Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Thinking about your priorities
• Part 2 of 3: Talk about it with the whole family
• Part 3 of 3: Implementing your family values
• Tips

Your values ​​are your moral and ethical principles. Values ​​often guide the decisions you make and how you choose to live your life. You probably have a pretty good sense of what your individual values ​​are. Trying to define your family values ​​can be a bit more complicated as there are more people to consider. However, with reflection and communication you can find effective ways to define your family values.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Thinking about your priorities

1. Deconstruct your family values ​​and your personal values. Values ​​are both important and personal, but few people actually choose their own values. Instead, most people follow the values ​​learned in childhood. To deconstruct your values, you can think about your childhood and what values ​​you adopted during that time.
   • Think of specific values. For example, did your parents value religion, education, or wealth? How much has that affected your upbringing?
   • Consider talking to your parents about their values. Ask them what they considered family values ​​and how they integrated these values ​​into your upbringing.
2. Think about important life choices. Once you have reflected on your previous values, take the time to consider whether you have kept the same ideas throughout your life. Think about the important decisions you have made in your life. Does your family life reflect the values ​​you originally held? Or have you evolved as you got older? Questions like these can help you define your values.
   • You can also think about your career choice. For example, if the struggle for social justice is a core value of yours, have you chosen a career path, such as social work, that integrates that value?
   • One way to find out what your values ​​are is to research how you spend your money. Does most of it go to entertainment? To travel? Or do you give a lot to charities or political causes?
3. Investigate common values. List all the values ​​that are important to you. This is a great way for the whole family to think about values. Ask any family member who can write to make a list. You can then rank the values ​​of each list to help each other define which ones are most important to all of you.
   • Common values ​​are: honesty, balance, caring, generosity, health, humor, learning, wisdom, leadership, and compassion.
   • Consider your family and relatives when considering values ​​such as cooperation, financial stability, humility, and patience.
   • Think about the values ​​in terms of categories. For example, some categories could be: personality, career, family, friends, health. Try to determine in which category you should place each of the list of values. This ordering can provide more clarity about what is most important to you.

Part 2 of 3: Talk about it with the whole family

1. Ask questions. Once you've thought about your personal values, it's time to figure out how to incorporate them into the family. To do that, you all need to communicate effectively with each other. Start by asking questions.
   • Suggest talking about values ​​as a family. Start by asking open-ended questions such as, "What is most important to our family?"
   • You can also try something like, "What makes you happy? How does that affect our family? "
   • Other good questions to ask include, "What makes you most proud when you think of us as a family?" Or "What do you look forward to when you get home?"
   • You could also try something like, "Is there anything about our family that you are ashamed of and what is it?" And "What does our family offer that you don't get from friends?"
   • Remember that each member of the family must answer these questions individually. Then you can compare the answers openly and fairly.
   • Encourage the rest of the family to ask questions as well.
2. Be a good listener. During this family meeting, it is important that you all listen carefully to each other. To indicate that you are listening, ask follow-up questions. For example, if your partner says he values ​​honesty, ask him how it can become more of a concern for the family.
   • You can also use nonverbal cues to indicate that you are listening. Nod your head when someone is talking and smile to show that you value what is said.
   • Try to limit interruptions. Ask everyone to put away their cell phone and turn off the TV while you have this important conversation.
3. Make family values ​​more concrete. Once you have spent some time discussing family values ​​and had a good time together, you can define the discussed family values ​​more clearly. Take the time to sit down and list the most important values. You can think of these values ​​as fixed guidelines that everyone in the family pledges to adhere to.
   • Writing things down can help your family identify shared values.
   • Think of things like "helping in society" or "religion / spirituality" or "honest communication with family members".
   • Have each member of the family choose 3-4 values ​​that are most important to them. Combined, this provides a manageable number of values ​​to put on your permanent list.
   • For example, you can choose "Safety" as one of the primary values ​​for the family. Each family member can then indicate how he or she will adhere to this value. You could promise to always drive the speed limit. Your daughter could promise to always wear a helmet when she rides her bike.
4. Involve your children. Treat defining your family values ​​like a family decision. If your kids are a little older, like teens, make sure they feel like an important part of the process. Say things like, "We appreciate your input. How do you feel about including education as one of our primary family values? "
   • You can also encourage your kids to explain their point of view. Try something like, "What do you like about this choice?" Why do you think adding humor as a family value is the best option? "
   • If your kids are quite young, you can find other ways to get them involved. Try to get them to paint a picture of the things they love about your family.
5. Write a mission statement. Once you have thought about your values ​​and discussed them with the rest of the family, you should have a good idea of ​​how these family values ​​can be defined. One way to shape them is by writing a mission statement. This is a document that outlines your family values ​​and may include goals. The mission statement is a formal statement of the values ​​you share as a family.
   • Write down your goal as a family and a strategy for keeping you focused on that goal.
   • Write an introduction explaining why your family chooses these specific values. You can talk about how your family is committed to these values ​​to help promote good life choices. The introduction doesn't have to be long, no longer than a paragraph.
   • Organize the list of values. You can divide them into categories such as Health, Happiness, Balance and Stability. You can then indicate the family strategy for adhering to each of these values.
   • You can print the mission statement and have it framed. Keeping it in your home is a great way to remind each of you of what is really important to you as a family.

Part 3 of 3: Implementing your family values

1. Think about your family values ​​daily. Take a few minutes every day to reflect on it. At the end of each day you can ask yourself questions. For example: "How did my actions relate to Value # 1 today? What about Value # 2? This only takes a few minutes of your time, but can be very helpful in putting your values ​​front and center.
   • Ask all members of the family to adopt this habit. Once you have an easily accessible mission statement, it will be easy for anyone to consult the list of values ​​on a daily basis.
2. Stay connected as a family. You can do this by making sure you really spend time together. The more time you spend together, the more shared experiences you will have as a family. Spending time together with attention to each other can help you get to know each other better. This can help you figure out what is most important to each of you individually and as a family.
   • Schedule time for the whole family to spend together. It can be as simple as eating together or something like spending an entire Saturday in family activities.
   • Allow every member of the family to participate in your activities. For example, if your daughter would like to exercise, suggest going on a hike together.
3. Make positive life choices. Your values ​​are an important part of your decision-making process. Before making big life choices, keep your family values ​​in mind. For example, suppose a family value is education, make sure you live in an area with good schools.
   • Consult with the whole family about life choices. Before making major changes, suggest a family meeting to discuss how the potential change aligns with your family values.
4. Shape your values. The best way to integrate your family values ​​into daily life is to make sure that your actions reflect these values. Make sure the choices you make are in line with what you consider to be the most important family values.
   • If family value is the number one honesty, make sure you are open and honest. Apply this value to your work and social life.
   • Role models are the best way to help children learn values. For example, if you value respect, show your children how to be respectful, for example by always speaking respectfully to other people.
5. Use family values ​​to work on family goals. Values ​​are important because they can help determine choices and actions. When thinking about family values, it is helpful to consider your family goals as well. Your values ​​will likely play a big role in how you pursue these goals.
   • Is Learning One of Your Family Values? Think about translating that into a concrete goal. Think about the steps you can take to learn as a family. For example, you can all learn a new language together or take a cooking class. Thus, family values ​​and goals can be integrated.
   • If financial responsibility is a family value, you can use that premise to make sure each family member understands the importance of sticking to a budget. That way, you can achieve family goals such as saving for retirement, college, etc.

Tips

• Give yourself time to think carefully about your values ​​and goals.
• Be flexible. It's okay that values ​​change over time.