Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Get to the heart of the matter
• Part 2 of 3: Talk about it
• Part 3 of 3: Find a solution
• Tips

Previously, your girlfriend was happy to see you, but now it seems that she is either constantly angry with you, or does not even notice your presence. Perhaps she no longer responds to your messages or spends whole nights at parties hanging out with everyone but you. Whatever the reason, if you feel like your girlfriend is ignoring you, chances are you are hurt, upset, or even angry. You might be tempted to ignore her in return, try to make her jealous, or even break up with her, but the safest way to figure out why you're being ignored is to ask directly.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Get to the heart of the matter

1. 1 Give her space. Maybe your girlfriend is angry with you, or maybe she's going through hard times, and it has nothing to do with you. In any case, if you feel that she treats you negatively, do not force her to tell you everything at once. Give it time to cool down. Then you will also have time to reflect on your feelings.
2. 2 Ask yourself if she's really ignoring you. Has your girlfriend's attitude towards you really changed? Perhaps something oppresses or worries you, and therefore you imagined that she began to treat you worse than usual?
   • She may have always been a little cold with you, but as the relationship progressed, you realized that you were not happy with the way she was treating you.
   • Have you had any difficulties lately? Maybe lately you have been demanding too much attention from her, and it was difficult for her to meet your needs, which led to the fact that she became distant.
3. 3 Perhaps your girlfriend is depressed. If she is ignoring you when she is depressed, she may not even be aware of it.
   • Symptoms of depression are as follows: difficulty concentrating and inability to make decisions; fatigue; Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and / or worthlessness; insomnia or excessive sleepiness; irritability; Loss of interest in enjoyable activities like sex or dating overeating or loss of appetite; anxiety; suicidal thoughts and / or destructive behavior.
   • If you think your girlfriend might be depressed, there are some things you can do to help her.
4. 4 Resist the temptation to ignore her in return. You might be tempted to ignore her in return or make her jealous, but doing this will not do you any good. Moreover, if your girlfriend is depressed or suffering from other difficult personal reasons, ignoring her will only complicate the situation and can really ruin your relationship.
   • According to the elastic band theory, you can make a person want you by moving away from them. It may work for some people for a short period of time, but this behavior will not build a healthy relationship.
   • One positive piece of advice can be borrowed from the "elastic band theory" - people in a relationship need space to go about their business, otherwise they will get tired of each other or begin to take each other for granted. You can make time for yourself and continue to treat your girlfriend with kindness and respect. Don't ignore it, but don't dwell on it either - live your life.
5. 5 Take care of yourself. Try not to think about how painful / sad you are about your girlfriend's behavior.Remind yourself that she is not really "dependent" on how you feel, and that you have a choice: you can admit that you are sad, but don't let it stop you from enjoying life.
   • Do things that cheer you up, such as meeting friends, going to the gym, doing your favorite activities (such as playing the guitar, editing videos, or walking).

Part 2 of 3: Talk about it

1. 1 Set up a day to speak in person. If your girlfriend completely ignores you, you may not be able to reach her over the phone or in person. If you know she's still getting your messages, you can try sending her a message expressing your concerns and asking her to meet and talk to you.
   • For example: “Lately you have not answered my messages. When this happens, it hurts me, and I want to know if you are happy being in a relationship with me. Can we meet and talk? "
     • If you know her schedule, you can even set a day and time when she is usually free - then she is more likely to agree to meet with you.
2. 2 Send an email or personal message. This can be omitted if the girl answers your SMS and calls. If you cannot contact her by SMS or call, but you know that she is okay (that is, she spends time with friends, posting on social networks), you can try to send her a message via private messages on VK or Facebook or by e-mail, telling about your feelings and experiences.
   • If you choose to send an email / message via private messages, be delicate. Write a draft, then read it after you get a good night's sleep. Make sure he doesn't seem rude or impolite.
   • Be specific. Give specific examples of what she does and how you feel. But you shouldn't express it in an accusatory manner:
     • “When we were at that party on Saturday, you spent the whole evening talking with other people. We had no opportunity to talk at all, and you left without saying goodbye, despite the fact that we were sitting in the same room opposite each other. When you did that, it hurt me. I don't know if I did anything wrong. I'm worried about you, and I'm worried about us. I would like to meet in person and talk about it. And if this option is not convenient for you, I am ready to continue to communicate with you by e-mail. "
   • Before you send an email, try putting yourself in her shoes by reading it one last time. Think about how it might look in her eyes and how she might react, and edit it to make sure you communicate your feelings and thoughts in the most effective way possible. If she understands your point of view and does not feel threatened, she will most likely respond.
3. 3 Use empathic non-verbal cues. If you manage to meet her in private to talk, use empathic body language. This will show her that you are ready to understand her perspective on the situation, and then she will open up to you.
   • Empathic non-verbal cues: Turn towards the person in an open position (i.e. without crossing your arms, hunching over or turning away), nodding and using eye contact to signal that you are hearing what she is talking about, and making reassuring sounds to show that you understand what is being said without interrupting it.
4. 4 Express your thoughts and feelings using nonviolent communication. In nonviolent communication, you focus on your thoughts and feelings, rather than blaming the other person for doing something wrong.
   • Build your speech in the following order: Observations, Feelings, Needs, and Requirements.
   • For example: “During the last week you have not answered my calls and canceled our plans twice. I'm starting to worry that you are no longer interested in continuing your relationship with me. "
5. 5 Ask her what is happening to her. Once you tell her how you feel, let her know that you are open to communication - let her share her feelings with you.
   • For example: “During the last week you have not answered my calls and canceled our plans twice. I'm starting to worry that you are no longer interested in continuing your relationship with me. I would like us to talk about our relationship. If the problem is not with our relationship, then I would like to know if you can tell me what is going on. "
6. 6 Ask her what she is missing. If she admits that she is in some way unhappy, ask her what she is missing / what you can do. Maybe she needs some privacy, maybe she wants you to do something unusual - it could be just a little thing: for example, hugging her more often or telling her that she is beautiful.
   • If she needs privacy, don't panic. We remind you that this may be entirely related to her and really have nothing to do with you.
     • Ask her if she knows how long she might need. If she says she doesn't know, guess how long she might need - perhaps a week. Support her. Ask her if there is anything you can do - for example, call at the end of the week to check.
     • If you decide to give each other more personal space, be sure to be clear about what that concept means to both of you. For example, personal space may simply mean that you will only be on the phone twice a week rather than every night, or you may be spending a whole week without any communication. Be clear about what “space” means to you, and it will be easier for you to spend this time.
   • Know that you DON'T HAVE to give her what she says she needs. If you do not like what she requires, calmly tell her about it. Together, you can find a compromise. Ultimately, you both need to respect each other's needs and boundaries.
7. 7 Be an active listener. When it is her turn to speak, actively listen to her. This includes empathic non-verbal cues (open posture, nodding, encouraging sounds) as well as demonstrating that you understand what she is talking about by repeating what she said / or clarifying. If you are offended by her words, she should know about it, but try to tell her about it without aggression.
   • For example: “Thank you for opening up to me. When you said I was too clingy, I felt sad and confused. I enjoy spending time with you, but I also enjoy doing my own thing. I would like you to give examples on the basis of which you decided that I am sticky. Perhaps I can change some of the points. "
     • If she can give you specific examples, even if you disagree with them, it will help you get an idea of ​​what she wants out of the relationship. Knowing what she wants will help you create a clear picture of whether you can give it to her and whether you want to do it.
   • Don't roll your eyes or interrupt her while she's talking. Let her talk before you answer. What you hear may upset you; you may disagree, but just let her speak before you answer.

Part 3 of 3: Find a solution

1. 1 Try to come up with possible solutions together. Once you've figured out what the problem is, work together to figure out how you can solve it.
   • If she says she’s ignoring you because she’s choking on your over-attention, ask her for some specific examples of times when you made her feel this way.
     • Maybe she doesn't like that you call her three times a day: morning, afternoon, and evening. Perhaps you can come to a consensus - text "good morning" and chat for a couple of minutes after dinner every day.
2. 2 Don't use violence to solve problems. Sometimes, when emotions are overwhelming, it is better to take a break and continue the argument later, especially if you have already been arguing for several hours.
   • If you find yourself walking in circles and haven't decided anything, it's probably best to pause. You may not be able to meet again for two days and would rather solve all this now. This desire is quite normal, but it really does not help either of you when both of you are so exhausted by arguments that you cannot think clearly.
3. 3 Understand that parting may be one solution. If you're worried about your girlfriend ignoring you, chances are you want to stay in the relationship. If you have no perception issues, and her attitude towards you is not related to any personal reasons, and if she really ignores you because she is angry with you, you should consider whether you really want to be in a relationship with the one who would prefer to hurt you, but won't tell you why she is upset.

Tips

• If it turns out that your girlfriend often ignores you, so much so that it becomes a habit, you may need to think about whether to continue this relationship. It is possible that you are being manipulated or controlled in a relationship.
• Remember - she may be going through hard times, and this has nothing to do with you. She may avoid you because she just doesn't know how to talk to you or someone else. Try not to get upset until you have a complete picture.