Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Go into the details
• Method 2 of 3: Be a Mediator
• Method 3 of 3: Be Neutral
• Warnings

When two of your friends fight each other, they embarrass you. Most likely, you are already tired of hearing their complaints about each other and endless arguments. If you want to reconcile your friends, there are several ways you can try.For example, you can simply listen to friends argue as a mediator - let them talk, but you don't have to take sides.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Go into the details

1. 1 Listen to each of your friends. The best thing you can do for each of your friends is to listen to the version of each of them. Talk to them separately, help them express their feelings, and besides, this way you can understand the reason for the quarrel, if you do not already know about it. Ask your friends to explain to you why they had a fight.
   • It is very important to talk to each of them separately, otherwise they will start fighting right in front of you. Invite each of them to visit or have coffee, but on different days.
   • Show your friend that you are listening to him carefully while he tells you his point of view. Put your mobile phone aside, turn off the TV, remove any distractions, and only then start a conversation. While the other person talks to you about what happened, maintain eye contact and show that you are listening carefully. Nod and say some neutral phrases like "yeah" and "yes, I understand." If something is not very clear to you, ask a friend to clarify this point.
2. 2 To find out what's going on, ask questions. If the friend himself doesn't really want to share with you, you will have to ask him a few questions in order to "talk" him. Ask open-ended questions to help your friend start the story. Open-ended questions are those questions that cannot be answered simply "yes" or "no."
   • For example, you can ask something like this: "What happened between you and Dima the next day?" or: “I think you’re upset. What's happening?"
   • You may need to ask a couple of questions to help them open up. But as soon as your interlocutor begins his story, do not interrupt him.
3. 3 If something is not clear to you, or it does not correspond to reality, clarify this point. Since you can look at the situation from the outside, you may well be able to understand what exactly does not correspond to your vision. This is especially useful if the argument is about gossip. If you have information that will help correct a situation or influence the essence of a conversation, share it.
   • For example, if one friend of yours is angry with another because he thinks that he was saying nasty things behind his back, and you know that this is not so at all, just say something like: “No, just someone let this stupid hearing. I was there at that moment and I know that he did not say anything. "
4. 4 Keep the information you hear with you. After talking to each of your friends one-on-one, you may have a strong desire to tell each of them what you now know. But remember, this is a bad idea! Your friends share their feelings and views with you in confidence. Therefore, you cannot tell another what you just learned, especially if you do not have a friend's permission to do so.

Method 2 of 3: Be a Mediator

1. 1 Choose a time and place for the meeting. If you're going to have a serious conversation, it's best to do it in a quiet place with few distractions. Neutral territory is best. You don't need to invite one friend to visit another. Find some quiet place outside or make an appointment at a coffee shop.
   • Make sure they understand that you want to meet them. You might say something like, “I've heard both versions of this story. I think if you both sit down and share your feelings with each other, you can come to a common decision. If you want, I will become a mediator. "
2. 2 Make sure both of your friends are positive. If your friends have not yet emotionally moved away from this quarrel, it is unlikely that it will be possible to resolve this conflict now. Try to keep each of them in a good mood.
   • For example, invite your friends to listen to their favorite “happy” song before meeting, or ask each of them to breathe deeply for at least 5-10 minutes to collect their thoughts.
3. 3 Ask friends to use “I-sentences” in the conversation. This method helps two people who have quarreled to find common ground, and also reduces the likelihood of a new dispute. Sentences starting with the word "you", on the contrary, will create an aggressive attitude in the interlocutor.
   • For example, if one of your friends says, "You make me think bad of myself!", Then the other can defend against this statement. Thus, a cycle of accusations and defense will begin, which will definitely lead to nothing.
   • Instead, your friend might say something like, "I get upset when you criticize my clothes." Such a statement emphasizes how the speaker feels about what a friend has told him.
   • Talk to your friends about why it is so important to use "self-sentences" in the discussion, invite them to structure their conversation that way. If you notice that one of your friends uses "you-sentences" in a conversation, carefully correct him (her). Ask something like, "How do you feel about this?"
4. 4 If a new conflict arises, help resolve it. If your friends start arguing and swearing right in front of your eyes, you need to help defuse the situation. Do not let the quarrel continue! For example, if friends start raising their voices at each other, suggest taking a time out or 15 minutes to cool off.
   • If your friends can't sit down and solve the problem without resorting to an argument, you will most likely have to ask an adult to mediate. Ask a parent or teacher if he or she can mediate.
5. 5 If something is not clear to you, ask your friends. Have friends ask each other questions as they talk. Perhaps the quarrel was caused by some kind of misunderstanding or happened by mistake. Asking questions is very helpful.
   • For example, if one of your friends thinks that another friend deliberately left him somewhere, and the first friend says that he thought that the second friend already had plans, then this information is very important.
   • If you are aware of a misunderstanding, you can gently hint one friend to ask another friend about it. Try saying something like, "Would you like to ask Sasha why she didn't invite you to the cinema this weekend?"
6. 6 See if your friends are ready to make up. After they've talked and shared their feelings and plans, they'll be willing to apologize and forgive each other. However, don't try to rush them. If friends feel ready to forgive each other, they will.
   • Ask something like, "Now that you've talked, do you feel better?"
   • If your friends are still upset and resentful at each other, not ready to forgive and move on, let everyone do as they want. Of course, it depends on the situation that happened between them, but they could just stop communicating for a while.
7. 7 Find a way to prevent this problem. To help your friends communicate and be friends in the future, try to find a solution that will help prevent their fight. Talk to your friends about how you could use this in practice. This can be implemented by establishing some new rule or prohibition on some action.
   • For example, if one of his friends is upset because another friend of his could not go to the cinema with him this weekend, then this friend should send an SMS stating that he will not be able to meet, even if he thinks that the first there are plans.

Method 3 of 3: Be Neutral

1. 1 Try not to take sides. If you have two friends who have a fight with each other, you will soon notice that each of them is trying to convince you to side with him.In most cases, it is best to remain neutral towards both friends. Try to help both friends understand why and why they had a fight. Support them and try to reconcile.
   • There are exceptions to this "rule", but when to make such an exception depends on you and your beliefs and moral principles.
2. 2 Set boundaries. Before you make a decision and support your friends during an argument, you need to set boundaries for yourself. For example, you should immediately make it clear that you are not a postman, and will not transfer messages from one friend to another. If your friends want to say something to each other, let them do it on their own without pulling you in.
   • You also need to immediately inform your friends that you will not try to reconcile and support them if they start swearing and saying nasty things about each other again. Your goal is to help them resolve this conflict, not become real enemies.
3. 3 Advice should not be given unless asked to do so. This may sound counterintuitive to you, but it's best to refrain from giving advice and advice. It's not that they might be useless, it's just that your friends have to find a solution on their own. You should be there and support them, but you cannot slip a ready-made solution under their nose.
   • Instead of giving your friends advice, ask more questions. For example, if you realize that one of your friends is not able to understand the point of view of another friend of yours, ask leading questions that will help one interlocutor understand the other interlocutor's point of view.
   • Keep in mind that if you give advice that will not help but will make the situation worse in the end, your friends may blame you for it.
   • If you feel you need advice, ask first. Do not give advice and guidance when you are not asked to. Perhaps your friend already knows perfectly well what he will do with this situation, and he just needs support, not advice.

Warnings

• It is very important for parents and teachers, as well as just friends, to understand at what point a quarrel or fight between children or adolescents develops into a danger, which can manifest itself in the form of serious harm to health, sexual harassment or bullying. The fact is that in such serious conflicts, it will be much more difficult to find a solution than in an ordinary quarrel between friends. If you think one friend is bullying the other, talk to your teacher or parents about it.