Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Spending Time Together
• Method 2 of 3: How to communicate openly
• Method 3 of 3: Finding Compromises

Do you love your girlfriend and want everything to work out for you? Love alone is often not enough. Relationships require constant effort. If you don’t try, you will not notice how you will be alone. In a relationship, it is important to spend time together, communicate openly and find compromises so as not to disappoint each other.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Spending Time Together

1. 1 Work on your relationship every day. Usually, attention to your partner manifests itself in the little things. Try to show your concern every day. Prepare dinner, write a kind note, buy flowers, or tell me how much you appreciate the girl's actions. She will notice your feelings and feel special.
   • Go to couples counseling about once a year to help prevent problems from occurring. It may seem like you don't need this, but you will be surprised how much the sessions will bring you closer. Also read books about relationships together.
2. 2 Spend time apart. The adage "separation only intensifies love" is true, especially in romantic relationships. Taking breaks of one or two days a week is a great opportunity to get bored and also learn to appreciate each other more. You can also devote this time to personal affairs and interests, which will make you a better partner.
   • Try this rule - spend one day apart after two days together.
3. 3 Find common interests. Few things bring partners closer together than shared hobbies. If you usually do different things in your free time, then this is harmful to the relationship. Even if you are completely different from each other, try to find at least one common interest and often devote time to it.
   • Schedule one regular date with your girlfriend a week for activities that will interest both of you. Of course, you can just watch voraciously House of cards from Netflix if that suits you, but try to go beyond just being at home.
   • For example, you can work out together in the gym, go hiking on weekends, visit museums and art galleries, read a book together, or become part of a social group for couples.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Elvina Lui, MFT

   
   
   Relationship Specialist Alvin Louis is a licensed family and marriage therapist based in San Francisco. Specializes in relationship consulting. She received her Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology from Western Seminary in 2007 and interned at the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of experience in psychological counseling and has been trained in a harm reduction model.

   Elvina Lui, MFT
   Relationship Specialist

   “Working on a shared dream also strengthens relationships, - adds Alvina Louis, marriage psychologist and counselor. - As you get closer, get to know each other's dreams, as your joint efforts and look in the same direction will bring you closer together... The simplest example of such a dream is to start a family and become an integral part of a partner's dream. So you will become irreplaceable for each other. The same goes for financial goals like buying real estate or saving, which require working as a team. "

   
   
4. 4 Explore the girl's intimate preferences. Physical intimacy is very important to a relationship, and it takes enough time to remember your partner's preferences and limitations. Be attentive and strive to please the girl in order to show that you care and make her happy.
   • Notice the actions the girl likes and repeat them more often. You can also ask, "What turns you on?" - or something similar.
   • Ask: "Do you like it?" - or: "Do you mind?" to get the girl's consent. If she says yes, then continue. In case of a negative answer or doubt, it is better to stop.
   • Communication and the ability to accept a partner are very important in sex. Be open about your preferences and taboos, and encourage her to voice her wishes and limitations.

Method 2 of 3: How to communicate openly

1. 1 Talk about your needs. Sometimes it’s scary to talk about what you want from a girl. As a result, a person begins to be offended when she does not satisfy his needs. Eliminate the guessing game from the relationship - start talking about your desires and ask about the girl's needs and wants.
   • Use first-person phrases like, “I need you to trust me. Right now, you don't seem to respect my privacy. It would be great if you could stop reading my correspondence on the phone. "
2. 2 Learn to listen. It is very important to be able to listen to the girl, especially in moments of argument. Let her express her thoughts and don't interrupt. Such respect will show you care and attention to the girl's thoughts and feelings.
   • This does not mean that you should not defend yourself. Allow her to vent her feelings, and then express your point of view. If you behave respectfully, then the girl will want to reciprocate you.
3. 3 Support your girlfriend. It is better to express your feelings for a girl directly and without hints. Show that you are very happy to be together. Talk about how much she means to you every day, and don't forget to compliment her.
   • Encourage her to follow her dreams and be supportive. Rejoice in her success and build her self-esteem in times of difficulty.
   • Come to important events and events to support the girl.
4. 4 Don't use hurtful words. Don't say things that you will later regret. It can be very difficult to resist, especially in moments of intense anger. It is important to remember that fights are common and even rewarding in any relationship. Unlike swear words and insults.
   • Stop and stop fighting if you feel you have something hurtful to say. Just tell them to take a break and cool down a little. This will make it easier for you to maintain the relationship.

Method 3 of 3: Finding Compromises

1. 1 Understand that you cannot and should not try to change the girl. You are together precisely because the list of things that you “like” about the girl turned out to be larger than the list of things that you “don't like” about her. Try to take the items from the second list to the benefit of your relationship. There are a lot of trade-offs in this.
   • This does not mean that you should give up your beliefs, which are not subject to discussion. Try to come to an agreement that works for both of you. For example, she checks her phone all evening, and you just want to be together. Suggest setting aside a specific time and turning off your phones in private meetings (for example, for at least one hour).
2. 2 Analyze your expectations. Perhaps you expected what would happen in the relationship either your way or not. Perhaps you had other unrealistic expectations. You need to evaluate what is more important to you: strive for partially far-fetched ideals or seek compromises that would suit both of you.
3. 3 Consider the fairness of compromises. Evaluate how fair the compromise you or your girlfriend suggests is. Some trade-offs are more like requirements. They are capable of ruining relationships. If you think the proposed compromise is unfair, then say so. Each of you should cherish the things that make up your personality.
   • In a relationship, only compromises are allowed that allow you to bond and improve. You cannot offer your partner solutions that negatively affect his self-esteem and life.