Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Protect yourself (and others) from the abusive partner
• Method 2 of 3: Know Your Rights
• Method 3 of 3: Define Domestic Violence

It is generally accepted in society that men are the perpetrators of domestic violence. In fact, women can be violent too. If you are in a relationship with an abusive woman, you need to learn how to protect yourself and others in the household. Explore your rights in this situation and find out what you can do to get help.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Protect yourself (and others) from the abusive partner

1. 1 Ensure safety first. If your spouse is abusive towards you or others in the household, the first thing you need to do is get to a safe place (and shelter the rest of the innocent). This could be a locked room, a neighbor's house / apartment, or a police station. If a woman attacks you, try to defend yourself as much as possible without retaliating, otherwise you will also be considered guilty.
   • If there are children in the home, whenever yelling or other signs of abuse appear, warn them to flee to "safety."
   • If you think you are in danger, call the emergency number 112 immediately.
2. 2 Trust the person you can rely on. Often the first step to getting out of a situation like this is simply to let other people know that you are in a violent (abusive) relationship and need support and help.
   • In addition to just talking about the situation to a loved one, it may be helpful to ask them to help you find a way to leave. As a rule, in preparation for leaving, it is necessary to collect material resources, copies of documents and other things. A trusted friend can keep these things for himself.
   • Gather all the items you need for leaving (such as a passport, mobile phone, etc.) so that nothing will keep you at home. Also, if you and your spouse have a joint bank account, create a separate one for yourself.
3. 3 Break off the relationship or leave home, if possible. Explore your options for filing divorce papers, custody, and other legal issues that you will need to resolve if necessary. If you have children, if possible, come up with a safe care plan for all of you. This plan must take into account local custody laws and the conditions under which you can take your children with you if you wish.
   • Since abuse often occurs at regular intervals, you may be able to quit when your partner thinks everything is “okay,” or at least less expecting that something is about to happen. If you have to leave during a period of intense violence, keep in mind that during this time you are more likely to face false accusations that you are the aggressor, or even receive physical harm.
4. 4 Record every aggressive action. You need to protect yourself from retaliation in the form of false accusations of violence from your partner. In this case, keeping records will help you.If you keep a diary or other documentation, be sure to give a copy to your friend for safe keeping away from home.
   • To document the violence, you can take photographs of the injuries inflicted on you or other victims, ask witnesses to write statements or keep a diary, and include the dates, times, and details of what happened. For this to be considered a confirmation of violence, you do not have to express your own opinion or make judgments. Stick to the facts.
5. 5 Refrain from revenge. Perhaps this is exactly what she wants you to do. In some violent relationships, the abuser woman tries to nudge her partner into violent reaction or revenge. Depending on local laws, this action may end up in jail.
   • Taking action and not responding to violence is much safer for you in the long run, no matter how great the desire for revenge may be.
6. 6 Contact a crisis center for men. Men are much less likely to report abuse because they think they are alone. Seeking help and support will show you how common it is. Look for crisis centers, relief programs, and other forms of support in your area.
7. 7 Make a safety plan for the care period. An action plan will help you prepare for all possible outcomes if you finally decide to leave home. But it should include not only the necessary actions on your part: it is also important to communicate what is happening to your loved ones. For example, your family should be aware if you are leaving with children, and relatives should know what to do if your partner calls and looks for you.
   • Many support programs have resources to help prepare and implement a safety plan. These include providing shelter so that the aggressor does not know where you have moved, and other appropriate ways to protect you.

Method 2 of 3: Know Your Rights

1. 1 Study statistics on violence against men. There are no official statistics on such incidents in Russia, however, according to some data, about 6-10% of the country's men are subjected to violence, and most often these cases are not reported. These men come from different walks of life and also have different sexual orientations and different lifestyles.
   • Women aggressors are much more likely to use control or emotional abuse against male partners than vice versa.
2. 2 Consult a family lawyer if you have children. It is a mistake to assume that a woman always gets children. If you want your children to stay with you, fight for them. The court will leave the child with the father if it is possible to prove that the mother cannot raise him due to her incapacity or immoral, asocial lifestyle. Installed violence or unwillingness to engage in upbringing, poor material and housing conditions can also play a role in the court's decision.
   • In Russia, the priority in determining the place of residence of children during divorce has always been given to the mother. However, experts note that the share of such court decisions in recent years has decreased from 95 to 88% (this includes situations in which there was no violence). Do not give up. You have a chance of winning.
   • In general, you have the right to leave home, but if you are married there may be legal issues that you need to sort out in order to formally hang up and establish guardianship. If you do not take legal action, you will not have the right to just leave with the children.
   • Investigate the legal side of the issues you will face in order to avoid further threats or manipulation from your partner.
3. 3 Find out what to do in these cases in your area. If you go to your local crisis center, they most likely have information about the local law enforcement system and laws. It is in your best interest to work with legislation.The center's staff will help you with things like filing documents for divorce or even granting a restraining order (Russian legislation does not provide for such a prohibition), if you need it. By taking steps to calmly coordinate your actions right after you leave home, you won't have to deal with a bigger problem in front of your children.

Method 3 of 3: Define Domestic Violence

1. 1 How does she talk to you? Partner abuse can take several forms besides the use of force, which often comes to mind for many people when they hear the term “domestic violence”. Verbal interaction is also considered abusive if a woman:
   • calls you names, insults or humiliates you;
   • blames you for any outburst of anger and tells you that you deserve this attitude;
   • screaming or threatening to intimidate you not to see family or friends;
   • Shifts the blame onto you whenever you try to discuss a problem (for example, you say that it hurts your feelings, but somehow you end up apologizing anyway);
   • in front of other people, belittles you by accusing you of being gay or bad in bed in order to hurt you;
   • does everything in order to isolate you from others and keep what is happening in the house a secret.
2. 2 Pay attention to psychological manipulation. In this situation, your partner manipulates you to make you question your own sanity and rely on the fact that only he knows what is real and what is not. The girl may accuse you of making everything up or overreacting, and try to make you believe that you cannot tell the truth from fiction.
   • For example, she says, "I never said / did this," or, "It never happened."
   • She turns everything inside out and denies that anything has changed.
   • She tells you to stop reacting violently if you mention the problem.
   • She calls you crazy or a liar (or even speaks this way of you in front of other people to try to get them not to listen to you).
3. 3 Is your wife or girlfriend threatening you? Threatening behavior can be both subtle and shockingly obvious. The threat can be physical, emotional, or sex-related. For example:
   • She tells you that if you try to leave, she will call the police to be arrested for domestic violence or some other crime that you did not commit.
   • She uses your fear of losing touch with your children to keep you home, telling you that you will never see your children again if you behave in a way that is unacceptable to her.
   • She allows you to communicate with family or friends only on the condition that you agree to her demands or remain silent about your fights.
   • She threatens to harm herself or someone else if you leave / disobey her.
4. 4 Does your partner often try to control you? Controlling another adult can be another form of violence. For example:
   • It restricts your access to the phone or other means of communication with the outside world to such an extent that all communication passes through it. It may also track and verify your mobile bill and require unlimited access to your email accounts.
   • She is jealous or overreacting even to insignificant contact with other women in public or to casual conversation with colleagues. This resentment can be used as a way to justify physical and emotional aggression on her part.
   • You feel like you are walking on thin ice all the time, because she can burst into anger at any time.
   • She manipulates you and keeps you in unhealthy relationships, threatening to harm herself or commit suicide.
   • She takes control of the household budget to the point that you cannot buy things for yourself without her approval, or you have to give her access to all the money you earn (without your consent).
5. 5 Has she ever used physical force? It doesn't matter if you are bigger than her or not, if a woman punches you, it can be regarded as violence.
   • Many men believe that they should simply bear the blow of their spouse without reacting to it, because the "stronger sex" should under no circumstances hit a woman. This can be used as part of a manipulation.
   • Depending on local laws, a woman who hits a man may be treated differently from the opposite. A woman can use this as a threat to keep things private. For example, she might tell you that it is the man who is always arrested when you go to the police.
   • Striking does not always mean beating. If your partner pushes or kicks you, trips you, or otherwise physically hurts you, that is also considered abuse. This also includes using items as weapons, such as throwing a glass at you or hitting you with a belt. If your partner deliberately misses the mark, wanting to scare you and thereby induce submission, this is also considered violence.
6. 6 Be aware that violence can also be sexual in nature. According to statistics, women are more likely than men to use sex to control their partner's behavior. Unfortunately, this is also a kind of violence.
   • Your partner may abstain from sex (as punishment) or threaten to make false accusations of sexual harassment.
   • Sex can also be a form of violence, if the girl uses it as a way to humiliate you or to deprive you of your male dignity. This includes unwanted touching, causing pain during sex, or being forced to do something you don’t want to do.
   • You should be able to freely say no (or a safe word) without worrying about how she will react. In addition, she should respect you, not offended by refusals on your part.
7. 7 Do these interactions recur at regular intervals? Being in a violent relationship does not always mean being under pressure. Typically, periods of violent violence are followed by a period when the girl makes her deep apologies and is ready to do anything to “win” her partner again. The best times are often in front of family members, so chances are you won't be understood if you talk about leaving.
   • Track positive and negative interactions for patterns. Sometimes it is difficult to understand that you are repeating the same cycle and that positive behavior will soon give way to abusive behavior.
   • This abusive cycle usually follows this pattern: violence, guilt, “normal” behavior, illusion, and then violence again.
   • Understanding patterns can help you predict the onset of violence and begin to recognize it as abusive behavior.