Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 4: Determining structure, routine and planning
• Part 2 of 4: Adopt a positive attitude
• Part 3 of 4: Attaching consequences to behavior and being consistent
• Part 4 of 4: Learning to understand and deal with ADHD
• What are his realistic expectations in a child with ADHD?
• Tips

Raising a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can be very difficult because children with ADHD need special educational techniques that are not the same as those for regular children. If you do not apply those techniques, you run the risk of unnecessarily excusing your child's behavior or applying too harsh punishments; you simply have the complicated task of finding a balance between these two extremes. Many experts who treat children with ADHD agree that raising these children can be a challenging task. However, it is possible for parents, educators, teachers, and others to properly educate children with ADHD through patience and consistent application of rules.

To step

Part 1 of 4: Determining structure, routine and planning

1. Find out what needs to be planned and recorded within your family. Children with ADHD have a hard time planning, thinking steps ahead, time management, and other day-to-day skills. A well-organized system with a lot of structure in it is very important for the daily life in your family. In other words, creating a routine can avoid the need to impose rules on your child, as it reduces the likelihood of your child behaving badly.
   • Perhaps a large part of the child's behavior is due to a lack of structure, which is common in families and over which the child is not really in control. It is necessary for the family to have a clear structure, as well as the realization that this requires extra help and patience. At the same time, it is important not to have too low expectations of the child.
   • Usually these things are the morning ritual, homework times, bedtime, and game / screen time rules.
   • Make the rules clearly to be. "Cleaning up your room" is too vague, and a child with ADHD may become confused because they don't know where to start, or how to proceed, before the child loses focus altogether. Perhaps it is better to break the task down into short, straightforward tasks: "Picking up toys", "Vacuuming the rug", "Cleaning the hamster house", "Tidying up your clothes - in the closet, on hangers".
2. Establish clear routines and rules. Make sure you have clear rules and expectations for your entire family and household. Because children with ADHD usually don't pick up subtle hints. Communicate clearly what you expect and that they should do it every day.
   • Once you have made a schedule for the week, you can hang it in your child's room, for example. You can use a whiteboard for this and make it attractive to your child by creating colors, stickers and other decorations. Explain everything and check everything on the chart so that your child can understand it in different ways.
   • Establish a structure for all kinds of daily tasks, including homework, which is a rather tricky topic for most kids with ADHD. Make sure your child puts his or her homework in a diary every day, and that there is a set time and place for them to do the homework. Make sure to discuss homework with your child first, then check with your child.
3. Divide large tasks into small parts. Parents need to understand that the chaos often found in children with ADHD is often the result of too many visual stimuli. Therefore, a child with ADHD needs major tasks, such as cleaning the room, or folding and tidying the laundry, to be divided into a number of smaller tasks, with the child being explained 1 task at a time.
   • For example, in the case of doing laundry, you can ask your child to start looking for all the socks and then put them away. You can turn it into a game by putting on a CD, and then challenging your child to find all the socks and put them in the right drawer before the first song is over. Once that task is completed, and you compliment him or her for doing well, you can ask him or her to put away the underwear, pajamas, etc., until the task is completed.
   • Breaking a job down into smaller parts that all follow one after the other not only prevents behaviors that stem from frustration, but it also gives you multiple opportunities to provide positive feedback, while also giving children multiple opportunities to be successful. to obtain. The more success they achieve - and are rewarded for it - the more the child starts to see themselves as a success, and with that the self-esteem gets a big boost that is really needed. As a result, he will actually be more successful in the future. Because, success leads to even more success!
   • Then it is still necessary that you continue to supervise the regular tasks of your child. The ADHD makes it difficult for the child to keep his or her focus, is easily distracted, and finds it difficult to continue with boring tasks. That does not mean that he or she should be relieved of certain duties. But if you expect him or her to do it independently, that may not be entirely realistic ... it all depends on your child. It is better to work on these types of tasks together, in an accepting way that makes it a positive experience, than to expect too much, causing frustration and arguments.
4. Apply structure. By establishing fixed structures you develop habits that you can enjoy for a lifetime, but they must be based on a well-organized system that supports these structures. Help your child keep his or her room in order. Know that kids with ADHD can get overwhelmed quickly because they notice everything at once, so the better they can organize their things, the easier it is for them to deal with all those stimuli.
   • Children with ADHD benefit greatly from storage boxes, shelves, hooks on the wall and the like that allow them to organize things into different categories and minimize the accumulation of things.
   • Using colors, pictures and labels on the shelves also helps to reduce visual stress. Know that kids with ADHD can get overwhelmed quickly because they notice everything at once, so the better they can organize their things, the easier it is for them to deal with all those stimuli.
   • Throw out unnecessary items. In addition to organizing things, getting rid of "stuff" that could distract your child can make the environment calmer. This does not mean that you have to empty the room completely. But toys that the child no longer plays with and clothes that the child no longer wears, and clearing shelves with a lot of small items that are no longer of interest to the child can greatly help create a more harmonious environment for the child. to create.
5. Get your child's attention. As an adult, you need to make sure you have your child's attention before expressing directions, commands, or expectations. If it's not "tuned" to you, you won't achieve anything. Then, once he starts doing the task, don't distract him by giving additional assignments or starting a conversation that will distract his attention.
   • Have your child look at you and make eye contact. While this is not an absolute guarantee of attention, it is a sign that your message will get through.
   • An angry, frustrated, or otherwise negative message tends to be "filtered" to prevent that message from getting through. That is often a defense mechanism ... children with ADHD tend to frustrate those responsible for them, and they are often afraid of being criticized for things they really have no control over. Yelling, for example, may well have the effect of making you feel like a child no gets attention.
   • Children with ADHD often respond well to jokes, the unexpected, and the spontaneous. You can often get their attention by throwing a ball, especially if you throw it back and forth a bit before coming up with a request. You can also say, "Knock knock is someone there?" and then make a joke; then you usually get the attention too. A call-and-answer pattern or a slap pattern can also work. These are all playful ways with which you can usually "break through the fog".
   • It is difficult for children with ADHD to focus, so if they show that they are concentrating, give them the opportunity to do it the best they can, by not interrupting them, or by not taking over the task for them .
6. Have your child engage in physical activities. Children with ADHD function much better when they use their body in different ways physically; physical activities stimulate their brain, which is something they need.
   • Children with ADHD should engage in physical activity at least 3-4 times a week. The best options are martial arts, dance, gym, and other sports that involve different body movements.
   • You can even make sure that they also do physical activity on the days when they don't exercise, such as swimming, cycling, playing in the park, etc.

Part 2 of 4: Adopt a positive attitude

1. Give positive feedback. You could start with tangible rewards (stickers, candies, small gifts) for each success they achieve. Over time, you may gradually reduce that to occasional praise (“Good job!” Or a hug), but continue to give positive feedback long after your child has developed good habits that result in regular successes.
   • It is important to make your child feel good about himself, because then punishment is no longer necessary.
   • Don't skimp on rewards. Children with ADHD need a lot of positive feedback. Lots of small gifts spread throughout the day work better than a big reward at the end of the day.
2. Be rational in your actions. Speak in a low, firm voice if you need to be strict. Say as few words as possible, and do so in a firm but steady voice. The more you say, the less they will remember.
   • As the experts sometimes say to parents: "Do something, don't keep talking!" It is pointless to lecture a child with ADHD, while powerful consequences are very clear.
   • Don't try to respond emotionally to your child's behavior. If you get angry or start screaming, your child may be worried and think that he or she is a bad child who never does anything right. It can also invite your child to feel in control because you have lost control.
3. State the behavior very directly. Children of ADHD need more rules and education than other children, not less. While it may be tempting not to raise your child too strictly because of the ADHD, the chances of the behavior continuing are only increased.
   • As with most things, if you ignore it, the behavior will escalate, and then it will only get worse. So it is advisable to immediately address the problematic behavior when it happens. Immediately following the behavior, attach a consequence to it so that your child can relate his or her behavior to the consequence and your reaction. In this way, children learn over time that the behavior has consequences, and then hopefully they will stop this particular behavior.
   • Children with ADHD are impulsive and often do not think about the consequences of their behavior. They often don't realize they've done something wrong. And if there are no consequences, then that problem will only get worse, creating a negative cycle. So they need adults to help the children understand this, and to teach them what is wrong with their behavior, and what the possible consequences are if they continue with this behavior.
   • Accept that children with ADHD simply need more patience, guidance and practice than most children. If you compare a child with ADHD to a "normal" child, you probably feel very frustrated. You will spend more time and energy working with a child with ADHD. Stop comparing the child with other "easier" children. This is important for achieving more positive - and thus more productive - results.
4. Encourage the child in a positive way. Parents of children with ADHD are often more successful by rewarding the good behavior than by punishing the bad behavior. Try to take an approach where you compliment the child on what he is doing well, rather than criticizing what he is doing wrong.
   • Many parents have been successful in correcting bad behaviors, such as bad manners at mealtimes, by positively encouraging their child and complimenting their children when they do something right. Rather than criticizing your child for the way he sits at the table or has food in his mouth, try complimenting him when he uses his cutlery well and listens carefully to others. This will help your child pay more attention to what he is doing so that he can get more compliments.
   • Pay attention to the proportions. Make sure your child gets more positive input than negative input. You may have to put in quite a bit of effort to see what goes well, but the benefits of complimenting rather than punishing are enormous.
5. Develop a system of positive encouragement. There are many tricks to encourage good behavior - that yummy treat is more appealing than being reprimanded. For example, if your child is dressed at a certain time and is in the kitchen for breakfast, she may eat waffles instead of cereal for breakfast. Giving the child a choice is one way to positively encourage your child if they are showing good behavior.
   • Consider creating a positive reward system that will allow your child to earn certain privileges, such as a weekly bonus, a special outing or something. Likewise, bad behavior leads to the loss of points, but those points can be recouped through additional chores or similar activities.
   • A points system can help children to become motivated to participate in good behavior. If your son is not motivated to put his toys away before going to bed, knowing that they can earn points can help make him want to cooperate. The best thing about a points system is that parents are no longer the bad guys when children haven't earned their privileges - after all, their destiny is in their own hands, and they have to take responsibility for their own choices.
   • Know that children are more successful with a points system if it is clearly worked out with a checklist, a timetable and deadlines.
   • Be aware that a checklist and timetable are limited. Because of ADHD, even motivated children have trouble doing a task properly. If the expectations are simply too high, or otherwise unsuitable, then he or she cannot achieve success, and the points system is of no use.
     • For example, a child who has trouble with an essay to do as homework, and simply spends so much time on it that she missed the violin practice deadline, may feel awful.
     • Another example: a child has a hard time with a behavior checklist, and he never earns enough gold stars to get a reward. He will not receive any encouragement from the points system, after all, he will not earn any points, and he is more likely to become frustrated than improve his behavior.
6. Try to say everything in positive terms, instead of negative ones. Instead of telling your ADHD child to stop his bad behavior, tell him what to do. In general, children with ADHD cannot immediately figure out what good behavior they could use to replace bad behavior, so it is difficult for them to stop the bad behavior. It is your job, as a counselor, to remind him or her of what constitutes good behavior. It is also the case that your child with ADHD does not quite hear the word "not" in your sentence, and he will therefore not properly process what you are actually saying. For instance:
   • Instead of saying, "Stop jumping on the couch," say, "We're on the couch."
   • "Be careful with the cat" instead of, "Stop pulling the cat's tail."
   • "Show how beautiful you can sit!" instead of "Stop getting up all the time."
   • The focus on the positive also works well if you want to have rules for your family. Instead of “Don't play with the ball in the house,” try “The ball is an outdoor toy”. You are probably more successful with "Walk slowly in the living room" than with "Don't run!"
7. Try not to pay too much attention to bad behavior. Attention - good or bad - is a reward for children with ADHD. That is why it is better to give your child a lot of attention if they show good behavior, and limit the attention you give to bad behavior, because that can also be seen by your child as a reward.
   • For example, if your daughter gets out of bed at night to play in her room, put her back in bed without saying a word, without hugs or attention. Feel free to take the toy away, but don't argue about it at that point, otherwise she might experience that attention as a reward, or she might think the rules are a topic of discussion. If you consistently don't reward the bad behavior, it should pass after a while.
   • If your child is cutting in her sketchbook, simply remove the scissors and sketch pad. Saying quietly, "We're cutting sheets of paper, not a sketch pad," is all it takes.

Part 3 of 4: Attaching consequences to behavior and being consistent

1. Be the authority figure - you are the adult. The parent should be in control, but unfortunately the parent's will is all too often deflected by the child's tenacity.
   • Just think of a little girl asking for soda five or six times in three minutes, all the while the parent is on the phone, or busy with the baby, or trying to cook. Sometimes it is tempting - and indeed, easier - to admit, "Good - go ahead, as long as you leave me alone!" But then you're sending the message that she can win with persistence and that she, not the parent, is in control.
   • Children with ADHD do not respond very well to casual parenting. These boys and girls need strong and loving guidance that sets boundaries. Long discussions about rules and why we have them just don't work. Some parents are initially uncomfortable with this approach. But if you follow the rules clearly and firmly, in a consistent and loving way, it is by no means harsh or cruel.
2. Make sure you attach a consequence to bad behavior. The most important rule is that the rules must be applied consistently, firmly and right away. Punishment should be appropriate for the bad behavior.
   • Do not send your child to his room as punishment. Most children with ADHD get easily distracted by their toys and things and have a great time ... and the "punishment" actually becomes a reward. In addition, sending your child to his room is usually far removed from the bad behavior, and then it is difficult for the child to relate the behavior to the punishment, and then he cannot properly learn that he does that. behavior should not be repeated.
   • Consequences must be linked to this immediately after the behavior. For example, if someone has told a child to put her bike away and come in, and she continues to ride, don't tell her not to ride tomorrow. A consequence that is not taken until later has little or no meaning for a child with ADHD, because he or she tends to live in the "here and now," and what happened yesterday has no real meaning for today. As a result, this approach is likely to cause the situation to escalate the next day, if the consequence is implemented, because the child has not really made the connection between his or her behavior the previous day and this punishment.Instead, get the bike right away, and explain that later you will talk about how the child can earn the bike back.
3. Be consistent. Parents see progress in their children's behavior when they respond consistently to their children's behavior. For example, if you use a points system, be reasonable and consistent with giving and taking away points. Avoid taking random actions, especially when you are angry or stressed. Your child will learn to behave well over time, through repetition and consequences.
   • Always do what you say or threaten. Don't give too many warnings or make empty threats. If you give them multiple opportunities or warnings, make sure that each has a consequence on the first, second, or third warning or threat, and that it is followed by the punishment or other consequence that was mentioned. Because otherwise they will test you to see how many opportunities they will get this time.
   • Make sure both parents are behind this parenting plan. Because if you want to change the behavior, it is necessary for the child to receive the same response from both parents.
   • Being consistent also means that the child knows what to expect if they misbehave, where you are at that moment. Some parents are afraid to punish their child in public because they fear what other people will think about it, but it is important that the specific behavior has consequences wherever the child is.
   • Coordinate education with the school, daycare center, or other educators so that everyone attaches consistent and powerful consequences to the behavior when the behavior occurs. Because it is undesirable for your child to receive different messages.
4. Try to avoid arguments with your child, and don't be unclear about the way you handled things. It is necessary for your child to know that you are the boss and that the stocking is done with that, done.
   • If you become involved in a discussion or seem to be taken away from your point of view, you may inadvertently send your child the message that you see the child as a peer who has a real chance of winning the discussion. Then there is a reason for the child to keep trying, pushing, whining and arguing with you. This does not necessarily mean that if you argue or admit in a discussion once, you no longer have custody as a parent - just understand that being clear and consistent gives the best results.
   • Always explain your instructions clearly and be clear that they must be followed.
5. Work with a time-out system. A time-out gives your child a chance to calm down and take the time he or she needs to do so. Instead of confronting the other person and waiting to see who can get angry, designate a place for your child to stand or sit until he or she is calm and ready to talk about the problem. Don't lecture the child while it's standing there; give the child time and space to take control of himself. Emphasize that timeout is not a punishment, but rather an opportunity to start over.
   • A time-out is an effective punishment for a child with ADHD. It can be applied directly so that the child can relate it to his or her actions. Children with ADHD hate to sit and be still, so it is a very effective response to bad behavior.
6. Learn to anticipate problems and plan ahead. Talk to your child about any problems you foresee and discuss options for coping properly. This is especially helpful if you are out in public with your child. Work together to determine which suns (rewards) and clouds (consequences) apply to the various situations, and then have your child read the plan out loud.
   • For example, if you go out to dinner with your family, a reward for good behavior could be that the child is given the privilege to order dessert, and a consequence could be that the child has to go to bed right away when you get home. If the behavior then deteriorates in the restaurant, a friendly reminder (“Do you remember what reward you get for good behavior?”), Followed if necessary by a firmer second reminder (“I think you'd rather not ask tonight goes to bed, right? ”) should make your child stop.
7. Don't wait too long to forgive your child. Always let your child know that you love him or her and that he or she is a good child, but that there are consequences for certain behaviors.

Part 4 of 4: Learning to understand and deal with ADHD

1. Understand that children with ADHD are different from most children. Children with ADHD can be defensive and aggressive, unwilling to obey the rules, break the law, and be very emotional, fierce and uninhibited. But for a long time, doctors believed such children were victims of bad parents, and it was not until the early 1900s that scientists began to look at the brain as the cause of ADHD.
   • Scientists who study the brain structure of children with ADHD indicate that some parts of their brain are smaller than normal. One of these parts is the basal ganglia, which regulates muscle movement and signals to the muscles when they are needed for a particular activity and when to rest. For most of us, when we sit, the hands and feet don't have to move, but the less effective ganglia in a child with ADHD cannot dampen excessive activity, so sitting still is more difficult for that child.
   • In other words, children with ADHD have less stimulation in their brains and less control over impulses, and so will try harder or cross the line to get the stimulation they need.
   • Once parents realize that their child is not just being obnoxious or indifferent, and that their child's brain is simply processing things differently because of ADHD, they often find it easier to deal with the behavior. That newly acquired compassion and understanding results in greater patience and willingness to interact with their child in a different way.
2. Try to understand the other reasons that underlie bad behavior in children with ADHD. Other problems can compound the problems that parents of children diagnosed with ADHD face, as ADHD is often accompanied by other disorders.
   • For example, about 20% of all children with ADHD also have bipolar or depressive disorder, while more than 33% have behavioral problems such as a behavioral disorder or an antisocial disorder such as ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). Many children with ADHD also have learning difficulties or anxiety disorders.
   • Additional disorders or problems in addition to ADHD can make the task of raising your child more difficult. This is especially the case if there are multiple medications with various possible side effects that need to be taken into account, and which do not make it easier to manage your child's behavior.
3. Try not to get frustrated because your child is not acting "normally". There is no real measure of what is normal, and the very concept of "normal behavior" is relative and subjective. ADHD is a disability and your child therefore needs extra encouragement and other aids. This is really no different from the case of someone whose eyes are imperfect and who needs glasses, and people who cannot hear quite well and who have a hearing aid. need.
   • Your child's ADHD is what is "normal" for him. It is a well-managed disorder, and your child can certainly still live a happy and healthy life!

What are his realistic expectations in a child with ADHD?

• If you apply some of these strategies, you should see some progress in your child's behavior, such as fewer tantrums, or finishing small tasks when you ask your child to do so.
• Note that these strategies cannot eradicate the behaviors associated with your child's diagnosis, such as being inattentive or having a lot of energy.
• You may need to experiment for a while to see which parenting strategies work best for your child. For example, some children respond very well to time-out, while others do not.

Tips

• If you want to be successful in dealing with a child with ADHD, building a strong support system is crucial: think of compassion, understanding, and forgiveness; showing love to your child despite bad behavior; create good rewards for following the rules; establishing organizational structures that support the way your child's brain works; and directly linking clear consequences if your child does not behave well.
• If you keep punishing your child for something, and that doesn't work, try something different. Talking to your child about how you want to help them can also help. Maybe he will come up with a solution himself, or he may help you find an even better solution.
• Give your child the space to talk to you if it gets too much for him. Listen without trying to fix it right away. Be patient. It is sometimes difficult for a child with ADHD to explain exactly what he or she is feeling.
• Often times, disobedience stems from fear or feeling overwhelmed, and not because your child is busy being stubborn or rebellious. Make sure your child knows that you are trying to understand and help them, and that you are not just trying to control them.
• Look at your child calmly and take his hand. Question, "What do you find difficult at school?"