Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 4: Recognize when your partner is moving away from you
• Method 2 of 4: Noticing signs of sneaky behavior
• Method 3 of 4: Scrutinize your partner's contact with the other
• Method 4 of 4: Broach the subject

An emotional affair occurs when two people are intimate with each other in a spiritual, not physical, way. Although there is no sex involved, an emotional affair is generally seen as a breach of the bond of trust that exists between two partners. If you want to find out if your partner is having an emotional affair, see if he (or she) is distancing or not sharing with you as much as before, seeing if he is sending inappropriate messages or phone calls, and if he is not hiding.

To step

Method 1 of 4: Recognize when your partner is moving away from you

1. See if your partner has stopped sharing important thoughts with you. Because people who have an emotional affair with each other often share their most important thoughts with each other. These can be dreams, fears, successes and much more. They then share it with the other and no longer with you as you were used to.
   • Think about whether your partner is still sharing with you the same things that he always shared with you. Ask him questions and see what his answer is, and listen carefully to him during conversations.
   • If you hear that your husband has shared important information with someone without first sharing it with you, it could be a sign that he is having an emotional affair. After all, you are no longer always the first person he approaches to communicate important things.
   EXPERT TIP

   "Emotional affairs often occur when people's needs are not being met, especially when they feel that their partner is not there for them."

   
   

   See if your partner is distancing yourself from you. People who have an emotional affair often distance themselves more and more from their partner. This may be because they fear that the emotional affair will be discovered by the partner, or because they fear that they will accidentally say the wrong thing about the person they are having an emotional affair with. If your partner distances himself or doesn't really talk to you anymore, he may be having an emotional affair with someone.

   • Take a look at what your partner does when you are there too. Does he go to bed early, work late at night, or stop doing things with you?
2. See if your partner talks to you differently and talks about different things. When people have an emotional affair with someone, they discuss things with the other person instead of you. You may notice that your partner no longer talks about the same things as before, or you notice that he is quieter than before and generally shares less with you.
   • For example, maybe your partner used to talk to you about his day for a bit, and barely does that now. This can indicate an emotional affair with someone.
   • Finding out about things that you know are important to your partner too late could mean that he is sharing it with someone else, especially if you know that he has a good relationship with someone.
   • If there are changes in your partner's behavior and the way he talks to you, it could also be a sign that there is a problem. Notice if he responds with irritation to what you say, or if he talks to you in a condescending tone.
3. See if your partner uses gaslighting. Gaslighting is a technique used by people who abuse others. In that case, the perpetrator tries to convince the victim that his or her version of reality is incorrect or even disturbed. If your partner often tells you that your thoughts are wrong or disturbed, and tries to paint a very different picture from what you are observing, chances are he is using gaslighting to cheat on you.
   • For example, if you find out that your partner has shared important information with someone else and has not yet confided in you, your partner will try to convince you that he has already shared that information with you. This can make you question your own memory, even if you are sure he never told you.

Method 2 of 4: Noticing signs of sneaky behavior

1. See if there is any secret contact between your partner and someone else. If your partner is having an emotional affair, he may not tell you everything about his contact with the other. Maybe he is not home as much as before because he is spending time with the other person.
   • You may also notice him calling, texting, or chatting with someone online and hiding it from you. If you ask about it, you may get an evasive answer, such as that it is "nobody," "a friend," or "a colleague."
2. Notice if your partner is hiding contact with the other from you. If your partner is having an emotional affair, he is likely to keep contact with the other person a secret from you. This means that he may delete the history on the computer, delete conversations or messages on his computer or phone, go somewhere where he can only make calls, or make sure you are never there when he is with them .
   • Your partner may not want you to be with them because they act differently than you are used to.
3. See if your partner has been dressing differently lately. Although an emotional affair is not physical, people who have an emotional affair with each other often want to impress each other. Often people who have an emotional affair dress nicely for the other person, put on perfume or aftershave, and do everything they can to look more attractive.
   • See if your partner has changed lately. It can indicate an emotional affair.
   • If your partner dresses differently to go to work, the gym, or a business dinner, it could be a sign that he is having an emotional affair.
4. Listen to your intuition. Usually you can sense when something isn't right in your relationship. This can be the case if your partner is having an emotional affair. If you notice that your partner is talking about someone in a special way or if you feel that the relationship your partner shares with someone is not just a friendship relationship, then your intuition may be correct.
   • If you think something is going on, see if there are any other signs. Don't just listen to your intuition, but don't ignore your intuition either.
   • Another signal is if you advise your partner not to get too friendly with someone, and then they start laughing or getting defensive.

Method 3 of 4: Scrutinize your partner's contact with the other

1. See if your partner is behaving inappropriately or in a very different way. People who have an emotional affair sometimes behave problematically or very differently from how they normally behave. This type of behavior can take various forms. See if the contact between your partner and the other is too intimate or personal.
   • For example, your partner often sends the other messages. Sometimes he calls the other. This often happens at night and in secret. See if there are things your partner shouldn't do with someone else.
   • You may notice changes in your partner's behavior such as going to bed later, going to work earlier, spending more money, or drinking alcohol more often.
2. See if your partner's behavior changes while he's with the other. An emotional affair can be an opportunity for people to behave differently than they do with their partner. If you interact with both your partner and the person you think is having an emotional affair with your partner, pay attention to the way they interact. See if they behave differently when they are with you.
   • For example, your partner has distanced himself from you emotionally because of the stress of everyday life such as bills to be paid, work, and responsibilities at home. When he's with the other, he may be happier, more relaxed, and more playful. But he can also be stressed or uncomfortable when you are there too.
3. Listen carefully to what your partner says about the other. As an emotional affair continues, your partner may start comparing you to the other or expressing dissatisfaction with things he has never talked about before. The comment may be random and not malicious, but it may indicate that your partner is thinking about someone else.
   • For example, your partner says things like, "She thinks I'm funny," "She likes the same movies that I do," or "She can run as fast as I do." Be vigilant when your partner says these things and watch how often he says it.

Method 4 of 4: Broach the subject

1. Talk to your partner. If you suspect your partner is having an emotional affair, ask him directly. See if he is going to defend himself, be evasive, or get angry. If you don't dare to ask directly, ask some questions about the other person.
   • Don't try to accuse your partner of anything. Instead, say something like, "I feel like you're spending quite a bit of time with her. This hurts me because you're my partner, and I feel like we're not as close as we used to be."
2. Stay calm. Try to stay calm during the conversation. You will not achieve anything if you both get angry. If your partner denies or admits to being close to the other person, don't yell or get angry. Instead, take a few deep breaths before responding.
   • If your partner is denying everything, take the opportunity to talk about your problems in the relationship at that point, such as feeling an emotional distance between you or getting too little attention from him.
3. Think carefully about your suspicions. It's important that you think about why you think your partner is having an emotional affair. Have they had an emotional or physical relationship with each other before? Have people around you seen your partner behave differently around her? Are your suspicions based on your own problems? If you think about this carefully, you will also know better how to proceed.
   • Examine your feelings. Are you naturally jealous? Are you unsure? Have you experienced your partner cheating on you in the past? This can make you more sensitive to these kinds of things and also that you suspect your partner more quickly.
   • Talk to your partner about your feelings. Sharing your insecurities or past with him can help build a stronger future together.
   • You may also want to consider discussing your suspicions with a friend or family member you trust. Pick someone you think can give you objective feedback, and who your partner wouldn't mind if you confided in him or her. Make sure it is someone who will not tell other people what you have said, as this can make your partner feel betrayed.