Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Analyzing Feelings
• Part 2 of 3: Analyzing Thoughts
• Part 3 of 3: Taking Action
• Tips

Emotional sensitivity is normal, but at some point, this sensitivity can hurt you. Control your strong emotions so that they are your allies, not enemies. Due to increased emotional sensitivity, imaginary or unintentional grievances can be perceived with hostility. Misunderstandings and misinterpretations of the actions of others prevent you from living a calm, happy life. To stop overreacting to everyday events, you must be able to find a balance between sensitivity and common sense, confidence and resilience.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Analyzing Feelings

1. 1 Accept that emotional sensitivity is part of you. Neuroscientists have found that our emotional sensitivity is in part related to genes. Presumably, about 20% of the world's population are hypersensitive. This means that they have an increased perception of subtle stimuli that many do not notice. In addition, the effect of these irritants on people with increased sensitivity is much stronger. This increased sensitivity has been linked to a gene that affects the hormone norepinephrine, or stress hormone, which also serves as a neurotransmitter in the brain and is responsible for attention and response.
   • Some of the increased emotional sensitivity has also been associated with oxytocin, the hormone responsible for feelings of love and affection for one another. Oxytocin can also cause emotional sensitivity. If you have naturally high levels of oxytocin in your body, your "innate social reasoning skills" may be heightened, making you more sensitive to (and possibly misinterpret) even the smallest signals.
   • Different societies react differently to sensitive people. In many Western cultures, emotionally sensitive people are often viewed as weak and lacking in inner resilience, which makes them often the target of ridicule. But this is not the case everywhere. In many parts of the world, people with heightened sensitivity are considered gifted, as they have excellent sensitivity and the ability to understand others. Depending on the culture, as well as on gender, family environment and education, this or that character trait may be perceived differently.
   • While you can (and should) learn to manage your emotions more effectively, you must accept the fact that you are emotionally sensitive. You will not become a completely different person, which, however, you do not need. Just become the best version of yourself.
2. 2 Introduce yourself. If you are not sure if you are really hypersensitive, there are some steps you can take to test yourself. For example, you can fill out the Emotional Sensitivity Assessment Questionnaire on the PsychCentral website. These questions will help you assess your emotions and feelings.
   • When answering these questions, try not to judge yourself. Answer honestly. Once you know how sensitive you are, you can focus on controlling your emotions in a more rewarding way.
3. 3 Explore your emotions by journaling. Having an "emotional journal" will help you observe your emotions, study them, and your reaction to them. This will help you understand what triggers your overreaction and also know when your reaction is warranted.
   • Try to write down how you are feeling in the present moment, and then work backwards to understand what triggered your reaction. For example, are you worried? Which of the events that happened during the day could be the cause? You realize that even small events can trigger a strong emotional reaction in you.
   • You can also ask yourself questions about each entry, for example:
     • How am I feeling now?
     • What, in my opinion, happened and caused this reaction?
     • What do I need when I feel this way?
     • Have I felt this way before?
   • Try to write about your feelings for a specific length of time. Write a sentence such as "I'm sad" or "I'm angry." Set a timer for two minutes and write about everything in your life that has to do with this feeling. Do not edit or condemn what is written. For now, you just need to write them down.
   • When you do this, you will need to take a look at what you have written. Can you identify any connection? What emotions preceded your reaction? For example, anxiety is often triggered by fear, sadness at a loss, anger at being attacked, and so on.
   • You can also study a single event. For example, someone on the bus looked at you in such a way that you perceived it as criticizing your appearance. It could hurt your feelings, which could make you upset or angry. Try to remind yourself of two things: 1) you don't really know what's going on in other people's heads, and 2) other people's judgments of you don't matter. That disapproving look could be a reaction to something completely different. And even if it is a condemnation, this person still does not know you and has no idea about your many wonderful features.
   • When you take notes, remember to show empathy for yourself. Don't judge yourself for your feelings. Remember that you may not be able to control your emotions, but you can control your reaction to those emotions.
4. 4 Don't put labels on yourself. Unfortunately, people with hypersensitivity are often insulted and given nicknames such as "crybaby" or "slobber".To make matters worse, these insults sometimes turn into descriptive "labels" that other people use. Over time, it is very easy to hang such a label on yourself, perceiving yourself not as a sensitive person who cries only occasionally, but behaves in a normal way 99.5% of the time. In this way, you will focus on one side of your personality to the point where you feel as if it defines you completely.
   • Resist negative labels with rethinking. This means that you have to remove the label and look at the situation in a broader context.
   • For example, a teenage girl cries because she is upset. An acquaintance is standing nearby, he mutters "crybaby" and leaves. Instead of taking the hurt to heart, she reflects in the following way: “I know that I am not a crybaby. Yes, sometimes I react too emotionally. Sometimes it means that I cry when less emotional people would not cry. I am working on responding in a more appropriate way. In any case, it is too rude to insult someone who is already crying. I am too kind to do this to others. "
5. 5 Identify your sensitivity triggers. You may or may not know what triggers your oversensitive reaction. A pattern of automatic responses to certain stimuli, such as a stressful experience, may have formed in your head. Over time, this behavior will become a habit, and you will immediately react in a certain way without thinking about what is happening. Fortunately, you can change your reactions and shape new behaviors.
   • The next time you have panic, anxiety, or anger, stop and focus on your feelings. What are your five senses doing? Pay attention to your feelings, but don't judge them.
   • This practice of "self-study" will help you separate the multiple "streams of information" that make up sensations. Very often we are overwhelmed and overwhelmed by emotions, and we cannot understand the jumble of emotions and sensory impressions. Stop, concentrate on individual sensations and separate the information flows in order to change the structure of the automatic habits formed in our brain.
   • For example, your brain may respond to stress by making your heart beat faster, making you feel nervous as a result. By realizing that this is your body's standard response, you will be able to interpret this response differently.
   • Keeping a journal will also help you with this. For each emotional reaction, write down the moments when you behaved emotionally, how you felt, what your body felt, what you thought, and the details of the event. This knowledge will help you train yourself to react differently.
   • Sometimes a sensory perception, such as being in a certain place or feeling a familiar scent, can trigger an emotional reaction. Such a reaction cannot always be interpreted as oversensitive. For example, the smell of apple pie can make you feel sad when you and your late grandmother baked apple pies together. You have to accept these reactions. Mindfully ponder them, and then understand why it had such an effect on you: “I feel sad that I had fun baking pies with my grandmother. I miss her. " After you take this feeling into account, you can move on to something positive: "Today I will bake an apple pie in memory of her."
6. 6 Check if you are codependent. Codependent relationships occur when your self-worth and self-awareness are influenced by the actions and reactions of the other person. The goal of your whole life is self-sacrifice for the good of your partner. If your partner disapproves of your actions or feelings, it can be a big blow for you.Codependency is very common in romantic relationships, but it can occur at any stage of the relationship. The following are the signs of codependent relationships:
   • You believe that your satisfaction with life is related to a specific person.
   • You admit that your partner has unhealthy behavior, but despite this, you still stay with him.
   • You go to great lengths to support your partner, even if it means you must sacrifice your needs and your health.
   • You are constantly anxious about the status of your relationship.
   • Lack of common sense about personal boundaries.
   • You feel terrible when you have to say no to someone.
   • You react to everyone's feelings and thoughts by agreeing with them or immediately defending yourself.
   • Codependency can be overcome. The best option is professional psychological help. There are also various support groups.
7. 7 Do not hurry. Getting to know your emotions, especially sensitive areas, is a daunting task. Don't force yourself to do everything at once. Psychologists have proven that personal growth needs to go outside of their comfort zone, but too hasty actions can lead to regression.
   • Try to "make an appointment" with yourself to analyze your sensitivity. Meet her for, say, 30 minutes a day. After you've done your emotional work for the day, allow yourself to relax or do something fun.
   • Take notes when you feel like you want to avoid thinking about your sensitivity because it makes you uncomfortable or seems too difficult. Procrastination is often triggered by fear: we are afraid that the experience will be unpleasant, so we put it on the back burner. Remind yourself that you are strong enough to do this, and get down to business.
   • If you find it difficult to muster your will and face your emotions face to face, try setting more achievable goals for yourself. If you want, start with 30 seconds. All you have to do is face your sensitivity for 30 seconds. Can you do it. After that, spend another 30 seconds thinking about your sensitivity. You will find that your small accomplishments will help you achieve the desired result.
8. 8 Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Moving away from heightened emotional sensitivity does not mean that you have to stop feeling your emotions altogether. In fact, trying to suppress or deny your emotions can be harmful. Instead, you should embrace unpleasant emotions like anger, pain, fear, and grief - emotions that are just as necessary for emotional health as positive ones like joy and delight - and not let them get overwhelmed. Try to balance your emotions.
   • Give yourself the opportunity to express your feelings. For example, if you are grieving over a loss, take a little time each day to let all your feelings out. Set a timer, then write about your emotions, cry, talk to yourself about those feelings - whatever you think is necessary. When the time is up, return to your daily activities. You will feel better knowing that you have not suppressed your feelings. Knowing that you have a dedicated time when you can vent your feelings will help you handle your day's normal duties more easily.

Part 2 of 3: Analyzing Thoughts

1. 1 Learn to recognize cognitive biases that can make you hypersensitive. Cognitive distortions are stereotyped deviations in thinking and behavior that we have brought up in ourselves. You can learn to identify and deal with these abnormalities.
   • Cognitive bias almost never occurs in isolation.After analyzing your thinking pattern, you will notice that you experience multiple distortions in response to one feeling or event. Take the time to fully examine your reactions to see which ones are helpful and which are not.
   • There are many varieties of cognitive biases, but the most common culprits for emotional hypersensitivity are personalization, labeling, "should" sentences, emotional reasoning, and jumping to conclusions.
2. 2 Recognize and fight personalization. Personalization is a fairly common distortion that causes increased emotional sensitivity. It means that you consider yourself to be the cause of things that may not have anything to do with you, or that you cannot control. You can also take personally that which does not apply to you at all.
   • For example, if the teacher spoke badly about your child's behavior, you can personalize this criticism and perceive it as such, which is directed at you: “Masha's teacher thinks that I am a bad father! How dare he criticize my methods of raising my child? " This interpretation can lead to an oversensitive reaction because you interpreted the criticism as a rebuke.
   • Instead, try to look at the situation logically (this will take a while, so be patient). Analyze what really happened and what you know about the situation. For example, if a teacher said that Masha should be more attentive in class, then this is not an accusation that you are a “bad” parent. This is just information you can use to help your child learn better. This is an opportunity for growth, not a cause for shame.
3. 3 Recognize and fight shortcuts. Labeling is an all-or-nothing mindset. It often occurs in conjunction with personalization. When you label yourself, you generalize yourself to one single action or event, instead of realizing that your actions and who you are are not the same thing.
   • For example, if you receive negative comments about your essay, it can make you feel like a failure. Calling yourself a failure, you subconsciously think that you will never get better, which means that there is no point in even trying. This can lead to feelings of guilt and shame. This also makes it difficult for you to tolerate constructive criticism, because you perceive any criticism as a sign of failure.
   • Instead, you should accept your mistakes and failures for what they really are - specific situations from which you can learn something and become a better person. Instead of labeling yourself as a failure when you get a bad grade for an essay, you should accept your mistakes and think about what you can learn from yourself: “Okay, I did a bad job on this essay. I'm disappointed, but this is not the end of the world. I'll talk to my teacher to see what I need to do differently next time. "
4. 4 Recognize and fight must-statements. Such statements are harmful because they force you (and others) to adhere to standards that are often prohibitively high. They often depend on irrelevant ideas instead of relying on the ones that really matter. By breaking another "should", you can punish yourself for it, thereby further reducing your motivation to change. Such ideas can lead to guilt, despair, and anger.
   • For example, you might say to yourself, “I really have to go on a diet. I can't be so lazy. " In fact, you are trying to "blame" yourself and induce yourself to take action, but guilt is far from the best source of motivation.
   • You can combat these claims by analyzing what really lies behind this “should”.For example, do you feel you "should" go on a diet because of what other people say? Or is it because social standards make you look a certain way? These are not the healthiest and most beneficial reasons to do something.
   • But if you think you “should” go on a diet because you discussed this with your doctor and agreed that it would be good for your health, you can remake this “should” into something more constructive: “I want to take care of my health, so I'll start eating healthier foods. " Thus, you will not be driven by guilt, but positive motivation, which in the end turns out to be more effective.
   • Sentences with the word "should" referring to other people also generate overreaction. For example, you might be upset by talking to someone who doesn't respond the way you want them to. If you say to yourself, “She should be happy about what I’m telling her,” you will be disappointed and most likely offended by the fact that this person is not experiencing what you think he “should” be experiencing. Remember that you cannot control other people's feelings and reactions.
5. 5 Recognize and combat emotional reasoning. When using emotional reasoning, you confuse your feelings with facts. This type of distortion is fairly common, but with a little effort, you will learn how to identify and combat it.
   • For example, you might be hurt by the fact that your boss pointed out some flaws in a large project that you just completed. With emotional reasoning, you might assume that your boss is being unfair because you are having negative feelings. When you feel like a failure, you may assume that you are, in fact, a worthless worker. But these assumptions have no logical basis.
   • To deal with emotional reasoning, try writing down a few situations in which you have experienced negative emotional reactions. Then describe the thoughts that have arisen in your head. Write about the feelings you experienced after having these thoughts. Finally, analyze the actual consequences of the situation. Do they match what you thought was reality based on your emotions? Chances are, you will find that your emotions were unwarranted.
6. 6 Recognize hasty conclusions and fight them. Hasty conclusions are very similar to emotional reasoning. When making a hasty conclusion, you cling to a negative interpretation of the situation without the presence of any facts supporting this interpretation. In extreme cases, this can lead to hysteria, such as when you allow your thoughts to gradually spiral out of control until you reach the worst of all possible scenarios.
   • Mind reading is a type of jumping to conclusions that can contribute to emotional hypersensitivity. When you try to read minds, you assume that people are reacting negatively to some trait of you, even if you don't have any evidence for this statement.
   • For example, if your girlfriend isn't answering you about what she wants for dinner, you might assume she's ignoring you. You have no evidence that this is so, but such a hasty interpretation can hurt you and even anger you.
   • Divination is another type of hasty conclusion. This happens when you predict a bad outcome, regardless of the evidence you have. For example, you don't propose a new project at work because you are confident that your boss will reject it.
   • The extreme form of jumping to conclusions occurs when you start to over-dramatize things. For example, if you don't get a response from your girlfriend to a message, you might assume that she is angry with you.Then you may think that she is avoiding the conversation because she is hiding something from you, such as that she really no longer loves you. Then you may have the thought that your relationship is falling apart and that you will end up living your entire life with your mother. This is an extreme example, but it demonstrates the chain of logical leaps that can occur if you allow yourself to jump to conclusions.
   • Fight mind reading by talking openly and honestly with people. Don't start a conversation with accusations or reproaches, but ask them what is really going on. For example, you can write to your friend: "Hi, maybe you want to talk to me about something?" If she says no, just accept that answer.
   • Fight guesswork and over-dramatization by examining the logical evidence for every step of your thinking process. Did you have proof of your assumption? Do you see anything in the current situation that can be factual evidence of your reasoning? Often times, if you allow yourself to think about your reaction step by step, you will find that your logical leaps are not supported by anything. Over time, you will be better able to stop these surges.

Part 3 of 3: Taking Action

1. 1 Meditate. Meditation, particularly mindfulness meditation, can help you deal with your emotional reactions. It will even help you improve your brain's ability to respond to sources of stress. By practicing the mindfulness technique, you acknowledge and accept emotions as they are, without making judgments. It is very helpful in overcoming emotional oversensitivity. Go to class, practice online meditation, or practice mindfulness meditation on your own.
   • Find a quiet place where no one will disturb or disturb you. Sit on the floor or in a straight-backed chair. Slouching can make it harder to breathe properly.
   • First, focus on one element of your breathing, such as the sensation of your chest going up and down, or the sound you make from your breath. Focus on this element for a few minutes while breathing deeply and evenly.
   • Expand your focus to engage your other senses. For example, focus on what you hear, touch and smell. It will be easier for you to concentrate if you close your eyes, as visual images tend to distract us easily.
   • Accept the thoughts and feelings that arise, but do not divide them into "good" and "bad". Consciously accepting these thoughts will help you when they arise, especially at the very beginning: “I can feel my toes getting cold. I get the feeling that I am distracted. "
   • If you feel distracted, focus on your breathing again. Spend about 15 minutes a day meditating.
   • You will find articles on mindfulness meditation on the UCLA Center for Mindfulness Research website as well as on BuddhaNet.
2. 2 Learn to positive interaction. Sometimes people become overly sensitive because they cannot clearly express their feelings and needs to others. If you are usually overly passive in communication, it will be difficult for you to say no and communicate your thoughts and feelings clearly and sincerely. Learning to communicate positively can help you express your needs and feelings, which in turn can help you feel heard and appreciated.
   • Use sentences with the word "me" to express your feelings, for example, "I was upset when you were late for our date" or "I prefer to leave early for meetings because I'm afraid to be late." This way, you won't blame the other person and focus on your emotions.
   • During the conversation, ask additional questions. This is especially important if the conversation is emotionally charged.Trying to clarify the situation will prevent you from overreacting. For example, when the other person has finished speaking, ask, “You said _____. Did I understand correctly? " Then let the other person explain.
   • Avoid categorical imperatives. Words such as "should" or "should" establish moral judgment on the actions of others and can be construed as judgmental or demanding. Try replacing them with “I prefer…” or “I would like you to…” For example, instead of “You must remember to take out the trash,” say, “I want you to remember to take out the trash. When you forget, it seems to me that I alone should be responsible for everything. "
   • Beware of assumptions. Don't assume you know what's going on. Ask others to share their thoughts and experiences. Use phrases like "What do you think?" or "What do you advise?"
   • Become aware of the fact that other people may have different thoughts on a particular issue. Arguments about who is right and who is wrong can overexcite and anger you. Emotions are subjective. When it comes to emotions, there is no right solution. Use phrases like “My experience with this issue is completely different” and accept the emotions of the other side so as not to offend the experience of everyone involved.
3. 3 Only act after you calm down. Your emotions can interfere with how you react to a situation. Emotional actions can lead to consequences that you might later regret. Try to calm down for a few minutes before reacting to a situation that triggered a strong emotional reaction.
   • Ask yourself the question "if ... then." "If I do this now, what might happen later?" Consider as many consequences as possible, both positive and negative. Then compare these consequences with your reaction.
   • Let's say you just had a verbal skirmish with your spouse. You are so angry and resentful that you have thoughts of asking for a divorce. Pause and ask yourself the “if… then” question. If you ask for a divorce, what can happen? Your spouse may feel insulted and unloved. He'll remember this later when you both calm down, taking it as a sign that he can't trust you when you're angry. In the heat of anger, he may agree to a divorce. Do you need such consequences?
4. 4 Treat yourself and others with compassion. You will discover the fact that due to oversensitivity, you avoid stressful and unpleasant situations. It may seem to you that any mistake in the relationship can become a stumbling block, so you avoid relationships altogether or they are insignificant. Treat others (and yourself) with compassion. You need to see the best in people, especially those you know personally. If your feelings have been hurt, don't assume it was intentional: Express a compassionate understanding that everyone, including friends and loved ones, makes mistakes.
   • If your feelings have been hurt, use positive interaction to express it to your loved ones. He / she may not even know that he / she hurt you, and if he / she loves you, he / she will want to figure out how to avoid it in the future.
   • Don't criticize other people. For example, if your friend forgot that you have an appointment for lunch and you are offended, do not start the conversation with the phrase: "You forgot about me and hurt my feelings." Instead, say, "I was offended when you forgot about our meeting, because the time spent together is very important to me." Then invite him to express his thoughts: “Maybe something happened? Do you want to talk to me about this? "
   • Do not forget that others do not always want to share their emotions and experiences, especially if they are still new and they have not fully understood them.Don't take it personally if your loved one doesn't want to talk to you about it right away. This is not a sign that you did something wrong, it just takes time for him / her to understand how he / she is feeling.
   • Treat yourself as you would a friend you love and care about. If you don't tell your friend something hurtful or judgmental, why tell yourself?
5. 5 Seek professional help if needed. Sometimes, even if you do your best to deal with emotional sensitivity, you can still lose it. The involvement of a licensed therapist can help you understand your feelings and reactions to them in a safe and supportive environment. An experienced psychologist or therapist can help you uncover harmful thinking patterns and teach you new skills to help you deal with your feelings.
   • Sensitive people need more help learning techniques for controlling negative emotions and skills for dealing with emotional situations. This is not to say that you have a mental illness, but only that you need help learning useful self-management skills.
   • Psychotherapists also help ordinary people. You don't have to be “mentally ill” or have a terrible problem to see a psychologist or therapist. They are the same specialists as dentists, ophthalmologists, general practitioners, or physical therapists. While mental health treatments are sometimes neglected (as opposed to arthritis, tooth decay, or sprains), this is one thing many people need.
   • Some also think that people should just accept it and be strong on their own. Such a statement can do a lot of harm. While you should do your best to deal with your emotions on your own, you can also get outside help. Some disorders, such as depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, prevent a person from physically dealing with their emotions on their own. There is nothing wrong with asking for support. This means that you are taking care of yourself.
   • Psychologists and psychotherapists cannot prescribe medications, but an experienced therapist knows when to refer you to a doctor who can diagnose and prescribe medications for disorders such as depression or anxiety.
6. 6 High emotional sensitivity maybe be associated with depression or other disorder. Some people are born very sensitive, which can be seen from early childhood. This is not a disorder, not a mental illness or some kind of ailment - this is only a trait of a person's character. However, if a person's sensitivity has increased from normal to excessive, he has become overly touchy, crying or irritable, this may be a sign of problems.
   • Sometimes high emotional sensitivity can be the result of depression, which makes the person unable to cope with emotions (both negative and positive).
   • Chemical imbalances can cause high emotional sensitivity. For example, a pregnant woman can react very emotionally. The same goes for a young man going through puberty or someone with a thyroid problem. Certain drugs or treatments can also cause emotional changes.
   • An experienced doctor should screen you for depression. You can also easily diagnose it yourself, but it is still better to seek help from a professional who can understand if the person is depressed or if their oversensitivity is caused by other factors.
7. 7 Be patient. Emotional growth is akin to physical growth. It takes time and is sometimes unpleasant. Experience will come through mistakes that must be made.Failure and other problems are necessary in the process of emotional growth.
   • Being oversensitive in adolescence is much more difficult than being an adult. Over the years, you learn to deal with your feelings more effectively, and you also gain the ability to cope with life's difficulties.
   • Don't forget that you must know something very well before you do anything. Otherwise, it will be like traveling to new places after a quick glance at the map without understanding anything. You do not know enough about the area to hit the road and you will surely get lost here. Study your mind map, and then you will better understand your sensitivity and how to deal with it.

Tips

• Empathy for your shortcomings removes shame and increases empathy for others.
• Don't assume that you always need to explain your anxiety to others in order to justify your actions or emotions. It's okay to keep them with you.
• Deal with negative thoughts. Internal negative dialogues can cause serious harm. If you have overly self-critical thoughts in your head, think about the following: "How will he feel if I told him this?"
• Emotional triggers are different for each person. Even if you know someone with a similar trigger for a similar problem, how it affects you can affect them in a completely different way. This principle is rather random and not universal.