Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Accepting yourself
• Part 2 of 3: Changing the way you think
• Part 3 of 3: Independent living
• Tips

Being emotionally independent and resilient is an integral part of happiness. When we depend on others for a sense of self, we never know who we are. Fortunately, by accepting ourselves, changing the way we think and actively taking steps to be true to who you are and what you feel, we can achieve a sense of inner peace and that independence that we seek.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Accepting yourself

1. Think about the benefits of self-acceptance. The primary goal of self-acceptance is to learn healthy techniques that will help you heal and allow you to release unpleasant memories and trauma. The ideal goal is for you to have healthier interactions in your current life. Other benefits of self-acceptance are:
   • More confidence
   • Reduced anxiety and depression
   • Less self-criticism and guilt
   • Increased awareness of yourself
   • Increased self-esteem
   • Improved sense of inner peace
2. Think about the reasons why you are judging yourself. Take time for yourself to find out why you are having a hard time accepting yourself. Try meditating, keeping a journal, or just sitting in a quiet place for a while and thinking about your reasons for judging yourself. Find out whose voice you hear when you judge yourself. For example, do you hear your parents, your partner, your friends or someone else?
3. Revisit the past. Take parents: most are not super great. Aren't they that great because they don't love us or we don't deserve affection? No. But as a child that is difficult to see. They're not that great because they have no idea what to do - they try but they're only human. Instead of blaming them (or an ex, for example) for your pain, look at it differently. Understand that they do not deserve anger, hatred, or resentment. At worst, they deserve pity; at best, compassion.
   • Whether you're 7 or 70, you've probably had relationships that you haven't gotten out of better. As humans, we tend to take every failure / discussion / disappointment / rejection personally and add it up in our own mental notebook, the sum being a number for how valuable we are. First the most important thing, stop that.The past has passed and remains in the past. It has little meaning.
   • Learn how to make time for yourself in the context of a relationship by developing your own interests and hobbies and spending time with your friends and family on a regular basis. This will help you stay independent in your relationship in a way that is healthy for you and your partner.
4. Forgive and forget. This is an integral step to be able to accept yourself and view the previous idea differently. When you stop harboring grudges and stop taking everything personally, you are left with a pure, unspoiled version of yourself - an emotionally independent and resilient self. And you will be a lot happier too!
   • The next time you notice that someone has upset you, realize that this has nothing to do with you. They make their own decisions and you have no control over that, which is fine. This is such a trivial moment in the course of your life that you will soon be completely forgotten.
   • That aside, this doesn't mean that some people can do whatever they want. Forgive them, forget the behavior, but adjust your expectations. Was your friend an hour late for your lunch date? Noted. Next time (if there is one), you know how to deal with it.
5. Spend time on yourself. When was the last time you had some spare time and didn't immediately grab your phone or distract yourself in some other way? Today we are constantly bombarded with stimuli, which ultimately removes us from introspection and gets to know our own brain. Starting from now on, take 20 minutes or so a day for some "self-time." Whose company is better than your own, right?
   • During that time, let your mind wander. Where is it going? How do you think? Take note of how fascinating the brain really is. What can you learn about yourself?
6. Know who you are. Kind of like asking an ant to look in the mirror and say, "I'm an ant," or not? Well, in addition to the steps above and below, there are a few fixed points that apply to everyone:
   • You are worth as much as everyone you know. There are no "better" people; we all have good and bad qualities.
   • You have talents and interests. What are they?
   • You have thoughts and opinions. There are things you like and don't like. What are they?
   • You have values. Beliefs. Which things / concepts / ideas do you consider to be true?

Part 2 of 3: Changing the way you think

1. Test yourself. There are a handful of ways to be emotionally dependent. The most famous is a love affair. We learn to depend on our partner for affection, sex, approval, you name it. When that doesn't come, we feel like we've done something wrong or are somehow worth less. In what way are you emotionally dependent? Romantic? By friends? Colleagues or your boss? From every person you meet? Think about some of the following to help you identify which ones you will need to work on:
   • Do you get jealous easily? Do you compare yourself so heavily with others that it ruins your day?
   • Do people often fail to meet your expectations? Who does this happen to you the most?
   • When you are alone, do you look for others just to feel better? Do you feel a sense of emptiness when you are not in company?
   • Does your partner or the idea of ​​a partner make you happy?
2. Take responsibility. When we blame others for something, they are wrong. As a result, they are the only ones who can solve the problem. Horrible. In order to regain control of your thinking and emotions, you must take responsibility.
   • This forces you to trust yourself and come up with your own solution. Instead of wallowing in misery, consider what options you have to improve the situation. It also helps you get rid of the negative emotions that build up, you are forced to think more logically and you feel like you have more control over your own life.
3. The next time someone annoys you, stop. For a moment. Why are you so concerned? This is just a person who has to judge and criticize if necessary. It is not the end of the world, nor is it likely to be very remarkable. Everyone does this. Why give them the pleasure that their comments touch you? It is not worth it.
   • Remind yourself not to respond the way you think you should. It may seem natural to react upset, but that's really not your only option. You can get angry or sad - or you can notice and leave it behind. After all, there isn't any benefit to be gained from getting angry or sad, is there? What's in it for you?
4. Realize that happiness is only on your inside. Quite literally. Serotonin and dopamine are where you get for real enjoy. If you'd like to condition yourself to become ecstatic at the face of a brown rug, you can. The brain is just a funny little creature in that regard. In other words, you decide what makes you happy and it has nothing to do with the outside world. It comes from within - you don't have to look outside.
   • In case this isn't quite clear yet, this is very, very, "very," good news. You are in control of all your feelings! This does not depend on anyone else's whim! You can feel any emotion you want to feel. You don't have to feel any emotion you don't want to feel. Happiness is just a decision away from you.
5. Do your best not to overcompensate. The line between being emotionally independent and, well, being a bag is not very big. Some people get so caught up in trying to "be true to themselves" that they squander over the feelings of others just to assert themselves. Keep in mind that this is no excuse to be a bully and always get your way. You can be nice and considerate while staying true to yourself at the same time.
   • Most people who walk over others try to avoid feelings of inability and insignificance. They feel worthless inside, so they impose their "worth" on others in an attempt to convince themselves. This is not being emotionally independent - it is simply inappropriate behavior.

Part 3 of 3: Independent living

1. Make your own decisions. The next time your friends sit together and complain about how crappy that new movie is or about pseudo-liberal parties, or even start gossiping about a friend, you decide what you think instead of letting them decide it . How does that feel? Why should their opinion influence yours?
   • Try this with small things too. Next time you want to try out a restaurant, shop, cafe, etc., but you've heard it's pretty mediocre, go anyway! Sometimes other people just don't know what they are talking about.
   • When you have made your own decision, work towards having the courage to speak up about it. Other people may feel the same way, but they are too shy to say anything! You may also bring up a good point that nobody had thought of before.
2. Say no."The next time you are asked to do something you don't want to do at the moment, say no. Not only do you not want to participate in that particular activity, but it is completely okay if you do not meet the expectations of others because not bothered. Listen to your heart - it is often right.
   • Here, however, the boundary is sometimes a bit vague. Should you skip your best friend's wedding just because you don't feel like it? Probably not. Do you skip the mandatory work meeting because you want to be nice and lazy? No. In other words, choose your battleground carefully.
3. Learn to solve your problems yourself. Today live in societies of millions of people. We have so many resources available that we no longer have to do anything ourselves. We can get our cars fixed, our sewers, computers, even our health - the list is endless. Unfortunately, this does not address our own inventiveness and sense of responsibility. In order not to depend on others, we will have to solve our problems ourselves.
   • So next time you feel like you've run aground, take it on your shoulders to do something about it. Spend your evening doing something you enjoy doing, treat yourself to some retail therapy, or just relax. When you can do this successfully, you will know it you and no one else has the strength to make everything better.
4. Don't expect anything from others. There is a quote from James Bond that goes, `` Arm yourself because no one will come and save you. '' It's a bit cynical, but the idea is true: we are all nothing more than human beings in the end, we will have to be selfish and our own happiness should put first. Everyone else does, so you can too - without feeling the slightest guilt.
   • Keeping this in mind can help you avoid hoping for something and being disappointed in it. When you expect little from others, it becomes easier for people to meet those expectations. And it is easier to discover who is making an effort to meet your low expectations and who always stands out.
5. Interact with different types of people. When your whole life revolves around a small group of people, it becomes hard not to think that their opinion is incapable of moving mountains. To broaden your view of the world and make their opinions less important, you will have to associate with more people! Having a broad social network is also good if you end up in dire straits.
   • All people must be able to attach themselves to something. This can be very annoying as it means that our emotions are at the mercy of other people and things. The key to this is to get you not excessive to attach. It is a blurred boundary that only you can see. The best way to do this is to associate with different people and divide your time among them accordingly.
6. Do your own thing. This is the bottom line: you are your own person and therefore you are going to do your own thing, whatever that means. When you discover who you are and hold on to that, no one can stop that inner sense of happiness that is ultimately left as a result.
   • People who can truly remain themselves are rare. This shouldn't be a reason to judge - it should inspire you. People will see that you are your own source of happiness and wish they could be just like you! Some people won't be able to deal with it, but those aren't the ones you'll want to deal with anyway!

Tips

• See past mistakes as a learning opportunity and let this inspire you to be strong and not make the same mistakes again.