can use what happened to you as a warning to save others from the same issue.
   • Approach a good friend with, "Hey, Samantha, can we talk for a minute? I wanted to tell you about something that happened to me ... "Then you can tell your story. Ask for support by saying something like, "I really could use a hug right now."

Part 3 of 3: Rebuilding yourself

1. Take your responsibility. If you have contributed to what happened to you, now you have the opportunity to grow stronger and learn from the experience. This doesn't mean you should take all the blame or hang your head in shame. Instead, you look honestly at any mistakes you have made, or any lessons you may learn from the experience. There is an opportunity to grow and learn from every experience, even if it involves heartache or being cheated on.
   • You may find it liberating and important to be able to move forward, to know what you are going to change in order to move forward and avoid the problem in the future. This is a way to regain your power and to stop letting the other person or group exercise power over you.
2. Share your story. Sometimes talking about it can lessen the pain. Give yourself the time and freedom to cry, laugh, and tell stories you want to share. Perhaps things that were a big problem suddenly turn out not to be that bad, if you share the experiences with real friends.
   • Feeling sad or hurt isn't something you need to hide from those around you. Hiding just makes you feel like it's wrong or embarrassing, instead of taking it and moving on.
   • When you're with friends, take the courage to talk about your pain by saying, "I've been wanting to tell you what I've been through for a while. You may not know, but you have been a great help to me ... "
   • You can also join a support group for people who have had similar experiences and share your story with the group.

Take care of yourself. The feeling that it is all too much for you will only be made worse by also feeling physically ill or otherwise unwell. At first, you may find it difficult to motivate yourself to eat, get regular sleep, and even exercise. Make a commitment to feel better by taking care of yourself.

1. • By taking care of yourself in some way every day, you can replace the pain with love for yourself - which is one of the most important forms of love you can ever have.
   • Aim to eat a healthy and balanced diet, get at least 30 minutes of exercise every day, and get at least seven hours of sleep each night. Doing some self-care activities that help reduce stress can also help, such as reading a book or playing with your dog.
2. Set your personal boundaries for the future. Make a plan on how you will move forward and avoid the same problem in the future. Then stick to that plan. Come up with a list of basic needs and issues that cannot be challenged within your relationships, to have on hand for the future. It's up to you to stand up for yourself and let others know what you expect from a friendship or relationship.
   • This list can serve as a guide to the types of interactions you want to have with others. If you ever feel like your needs are not being met, you can address those issues right away before they result in new pain or cheating.
   • You can add guidelines such as not engaging in relationships with people who undermine your values, not associating with people who use drugs or engage in criminal activity, and not invest energy in one-sided relationships.