Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 2: Top Ten Factors List
• Method 2 of 2: Contribute
• Tips
• Good signs
• Warnings

Given the myriad of different definitions of the term, how can you tell if you are codependent? Despite the many publications on this topic over more than 60 years, it is very difficult to understand what this term means. It is gaining more and more relevance for people in developing countries and in the range of certain professions. Children are more dependent and need support, but adults also suffer from codependency, and it has very unpleasant forms for themselves and their immediate environment.

Despite the fact that the understanding of the term "codependency" is difficult to put into any clear definition, the following can be a good working thesis: "codependency is a poorly developed self-esteem combined with hypertrophied concern for one's neighbor, and excessive dependence on other people's opinions." In the book Codependency for Dummies, Darlene Lancer defined a codependent person as a person who cannot function independently and builds all his thoughts and actions around some substance, process or other person. Moreover, any manifestations of dependence fall under this category. Codependents are very caring, in principle, this is not a cost of education, but we are all born to be independent, so a little introspection and a change of priorities will change your life for the better.

You can overcome your codependency once you realize how good a person you are. But in fact, this is not so easy, because some people try to compensate for the inability to adequately assess themselves with inflated self-esteem, turning into narcissists.Codependent people are very capable, but many of them, especially women, find it very difficult to motivate themselves without the support of friends or the work collective. They look for confidence and approval in other people. But really, the only approval you need should come from yourself, even though friendly praise is very enjoyable. But if you don’t want to learn to love yourself, don’t expect others to like you.
Unfortunately, denial of this problem is a major obstacle, since codependency is difficult to recognize in oneself. If a friend has pointed you in this direction, take note of it, as it acts as a kind of mirror. Awareness is the first step towards developing a new behavioral model that can help alleviate many of the symptoms of codependency. You can learn something new about codependency from this video: http: //www.youtube.com/watch? V = WlU1bTlrGMY and from this article: http://psyhelp24.org/sozavisimost/

It is very important to note that most people exhibit codependent behavior in certain situations, and this can be applied to absolutely everyone. But this is different from the general state of codependency, which is more difficult to define. This article will help you identify your codependency, but you should not apply it to someone else, even if you know that it is inherent in him. For very few people will react normally if they are advised to read books like “Say no to codependency” by Melody Betty, or if they send a link to the article by e-mail. For those who have already gone through the process of self-determination will regard them as an attempt to impose their opinions on them and to hurt them. And we are talking about whole families. If you grew up in a codependent family, you will exhibit lethargic, sometimes aggressive behavior throughout your life. Read the book Nonviolent Communication and start putting the tips in it into practice. It is about how adults communicate with each other. Get in the habit of communicating without violence.

Steps

1. 1 Codependency can take many different forms, both passive and aggressive.In fact, terms such as "passive-aggressive", "controller", "rag", "person acting to please someone", "bipolar", "empath", "manipulator", "narcissistic", " drama queen "can serve as a description of the symptoms of codependency. Persecution mania, albeit not so often, but also can affect codependency. call anyone when you are surrounded by other people.
   • Codependent people constantly judge themselves and try to predict their behavior. They live in constant anxiety, burned with shame and low self-esteem. They give in to criticism for their future statements or actions. Many of them judge themselves no less than others. The following video can serve as an illustration of this thesis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dW1Wao3eF5Q
     
     
   • Similarly, the behavior of codependent people can be described as follows: “a codependent person approves and nourishes the behavior of an individual who causes pain and stress to a whole group of people. These can be staff members, fellow practitioners, club members, or members of the local church. But most often his family suffers from his behavior. "
     
     We depend on each other because it is necessary in order to succeed in school, build a career or get a prestigious job. Married couples are dependent on each other to raise children and pay bills. But codependency is not a mutual feeling.
     • We may well rely on other people and help others in achieving some common goal, from which everyone will only benefit, only:
       
       "Do we allow inappropriate behavior just because we want to calm the violator of our peace of mind, because we are afraid to enter into confrontation and be rejected and hated by him?" We are just trying to avoid the feeling of unity with other people for the sake of peace and quiet with a separate individual.
2. 2 Analyze your family relationships. Codependency is a socialized behavior that is sometimes passed down from generation to generation in families. You have been taught to solve problems this way.No, you haven't done anything wrong, but this is an abnormal and ineffective model of behavior in a relationship.
   • Perhaps you feel responsible for someone else's happiness, feel guilty when you cannot help someone, it is difficult for you to say no, but you do not pay due attention to your motivations and feelings.
   • You may not be aware of your codependency, despite the fact that signs are sent to you, such as chuckles, whispering behind your back and sidelong glances, which your ego misinterprets, as a result of which you are only trying to continue in the same spirit.
3. 3 Analyze the rest of the relationship. Most likely, you are dissatisfied with your life in society; you are too busy with other people's problems, work or addiction, or you are isolated.
   • All you think about is caring for other people. Your thoughts revolve around what they need to do and what will be best for them. To some extent, this is your meaning of life.
     Unfortunately, you have developed certain attitudes that, at best, make you unhappy, and at worst, lead to suicide attempts.
   • Analyze how easily you get fired up with an idea and strive to overfulfill the norms. You can have your own opinion on each issue. This means that you can be attributed to personality type A, which is characterized by a tendency towards perfectionism (sometimes even in an exaggerated form). You may also have know-it-all syndrome.
   • Realize how comfortable it is for you to be alone, even when it lasts only an hour. It is natural to strive for human society, but an evening spent in splendid isolation will also benefit most people.
   • Pointless moaning or other noises that attract attention are very common in these situations.
4. 4 Analyze changes in your mood, which can range at the speed of light from pity to bipolarity. You are probably unfamiliar with the feeling of satisfaction. At parties and other social events, you often appear as an outcast of society with a bunch of cockroaches in your head, instead of communicating, you help waiters or try to control and command everyone who meets your way. Whether you give up, run away from an uncontrolled person, or try to hide from loud music, noise or turmoil? All this is fine, of course, but why did you actually come? To be service personnel?
   • Instead, you could be in the spotlight, right in the middle of the crowd.
     1. Pointless moaning or other noises that attract attention are very common in these situations.
5. 5 Decide if you're looking for approval? Are you hiding the truth for fear of rejection? Do you remember how you told someone about issues of concern to you, or commented on some remarks if necessary. If there is no one else in the room, you begin to communicate with yourself. Even your manipulations, performed openly, are aimed at gaining approval. You seem to expect them to agree, because it’s best for them.
   • When no one asks for your opinion, but also does not ask you to leave your ideas in front of you, it will be somewhat hectic.
   • Anyone who could find a grateful listener in your person (and often they are completely outsiders for you) will try to manipulate you by influencing the feeling of pity: “Let me help you to control.
   • Another sign of codependency that can shed light on your condition is circular movements from yourself to others. You don't stay in the center for long.
6. 6 Realize that even aggressive codependents can have a servile nature. When you try to show respect for someone, you may feel an unhealthy urge to be submissive. In this sense, it is very important to understand that your boss is your equal. You don't have to backtrack or submit.
   • Consider how often you are accused of duplicity because you agree with something you really disagree with. You can be a chameleon. Schizophrenia can also be the result of codependency. You may have difficulty standing up for your ideas when faced with rejection from other people. And in the end, you will no longer know what you really feel or think.
7. 7 Consider the possibility that you are a "walking disaster" and very often rush for no reason. As a result, you can eat and drink more often.
   • You can also stumble frequently, filling people's personal space and shrinking it, as a result of which your presence becomes inevitable.
8. 8 Perhaps you are looking for a grateful listener in the interlocutor. You don't need to get into a real discussion, you just issue local orders. When someone else is talking, you just wait impatiently for them to finish and you can make a new announcement.
9. 9 Your happiness depends on other people, you entrust them with the mission of making you happy, so to speak, because you become dependent on other people's decisions.
   • Do you realize that you offer your help to everyone at every step? You are easily attracted to some initiatives, you are not too perceptive, and for you throwing beads in front of pigs is not a problem at all, because you like being used. And friends are your project.
   • Dogs with no choice in decision making become codependent. It may sound unrealistic or weird, but dogs that are codependently subservient behave very strangely.
     1. It should be noted here that such dogs may or may not be well socialized in the society of other dogs, and their behavior pattern speaks of codependency.
        
        An unsocialized dog will show codependency in the company of other animals, setting up a nest on its bedding, which is the center of their place. These factors can indicate emotional development. Socializing with other dogs allows you to take care of this. More troubling questions for dog lovers is how the dog will behave among people.
   • Children and animals are codependent, they rely only on you completely and completely, this relationship is not independent. This does not mean that they should be treated as codependents, on the contrary, they should be taught independence.
10. 10 You most likely have a very kind heart. People become codependent because they start caring about someone. And this is much better than not worrying about anything at all.
    • You want the best, but first, let others understand what you want, because based on this, your opinion will be formed, which will always be paramount. Some people need whole rooms to express themselves.
    • You are a perfectionist towards yourself and others. It can be difficult for you to do something for yourself, because you will immediately find many flaws in any initiative. It seems to you that this is a constructive approach, but in fact, material goods are eluding you.
    • You will not accept compliments in your address and will not allow you to do you a favor. You will refuse gifts only to claim that you could use them.
    • You rarely hear "sorry" from you, only in case of emergency, only because codependent people, thus, try to avoid conflicts.
    • It is difficult for you to ask for help and to be self-sufficient. It can be helpful for you from a practice point of view to ask a stranger or friend for help in any matter, even the smallest. “Hi, could you help me a little?” And then say “yes, thank you”. If this is difficult for you, beware.
11. 11 Realize that the present is what you will always have. You can live in the future or think about the past, of course, but think about how often the phrase “it would be better if ...”, “if only” occurred to you, but you were not able to make constructive plans for the future. At first glance, the concept of “living in the here and now” may seem alien, but necessary. You just need to grow up and realize that you are a good person. People won't tell you about this now, because of the symptoms described on this page. But if you are a strong personality, you can handle it to make yourself better. The present is all that you will always have.

Method 1 of 2: Top Ten Factors List

1. 1 Here are a few factors by which you can determine if you are a codependent person. Answer the question, how often do you:
   • Tiptoe through your own home, keeping your family safe.
   • Afraid of collision with other people: avoid conflicts
   • Make unreasonable or wrong decisions: contain others (financially)
   • Lying for good, to avoid rage and conflict with others.
   • Be angry with yourself. Letting others get their way?
   • Blame yourself for someone else's displeasure
   • Covering other people's bad behavior: alcohol abuse, drug use, etc.
   • You are hurt by someone else's behavior
   • Feel used up, reassuring yourself that your sacrifice is needed.
   • You don't know how to say no and you can't stop helping other people.

Method 2 of 2: Contribute

1. 1 Watch out for any manifestations of codependency that you are aware of. You can:
   • Be prone to excessive splashing of emotions on people, and completely unconsciously going beyond what is permitted, which in turn generates a negative reaction on their part. When you break down, they try to abstract from you, and you interpret this as an inadequate reaction and get even more turned on.
   • You find it difficult to establish a framework for what is permissible in relation to the behavior of other people.
   • You feel responsible for other people's failures and ambitions.
   • You feel the need to work even harder, to be someone more significant, and in general you feel dissatisfied with your inability to change or control someone else's happiness.
   • You may be accused of being too talkative if you spill too much information on people.
   • You force others to tiptoe past you.

Tips

• Read Codependency for Dummies by Darren Lancer to form a concept for step-by-step relief from this condition and Melody Betty's No More Codependent book.
• If you are a codependent person, but you are fully aware of this, your life can quickly go up, because as soon as you "switch" - and you will simply begin to suppress codependent behavioral reactions in the bud. You will give other people enough personal space to be who they are. And believe me, people around you will notice it very quickly, within a few weeks. You will begin to receive positive feedback, which will pay off over time. And, despite the fact that the residual phenomena of codependency will still be inherent in you, you will begin to notice them, and therefore, eradicate, and not ignore.
  • Keep your relationship on the frustration of an outstretched arm and let your worries fall out of your sight in order to see and hear about others' victories and defeats and not burst with envy, thinking that you should have been in their place.
  • Encourage the people you are helping to resolve family problems or troubles with friends, so that they pay you back in kind, so that you can get rid of codependency.
• Realize that the biggest fear of a codependent person is to be out of society, so he unknowingly encourages behavior that attracts people to him, because they know that even if he is busy with his own affairs, he will always lend a helping hand.
• If you cannot avoid communicating with codependents, you should learn how to properly answer their questions. For example, if you don’t want to do something, say “I’m not going to do this,” or come up with another innocent excuse. When asked why, say that "I just don't want to and that's it." After that, their codependency can let you know, they will get upset and begin to put pressure on you. Then you just say, "Okay, what's next?" As difficult as the situation is, try to avoid being sarcastic, because they will think you are judging them or want to offend them.
• People who have to deal with codependents very often report that they have to lie in response to their questions, and this should be avoided. Understand, you are absolutely right to say that "I would not like to answer this question." An acceptable response to “I don’t understand” might be “Yes, I noticed”, “It looks like you are not quite clear. If you are interested, I know a wonderful article on this topic, if you want, they can send it to you by mail "(the phrase should be pronounced without condemnation for maximum efficiency, especially if there are a lot of people nearby, because publicly humiliating someone is not comme il faut , as they say).
• Codependent people can become much happier and more socially active by changing the way they interact with people that involves individualization. And so that old habits do not make themselves felt, you can get a job as a nanny.
• Attend meetings of codependents. It helps some cope with problems and make important decisions about how to change their lives.
• The best advice for those who want to communicate with codependent people ... Perhaps over time they will begin to respect you so much that they dare to ask the question why you communicate with them. And then you should honestly answer that you like them.

Good signs

Indicators that you are no longer a codependent person:

• You don't get in trouble anymore.
• You don't create problems
• Your thoughts and conversations do not revolve around one problem.
• You are not suffering from any addictions.
• You no longer believe that mistakes of the past can be the cause of present mistakes, frustration, or disappointment.
• You no longer need problems to feel special or unique.
• Your social life no longer revolves around problems. You are enjoying pleasant moments.
• You have the tools, and you stay alert to keep problems from taking over your entire life.
• You no longer see your life as one short day, but accept it as it is and look long term.

Warnings

• On the other hand, sometimes people driven to despair, standing on a corner, in a church on the porch or near a business center, feel absolutely unhappy, but good people. There is no single plan or strategy here. Those who have been weeded out, as unreliable people, must continue the search. Because people are demanding help, and you say that you will harm if you advise or send him or her to where it can be done.
  • Be aware that true addiction attracts the attention of codependents. A jigsaw puzzle can come from a major crisis or a problem such as disability, divorce, widowhood, fire, or natural disaster. Codependent people strive to help where trouble has occurred, because they are caring people who can always lend a helping hand. Monitor your behavior when agreeing to help in urgent situations or protracted conflicts. If you start to become codependent, try to identify who in your support group is doing you a disservice and blocking your path to independence. You have the right to set boundaries and not allow them to be encroached on.
• There is no need to show unreasonable care that you were not even asked for, disapproved of, or thanked for.An exception may be missionary missions, volunteering, charity, or work for the good of the church. Otherwise, try to solve problems as they arise.
• A codependent person can easily get sucked into a dysfunctional relationship and must change if they don't want to be stranded or alienated.
• In general, no one should interfere with the lives of adults, despite the fact that codependents do it all the time. You do not need to intervene in conflicts between other people's children and their parents, your task may be limited to informing their parents, school teachers or government agencies, otherwise you may be accused of harboring or kidnapping minors.
  • Codependents can become cynical, detached, feel like persona non grata, languish in loneliness because they are shunned by other people because they believe that they:
• A codependent person can easily get sucked into a dysfunctional relationship and must change if they don't want to be stranded or alienated.
• You don't need to take care of a needy adult because he or she is homeless or unemployed, constantly makes the wrong choice, or suffers from a mental disorder because you are more likely to find yourself in a codependent relationship. You can live under the same roof with someone who is impossible to please, who is constantly angry and does irrational acts. Instead, you can take part in actions aimed at helping the homeless, as well as many other charitable projects.
  • The problems of a runaway teenager should be solved by local authorities or charities, because de jure you will be considered a kidnapper or you will find yourself in the center of a de facto family scandal. You do not have to identify yourself, but call the appropriate government authorities so that someone can drive up to the event that will take place in the evening, but you should not bring them to your home. Because they often chop off the branch on which they sit.
• It’s not good when you’re being used and you haven’t reached the peak of your career yet.
• Here's what can happen: As long as you accept the bad behavior, you allow it to get used to it instead of dealing with the situation by claiming that it is all development. But it may or may not work in this case.
• It is very bad to constantly poke your fingers into someone else's garden, so this happens exactly until the codependent person realizes that there are difficulties somewhere, and tries to change something in himself (fortunately, he did not just put it off for later) ... A codependent person may then continue to care to mitigate the damage done to their own lives, but will be literally ostracized.
• Parents can place their child in a psychiatric hospital without a court order if he is a danger to himself or to others.
  • Consider how you would respond to a parent's invitation to attend a mental health clinic.
• How a person with mental health problems can be placed for specialist treatment and appropriate care, and who is authorized to do so, depends on the host country.