Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 4: Determining your feelings
• Method 2 of 4: Separate your feelings from the person
• Method 3 of 4: Finding a solution
• Method 4 of 4: Seek help

Mixed feelings can often cause confusion and leave you feeling uncomfortable, exhausted, and like you don't remember. The term "mixed feelings" refers to having multiple and often complicated feelings about a person or situation. This occurs because you have encountered a new person, a new situation, new behaviors, or new information to process. Conflicting feelings don't just occur within a romantic relationship or a completely new relationship. These feelings can also arise with a friend, family member or colleague, and thus someone you already know very well. An example might be that you really like and admire a friend because she is caring and nice. At the same time, you can be jealous because she is popular and gets the attention of everyone around her. In order to deal with your mixed feelings about someone, you will have to learn to recognize your own feelings, look for a solution, and ask for help when necessary.

To step

Method 1 of 4: Determining your feelings

1. List your feelings about a person. Use the Problem Identification, Choices, Consequences (PICC) model to sort out your feelings. The first step is to determine any feelings you have about a person. Examples of feelings you might have regarding someone are intrigued, insecure, self-aware, etc.
   • List all the feelings you can distinguish. Avoid marking these feelings as good or bad, such as in a list of pros and cons. Just write them all down. Feelings are not “good or bad”, but they have a purpose.
   • For example, you may harbor familiar feelings toward a college or known, such as confusion, respect, offense, or anger.
   • Some feelings towards someone close to you, such as a best friend or family member, are: love, disappointment, annoyance, relaxation, etc.
2. Think about a time you recently spent with the other person. Determining your feelings can be tricky. It can help to come to terms with a situation that you remember and then add the feelings to it. Think about a recent moment you spent with this person. List the feelings you had at the time.
   • You may find out that your feelings have nothing to do with what that person is like or what relationship you have to each other, but rather with the situation you were in, or something specific that the other person said or did.
   • For example, you go out with someone for the first time and get a good first impression of the other. Then your date takes you to a party where you don't know anyone, and you feel uncomfortable or insecure. In this example, the situation or the unfamiliar environment made you feel uncomfortable, not necessarily the person itself.
3. Identify what makes you feel this way. It may be that there are other factors at play that make you feel certain. It may be that it is not just the other person. Try to identify the specific cause of each emotion.
   • This is even more specific than determining the situation. Think back to when you had a certain feeling. Consider what was said or happened at that moment or just before.
   • For example, if you remember feeling rejected on a date, you might remember your date walking away from you on a walk. This can be the source of your feeling of rejection.
   • Next to every emotion and situation on your list, write down what you think is the source of your feelings.

Method 2 of 4: Separate your feelings from the person

1. Examine your own feelings. If you have mapped out the feelings about a particular person and you know when you had that feeling, you will have to dig deeper into these feelings. Your mixed feelings can have various causes. Understanding these causes will help you resolve these mixed feelings.
   • For example, if you have low self-esteem, you may feel unworthy of the other person and therefore not allow yourself to enter into a relationship with them.
2. Think about people from the past. A common reason why we have mixed feelings about someone is because that person reminds us of someone from the past. Without realizing it, we attribute certain qualities to that person and have certain expectations based on our relationship and experiences with the person from the past, a process called "transfer." Your boss reminds you of your mean first-grade teacher, so you don't like to agree with that boss's directions.
   • Think about people in your life who made you feel the same way this person makes you feel right now. Check if there is a similar pattern to be discovered.
3. Consider how the other person is treating you. Does he treat you with respect? Is he taking advantage of you? When someone treats you nicely one minute and is mean to you the next, it can leave you confused about your own feelings. Think about how other people treat you. Do you get mixed feelings when someone else treats you this way?
4. Be honest with yourself. Determining your own feelings that may or may not be related to the other person is crucial to understanding how to deal with your mixed feelings. Once you have separated your own feelings from the feelings that this person gives you, you may be able to recognize your true feelings once and for all.

Method 3 of 4: Finding a solution

1. Write down the possible choices you can make. You now have a good idea of ​​what triggered every feeling you have about this person. Now you can determine what your choices are. Write down any response in this situation. Even if the choice is not ideal, write it down. This will give you a complete picture of the choices you have. For example: your list of colleagues or acquaintances may now look like this:
   • Feel: Confused
   • Situation: I received a compliment from a friend about a project I had completed, but the same person criticized me an hour later.
   • Possible choices: Confront that friend, keep it to me, talk about it with my parents, start a gossip at school, explain the situation to my teacher, etc.
2. Determine what the possible consequences could be. Next to each choice, write down any possible consequences or results you can think of. The list may look like this:
   • Choice: Approach friend about the point
     • Possible consequence: Friend feels attacked
     • Possible consequence: Friend understands the comment well
     • Possible consequence: I feel vulnerable when I report how this situation has affected me
   • Choice: Keep it to myself
     • Possible consequence: The problem does not stop
     • Possible consequence: The problem may pass on its own
     • Possible consequence: It will continue to bother me
   • Choice: Talk about it with my parents
     • Possible consequence: I feel better about the situation
     • Possible consequence: Nothing changes at school
3. Weigh the advantages and disadvantages against each other. See what the possible results could be. Think about how good you feel with each outcome. Think about how you will feel when you make that choice. Think about how the other person will feel.
4. Make a decision. Based on the possible outcomes, choose one that you feel most comfortable with. This choice should be the outcome that is best for you and the other person involved. Start with the choice that provides the necessary outcome, along with a consequence that you can accept.
   • For example, in the situation with the boyfriend, it wouldn't be wise to start a gossip at school. The consequences will then be painful or jeopardize your relationship with other friends. At this point, you probably prefer not to talk about it. Maybe your friend was having a bad day and took it out on you. Maybe you were very sensitive on that day.
   • Be aware of the above consequences.
5. If you are not satisfied, try a different approach. If you find that keeping it to yourself is not getting the expected or desired outcome, return to the list of choices and try a different approach. Make sure that what you choose is respectful of you and other people you deal with.

Method 4 of 4: Seek help

1. Brainstorm with a trusted friend. It can help to gain an outsider's perspective while looking for possible choices and consequences. Ask a trusted friend to brainstorm with you while making the list.
2. Consult a counselor to resolve this particular situation. Explaining and defining emotions is a complex and often painful process. This is why psychotherapy mostly focuses on these problems. A therapist is trained to guide the patient through processes of deeper emotional clarity. They are also skilled at noticing aspects that are incorrect, of which we ourselves are often unaware. These subtle characteristics can shed light on how you really feel.
3. Deal with your own complex emotions. If you find yourself constantly in situations that you cannot solve, seek professional help in working through your patterns. You may also want to seek help if you find yourself approaching situations in an unproductive way.
   • Additionally, if you notice that a person or situation is evoking feelings from the past, you can enlist the help of a professional to help you understand these feelings. A therapist can help you recognize complex emotions, even those you find it hard to admit you have. A therapist can help you acquire the necessary skills to approach others in a productive manner that is respectful to all parties.