Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Identify Critical Factors
• Part 2 of 3: Analyze Your Needs
• Part 3 of 3: Go on dates

Sometimes it is difficult for a person to understand what he wants from a relationship, especially if he is young or inexperienced. Even if you've met a lot of people before, each relationship is unique, and you may have different priorities now than before. Knowing what you want out of a relationship is time consuming, but worth it.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Identify Critical Factors

1. 1 Make a list of non-negotiable questions. Sometimes, to better understand what you want out of a relationship, it can be helpful to find out what you don't want. Knowing what they want can be tricky, but usually people know exactly what they don't want. Therefore, to begin with, sit down and make a list of criteria that will immediately disqualify a potential soul mate. Research shows that for people looking for long-term relationships, often stumbling blocks are:
   • anger problems or displaying abusive behavior,
   • relationships with several people at the same time,
   • if a person is not worthy of trust,
   • the person has another relationship or marriage,
   • health problems, such as sexually transmitted diseases
   • alcohol or drug problems
   • carelessness
   • poor hygiene.
2. 2 Identify personality traits that you are not willing to give up. Your personal values ​​are the map that defines the lifestyle that you would like to lead. Of course, the likelihood that a romantic partner will share all of your values ​​is extremely small. However, it is important to know your principles and beliefs in order to understand which ones you are not willing to sacrifice.
   • For example, if you think honesty is very important, chances are you won't get along with a partner who is lying. Moreover, it can lead to a split in the relationship if your partner assumes that you will be lying.
   • Determine your core values ​​by answering these questions and finding recurring themes:
     • If you could change something in the society in which you live, what would it be? Why?
     • Name two people you respect or admire the most. What traits of these people do you admire the most?
     • If there was a fire in your house and all living things were safe, what three things would you decide to save? Why?
     • What moments in your life have made you feel deeply satisfied? What happened that made you feel this way?
3. 3 Consider patterns of past relationships. Think about a relationship you've had in the past - romantic, platonic, or family. If a relationship ended badly, think about the factors that contributed to the breakup. What aspects of this relationship have made you frustrated and unhappy?
   • Write down negative patterns you find in unsuccessful relationships with ex-lovers, friends, or relatives.Consider these problem areas as a basis for understanding what problems you want to avoid in the future.
4. 4 Think about the problems you have noticed in the relationships around you. The relationships of others also affect you. Of course, you've spent time with friends or family members who were in a romantic relationship. And although you looked at them from the outside, perhaps you were aware of the problems these people faced.
   • For example, your sister went crazy with sadness after a boyfriend cheated on her. And your support during this period made you realize how important it is to be faithful in a relationship.
   • Point out the problems in other people's relationships that you want to avoid in your relationship. Learn from the mistakes of others - this will help you build relationships that fit your needs.

Part 2 of 3: Analyze Your Needs

1. 1 Love yourself. Many people mistakenly look for a romantic partner, expecting him to make them perfect. However, your partner should only complement you - you yourself should be perfect. To be perfect means to have a love for yourself that does not depend on the love of others. Show love for yourself in these ways:
   • Make a list of the qualities that you like (like friendliness, your smile, etc.).
   • Conduct internal dialogue in an affectionate, loving manner, as if you were talking to a friend.
   • Become aware of your inner needs and desires and live according to them.
   • Take care of your body.
   • Manage stress.
   • Avoid the tendency to dwell on the past - live in the present.
2. 2 Think about the kind of relationship you want. What are your expectations for yourself and your partner? Try to be as impartial about yourself as possible. This will help you determine what type of people you want to stop dating and what behaviors you want to get rid of. This, in turn, will help you understand what kind of relationship you really want.
   • For example, you may think you are ready to settle down, but deep down you know that you are not ready for a relationship of this degree. Or conversely, you may think you just want to have fun without commitment, but you know from past relationships that you get too attached emotionally.
3. 3 Convert your list of stumbling blocks into the most important qualities. Go back to your list of stumbling blocks. By knowing what you don't want, you can determine what you want. Turn your list of non-negotiable issues into a list of positive qualities you're looking for in a relationship.
   • For example, if a problem with alcohol or drugs was a stumbling block for you, you can turn this item into "taking care of physical and mental health." You know you don't want a relationship with someone who uses alcohol or drugs, so you should look for someone who prioritizes health.
   • Add more “nice to have” qualities along the way. Be very honest with yourself. If physical attraction is a stumbling block to you, write it down. But try to focus on qualities that are irrelevant to appearance, such as intelligence, patience, and empathy. Also consider factors such as religion and politics, depending on how important they are to you. Don't overlook anything, no matter how awkward or trivial it may seem.
4. 4 Be the person you would like to date. One way to better understand what your ideal partner should be is to embody the traits you're looking for in him. This method allows you to check if your expectations are realistic, and also gives you the opportunity to assess what concessions you are willing to make in the relationship. It is unfair to present a list of requirements if you yourself are not willing to compromise. But when you embody the traits you want in your partner, it makes you attractive and increases the chances of attracting someone like you.
   • For example, if physical health is an important quality for you that you are looking for in a partner, try to focus entirely on your own health for a whole month - eating right, exercising, dealing with stress and getting enough sleep. Maintain these healthy habits at the end of the month.
   • Let's say you put “being rich” on your list of qualities you are looking for in a partner. If you yourself find it difficult to get rich out of the blue, then perhaps you should relax your requirements and amend this paragraph to "be financially stable."

Part 3 of 3: Go on dates

1. 1 Go on multiple dates without any commitment. You can make lists and analyze past relationships as a guide, but the best way to understand what you want out of a relationship is to start dating. Go to a coffee shop, ice cream parlor, or have a martini at the bar with a few people who seem to fit your standards.
   • However, set boundaries before you get down to business. You shouldn't have sex with a person after your first date.
   • It can also be helpful to make it clear right away that you are just going out on dates without any commitment, so as not to hurt anyone's feelings. Set a deadline after which you must stop dating the person if you don't feel a natural connection. If the person seems to be starting to have more serious feelings for you, or if one person begins to attract you more than others, end all relationships with others and follow your instincts.
2. 2 Assess your compatibility with different candidates. Since you are meeting with several potential partners, think about how each person fits with your personal values, goals, and dreams. Make sure no potential partner has any of the qualities on your list of non-negotiable issues. When you get to know this person better, do not forget about your own desires and needs.
   • At this stage, you may find that you feel a great connection or harmony with one of your potential partners. Then it's time to cut your connection with others so you can focus on building the most harmonious relationships and stay true to the person you choose.
3. 3 Visualize the relationship after the honeymoon phase. Every short relationship begins with the fact that you see your partner through rose-colored glasses. Everything he says or does is totally charming. Over time, the aura of perfection around a person begins to dissipate. Prepare for this development and start looking beyond the falling in love phase to see how things will turn out in a few months or years.
   • Consider whether the little things that annoy you in your partner will grow when the rose-colored glasses fall off. Go back to your list and make sure you don't miss out on any important values ​​or qualities in falling in love.
   • For example, if cleanliness was important to you from the beginning, can you later ignore your girlfriend leaving unwashed dishes in the sink?
   • Before parting with a person because of the slightest oversight, keep in mind that any partner will definitely have small quirks that are not very pleasant for you. Just make sure you don't miss any big and important questions.
4. 4 Chat with your partner. If you find that you and your partner are fairly compatible - you share similar values, goals, interests, and outlooks on life - then it's probably time to have a heart-to-heart talk about your feelings. Even if you are already confident that this person embodies everything you want out of the relationship, you need to make sure that he or she feels the same way.
   • Be honest about your feelings. If your partner is not interested in a long-term relationship, then it is best to find out about it early. Don't make the mistake of thinking that you can change his mind in one way or another.
   • Ask your partner to talk privately and express how you feel about the relationship. You can say, “I have enjoyed getting to know you and spending time with you over the past months. And I wanted to ask, what do you think about our relationship? " It is very important to find out whether the partner regards the relationship with you as long-term and whether he is ready for serious obligations.