Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 4: Determine what's wrong
• Method 2 of 4: Find out how to fix the problem
• Method 3 of 4: Learn to love each other again
• Method 4 of 4: When should you try this?
• Warnings

If you have an ominous feeling that your relationship is about to end, it's time to take a closer look at the situation and see what you could do about it. In order to save your relationship, you will have to work with your partner to find a solution to the problem or problems you have. You will also have to learn to love each other again and try to rediscover why you ever got together. See the When to try this section to find out if it's a good idea to try to save your relationship.

To step

Method 1 of 4: Determine what's wrong

1. Try to find out when things went wrong. When you've gotten to a critical point, you can try to figure out when exactly the problems started, no matter how small they may have been. Figure out when things started to go wrong so you can think about the best way to start the conversation with your partner.
   • It may be that you can easily put your finger on one important reason, such as if your partner has cheated on you, so things are no longer the same between you.
   • Often it is just that you cannot point out exactly one important reason, but rather a number of different things that have caused things to stop working. Lots of little things together can become a big problem in the long run. For example, maybe he goes out too often with his friends, or you never have time for each other. Or you are constantly stressed because you are both so busy at work.
   • Maybe you two have grown apart. If you've been together for a long time, you may have become two very different people over the course of your relationship.
   • If you're not sure how to start, take a relationship quiz that can help you determine how healthy your relationship is.
2. Decide if it is indeed worth trying to save your relationship. Sometimes a relationship cannot be saved, especially if your partner does not want to cooperate. If one of you wants to save the relationship, but the other doesn't, it won't work. Even if there is abuse in your relationship in any way, psychological or physical, you probably shouldn't try to save your relationship.
3. Pick a good time to talk to your partner. It's best to choose a time when you don't have too many distractions. Also choose a quiet place where you are sure that no one will listen. Plus, make sure neither of you isn't very emotional at the time. You should try to make it a calm, rational conversation, putting your emotions aside for a while.
4. Talk to your partner. If your marriage or relationship is not going well, chances are your partner already knows something is going on. But if you haven't talked about it before, you will have to bring it up at some point. This is best done when you feel calm and balanced so that you can indeed discuss the problem without just yelling at each other.
   • It's important that you don't just talk, but that you listen carefully so you can hear what your partner has to say about what's going on between you. You can show that you are listening by summarizing what your partner is saying. In this way you show that you have understood what he or she has to say. You can also ask questions to show that you have heard what the other person has said and that you would like to know more about it.
   • When you bring up the problem, try to use as many sentences with "I" as possible, instead of using sentences with "you" as the subject. For example, you could say, "I'd like to talk to you about what exactly is going on with us," instead of, "You're making a huge mess of our relationship."
5. Make a list together. While discussing your relationship, work on a list together. Find out what each of you thinks are the problems in your relationship and discuss how those problems started. It can be difficult to have an open and honest discussion, but it's important that both of you can make your point of view clear about what went wrong in your relationship. You can often also go to all kinds of informative websites for help, to find out what is healthy about your relationship and what is not.
   • For example, in a healthy relationship, you are both yourself, you are independent people and you respect each other's character and each other's boundaries. You are both interested in what the other is doing, and you encourage each other.
   • In an unhealthy relationship, on the other hand, either one or both of you is unhappy with who the other is, and you are under pressure to change the other. You may also feel that you are being controlled or manipulated, or you may be the one manipulating the other.
6. Try to spot recurring patterns. Rather than blaming each other, try to identify how certain patterns you are following could lead to problems. For example, maybe you kept forgetting to call home to say it was going to be late, and your partner got angry every time because you didn't show up. As a result, you punish him or her next time by not calling home either, creating a vicious circle. When you bring it up, focus on how you guys could solve the problem, for example saying, `` I'll try to make my life better by calling home more often when it gets late, if you forget me the few times I you can forgive. Or maybe you can send me a text just before the end of the day so I can better understand what time it is. "

Method 2 of 4: Find out how to fix the problem

1. Consider seeking therapy. If you've decided that you both want to try and save the relationship, it's often a good idea to seek professional help. A therapist can help you figure out exactly what your problems are, especially if you are barely able to tolerate each other's company. EXPERT TIP

   Be honest with each other. Being honest is a form of vulnerability, and being honest with your partner shows that you trust him or her. Try to talk more openly about what you think and feel. When you are vulnerable, you invite your partner and ask him or her to be just as honest with you. On the other hand, it is important that you continue to use sentences with "I" as the subject so that you let them know how you feel, instead of blaming the other person for everything.

   • For example, when talking to your partner, say, “You never let me come first.” Instead, say, “I sometimes feel ignored in our relationship.” That way you let me know how you feel, instead of pointing an accusing finger at your partner.
2. Work together. It is important that you work together, instead of each choosing a particular side in a discussion. In a relationship, you are supposed to work with your partner, not treating each other as enemies, but as colleagues. And so you will also have to work together when trying to solve problems. And that means that you will first have to agree on what exactly the problem is.
   • Once you agree on exactly what the problem is, you will also need to talk about what each of you is concerned about in a more profound way, in terms of your relationship. That is, for example, you can both have an idea in your head about what exactly winning is, but if you both are out to win independently, you will both end up losing. Instead, try to discuss why you would like a particular solution.
   • You should also try to find out what you have in common with regard to the problem and the solution. That is, if, for example, you disagree on who does what in the household, at least you both feel that more attention should be paid to the house. That is a good starting point.
3. Discuss solutions. This step is sometimes the hardest: coming up with solutions that both of you can live with. That means agreeing on what you think are the most important problems in your marriage and suggest ways you can work on possible solutions. Basically, it all boils down to the fact that both of you will have to compromise. Continuing to blame each other will not help. After all, you have both contributed to the current situation.
   • Compromising means talking about what each of you needs and exactly what you want in the relationship. This step is important, because at that point you can decide what is non-negotiable for each of you anyway, and in which areas you could both admit something. Compromising means admitting where you feel you can.
   • It helps if the solutions you propose are concrete. For example, you may have come to the conclusion that one of your biggest problems is not spending enough time together. The solution could be that you decide to go out together once a week and have lunch together at least three times a week.
   • Maybe your problems are partly financial. Sit down together and draw up a budget with the two of you, on the basis of which you can continue; a budget that matches the things that are important to you both. For example, if you are a saver and like to turn every dime three times, while your partner likes luxury vacations, see if you can take a slightly less expensive trip that fits your budget once a year.
   • Divide the tasks around the house. A small detail that can become a big problem is the situation in which one of you feels he has to do everything at home. Openly discuss how you could distribute tasks fairly, and try to set up a timetable to determine who does what and when.
4. Learn to forgive. If you move on together, you will have to forgive each other for the pain you caused in the relationship. That doesn't mean you should completely forget what happened, or that you should say it was all fine. It means acknowledging the pain you have felt. You will need to become aware that the other has made mistakes, and that both of you have learned from that mistake. After all, you will have to accept that it happened and move on.
   • Most mistakes come from certain needs that someone would like to have satisfied. If you are aware of this, you will be able to learn better from what happened.
5. Try to determine what will happen in the future. Once you identify the problems and the solutions, both of you will have to make an official commitment to stick to the solutions. The solutions must be concrete, and both of you will have to be able to live with them.
   • If, after a period of time, you find that the solutions you came up with don't work, you may well have a look at them again and try something new.
6. Don't forget to set limits. Remember that once you have a plan on which to move forward, you will also have to set certain boundaries. Yes, you do forgive each other for what happened, but you can still set boundaries to avoid making the same mistakes again.
   • For example, if one of you cheated on you after visiting a particular cafe, it would be reasonable for them not to go back to that cafe. You could start on this by saying, "After what happened last time, I'd rather you not go to that cafe again. If you keep going, that would be a reason for me to stop for good. "

Method 3 of 4: Learn to love each other again

1. Think about why you ever got together. If you find yourself in the dire situation where your relationship is not going well, you may have forgotten why the two of you actually got together. Try to think of what exactly you liked about him or her.
   • Maybe she could always make you laugh, or he always called to ask if you got home safely. Think about all the little things you loved about the other person. A good way to reflect on your past is to look at old photos together.
2. Make sure you are both open to change. If your primary goal is to protect yourself from pain and anger in your relationship, you are not open to change. Instead, chances are you will want to check on your partner to enforce that protection, turning your relationship into something negative and static. On the other hand, if you are both willing to learn and grow together, your relationship can improve over time. If only one of you is willing to change, chances are it's not going to work.
3. Concentrate on what is going well. Think about what you love about your partner. If possible, take time every day to write down five things you love about your partner or are grateful for.
4. Try to discover each other's love language. Everyone experiences love differently. Gary Chapman divides this idea into five ways in which people experience love, or five love languages. If you have never taken the time to find out what your love languages ​​are, now is a good time to do so. You can find out what your love language is through quizzes or tests on the internet.
   • The first love language is words of affirmation, meaning that you feel loved when you hear words that express appreciation for you.
   • The second love language is service, which means that you feel loved when someone gives you some of their time to help you or to do chores around the house for you.
   • The third love language consists of presents. If this is your language, it means that you feel loved when you receive small (or large) tokens of appreciation from the people you love.
   • The fourth love language is time. If this is your love language, you feel loved when someone spends time with you.
   • The last love language is touch. In other words, you feel loved when someone expresses their love to you by, for example, kissing you, holding your hand, hugging you, or hugging you.
5. Apply the love languages. This means that in your interactions with each other, you try to use the other person's love language to show that you care about him or her. For example, if your partner's love language is service, try doing small chores around the house that show you care, or take his or her car away for a wash. If your partner's love language is time, try to find ways to spend more time with your partner on a regular basis.
6. Take the time to really be together. Just like when you were just together, you should spend time together, that is, with no one else around. You may think you know everything about your partner, but sometimes people can surprise you even years later. Take time every day to talk to your partner and ask questions about his or her life, thoughts, and feelings.
   • A good way to learn something new about your partner is to take a class together, such as a cooking class or dance class. That way you will experience something new together, and can ignite some of the earlier sparks.
7. Share your hobbies. While tastes differ, of course, it's a good idea to take the time to redo something you always loved doing together. For example, if you always liked to cook Japanese together, try that again. If you've ever trained for a half marathon together, but feel like you're both out of shape, take the challenge again. Re-doing what you used to love in a serious way will help you revive some of the passion you felt for each other in the past. On the other hand, it doesn't necessarily have to be something that you have enjoyed doing together before. You can of course also try something new very well.
8. Try to have more physical contact. That is, you should try to bond through touch, not just sex. When you're together, hold, hug, or hug each other. Touch her arm while she talks. Rub his knee when you are sitting next to each other. In order not to lose the intimacy in a relationship, it is important that you touch each other, and over time you may lose the art of touching because of the daily hustle and bustle.
9. Keep communicating. Once you have taken this path, you may think that you will be able to solve your problems by simply sitting in front of it and talking about it. But in order to maintain a relationship, you will have to ask each other how you are doing and talk about what is going on and how you feel.
   • Communication is especially important if you find yourself getting angry with your partner and tend to be curt with him or her. Instead of getting angry, take a deep breath first. Once you have calmed down, take a moment to talk about why you are getting angry and what you could do about it.

Method 4 of 4: When should you try this?

1. Try to save your relationship if you are still in love. There was once a reason why you got together; a seed of love that has brought you here. If you still feel that love, it is worth finding a way to communicate with each other and rekindle the fire between you. Many love relationships get derailed from time to time. It will take work to fix the damage, but if you know in your heart that you care about this person, it's worth a shot.
2. Think about trying to save your relationship if your partner wants to. Maybe you're the one who's about to end the relationship, but your partner wants to keep trying. If you've been together for a long time, it may be worth doing everything you can to try and save your relationship. You may start to see your partner's love for you and believe that even though you are having a hard time right now, things will get better in the future. Weigh your options and see if trying to please your partner is worth it for you.
3. If you really don't like it anymore, give yourself the chance to stop trying. No matter how well it once went, or how badly either party wants to keep the relationship going, sometimes it's clear that it must end. If you've already put in a lot of effort to try to save the relationship, and you no longer feel love, nor the will to rekindle the fire, then it's okay not to force yourself to keep trying. Don't go on for months or even years and criticize yourself for failing to make it work. It is not a problem if you choose happiness over self-sacrifice. If one person is no longer in a relationship, it is better for both to quit.
4. Never try to save an unhealthy relationship or one that involves abuse. There really is no way you can work on a relationship based on harmful patterns or abuse. No matter how many communication techniques you use, or how often you try to rekindle the romance, it won't get any better in the long run. You may feel like you are getting something out of the relationship, but you will be able to gain a lot more by being free.

Warnings

• Make sure you are both completely ready for this process. If one of you wants to try and the other doesn't, it will only end in disappointment.