Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Get to know the person better
• Method 2 of 3: Limit Communication
• Method 3 of 3: How to Control Your Anger and Frustration

Unfortunately, each of us from time to time has to contact people who annoy and disappoint us. Understanding how to get along and communicate with these people, no matter how pissed off you, is a key skill for a mature, self-controlled person. By controlling your emotions and observing how you communicate with these people, you will be able to control yourself and maintain a calm, neutral relationship with them.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Get to know the person better

1. 1 Try to find out what exactly annoys you about this person. Take a little time and sort out this issue properly. Does his voice get on your nerves? Or what exactly is he saying? Maybe you are annoyed by his behavior? Or something different. If you really think about why this person is annoying you so, it will be easier for you to manage your emotions and establish communication with him.
   • For example, you are trying to learn to control yourself and build a relationship with someone who annoys you with negative behavior. Tell yourself: “It's just that Artyom and I look at some things differently, this is normal. He often adheres to a negative point of view, but perhaps his negative attitude towards the world is associated with some events that happened in his life. But if he looks at the world in a negative way, this does not mean at all that I should share his point of view. "
   • Also, think about ways you can limit your interactions with this person. For example, if you work together, chances are you have to contact this person every day. But, if this is just a family friend, you can completely control the time spent with him: for example, you can specially come later to the events where he will be, or leave them a little earlier and try not to intersect with him.
2. 2 Keep calm. When you bump into someone who annoys you, chances are you start to get angry, anxious, and nervous. Try a few tactics and ways to help you feel comfortable with the person, not react to them in a negative way, and get rid of your anger. For example, you can try the breathing technique. Just take a few deep, slow breaths in and out. Another way is to think about something good that makes you happy or helps you calm down.
   • For example, imagine yourself on the beach or somewhere in nature (in any relaxing environment). Try to visualize the landscape, sounds, smells, and other details of the place as if you were actually there right now. For example, you can imagine how you smell soft warm sand under your feet or the smell of meadow flowers. Try to use this method as often as possible, and soon you will learn to effortlessly control your feelings and calm down.
   • Take a few slow breaths through your nose, exhaling through your mouth, until you feel better.
3. 3 Choose a special code word that will help you calm down. Sometimes our irritation, our anxiety and excitement can be overcome with special words - a mantra repeated to ourselves. For example, you can repeat the word “calm” to yourself over and over until you feel that the method has worked, that this word really now describes your state.
   • You can choose some other word, such as "happiness" or "serenity." Repeat it to yourself or write it down in a notebook or on your phone so you don't forget.
4. 4 Learn to manage non-verbal communication. Very often, it is non-verbal communication that gives us more information than words. Don't make the situation worse with hostility and anger, as you only add fuel to the fire. Do not cross your legs and cross your arms over your chest, do not frown, do not look at the floor, and never neglect a person's personal space (for example, by touching his face with a hand).
   • Make sure you do your best not to aggravate the situation verbally and non-verbally.
5. 5 Practice talking by watching yourself in the mirror. Chances are, you will be a little worried when you again have to contact people who annoy you. Practice talking to them in different ways without getting annoyed.For example, if your interlocutor has a bad habit of interrupting and interrupting the conversation, practice continuing your speech no matter what (or, better yet, tell the person that he interrupted you so that he understands his mistake). You can practice with a friend. Work on your facial expressions as well so you don't look too harsh.
6. 6 Be direct and discreet. Sometimes the best way to deal with an irritation is to confront it face to face, rather than trying to avoid or ignore it. Take the person aside, where you can be alone, and talk about how your relationship is shaping up. Perhaps the person has no idea at all about what is annoying you. He may be aware of this, but is unaware of the severity of your emotions. When you talk, try to keep the conversation between you.
   • For example, you might start like this: “Listen, Wan, in the morning I need a little time to recover, and then I will gladly chat with you. And it really starts to annoy me. Give me at least an hour before you start discussing non-work-related nonsense. "
7. 7 Create personal boundaries. Chances are, the person who annoys you has a hard time accepting and respecting your personal boundaries. A person can shamelessly invade your personal space, constantly chat with you, or burden you with their problems and details of their life that you absolutely do not want to know. Let the person know that you would like to end this kind of conversation and return to more neutral topics.
   • You can say: “Sash, I know you really enjoy chatting about the intimate details of your sex life, but maybe it's worth sharing these details with someone else? To be honest, I'm not very interested in sharing my impressions on this topic. "
8. 8 Don't get into an argument. Of course, it can be very tempting to start an argument with someone who annoys you, especially if they are very boastful or know-it-all themselves. Nevertheless, we strongly recommend that you do your best to avoid an argument with this person. If a person just talks about different topics, but does not touch you or something important to you in the conversation, if he does not tell an obvious lie, then let him continue talking. Learn to engage only in important conversations and not waste on trifles. Remember, you don't have to get involved in other people's problems. This will help save precious energy.
   • If a person begins to slander, tell others some tales and denigrate your honest name, be sure to stop such conversations.
   • But, if a person just decided to share his opinion about his favorite musician, do not interrupt him.
9. 9 Learn patience and silence. Remember that not every action or statement needs your reaction and your response. If you feel overwhelmed, if you don't have a constructive good answer, just keep quiet. If the person who annoys you does not feel you are involved in the conversation, they will most likely stop communicating with you and find another person to talk to.
   • Of course, you have to answer if the person asks you a direct question. But it is not at all necessary to respond to comments and general statements.
10. 10 Lead by example. In fact, it is very tempting to repay the person in kind and try to deliberately annoy the person as revenge. But most likely, this behavior will only make him angry, and he will begin to annoy you even more. To establish a neutral, peaceful relationship with this person, you need to set a good example yourself. Work on your kindness, hard work and respect for people regardless of their behavior.
    • If you are asked for help or a favor and you have the time and opportunity to help, try your best.
    • Don't ignore the person if they say hello to you.
    • Don't gossip or talk badly about other people.

Method 2 of 3: Limit Communication

1. 1 Try to avoid this person as much as possible. Sometimes the best way to avoid annoyance is to simply stay away from the one who annoys you. Try to get to school by a different route, at work leave for lunch a little earlier or a little later, talk with the management about changing the office so as not to run into this person in the corridors. If you work with him in the same office or in the same team, the situation becomes noticeably more complicated, but try instead of personal meetings and conversations with this person to switch to the exchange of emails and files, and in extreme cases switch to a telephone conversation.
2. 2 Close the door to your office. If you cannot change the person and their behavior, you can try to defend your personal boundaries. Imagine that the person who annoys you lives or works with you. If you have your own room (or your own office), you can simply close the door if you need some privacy or in situations where you have a lot of work and need to focus. Feel free to exercise your right to privacy and security, especially if you need to.
3. 3 Be unavailable. Another way to control a person's behavior towards you and limit your communication with him is to make it extremely difficult for the person to contact you. For example, in his presence, try to put on headphones or talk to someone on the phone, and if there is free space next to you, put your things, a bag or books on this place so that this person does not sit next to.
   • If there is only one free space left, do not be too harsh. Put away your things, have this person sit next to you, and in the meantime you pick up a book and pretend that you are insanely busy.
4. 4 Ask a friend who is familiar with your situation for support. Of course, you need to stay away from all kinds of gossip and deception, but if the tension starts to build up, give a signal to your friend to come up with an excuse to somehow get away from the conversation with this person. Try to make sure that your distance from this person is not too obvious, otherwise he will consider your behavior rude, especially if he did not intend to annoy you at all.
   • For example, you can hint a friend that it's time to take action by lightly and discreetly tapping him on the shoulder or gently winking.
5. 5 Just try to avoid these situations. Sometimes the best way to stay calm is simply not to contact the irritant. If a person constantly annoys you with something and you feel on the verge of a breakdown, just leave him, take a walk, have a snack, go to the toilet. Then go back. Surely you will notice that now you can perceive this person and the situation itself more calmly and can react to it without negativity.
   • For example, if a coworker brags about the wealth of his family, knowing that you are going through difficult times in material terms, simply say, "Sorry, I'll be off for a minute." And then just walk away and walk somewhere until you feel calmer.

Method 3 of 3: How to Control Your Anger and Frustration

1. 1 Talk to a close friend who doesn't know the person. Sometimes we just need to talk and let off some steam, it helps us feel better and relieve irritation. But do not let off steam on the person who gets on your nerves, aggravating the relationship with him, it is better to talk to a good friend or someone close to you. At such moments, you really want to gossip about this person with someone from your colleagues or with someone whom this person can also annoy, but try to overcome this desire and not make a drama.
   • Call your mom or spouse and say, “Hey, do you have a couple of minutes to chat? I need to talk about one person with whom I work ... "
   • You can ask a friend or loved one to just listen to you, or you can ask for advice.
2. 2 Look at this person's behavior from a different perspective. Remember that he may not do it intentionally. Perhaps the annoying little thing is just one of his character traits. In addition, certain points in your behavior and your character can also annoy other people, remember this. And do not be too cruel with this person, if you do not want to offend him and hurt him for a living. If you feel like the situation is getting out of control, if the person is angry, just end the conversation and go about your business, otherwise an argument may erupt.
   • Think about situations in which you annoyed someone around you. Acknowledge the fact that their anger and anger towards you did not help resolve the situation, but only made you both feel worse.
   • Remind yourself that the moments that annoy you may be completely normal for other people. And this feeling of irritability comes precisely from you, it is born inside you, and not in another person.
3. 3 Look at this situation as a whole. It often happens that the little things that annoy you at the moment can be completely forgotten after a week or even an hour. If you feel that the tension is starting to build up because someone is annoying, laughing at you, or teasing you, just think, "Will this matter over time?"
4. 4 Try to defuse the situation with humor. Humor and laughter are the best medicine, and this case is no exception. If you feel like you are about to explode, try to soften the situation with a joke. Watch funny YouTube videos, flip through funny pictures on social media, or call a friend who can cheer you up. All this will improve your mood, and it will be easier to deal with the situation.
   • The distancing method is very helpful when emotions start to overflow. Just distract yourself, turn your attention to something else that you like, and after a while, when you cool down a bit, you can return to the situation and deal with it.
5. 5 If necessary, report the person's indecent behavior. For example, in the case when a person deliberately tries to annoy you, as well as if his behavior borders on bullying. For example, if a coworker plays violently and jokes on you, which distracts you from work and generally disturbs your peace of mind, his behavior may be considered unacceptable. Also, the norm does not include cases when a person calls you names or, for various reasons, tries to contact you outside of work. Report inappropriate behavior to your supervisor (this could be your boss, teacher, and so on).