Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: How to Overcome Emotional Pain
• Method 2 of 3: Pay attention to your personal growth
• Method 3 of 3: Learn to communicate adequately with your ex
• Tips

Letting go and forgetting a long-term relationship after a breakup can be difficult. It doesn't matter who initiated the breakup, you or your partner. After the breakup, numerous memories, feelings, connections with people remain. But for the sake of your own well-being, letting go of this relationship is useful and even necessary. Someday you will again feel like a whole being and will be able to open your heart to a new person. In order to effectively overcome the consequences of breaking up a long-term relationship, you should take care of yourself, engage in self-development, and also learn how to adequately behave towards your ex.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: How to Overcome Emotional Pain

1. 1 Allow yourself to grieve. In experiencing a breakup, it is important to overcome the emotional distress. Allow yourself to feel grief, sadness, anger. These are normal and completely natural emotions that remain after a breakup. Give yourself plenty of time to grieve and recover at your own pace. Take care of your emotional needs.
   • If you want to stay at home and cry into your pillow, do so.
   • To embrace your emotions, you can say to yourself, “Yes. I feel bad right now. And that's okay. I have a difficult period now. "
   • In order to get in touch with your emotions and experience suffering, it is important to accept your emotions without judging or trying to change them. Sit down, give free rein to emotions, observe what feelings they cause in you. How do you feel in your body? This information will allow you to determine exactly how you are feeling and will help you to adequately relive your feelings.
2. 2 Talk about it. Accept help and support from your social environment. This will help you get through the healing process after the breakup. Expressing your feelings out loud to people you trust will speed up your emotional healing, not to mention the support you can get from those who care for you. It's important to acknowledge that you are in pain. If you pour out your heart, it will help thaw it in the future.
   • Invite a friend or girlfriend to your place so that they can support you during this period. You could sit in your pajamas together and watch a movie. Use this time to chat with your friend and discuss your feelings about the breakup.
   • Go to a cafe with a friend or family member, have a cup of coffee, or grab a snack.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Amy chan

   
   
   Relationship Coach Amy Chan is the founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a recovery camp that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after a relationship ends. Her team of psychologists and coaches has helped hundreds of people in just 2 years of work, and the camp has been noted by CNN, Vogue, The New York Times and Fortune.Her debut book, Breakup Bootcamp, will be published by HarperCollins in January 2020.

   Amy chan
   Relationship coach

   Be careful when opening up to people. Amy Chan, founder of Renew Bootcamp Breakup, says: “When you're going through a breakup, be careful about asking people for advice. Family and friends often have the best intentions, but may not know enough to advise and project their own biases or dysfunctional beliefs onto you. ”

   
   
3. 3 Let your friends take care of you right after the breakup. Friends will often try to keep you busy. And it will help you feel better. Let them know if this is the case. Having fun is a great way to feel better after a breakup.
4. 4 Write about it. Writing a creative and expressive letter can be helpful to deal with the tearing-up emotions and thoughts.
   • Write down how you think and feel about the break in your Word document or diary.
   • Try not to change your social media statuses, or write on blogs or other sites on the Internet. Don't put your feelings on display.
   • You can write your ex a letter that you will never send. Tell him how you feel. You will not need to worry about his reaction, because you will never send him this letter.
5. 5 Don't blame yourself. Those who blame themselves for the breakup can end up with melancholy, anxiety, depression, and even deteriorating health. Those who do not blame themselves are better able to cope with their emotions and more realistically view negative events that have happened to them.
   • Instead of blaming yourself or thinking negatively, forgive yourself for all your mistakes and wrongdoings. First, analyze what you think you did wrong. You can record this analysis if you like. Then go through each item and say or think, “It was a mistake. And I forgive myself for that. I didn't want it to work out that way, I know I did the wrong thing. I will try not to repeat this mistake in the future. "
6. 6 Get distracted. Sometimes after a breakup, people start to delve into themselves: “What could I have done better? Am I good enough? " However, this only leads to more stress and difficulties with emotional adaptation to the new situation.
   • Try not to replay the situation in your mind over and over again, do not try to think about what could be done to fix everything. If you find yourself doing this, take some action or think about something else. You can also remind yourself that you most likely could not have done anything and that you could not predict how the situation would develop.
   • Avoid social networks such as Facebook or VKontakte. It can be difficult to resist visiting the pages of the person with whom you broke up. But in this case, social networks will not only not distract you from the breakup, but also will not become a constant reminder of your finished relationship. One study found that those who visited their ex's social media accounts suffered much more and longer from the breakup.
   • Be constantly busy. Fill your daily planner with activities and events. Try to do something new, re-establish old friendships.

Method 2 of 3: Pay attention to your personal growth

1. 1 Concentrate on yourself. New relationships can expand your self-awareness as you adjust to the other person. However, after a breakup, it can be difficult for you to re-recognize your uniqueness and find meaning in each day. Therefore, try to rediscover your essence and appreciate your individuality.
   • Some people feel free after breaking up. Take advantage of this sensation to your advantage. Discover new activities.
   • Discover activities that you previously enjoyed but had no time to do.
   • Change your hairstyle or clothing style.
2. 2 Realize the positive consequences. Many people believe that gaps, as difficult and painful as they are, ultimately lead to positive results. Consider how your breakup could be beneficial. This will help you feel less grieving or angry.
   • For example, your breakup gave you the opportunity to focus on your studies, work, or other responsibilities. Some people note that breaking up gives them more freedom.
   • You may also have positive personal consequences, for example, you began to trust yourself more, became more self-sufficient, were able to accept yourself.
   • In addition to influencing the world around you and your personality, you can improve your communication skills and gain valuable experience for future relationships (for example, the ability to admit that you are wrong).
3. 3 Learn from your mistakes. Some relationships fall apart due to dissatisfaction of partners, unequal contributions or mental attempts to find an alternative ("there are many fish in the sea"). It is easier for people to end a relationship if they feel strong social support outside of the relationship.
   • For example, people are more likely to end a relationship if they feel dissatisfied or underestimated.
   • Try to realize what you could have done better, but do not self-flagellate. View a departed relationship as a chance to help you in your future relationship. Try to think (think logically) rather than dig into yourself (don't fall into the trap of negative thinking).

Method 3 of 3: Learn to communicate adequately with your ex

1. 1 Decide for yourself if you want to be friends. Those who were friends before romantic relationships often remain friends after a breakup. You are unlikely to remain friends if you completely distance yourself from each other after the breakup. In any case, you will need time to maintain your distance and be alone.
2. 2 Maintain your distance. Even if you decide to remain friends, it will be easier for you to get through this period if you do not see your ex and talk to him.
   • At this stage, it will be useful to remove him from your friends on social networks, remove his number from your phone and try to communicate with him less.
   • If you and your ex want to be friends, let him know that you need some time and that you will let him know when you’re ready to chat again.
3. 3 Get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex. It will be easier for you to get over grief if you are not surrounded on all sides by things that remind you of it. If you release him on a physical and virtual level, it will be easier for you to release him emotionally as well.
   • For example, if he forgot his toothbrush with you, throw it away. If you see every morning, you run the risk of dwelling on negative feelings that can darken the whole day.
   • If you have anything left that you shouldn't throw away or donate to a charity, give it to your mutual friends to give it to him.
   • Delete or throw away the photos if you like. If you want, you can edit the photo in Photoshop or another program, leaving yourself, but without your ex-partner.
   • Remove your ex's number from your phone. If his number can be useful to you, erase all his SMS and voice messages - start life from scratch!
4. 4 If you ever run into him, be polite and short. If you turn the gap into a constant battle, it will only cause you additional pain.
   • If it's too painful for you to talk to your ex, try to get away from the situation so you don't have to talk to him. It is important to set boundaries in the healing process. If you do not want to talk to him, then you do not need to do this.
   • If you decide to talk to him, communicate politely, smile.
   • Show respect.If you behave aggressively, shout “I hate you!”, Throw various objects at your ex - this will not solve the problem.
5. 5 Save fond memories. Just because your relationship is over doesn't mean you need to erase it from your memory. The person you had a relationship with has had a great influence on you and your life, and you can appreciate that. This is especially helpful if you feel intense resentment and anger towards your ex. Focus on the good. It will help you overcome your grief and get something positive out of the relationship that ended.
   • Forgive your ex for his mistakes. If you hide a grudge, then it will only make you worse, and the healing process can be significantly delayed. You don't need to tell him about your forgiveness, either in person, over the phone, or otherwise. Just forgive him in your heart, and it will have the desired effect.
   • Try not to go over the happy moments in your memory. This will make you feel melancholy and prolong the mourning process.

Tips

• Breaking up is not easy. Don't think that you can handle it overnight. Give yourself time and space to grieve and heal.
• If the relationship has been long, don't just cut it off. Weigh the pros and cons. If one outweighs the other, you know what to do. Don't think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but also don't think that you will never meet someone better or worse than your partner. Always try to think logically: a breakup is painful and it will take you time to get over it.