Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Express Your Position Appropriately
• Part 2 of 3: Behavior during an Argument
• Part 3 of 3: Avoid False Logical Arguments
• Tips
• Warnings

Getting into an argument can be an incredibly stressful experience. Focusing on "winning" an argument sometimes robs us of the ability to truly hear what the other person is saying. The situation can be improved by staying cool, taking time-outs, and communicating your point of view calmly and rationally (instead of yelling, yelling, or crying). While we do not guarantee you will win an argument, this article will help you conduct it with dignity and perhaps transfer this mature debate into future successful debates.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Express Your Position Appropriately

1. 1 Keep calm. The key to winning an argument is staying calm.The more you get angry and upset, the more difficult it will be for you to convey your opinion to the other person. Keeping cool takes practice, but the better you can control your temper, the more productive your arguments will be.
   • If this is not possible, remember to at least breathe during the argument. You may want to voice your case as quickly and as loudly as possible, but the slower you do it, the calmer your participation in the conflict will be.
   • Try to keep your non-verbal body and gesture language open and nice to the other person. There is a little trick to this: with your body you can relax your mind. Do not cross your arms on your chest; let them hang loosely at the sides or gesture to support verbal arguments.
   • Don't raise your voice. Work on keeping your voice level. If you tend to scream when you are upset or angry, work on your breathing. For example, inhale in 4 counts (1-and-2-and-3-and-4-and), exhale in 6 counts. This will help you stay cool.
2. 2 Get rid of the urge to leave the "last word" for yourself. Before you get into a serious conflict, remember: the last word does not always have to be yours, even if you are right. Be content with expressing your point of view correctly and rationally, even if this did not change the other person's opinion. So the dispute will not turn into an endless skirmish in an attempt by each of the parties to put an end to the discussion.
   • Your last attack can hurt you, especially if you are in a relationship with this person (and even if not, people communicate with each other, and in the long run it can hurt you). If the dispute has reached the final point - both sides have expressed their opinion and there is nothing to add - just leave this situation and move on.
3. 3 Take time out. It's best to do this before starting an argument - it will give both of you a chance to catch your breath and weed out irrelevant or rude arguments. Thanks to this, you can look at the situation from the outside and see the problem (or problems) as a whole.
   • You can do this with your spouse, boss, friend, etc. When it comes to friction between the two of you, ask for some space and time to think things over. Then, suggest a specific time to solve the problem.
   • For example: you and your spouse / partner have a dispute about whose turn it is to wash the dishes (a conflict that subsequently leads to the fact that you accuse the other person of refusing to participate equally in household chores is a common problem). Say the following: "You know, I wanted to discuss an important issue with you, but I think how to do it quickly and without nerves. Can we return to this tomorrow after work?" Then you slowly explain the reasons for your behavior and the reason for your feelings, give specific examples and suggest a possible solution to the problem.
   • You can use this time to see if this is all worth the discussion. Sometimes the problem instantly resolves on its own, and you see that the question is really trivial - and after all, you just had to take a step back and look at the situation from the outside.
4. 4 Be open to the opinions of the other person. Usually, when a dispute occurs, there are no “right” and “wrong”. We usually deal with two different points of view and interpretation of what is happening. You should be ready to accept a different version of events and hear opposite examples, even if you strongly disagree. Your interviewee can (and probably will) make substantial, reasonable comments.
   • For example: you have an argument with your boss - you think that the boss is treating you badly (constantly bullying you and saying incredibly hurtful things). He insists that your behavior caused the problem. Now, consider the situation. Perhaps your behavior made the situation worse (instead of immediately starting to argue, you choose the passive-aggressive path).By admitting your guilt, you will release the stress that your boss is experiencing, and at the same time, you will be able to tell how your behavior is due to his bad attitude towards you.
   • Evaluate your immediate response (which is why thinking timeout is so useful). Your first thoughts in response may not be entirely correct (for example, in a situation where someone gives you arguments that contradict or challenge your worldview). Before shouting loudly about your innocence, study the issue using reliable sources of information.
   • There may be several such situations in your life when you will argue with a person who is absolutely and undoubtedly wrong (usually this concerns issues of racism, sexism, etc.). You will not win such an argument, because usually these people are not able to see the world from a different angle (for example, admit the idea that there is simply no reason for racism and sexism). Don't get involved in an argument with these people.

Part 2 of 3: Behavior during an Argument

1. 1 Show good intentions. In order for the dispute to end well (especially if you want to end it in your favor), you should convince the other person that you take their interests into account. If you feel that an argument can benefit your relationship with this person, he or she will feel it too, and you will have a better chance of getting your point across.
   • Before getting into an argument, remind yourself that you are not indifferent to this person and your relationship with him (it can be simple “this is my leader, someday his location will be important to me” or deeper “this is my daughter, I care about her interests and I am worried about some of her decisions that she has been making lately ”).
   • This does not mean that you have to be condescending. Never use phrases like "I'm doing this for your own good" or "I just want to help you become better." After such words, the person will no longer be able to reach.
2. 2 Be present in the moment. Being present in the moment - being aware of what is happening to you at the moment, and not thinking about when the argument will end. This means that you will not raise your voice if you listen to the interlocutor and carefully consider his words. This means paying attention to the feelings and arguments of the opponent.
   • Try to avoid arguing in crowded places where both of you can easily be distracted. Do not discuss anything important in situations where you may be interrupted by a phone call or an SMS signal (it would be better if you turn off your phone or put it on silent mode).
   • Use words to describe what is happening to you. This means that when your heart is speeding up and your palms are sweating, you should tell what is happening to you (you worry because you are afraid that after this argument your wife will leave you).
3. 3 Lay out all your considerations and arguments. The clearer, more transparent, and more accurate you express your position, the easier it will be for your opponent to accept your position. You really shouldn't make general statements like “You never help me around the house,” because your spouse will inevitably remember that one time he helped you and just won't listen any further.
   • The more accurate, the better: if you quarrel with a leader, for example, remind him of specific cases when he unfairly nagged and humiliated you, and tell us about your feelings at the same time (scolding you in front of everyone, name-calling, all those unpleasant things that he spoke behind your back, etc.).
   • This is why when a problem arises in (any) relationship, you should write it down. Thanks to this, you can show your partner that this is not an isolated case, but a model of his behavior.
   • If you are arguing about politics, religion, etc., make sure you know what you are talking about. You need to provide specific facts and avoid logical mistakes (we will discuss them below). Remember that when an argument is about such topics, it is very difficult for people to remain calm and to look at their position rationally.
4. 4 Listen. You need to really listen to people and think about their vision. A dispute consists of two (or more) people with different views on a particular issue. It is very rare that one person is completely right and the other is completely wrong. To win an argument, you need to make sure that your opponent feels that his arguments are being listened to and carefully weighed.
   • When the other person expresses their position, remember to look them in the eye and really listen to what they have to say. There is no need to think through the next argument until the person has fully expressed themselves.
   • If you are confused or confused, ask clarifying questions to understand the other person's position correctly.
   • This is why it is useful to have arguments in a place where nothing will distract you, and you can give your full attention to the person with whom you are communicating. If you can't find a location, try to find a nook; make sure that your dispute does not take place in front of everyone.
5. 5 Manage your reactions. It's very easy to lose control in the middle of an argument. You may be upset or angry. This is completely normal, but in such a situation it is better to try to behave calmly and remember to constantly breathe in your belly.
   • Sometimes it can be helpful to tell the other person how you are feeling. Say something like this: "Forgive me, but your statement that I am lazy upset me very much. How did you conclude that I am lazy?"
   • NEVER use name-calling or physical violence. This is incredibly harmful and abusive behavior, and there is literally no reason to use the first or second tactic (the only excuse is when you are in a situation where a person is hurting you and you are afraid for your life; leave the situation as soon as possible).
   • You don't need to treat your interlocutor like an idiot (whatever you think to yourself). Do not speak condescendingly to the person, do not be overly sarcastic, do not imitate the person when he speaks, do not laugh when he expresses his feelings.
6. 6 Avoid certain phrases. There are some phrases that seem to be designed to annoy people. If you want you to have a real reasonable argument (and not an attempt to scold, suppress the interlocutor, or impose your point of view on him), run from it like the plague:
   • "Yes, in the end! ..." This phrase is in principle harmless, but it can inspire the interlocutor with a desire to punch you in the face.
   • "Don't make yourself the smartest ...". People who use this phrase think they are above listening to other people carefully. They pretend to listen, but they don't really do it; all they need is to push their point of view (usually with the look of the smartest). If they fail, they drop the conversation.
   • "Who cares...". When you are trying to have a rational argument, and you or another person replies "What's the difference" to the given arguments, it is better to postpone the discussion for a while (or permanently), because at the moment you have not a drop of respect for each other.

Part 3 of 3: Avoid False Logical Arguments

1. 1 Understanding the essence of erroneous logical reasoning. Logical delusions are arguments that undermine your position because they are based on false judgments. If you find yourself using a wrong statement in order to convince your opponent, you should reconsider your position.
   • This is why it is helpful to think ahead of what you will say. This gives you the opportunity to see if there are any errors or whitespace in your position.
   • If you notice that the person you are arguing with is using erroneous judgments, point them out. For example, you might say, "You say that 70% of people do not support this political reform, but the same could be said about the abolition of slavery a couple of hundred years ago. Are you sure you want to base your judgment on this argument?"
2. 2 Avoid the "wicker man". This type of error is as follows. After listening to the opinion of the interlocutor, you simplify and average it, and then you argue against that erroneous retelling of the opponent's words that you did, neglecting what the person actually said (an argument in favor of why it is very important to listen to your opponent carefully).
   • An example of this would be to say, “All feminists hate men,” and then argue with that statement, rather than focusing on specific gender equality issues that feminists are concerned about (do not neglect the existing wage gap, gender-based violence, and research that show that men tend to be dominant).).
   • This type of argument misleads the argument from a rational path, forcing the interlocutor (or you) to explain that everything is somewhat more complicated than such simplistic maximalism.
3. 3 Avoid moral equivalents. This logical fallacy is expressed by equating a petty, insignificant offense with a major, serious crime. In politics, such tricks are found at every turn and are what you should avoid - they only annoy, and discourage a person from understanding your point of view.
   • Example: comparing a politician to Hitler. In doing so, you are equating the person who does something you disagree with with the dictator who orchestrated the worst massacre in the history of all mankind. Unless that someone is systematically engaging in genocide, don't call him Hitler.
   • If your position is based on moral equivalents, you should reconsider the real part of your reasoning.
4. 4 Avoid getting personal. This is a technique when, instead of analyzing the position and arguments of the opponent, you switch to his appearance or character. Women are especially sensitive to such attacks on their appearance, no matter what the arguments are.
   • For example, if you argue with your mom, and call her stupid or crazy, this has nothing to do with her position and is completely aimed at her personality and character.
   • Such attacks only reduce the likelihood that the person will listen to your words. If you happen to be the object of such behavior, point out to the person what he is doing, or leave the argument (most often people who become personalized are not inclined to take the other side in principle).
5. 5 Don't stoop to “arguments to the people”. This type of flawed logical reasoning appeals to emotions using concepts such as "good" and "bad" instead of dealing with real arguments. This is a different kind of logical error that is common among politicians.
   • An example of an "argument to the people": "If you do not support the war in Iraq, you are not a true American, you are a terrorist." By making such statements, you are not discussing the real problem (whether the war in Iraq is justified or not), but are raising questions of patriotism of those who think differently, which, in fact, is useless and does not mean anything.
6. 6 Do not use “multiple lane”. This monstrous delusion is constantly used in various spheres: political, personal, social. A slippery track may sound very convincing, but it doesn't hold up to any detailed scrutiny. This reasoning is based on the idea that event A is followed by a series of small steps (B, C, D ... X, Z) that follow. The fallacy equates A with Z, arguing that doing A will result in a consequence Z (or vice versa, if you don't do A, Z won't happen).
   • For example: "Banning smoking in public places means the government wants to take away all our civil rights." A - ban on smoking, Z - deprivation of all civil rights. Event A has no direct connection with Z (there must be quite a lot of steps between them).
7. 7 Avoid rash generalizations. We are talking about generalizations based on insufficient, false or biased argumentation.This happens when you rush to conclusions or arguments without first studying all the necessary facts.
   • Example: "Your new girlfriend hates me even though I only talked to her once." The problem here is that you only saw the girl once. She might be shy, she might have a bad day. You don't have enough evidence to show that this girl hates you.

Tips

• It is best to have a face-to-face argument (unless you have fear for your life). If you have to argue over the phone, follow the instructions - keep your composure, breathe deeply, and be as specific as possible.

Warnings

• Do not dispute through social networks (VK, Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, etc.). Such disputes never win, and the person who provoked them often begins to troll.
• Remember that this article gives you advice on how to improve your odds of winning an argument. It doesn't give you a 100% guarantee of winning.