Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 2: Changing Your Own Behavior
• Method 2 of 2: Changing the Dynamics of Relationships
• Tips

Problems in the relationship between parents and children are eternal and pervasive. If you want to improve relationships with your parents, then you are by no means alone in your desire. The development of good relationships implies an analysis of the causes of existing problems, a willingness to move to a more adult level of communication, to change the way you think and behave. If you currently have a bad relationship with your parents, or they just leave much to be desired, and you want to fix the situation, then in this article you will find a number of steps you can take to achieve this goal.

Steps

Method 1 of 2: Changing Your Own Behavior

1. 1 Start with yourself. Don't wait for your parents to try to mend the relationship themselves. If you want to improve your relationship with your parents, then immediately start working in this direction from your side.
2. 2 Be grateful. Do not forget what your parents did for you, how they helped you, how they influenced the formation of your way of thinking. Doing so will develop a grateful attitude towards your parents and increase your desire to improve relationships with them, to compromise or forgive them for annoying you with something.
   • Let your parents know that you value everything they have ever done for you. Even parents are sometimes upset when all their efforts are taken for granted.
   • Show gratitude through actions. If you live together, give your parents a nice gift and do some extra chores on your own initiative. Parents will be very happy about this.
3. 3 Distance yourself emotionally from your parents. This does not mean that you should not love and care for your parents. However, if you become less emotionally attached to your parents, you will become less prone to arguments and disagreements with them. Thus, you can easily get out of any conflict situations without negative consequences for the relationship. There are two main ways you can emotionally distance yourself from your parents.
   • Rely less on parental approval. Try to look at yourself with your own eyes, not theirs.
   • Realize that the past is the past and move on. Your relationship may have been bad in the past. Remember this, evaluate your role in your previous relationship with your parents, but do not let the past influence the way your relationship will develop in the future.
4. 4 Learn to evaluate the situation from the perspective of the parents. Often times, people don't get along because they can't take someone else's point of view. When you learn to put yourself in the other person's shoes and understand the reasons for their point of view, you can be more willing to compromise and improve your relationship.
   • Understand that your parents are different from you. They belong to a different generation, who grew up with different social norms and rules of behavior, with different technologies and ways of thinking, with their parents who raised them with their own methods, probably significantly different from modern ones. Consider how your parents' life may have been different from yours. Try to understand how historical differences can affect your relationship.
   • Try using this information when you start talking about improving your relationship with your parents. Remind them that times have changed, ask the parents to think about their own relationship with their parents.See if this helps them remember any generational relationship problems.
   • For example, if your parents disapprove that you got along with your other half before marriage, try reminding them that people of their generation were more conservative, but times are changing, and nowadays it is perfectly normal for couples to live together without formalizing the relationship.
5. 5 Develop an independent personality. It is quite normal and correct to be able to think for yourself and have your own view of things. When you feel fully independent from your parents, your relationship can improve on its own.
   • Know yourself. Put aside what everyone else (including your parents) thinks about you and your life and think about serious questions about yourself. Try to give honest answers to questions such as "What exactly do I want to feel?", "What do I want to spend my time on?", "What talents do I have?" or "What kind of person am I?"
   • If your personal opinion coincides with the opinion of your parents, consider whether this is due to the fact that you yourself think so, or to the fact that you tend to automatically think about how they feel about a particular issue (be it your relationship, politics, or even something very simple, like your favorite sports team).
6. 6 Think of your parents as you would any other adult. If you continue to treat your parents like parents, you will unknowingly continue to behave like a child and maintain the established communication style that you are striving to improve.
   • For example, if you expect your parents to continue to provide financial support, you leave open the way for unnecessary advice and guilt for not giving your parents enough time.

Method 2 of 2: Changing the Dynamics of Relationships

1. 1 Try to understand the causes of relationship problems. Analyze what exactly bothers you in your relationship with your parents. You may want to improve your relationship with them for a variety of reasons.
   • For example, parents may give you too much unnecessary advice, treat you like a child, disrespect your opinion, force you to spend more time with them, treat your friends or other half badly. You need to be clear about what aspect of your relationship with your parents you want to improve.
2. 2 Show respect. Even if you disagree with parenting, their values ​​or principles, be tactful. This will reduce the risk of developing a serious confrontation with your parents, in which they become defensive about their position.
   • There are many ways to show respect. Try to be polite (use words such as “sorry” or “you won't mind if ...”), not be categorical (say “maybe” instead of “it should be like that”), and not interrupt your parents while they they say.
3. 3 Don't let the problems get worse. If you have a falling out with your parents, do your best to remedy the situation as soon as possible. This will demonstrate that good relationships with your parents are important to you, and the fight will not last long.
4. 4 Keep calm. Do not be quick-tempered when dealing with your parents, so as not to say anything that you will later regret. Hot temper will only further ruin the relationship and demonstrate your immaturity.
   • If you are overwhelmed with emotions while talking to your parents, try to assess the situation that caused them by asking yourself a series of questions.
   • For example, if you have a disagreement with your parents about mowing the lawn, ask yourself, “If you assess the situation objectively, am I really unable to mow the lawn, or simply don’t want to?”
   • If you no longer live with your parents, but they continue to interfere unnecessarily in your life, ask you in detail about what is happening at work and give you unnecessary advice, you can think about the following.What are the reasons for this deep interest? Is it possible that your parents are just taking care of you and worrying about your financial well-being? If you start asking yourself these kinds of questions, you will feel less frustrated and better understand how to react to your parents' behavior. Perhaps the relationship will improve if you calmly explain to them that no financial difficulties threaten you.
   • If assessing the situation does not help you to get rid of the surging emotions, try to politely offer to continue the conversation a little later, when you calm down. Explain that you are upset and do not want to accidentally say something rude that you will regret later.
5. 5 Radiate positivity. Remember to smile at your parents. Demonstrate a warm and positive attitude. Show that you are happy to see them and that you are concerned about their well-being (use your body language as well as words). Doing so will set a good communication tone and improve your relationship. Parents may unknowingly ingest positive emotions from you, creating an atmosphere that will foster good relationships.
6. 6 Seek advice only when you really need it. Sometimes problems in the relationship between parents and children (usually from adolescence and older) arise due to the fact that parents try to impose their advice on them, without thinking that the child is an independent person.
   • To avoid such problems, try to seek advice from your parents only if you really need it. If you are simply too lazy to decide something and you constantly turn to your parents for advice, then they will think that you are unable to act on your own, and will overwhelm you with advice, even when you do not need them.
7. 7 Be open and honest. One way to strengthen your relationship with your parents is to be willing to talk to them about things that are uncomfortable for you. Doing so can build trust in your relationship and significantly strengthen it.
   • Keep in touch with your parents on a regular basis so that they have a better understanding of your life, what makes you happy and what upsets you. If they don't know you well enough, it will be difficult for them to strengthen their relationship with you. Listening to your parents will help them listen to you, allowing you to openly discuss steps to improve your relationship.
8. 8 Set boundaries and rules. If you want to maintain good relationships with your parents, but communication with them constantly ends in disagreements, consider banning certain topics of conversation. This will be easier if you are already an adult or do not live with your parents. You can also try to develop rules for both you and your parents to follow.
   • Tell your parents that you want to improve your relationship with them and you think certain rules might help. Ask the parents for their own list of rules that they want to introduce, and also make your own.
   • If you are a teenager or a child, then the rules can include a ban on certain topics, permission to do something on your own or later return home, provided that you warn parents by phone or SMS. Compliance with these rules will help you prove that you are a responsible person.
   • If you are an adult, the rules could include a prohibition against interfering with the way your children are raised or negative comments about your husband or wife.
   • Discuss all the proposed rules and narrow the list down to those points that everyone will agree on. Check periodically whether all parties are satisfied with the established rules.
9. 9 Avoid unnecessary controversy. Arguments are inevitable at times, but try your best to avoid unnecessary wrangling. Sometimes it’s better to bite your tongue and keep quiet when a parent tells you something that’s contrary to your opinion. Consider whether it is worth answering at all in such a situation.If an answer is necessary, express your point of view clearly and calmly to avoid overly emotional disputes.
10. 10 Maintain an adult relationship. Be honest and logical in solving problems, show your parents that you are an adult, then they will begin to treat you like an adult. If parents see their child behaving maturely, they usually begin to treat him accordingly.

Tips

• Understand that you will most likely not be able to drastically change your parents. If you want to maintain a good relationship with them, then in many ways you will have to learn to accept your parents as they are. While a particular communication style can affect the dynamics of a relationship, it will take a long time. Moreover, it is quite difficult to change people's behavior in a radical way, especially in a short time. Try not to lose patience as you improve your relationship with your parents!