Content

• Steps

If you want to eliminate the toxic (harmful to both of you) part of a relationship, arguing 'safely' is a skill of paramount importance. Moreover, each of us, in principle, should try to free our lives from toxic disputes. Of course, you will have disagreements, and you will continue to annoy and hurt each other, but the skill you develop will help you manage the situation and prevent it from becoming truly unpleasant. WikiHow will teach you how to achieve this.

Steps

1. 1 We can express our discomfort in different ways. It should be understood which forms of expressing discomfort are acceptable and which are not.
   • Expression of dissatisfaction. It is a form in which you describe a problem or action in a clear and understandable way, without getting personal.
     1. We need to be able to express our grievances. There are obvious problems that need to be dealt with and solved somehow. Nobody wants to constantly wash the dishes behind everyone. However, in a successful relationship, there is no place for criticism and disrespect. These forms should be prohibited.
     2. Make an agreement with your partner right now to eliminate criticism and disrespect from your communication. No “but”, “what if” and “happens”, etc .; be disciplined and just don't do it.Be disciplined when expressing dissatisfaction, do not slip into criticism or disrespectful remarks. In the heat of an argument, this is not always easy, however, choosing your words carefully will save yourself from regret and sadness in the future.
     3. If you do stumble, apologize right away if the situation calls for it. Make this moment an excuse to work on yourself. You may need to comment on each other until healthy arguing becomes a habit, but you will get immediate positive results. The horror of attacks and counterattacks will be eliminated.
     4. Another situation in which you may find yourself is to justify your disrespectful remarks. For example, you called me “dumb,” and I reprimanded you. Don't waste the next 5 minutes explaining that I really did behave like crazy. I am stupid by nature, however, there are better ways to awaken my mind.
     • Example: 'You said you would wash the dishes, but you didn't.'
   • Criticism is a statement addressed to a person's personality and containing general conclusions (‘never’, ‘always’, etc.).
     • Example: ‘You said you would wash the dishes. You never keep your word. '
   • Disrespect adds insult.
     • Example: ‘You said you would wash the dishes. You are so dishonest. '
2. 2 Try to sort out one topic at a time in each dispute. Stick to the point at which you started. For example, if you start arguing over the dishes, then only discuss the problem with the dishes, and nothing more. Deal with all other problems another time, one problem for one dispute.
3. 3 Choose the right moment. The correct timing determines the entire further course of communication. If your partner is currently trying to get through a difficult day, postpone the conversation until later when things have settled; the dishes will wait. Value your relationship more than individual problems. If the timing seems to be inappropriate all the time, then you have a bigger problem to deal with.
4. 4 Start as if you want to get it over with. Avoid a tense start in an argument. The start of a dispute largely determines how it ends. If you start an argument by firing all your guns, it will end in hell, so be really careful when starting a conversation. If you want everything to end with mutual respect and understanding, then take that tone initially.
5. 5 Some disputes are never resolved. Not all problems can be solved. This does not mean that you cannot discuss them. It only means that the fruitless hope of solving them can cause you to argue beyond what can be useful.
   • Popular topics of controversy are the discussion of the family budget and non-punctuality. Your themes may differ.
   • There is another group of insoluble disputes - those disputes that you simply do not know how to resolve. You can leave these controversies or simply seek help from teachers and professionals. There are many sources of help around when you seek it.
6. 6 Show your tongue. Taking time out is a protective mechanism that allows you to keep the situation under control.
   • This is a signal or phrase that warns both sides that there is danger ahead and should slow down. It might be a remark like ‘Oops, the situation is getting out of hand‘ or ‘We’re off topic’ or ‘That was very rude’ but our favorite is to show language.
   • When things get heated, one of us looks stupid and sticks out his tongue. Further, it becomes very problematic to continue to enjoy the anger and acrimony. You can make a sarcastic remark if the other person is smart enough to understand the absurdity of the whole situation.
   • This does not in any way devalue the dispute or show that it should not be brought to an end. It only means that at the moment you have come to something that can destroy you with your partner, and your relationship is much more important than ending the dispute at the moment.
   • The defense mechanism is not only a way to keep the dispute under control, but also has a positive aspect. It allows you to argue with a sense of self-confidence.
   • If you are confident that you will not provoke a whirlwind of accusations and bring up bitter memories at the mere mention of the word “budget,” you can start a discussion. We may not come to a solution, but at least we will try.
   • Continue as long as it makes sense. As soon as things get awful, use tongues and back off.
   • This technique allows you to feel safe in an argument or discussion. In the past, you may have had a certain sense of anxiety about engaging in a discussion, which could turn into an argument simply because you did not have a safety net if the situation got out of hand. There was a constant danger that at any moment the red button could be pressed and you would find yourself in the ring, using every combination you were capable of against each other.
   • So negotiate with your partner a protective signal that you both agree with and respect. If the situation gets too tense, use such a signal and postpone the argument until a more appropriate time.
7. 7 Congestion. Another useful thing to understand is information overload. This happens when you get too much stimulus and feel overwhelmed.
   • When children are screaming in the room and there is still some noise coming from the kitchen, you can always turn off the radio or leave the room to think. You feel like there is too much of everything.
   • During an argument, a similar feeling can arise that there is too much of everything. In a situation like this, the worst thing you can do is start pushing the overwhelmed one. Now he is in a state in which he is unable to answer, he needs to collect his thoughts. An extra drop will make the person feel attacked. An innocent remark can put you in a very difficult situation.
8. 8 Try your best not to ignore the other person. The inept response to this is to ignore.
   • This is about when you completely turn off the conversation, refuse to talk, start watching TV, or run out of the room angrily. This leaves one partner trying to continue solving the problem, while the other simply abandons any attempt to do so.
   • Strong resistance is stressful and can scare a partner who is still trying to communicate.
   • Often, the response to ignorance is even more aggressive than the communication before it.
   • One person feels attacked to the point that he cannot or does not want to respond, while the other tries to force him to respond. It is like pouring water on a sponge that is swollen to the limit - there is simply no more room in it. No matter how hard you try, you won't get anywhere else.
   • Ignoring should be avoided by all means. It robs you of the ‘we’ feeling as one of you leaves the common space.
9. 9 Watch what you say and show respect for the other person. It sounds like an old man's grumpy advice, however, when you completely fall out with your partner, this is exactly the conclusion to which you will come. If you show some discipline in what you say and do, your heated exchange of opinions will not lead to an explosion. He can be emotional, sincere and courageous, but not harm or damage. You will be able to say what you want to say, express your frustration and discuss painful topics without defending yourself, because no one attacks you. There is nothing difficult here, it's all about discipline during a conflict.