Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Removing Barriers to a Relationship
• Part 2 of 3: Meeting people and going out
• Part 3 of 3: Maintaining a new relationship
• Tips

Long-term romantic relationships can be one of the most fulfilling aspects of life, giving us the opportunity to grow and share our "journey" with someone. That said, it almost always takes time and effort to find the right person at the right time and get that relationship off the ground. Knowing what you want, respecting yourself, and maintaining a positive attitude are just as important in finding a partner as it is in keeping one.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Removing Barriers to a Relationship

1. Ask yourself what you want from a relationship. While many people think they want a relationship so that they can do something (love, sex, fulfillment) to get, healthy relationships are relationships where people want love, life and intimacy share.
2. Respect yourself. Many problems can arise in relationships if you don't have enough love and respect for yourself first. These are also things that can be easily damaged by past failed relationships, unrepaired childhood psychological wounds, etc.
   • Self-respect means accepting who you are and forgiving yourself for mistakes. When you learn these things, you will also learn to love, accept, and forgive your partner.
   • If you have self-esteem, you also understand how you expect and deserve to be treated. This is critical to avoid potential abuse within relationships.
3. Deal with the past. The last thing you want in your new relationship is for an unresolved issue from a previous relationship or marriage to manifest. Understanding the reasons why your last relationship didn't work out may also help you avoid repeating the same mistakes.
   • A therapist can help you get a clear picture of your relationship patterns and make a constructive plan for resolving difficult issues.
   • It is never too late to change a pattern of behavior. If you feel incapable of intimacy or unable to maintain a long-term relationship, know that you can always change that with the time and the right amount of guidance.
4. Don't get into a relationship just for the sake of a relationship. Social pressure sometimes makes us feel like we need to be in a relationship at any cost. This is a myth. Remember that no relationship is better than a bad relationship. Make sure your interest in your potential partner is genuine.
5. Know that attraction increases over time. Love at first sight is a great idea, but it is not the case with many relationships. If you're not directly attracted to someone, it doesn't mean that someone is a bad choice for you: long-lasting love is something that grows over time, and friends can turn into lovers. When considering a potential partner, don't be overly obsessed with his or her appearance. Personal qualities such as kindness, humor, and curiosity far outweigh in the long run, and can make you feel very attracted to someone.
6. Don't expect to be able to change your partner. It's easy to overlook certain things that you don't like at first, thinking that you can eventually change this person. But people can only change themselves if and when they want to. If there's something you think you really can't accept in the long run, think twice about getting into the relationship.
   • Also be careful with a partner who wants to change you. Growing together is good, but neither of you should change for the other person.
7. Don't worry too much about the little things. While certain patterns (such as binge drinking, assault, or irresponsible behavior) may be clearly unacceptable, other minor things may start to annoy you, such as chewing with the mouth open, questionable fashion choices, or a different taste in music. If this is a person you are really interested in, don't let this become an excuse for avoiding intimacy.
8. Learn what makes a relationship healthy. Recognizing healthy versus unhealthy relationship dynamics can be difficult, especially if you grew up around unhealthy relationships. Fortunately, you can find a lot of information about healthy relationships online. Use this knowledge to create healthy boundaries for yourself before seeking a relationship.
   • For example, know what you can and cannot tolerate from a partner. Don't give in if someone crosses these boundaries.

Part 2 of 3: Meeting people and going out

1. Find out where to meet people with similar interests. If you're having trouble meeting someone, make a list of the things you enjoy doing. Mutual interests can be of great benefit to your relationship.
   • Consider joining a club for one of your hobbies, such as hiking, reading, or dancing.
   • Volunteer for a cause you are passionate about, such as a food bank, animal shelter, or political campaign.
   • Take a course. Look at the offer of a library or community center. Cooking, languages, or art classes is very satisfying in itself and can also be a good social opportunity.
2. Take dating services with a grain of salt. Internet dating can work well for some people, while others may find it too pressurized or lack spontaneity. If you choose online dating, remember: Despite the formulas that would have been created to find your perfect match, it often takes a long time to get to know someone, and "that" has to be done in person.
3. Get to know people through shared connections. You can meet the perfect partner through your friends, family, neighbors or colleagues. Be open to meeting new people and attend events to which you have been invited. If you see someone you are interested in, talk to them or ask a mutual acquaintance or friends to put you in touch with them.
   • You can also meet these people through social media, such as when both of you are commenting on a friend's post.
4. Make an appointment without obligation. If you've met someone who interests you, feel free to take the first step and invite them to an activity without any pressure. Drinking coffee somewhere is almost always a viable option. Other choices may depend on how you met: for example, if you are both members of the walking association, you can invite the other for a walk with some of your friends. If you both like music, ask if he / she wants to go to a concert.
   • It's a good idea to meet in a public place where other people will be. This gives you both the security of getting to know each other in a safe, neutral environment.
   • A casual meeting also takes the pressure off a more formal invitation.
5. Learn to accept rejection. Rejection is an inherent part of the dating process, and you need to learn how to deal with it in a positive way.
   • Don't take a rejection personally. People have all kinds of reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship and you usually have no control over that.
   • Have a constructive attitude. If you've been rejected several times, take a step back and ask yourself if there is anything about your approach that might need to be changed. Maybe you overwhelm the other person, or you keep picking out people who don't actually share your interests. In any case, don't dwell on a rejection: stay positive and move on.
   • Don't ignore your feelings. Some rejections can be particularly difficult. When you feel sad or angry, acknowledge these feelings instead of suppressing them. This will help you to move forward faster and better.
6. Avoid sex if you haven't known each other that long. Sharing your most intimate self with someone you've just met can disrupt a budding relationship. If you like this person, chances are there will be emotions related to sex that the two of you are not yet able to process. In addition, either or both of you may not be taking responsible measures regarding issues such as STIs or pregnancy prevention. Worse, the other person may have suddenly disappeared afterwards!
   • While your date may show an interest in having sex, he / she should never pressure you. Make it clear that your desire to postpone it is not a rejection, but rather "because" you like the other person and want to wait for the right time. If they don't understand this, keep some distance: this could be a red flag indicating that the person may be possessive or assault you. It's always a red flag when someone doesn't respect your boundaries.
7. Take a look at how you both behave around each other's friends and family. As your relationship progresses, you will likely meet a number of people from each other's circle.See how comfortable the two of you are in those situations: this could be a clue to how the relationship is going.
   • Sometimes one or both of you may not be completely comfortable. That's okay - the important thing is that you make the effort to get to know each other's loved ones and spend time with them.
8. Maintain your ties with family and friends. Some new relationships can consume everything, but resist the urge to disappear from the face of the earth because of your new relationship. Stay in touch with your friends and family and take the time to call and see them regularly. Remember, romance comes and goes, but these are the people who will be there for you in the long run.
9. Watch for red flags. There are some signs that the relationship is not developing in a healthy direction. Learn to listen to your feelings, paying attention to how the other person makes you feel. If you feel undervalued, insecure, or ashamed, it is better to end the relationship early and invest your time looking for something that can last longer.
   • Alcohol dependent dates: you only have contact when you have been drinking.
   • Sometimes people have a hard time making a commitment because of something from their past, such as a broken family or a lack of trust.
   • Poor non-verbal communication: The person should show you that he or she is interested through body language, such as eye contact and touch; if not, he or she may be too focused on something else.
   • Jealousy: If your partner doesn't like you spending time on other things that are important to you, such as hobbies, friends or family members.
   • Predominant behavior: when the other person tells you what to do, think or feel.
   • Blaming: The person blames the other for a failed previous relationship and / or refuses to take responsibility for his or her actions.
   • An exclusively sexual relationship: when the only time you spend together is in bed.
   • No time together: if the other person doesn't want to be alone with you (except in bed).

Part 3 of 3: Maintaining a new relationship

1. Find things to do together. When the initial excitement of the romance has dissipated a bit, both of you should commit to spending time together and investing in the relationship. Discuss what you both enjoy doing and make a plan to do fun things on a regular basis, no matter how busy you are.
   • Studies have shown that the expectation to do new things together increases arousal and connects you.
2. Communicate constantly. Being able to talk to each other kindly and honestly is crucial to a relationship. It will strengthen your bond as feelings, thoughts, fears, and desires are shared.
3. Build trust by sharing your vulnerabilities in small doses. It takes time to build trust in a relationship. Being vulnerable to the other can create trust, but you shouldn't do it all at once. Instead, each of you should share small aspects of yourself with the other. Over time, this creates a deep, trusting bond.
   • For example, you can tell early in the relationship that you haven't always had a good relationship with your sister. In time, you can provide more details about why you are not getting along with your sister. However, don't start putting a lifetime of grievances on the table when the two of you are just dating.
4. Stay independent. While it can be difficult to balance relationship and self-realization, the latter is actually very important to your love life. Mutual independence means that both of you continue to grow as individuals so that each does what he / she loves. Not only does this help prevent unhealthy relationship patterns such as codependency (when one of you depends on the other for self-esteem and identity); it can also be stimulating and innovative because that way you can see from each other what the other likes to do and what he / she is good at.
5. Don't be afraid of conflict. As relationships develop, disagreements almost inevitably arise. It's important to feel safe to express things that bother you without fear of the consequences. Don't be mean but listen to each other and try to find a solution through compromise in the interest of your relationship.

Tips

• If you think you need therapy to work through some of your relationship issues, but are concerned about the cost, consider group therapy. It can be a more affordable and effective option.