Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Give yourself time
• Part 2 of 3: Starting the Healing Process
• Part 3 of 3: Accept what happened
• Tips
• Warnings

Sometimes we love a person so much that it leaves deep wounds in our soul. The pain of being rejected is no less than physical pain. And it doesn't really matter if your boyfriend offered to break up after a long relationship or a new acquaintance refused to go on a date with you. Healing mental wounds is a very long process, but you need to gather your strength and go on a long journey to a rejuvenated self.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Give yourself time

1. 1 Allow yourself to feel sad. Heart wounds are always painful. You cannot ignore the fact that your experiences are causing you suffering. This means that you have to give yourself time to get through the emotions that come with heartache. Through these feelings, your brain literally tells you how badly the incident has hurt you. There is no need to artificially suppress these emotions in yourself.
   • Create a healing space. You need time and place to relive your emotions and let your bitter feelings go free. When you are overcome with heartache, try to find a quiet place where you can deal with the surge of emotion that sweeps over you.Sometimes it's enough to go for a walk, retire in your room, or just make yourself a cup of aromatic tea.
   • When a person experiences mental pain, he goes through certain stages of this process, during which he experiences feelings such as anger, pain, grief, anxiety, fear and acceptance of what happened. Sometimes you may feel like you are literally drowning in your own emotions, but if you can determine exactly how you go through each stage of the experience, it will help you get through the healing process easier and a little faster.
   • Try not to drown in your despair. There is a clear difference between simply giving yourself time to experience emotions and being completely overwhelmed by them. If you find yourself staying home for weeks, forgetting to take a shower, and life seems meaningless to you, you should seek professional psychological help as soon as possible. These are signs that your grief process is too difficult for you to deal with on your own.
2. 2 Live for today. If you want to deal with all emotions at once and get rid of the heartache immediately, you are surely setting yourself an impossible task. Instead, move from one stage to the next gradually, and always live for today.
   • A good way to focus on a specific moment in your own life is to try to live in the present. When you catch yourself thinking over and over again in the past, stop yourself. Look around: what do you see now? what smell do you smell? What color is the sky above your head? what are your fingers touching? and the wind blows in your face?
   • Don't start coming up with a grand plan to forget the person who broke your heart. On the contrary, if you focus on how to deal with your grief, it will happen by itself.
3. 3 Indifference. When the relationship is over or rejected, you will likely feel like a huge hole has suddenly opened up inside you. A huge black hole that consumes all the happiness from your life. At this point, many people make the mistake of trying to immediately fill this hole with something, because they cannot bear this excruciating sensation. Yes, this feeling hurts you a lot, and you have the right to feel the emptiness inside.
   • Create a space for yourself where your ex is not. Delete his phone number and you won't be able to text him when you've had too much to drink. Add him to the "black list" in all social networks, otherwise you will find one day that you are looking at new photos in his account all night long. Don't ask mutual friends how your ex is doing. The more clearly you understand that the breakup has occurred completely, the easier it will be for you to heal after it.
   • Don't try to immediately fill the void left by broken love. This is one of the most common mistakes people make when trying to heal their wounds. When you try to start a new relationship right away to stop feeling pain and fill the void left by the previous feeling, it doesn't really help you get through the necessary stages of experiencing loss. Your unlived negative feelings will sooner or later return to you, but they will become even stronger and more painful.
4. 4 Tell us about it. You need to make sure you have reliable support to deal with your heartache. The strong support of your friends and family, and even your therapist, will help you get back on your feet sooner than anything else. Of course, close people will not fill the void left in your soul by your loved one, but they can help you better cope with this void.
   • Find a close friend or relative with whom you can talk about your experiences, especially on long, lonely evenings.Try to find a person, or people, who can give you emotional support to make up for the loss of support you received from your partner in the ended relationship. Ask your friends to let them call them whenever you feel an overwhelming urge to talk to the person you are currently trying to get rid of.
   • A diary can be incredibly helpful in this situation. Not only is this a good way to let your feelings go, especially if you don't want to place the burden of your suffering on your friends, it is also an effective way to gauge your progress. After rereading old notes, you suddenly realize that nowadays you are much less likely to think about your ex or notice that you feel like going on dates again (In fact, and not just to "fill the void inside, left by broken love").
   • Sometimes you may need to talk with a psychologist or psychotherapist. There is no shame in seeking professional help!
5. 5 Get rid of things that bring up memories. If you constantly bump into objects that evoke memories of past love, it will only slow down your healing process. Don't keep in the closet the old house pants that your ex used to wear after work, get rid of that junk.
   • There is no need to ritual burn anything that reminds you of past relationships, especially if these things can be given to people who need them. But you must definitely remove these things from your life, one way or another. In addition, depending on how bad your breakup was, ritualistic burning of things can unleash a barrage of feelings that were previously locked in your heart.
   • Take a thing and try to remember what exactly you associate with it. Then, imagine putting those memories in a balloon. When you get rid of the thing, imagine that the ball flies far, far away, and will never bother you again.
   • If you have any valuable things left in good condition, you can donate them to charity. In this case, you can imagine how much joy this thing will bring to the new owner.
6. 6 Help other people. If you start helping others, especially those who have the same feelings as you, you can take a break from your own experiences. It also means that you are not drowned in your own suffering and self-pity.
   • Take time to listen to your friends and help them if they are having difficulty. Don't just focus on your own heartache. Tell your friends that they can always count on you to listen and help if they need to.
   • Volunteer. Find work at a homeless shelter or charity canteen. Offer your help in rehab centers or animal shelters.
7. 7 Unleash your imagination. You will imagine your ex coming back to you and talking about how stupid he was to let you go. You can imagine in detail how you are hugging and kissing this person, imagine in detail your closeness. Such fantasies are completely normal.
   • The more you try to stop your imagination, the more often such thoughts will occur to you. When you try not to think about something, especially if you yourself have imposed this strict limitation on yourself, in fact, you only think about it all the time.
   • Set aside a special time when you allow yourself to fantasize so you don't spend all of your time in an imaginary world. For example, you can set yourself 15 minutes a day during which you can think about the fact that your ex wants to be with you again.If these thoughts occur to you at a different time, put them aside until the allotted time for fantasies arrives. You do not refuse to think about it, you just put off these thoughts for later.

Part 2 of 3: Starting the Healing Process

1. 1 Avoid anything that provokes memories. If you have already gotten rid of all the things that evoke memories, as described in the first part of the article, this will help you avoid such moments. However, there are other things that you should keep in mind. Of course, you will not be able to avoid them completely, but at least try not to look for them on purpose. This will help you recover faster.
   • The occasion can be anything from the song you played on your first date to the little cafe where you spent so much time together preparing for your exams. It might even smell.
   • You may encounter this even when you do not expect it at all. If this happened, determine what exactly triggered your memories, and what kind of memories this factor caused. Then try to switch to something else. Don't dwell on these feelings and memories. For example, when you stumble across a shared photo of you on Facebook, admit to yourself that you feel sad and regretful about it, and then try to think of something good, or at least neutral. You may be thinking about a new dress to wear tomorrow, or having a kitten.
   • This does not mean that you should do your best to avoid such moments of provoking memories. You cannot do this. All you have to do is try as little as possible to deal with things that traumatize you and make you regret the past. You need to get your mental wounds to heal.
2. 2 Good music will help you heal faster. Music has been shown to have a therapeutic effect and help speed up the healing process. Listen to cheerful, energetic songs. Scientific studies have shown that when you listen to this kind of music, endorphins are released in your body, which can help you to perk up and fight stress.
   • Try not to include sentimental, romantic love songs. This kind of music won't help your brain release endophins. On the contrary, such songs will only intensify your sadness and stir up spiritual wounds.
   • When you find yourself feeling sad again, it's time to put on some energetic music to cheer you up. If you turn on dance music, you can simultaneously get endorphins from listening to cheerful music and energetic dance moves.
3. 3 Take a break from the heartache. After you've gone through the initial stage of giving yourself the opportunity to grieve and deal with your emotions, it's time to take your mind off unpleasant thoughts. When you start thinking about your ex, do something, try to switch your thoughts to something else, come up with some new activity, etc.
   • Call those friends who said you can always count on them if you need help. Read the book you've wanted to read for a long time. Play a hilarious comedy (and get an added bonus because laughter helps you heal).
   • The more you do to stop thinking about your ex and your heartache, the faster you will feel better. Of course, this is difficult. It is very difficult to control your thoughts all the time and keep track of how much time you spend thinking about your heartache.
   • Try not to get carried away with "painkillers." It could be something that allows you to stop feeling pain for a while. Sometimes you really need something to give yourself a break from your heartache.Be careful, however, that such distractions do not hurt you, especially in the beginning when you need to learn how to deal with negative experiences. Alcohol or drugs can act as such "pain reliever", but it can also be continuous TV viewing or constant presence on the Internet. Or even food that you eat just to feel calmer.
4. 4 Change your lifestyle. One of the problems that you face is that the habitual way of life that was formed when you were together was suddenly destroyed. If you start doing something new and change your lifestyle, it will open the door to new habits. There will be no room in your new life for the person who broke your heart.
   • You don’t need to change your life drastically to get rid of old habits. Do simple things like go shopping on Saturday morning instead of lounging in bed; try listening to music in a new style or discover a new hobby like karate or floriculture.
   • Try not to make radical changes in your life before you have carefully weighed the pros and cons. Especially try to avoid drastic changes in the beginning, immediately after the breakup. If enough time has passed and you want to show that you are really changing, then it's time to get something like a new tattoo or shave your hair bald.
   • If you have the opportunity to take a short vacation, take a trip. Even if you go on a weekend to some new city for you, it will help you take a fresh look at what happened.
5. 5 Don't hinder your own healing. Of course, relapses do occur from time to time when you try to recover from a failed relationship. This is normal, it is also part of the healing process. But there are some things you can foresee and thus prevent them from throwing you back on your journey to a new life.
   • Pay attention to the words you usually use. When you say, "Monstrous!" or "Terrible" or "Nightmare!", you still see the world in black. This creates negative thinking. If you cannot think positively, try to at least stick to neutral language. For example, instead of saying, "It's over forever!", Say "This breakup was very painful for me, but I will do my best to deal with it."
   • Try not to embarrass yourself. You don't have to drive past your ex's house every night and see if he has found a mate. Try not to call or text your ex while you're drinking. Things like that only keep you from moving forward.
   • Remember that everything changes in this world. Your feelings today will be very different in a week, month, or year. We promise that the time will come when you can calmly remember this period of your life without experiencing pain.

Part 3 of 3: Accept what happened

1. 1 Stop blaming. An important part of your healing and acceptance is realizing that it is useless to blame yourself or another person. What happened, what happened, so you can't do or say anything to change what happened, so what's the use of blaming.
   • Try to find good feelings towards the other person. It doesn't matter what exactly he did or didn't do, try to find compassion in your heart for him and for what is happening to him. This does not mean that you should immediately forgive him, it only means that you will stop being angry with the person.
   • On the other hand, don't blame yourself. You can admit and ponder what exactly you did wrong in a previous relationship, and promise yourself that you will not repeat past mistakes in the future.But don't waste time worrying about your own mistakes over and over again.
2. 2 Feel when you are ready to move forward. It takes different times for people to heal from mental pain. It is impossible to name a specific period of time that will be right for you, but there are signs by which you can determine that you are moving in the right direction.
   • You no longer worry if you find on your phone several missed calls from an unfamiliar number.
   • You have ceased to imagine in paints the scene that your ex returns to you and begs you for forgiveness on his knees.
   • You stopped finding associations with your life in films and songs about unhappy love. You notice that now you enjoy reading and listening to things that have nothing to do with this topic.
3. 3 Try to understand who you really are. There is one thing that usually goes unnoticed while in a relationship with someone, and in the first stage of grief after the relationship ends. This is the ability to be yourself. For a long time, you felt like you were part of your couple, and then - someone who grieved about the lost relationship.
   • Work on your personal development, both external and internal. Play sports or change your appearance. Such things are great at helping to raise self-esteem, which must have suffered during the breakup. Determine what traits of your personality you need to work on. For example, if you tend to show passive aggression when you're in a bad mood, try to work on finding healthier ways to show your anger.
   • Develop personality traits that reflect your identity. When you spend all of your time with another person or trying to deal with the aftermath of a breakup, you tend to pay less attention to your personal interests. Try to rebuild relationships with people you didn't have enough time to communicate with during the relationship and after the breakup, and again do what you really care about.
   • Try something new. It can help you meet new people who never met the person who broke your heart. Learning new things can help your brain get away from heartache and start living in the present.
4. 4 Try not to go back to the past. You do not want to interfere with the healing process of your mental wounds, so do not do anything that will provoke your mental suffering again. Sometimes this cannot be completely avoided, but you can try to minimize the risk.
   • Don't let this person appear in your life too quickly, or at all. You will only dissolve your own mental wounds and feel your unhappiness with the same acuteness. Sometimes it's impossible to stay friends with your ex.
   • If you did, do not despair. The work that you have done to heal from mental wounds has not been wasted. You will win anyway. Do not give up. When it comes to relationships, everyone has experienced relapses of heart pain in one way or another.
5. 5 Do what brings you joy. When you do something that brings you joy and happiness, you trigger a rise in dopamine levels in the brain. It is a chemical that helps a person feel happy and deal with stress (levels can rise to critical levels following a breakup).
   • Do something that doesn't bring up the memory of your ex. Start doing something new, or return to hobbies that you abandoned when you were in a relationship.
   • Learn to be happy. People are more willing to communicate with those who are happy, because happy people help others to feel happiness too. Of course, you can't bring yourself to feel happy all the time, but try to do the things that bring joy and live the life that makes you feel happy.
6. 6 Give love. After a breakup and a long process of healing from heartache, it can be very difficult for you to start trusting people again. Don't let the negative experiences you have in the past affect your present and future.
   • Tell yourself that there is always a chance that a new relationship will hurt you again, but you should still try again. Cutting off the opportunity to start a new relationship will negatively affect your health, both physical and mental.
7. 7 Dont be upset! It is very important to remember that healing from mental wounds is a long process. It is never fast. You will have relapses and problems, and you will experience a whole range of not very pleasant feelings.
   • Reward yourself for every little victory. If you've never thought about your ex all day, reward yourself with a delicious cocktail or a slice of cake.

Tips

• Continue to love yourself, even if it seems overwhelming to you. In the long run, it will make you stronger.
• By helping other people, you are helping yourself. Give people good advice and don't show negative feelings.
• A good joke will make you laugh even during this difficult time. Even if you find it inappropriate to have fun at such a moment, laugh and life will be a little happier!

Warnings

• Don't just rely on our advice. If you feel that you have become worse, consider, perhaps you need professional psychological help.
• You don't need to hurt yourself, even if you feel like you've lost the love of your life.