Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Assess Your Relationship
• Part 2 of 3: Review your past relationship
• Part 3 of 3: Behaving Your Feelings

In a love relationship, there often comes a time when, for some reason, you have to figure out how to proceed. It happens that you have been in a relationship for a long time, but one day you realize that your feelings begin to fade. You may have already broken up with your partner, but are now in doubt about your decision. Think, do you still love him? Love is not a definite feeling, and sometimes it is very difficult to sort out your feelings, especially if you are stuck in everyday life and dullness.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Assess Your Relationship

1. 1 Think about when you first started to doubt your feelings. Understand that feelings don't change overnight. Most likely, it took you time to fall in love with a person, to establish a trusting relationship with him. Give yourself enough time to sort out your emotions, otherwise you will ruin the relationship if you start chopping off your shoulders. Don't feel guilty. Give yourself time to get a good deal of your emotions, and take your time and don't rush things.
   • Think about what happened before you began to doubt your feelings. Have there been any changes in your life lately? Perhaps you took a new job, or you are just very exhausted. Maybe family problems are causing tensions. It is important to understand if your apathy and confusion in the relationship is a consequence of some change in your life, or if it is because of your feelings for your partner.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Chloe Carmichael, PhD

   
   
   Licensed Clinical Psychologist Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in New York City. He has over 10 years of experience in psychological counseling, specializing in relationship problems, stress management, self-esteem work and career coaching. She also taught courses at Long Island University and worked as a freelance faculty member at the City University of New York. She received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Long Island University and completed clinical practice at Lenox Hill and Kings County Hospitals. Accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety.

   Chloe Carmichael, PhD
   Licensed Clinical Psychologist

   Focus on yourself and how you felt as the relationship developed. Dr. Chloe Carmichael, Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Specialist, says: “I often ask clients to tell me about how they met this person, how things went in the beginning of the relationship, and when and how the problem arose. Often, just walking with me through the entire history of relationships, they understand and realize a lot about their feelings in these relationships. "

   
   
2. 2 Assess your behavior with your partner. Think about things like patience and physical attraction. Think about whether you have become more irritable and impatient with your partner lately? Is his appearance not so attractive to you? Perhaps you just need more personal space? Of course, all of this could be the result of a crisis in the relationship. This is quite normal for a long-term relationship, we always start to cool down a little after the candy-bouquet period ends, but don't let the relationship get too cold!
   • Pay attention to how often you forget to praise your partner's achievements, how often you criticize him, scold him, and so on. If you find yourself venting your anger on your partner more often than before, you should seriously rethink your relationship.
3. 3 Imagine a future without your partner. Think about this before making any decisions. When you envision your ideal future, will this person be a part of it? Sometimes we begin to take loved ones for granted, despite the fact that these people are perhaps the most precious thing in our life. We do not realize that the absence of this person can ruin our whole life. Be extremely honest and frank with yourself when you decide: will your life be better or worse without this person?
   • Ending a relationship is always difficult, especially if you have to step outside your comfort zone and lose the person you once cared about. However, try to imagine what your life will be like after this period. Could you be happier? Perhaps you would be happy with someone else?
   • Understand that being comfortable with someone doesn't always mean that you love that person.

Part 2 of 3: Review your past relationship

1. 1 Think about why you decided to end your past relationship. If your relationship has already ended and you are wondering if you still have feelings, remember what caused the breakup. Often times, people dramatize events by recalling the past, but do not lose sight of the real facts. Sometimes we just give up too quickly trying to solve our problems. However, sometimes serious problems arise that are not easy to resolve.
   • If your relationship ended because one of you made a big mistake, it's important to see if you can forgive and forget that mistake. You cannot build a future with a person if you are constantly worried about problems from the past.
   • Nothing will change in your relationship if neither of you starts to change for it. If you broke up with a guy because you didn't trust him, he either needs to earn your trust, or you need to become more gullible. Remember that problems from the past will not just disappear.
2. 2 Make a list of the pros and cons of dating this person. Try to understand how your life changes when you are with him. If this person becomes your only priority, and work / study, friends and family fade into the background, most likely this is an unhealthy relationship. However, if you really feel better with this person around, you shouldn't let them go.
   • Write down your thoughts so you can make sure the pros outweigh the cons. Don't hold back!
3. 3 Be honest with yourself about your goals. Do you want to return to this person because you are lonely? Loneliness (even painful and debilitating) is not a compelling reason to return to the person.
   • If you can confidently say that loneliness, jealousy, boredom and other emotions are not the reason why you want to return to this person, perhaps you are really driven by love.

Part 3 of 3: Behaving Your Feelings

1. 1 Give yourself some freedom and personal space. Take time to do what you enjoy — anything that can help you distract yourself. If before you had little free time because of your partner, now you have the opportunity to take care of your life. Plus, it can help you relax and understand if stress was the cause of your breakup. Personal space will help you sort out your feelings without pressure from your partner, and you will have time to decide how to proceed.
2. 2 If you want, discuss your feelings with this person. If you are in a relationship right now, be tactful and polite in your conversation. Start a sentence with "I", not with "you", if you do not want to blame this person for something. Better tell how you feel around this person. If your relationship is over at this point, decide whether to start talking about feelings at all. It might be ugly if your conversation influenced your ex's feelings, especially if they are already in a new relationship.
   • If you decide to talk about your feelings, be prepared for difficulties. Therefore, you should not start this conversation if you are not sure that it is necessary.
   • You can write down your feelings in a notebook to collect your thoughts and say everything that you were going to. Writing a letter is a great way to communicate with your partner (current and former).
3. 3 Make a plan and stick to it. In other words, it is worth clarifying all the incomprehensible points. If, after all this, you still want a relationship with this person (or want to return to him), then try to do your best. If you want to part - put an end to it. Follow the plan that you have outlined for yourself. If you are dating a person, but constantly doubt your relationship, you will certainly suffer from these doubts. Understand that you cannot be with one foot here and the other there, expecting your relationship to improve. On the other hand, if you decide for yourself that you do not love this person, it is better to end the relationship immediately. You will not be able to start a new independent life while you torment yourself with doubts.