Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Active listening
• Part 2 of 3: Recognizing emotions
• Part 3 of 3: Pointing the way to further support
• Tips
• Warnings

Some people have a natural tendency to help others who are struggling. If you are like that, but you are not careful, you may say or do something that makes the other person feel belittled. With this in mind, it is really helpful to learn to use effective techniques when offering emotional support to others.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Active listening

1. Talk privately. It's important to make sure that the person who needs your support has a sense of confidentiality. An empty room is the best option if it is available. However, an unoccupied corner is sufficient if there are no free rooms. Speak in a hushed voice, especially if others may pass by and listen in involuntarily.
   • Limit distractions as much as possible. Choose a quiet place without the distraction of television, radio, or other electronic devices. Also, make sure you don't do other things like texting or browsing your wallet while the person is talking.
   • An alternative to a private space can be a walk. Instead of sitting down somewhere, you and the other person can take a leisurely walk and have a chat while doing so. This can often make the person feel more comfortable discussing their issues.
   • Active listening can also be done by telephone.However, it is important that you only have the conversation when there are not too many distractions.
2. Ask questions. You can ask the person what happened or how they feel. Essential here is to assure the other that you are there to listen. It is important that the person feels that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say and that you want to support them sincerely.
   • Use open questions to guide the conversation and stimulate discussion. Good open-ended questions give you an idea of ​​what the person is thinking.
   • Your questions should start with words like "how" and "why" and encourage conversation rather than one-word answers.
   • Some examples of open-ended questions are: "What happened?", "What are you going to do now?", "How did you feel?", "How did you feel at the time?"
3. Listen to the person's answer. Look at the person talking to you and give him or her your undivided attention. Having your undivided attention will help the other person feel more heard.
   • Eye contact is important so that the person knows that you are listening to them. However, make sure that the eye contact is not too great. Make sure you don't keep staring at the other person's eyes.
   • Use open body language and other non-verbal cues to show that you are listening. Try to nod and smile every now and then if necessary. Also, make sure you don't put your arms across your arms, as this is defensive and the person may not respond well to this pose.
4. Repeat in your own words what the other has just said. Empathy is an important part of helping someone feel supported. In order to display more empathy, it is important that you clearly understand what the person is trying to convey. Confirming and rephrasing what the other has said is a good way to make sure you understand the other. They will also feel more supported and better understood.
   • Don't just repeat the other person's words in a robotic way. Reframe to make your approach more of a conversation form. Just make sure, as you repeat what the person is saying and use his or her words. You could say things like "It sounds like you're saying ..." or "What I hear is ..." or a similar response. This makes it clearer to the person that you are really listening.
   • Do not interrupt the person when they are speaking. Instead, show support by allowing the other person to continuously express his or her thoughts and feelings. Only reflect on what the other person has said when there is a natural silence in the conversation or when it is clear that they are waiting for a response.
   • This is not the time to pass judgment or be critical. Listening and showing empathy doesn't mean you necessarily agree with what the person is saying; rather, it is a reflection of the fact that you care about him or her and what he or she is experiencing. Avoid saying things like, "I told you," "It really isn't that bad," "It can't be that bad," "You are exaggerating" or other critical or trivializing comments. Your job right now is simply to provide support and show empathy.

Part 2 of 3: Recognizing emotions

1. Find out how the person is feeling. Find out how the person is feeling while you talk. Some people struggle to label their emotions or even try to mask their feelings. This often happens when someone has criticized their emotional sensitivity in the past. Others may be confused about what they are feeling. For example, someone might confuse frustration with anger, or happiness with excitement. The first step to validation is to help the person identify what he / she is really feeling.
   • Don't tell the person how they feel. Instead, provide suggestions. You could say "It sounds like you are quite disappointed" or "You seem quite upset."
   • Take advantage of the person's body language and facial expressions at the moment. Their tone can also give you an idea of ​​how they feel.
   • Remember, if you misjudge, the other person will correct you. Don't dismiss the other person's correction. Accept that this is the only person who really knows how he or she is feeling. Accepting the other person's correction is also an acknowledgment of his or her emotions.
2. Focus on understanding the person. This means putting aside your own thoughts or prejudices about the situation. Be really present and pay attention to what the other person is saying. Your intention should not be to fix the problem or find solutions. Instead, focus on providing a safe space where the person can feel heard.
   • Avoid trying to give advice unless you are asked. Wanting to give advice can make the person feel that you are critical and don't take them for granted.
   • Don't try to convince the person not to feel a certain way. Remember that people have the right to feel a certain way. Giving emotional support means accepting the other person's right to experience their own emotions, whatever they are.
3. Reassure the person that his or her feelings are normal. It is important that the person feels safe to express their feelings. This is not the time to criticize the person or the situation. Your goal is to make the other feel supported and understood. Simple short explanations are best. Here are some examples of confirmations:
   • 'That is heavy'.
   • "I'm sorry this is happening to you"
   • "That sounds really hurtful"
   • 'I understand'
   • "That would make me angry too"
4. Observe your own body language. Most communication is done in a non-verbal way. This means that your body language is just as important as your verbal language. Make sure your body language shows that you are paying attention and showing empathy, without criticism or rejection.
   • Try to nod, smile, and make eye contact while listening. Research has shown that people who display this nonverbal behavior are often rated as more empathetic by observers.
   • Smiling is especially useful because it is anchored in the human brain to recognize a smile. This means that not only will the other person feel more supported, but that both the giver and receiver of a smile will often feel better more quickly.

Part 3 of 3: Pointing the way to further support

1. Ask the person what they want to do. If the person feels they need more emotional support, it is likely that something is out of balance in their life. This is a good opportunity to help investigate what actions the other can take to regain emotional balance.
   • The person may not have the answer right away and that's okay. Don't push for a decision right away. It may be that he / she just wants to be heard and the confirmation that their own feelings matter.
   • Ask "what-if" questions. "What-if" questions will help the person brainstorm possible action steps that he or she may not have previously considered. Presenting options in a question format is less threatening and the person is unlikely to feel like being told what to do. This approach allows you to make suggestions in a supportive way, without taking everything out of your hands.
   • Remember that you are not solving the problem for the person in question. You simply offer someone support in finding a solution themselves.
   • For example, if a friend is struggling financially, you could ask, "What if you and your supervisor have a discussion about a raise?" Maybe your niece is feeling overwhelmed by his or her responsibilities at work and at home. You might ask, "What if you're planning a stress-free family vacation?" Any appropriate "what-if" question can be helpful.
2. Identify an action step. The person may not immediately have all the answers, but it is important to support them in taking small steps to resolve the problem. It's important to determine the next step, even if it's something small like having the person agree to have another conversation with you the next day. People feel more supported when they know they have reliable people behind them who want to help them see the bigger picture.
   • Continue to support the person in taking action until the problem is resolved. It can be a slow process, but your support will be appreciated.
   • When a person is grieving, there may be no specific action steps. Every person mourns differently and grief can last a year or more. If you are supporting someone during this time of grief, it is very important to listen to the stories they want to share and accept their feelings without downplaying the loss for that person.
   • Sometimes an action step can mean getting help from a mental health professional.
3. Show your support in a tangible way. Sometimes it can be the easiest way to say things like "I'll be there when you need me" or "Don't worry. It's all going to be fine, "instead of actually doing something to help." But it's really important to show your support instead of just saying something about it. After you actively listen to the person, you probably have an idea of ​​specific things you can do to help them feel more supported. If you get stuck, here are some guidelines to get your mind going:
   • Instead of saying "Everything will be fine," you can do everything in your power to make things better for the person. For example, you can help a sick friend find a good medical specialist or help him or her explore treatment options.
   • Besides saying that you love the other person, you can also do something for him / her that you know he or she will appreciate. This could be something like buying a present, spending more time with the other person, or going to a special place together to relax.
   • Instead of just saying "I'm here for you," you can take the person to dinner or help with tasks that he or she needs to perform to complete the action steps.
4. Continue to provide support. Everyone is busy and sometimes things get a bit too hectic, but it is important to make time to help the person. They may have received a lot of verbal support, but this deeper support can be much more appreciated. Remember that small acts of kindness can do a lot of good.

Tips

• Don't trivialize people's experiences. While it may not seem important to you, if the person is experiencing emotional distress, the situation is likely to be quite stressful.
• Unless you're prompted for a response, keep your opinion to yourself. There is a time and place to give unsolicited advice, especially in dangerous situations. However, if the situation warrants simply offering emotional support, then it is better not to express your opinion until the other person asks for it.
• Remember that you disagree with the decision of the person you support. If you think something is harmful, you can provide emotional support without agreeing with the person.
• When exploring solutions, using "What-if" questions is a great way to propose healthier and more balanced solutions without taking over the situation.
• Remember not to make decisions for the person. Your job is to support him / her and help him / her make decisions.
• Make sure you stay calm. Before you try to support someone else, make sure that you yourself are emotionally balanced. It doesn't do that person - or you - much good if you feel upset yourself while trying to support the other person.
• Make sure that you persevere in what you want and can do for the other person. It's better to volunteer for only those things you can actually do, rather than disappoint the person by getting back to your word later.
• Stay focused on the other person. Be cautious about sharing your own experiences when trying to support others. While it is sometimes effective to share your own experiences, at other times it can backfire, especially if the person feels that you are trying to downplay his or her situation or feelings. So it's probably best to stay focused on that person's situation.
• Your own instinctive feeling about the situation can help when you are trying to understand and empathize with the other person. It is good to rely on your gut when you are not sure what someone is feeling or when you want to make suggestions. However, if the person corrects you, accept that correction. Unconditional acceptance is an important part of emotional support.

Warnings

• Research has shown that some physical touch is good when trying to support someone. However, it is very important that you limit touching unless you know the person well. A hug can be good for a close friend, but for an acquaintance, even a simple hug can trigger a trauma-related reaction. So make sure to limit touching and ask permission before hugging another person.
• When providing support during a crisis, you must monitor your environment to ensure the safety of everyone. If medical assistance is needed, make it a priority.