Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Signs
• Method 2 of 3: Talking to your child
• Method 3 of 3: Protecting Your Child
• Warnings

If your child is acting unusually detached and shy, this could be a sign that he or she is being sexually abused. Look for signs of abuse, and ask your child if someone has touched him in an area that should not be touched. Quick Actions can help you and your child if they are experiencing abuse. In this article, you will learn how you can tell if a child is being sexually abused and what you can do about it.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Signs

1. 1 Consider if the child has become secretive. If your child usually tells you everything, but suddenly becomes shy or secretive, this could be a sign that something is wrong. Very often, children feel ashamed and uncomfortable about what is happening. Because they cannot describe their feelings, they keep them to themselves. Consider if the child has become quieter.
   • A child may change his behavior for other reasons, for example, due to conflicts with peers, experiences related to the divorce of parents, and due to other circumstances. However, this is worth paying attention to, especially if there are other signs.
2. 2 Consider if the child is experiencing a return to childhood habits and behavior. If a child suddenly begins to act as if he is younger than his age, you should be alert.Other factors should be ruled out, including school bullying and other types of stress, but it is important to be aware that such behavior can be a sign of violence. Pay attention to the following steps:
   • the child began to wet the bed (after the age when it is considered normal);
   • the child began to order tantrums for no reason and demonstrate aggression;
   • the child does not want to part with you and cries when you leave him at school or in the garden.
3. 3 Consider if your child is having nightmares or other sleep problems. Many children have nightmares and insomnia from time to time, so you shouldn't worry about a couple of nights. However, if your child regularly has nightmares, if he cries when you leave him in the room at night, if he cannot fall asleep in his room on his own, this behavior should not be ignored.
4. 4 Pay attention to the child's inappropriate behavior during play. Often, abused children take the abuse out on toys and other children. The child can also demonstrate sexualized actions, although he had no place to know about them. Pay attention to how the child plays with toys and other children, and do not ignore unusual behavior.
   • The abused child may touch the doll or toy in a place where he would not normally touch, or may try to do so with another child.
   • The child may also use sex-related words and phrases that they may not have heard at home.
   • Young children touch their genitals, and this is normal, because they are interested in their body and want to explore it. But if the child demonstrates this to others, you should be wary. (Children do not touch their genitals for pleasure - this is a common myth. However, at some point, depending on age, the child may find that touching the genitals is pleasant and may continue to do so.)
5. 5 Pay attention to personality changes. If the child is usually cheerful and outgoing, but suddenly becomes withdrawn and withdrawn, this may be a sign of some form of abuse. If a child is naturally shy, he may start throwing tantrums and behave in an uncharacteristic way. Pay attention to unexplained mood swings in your child.
6. 6 Pay attention to how the child reacts to places and people. Does the child get nervous in certain places or in the presence of certain people? If a child hides from someone, becomes silent in their presence, or cries, this can be an alarming sign.
   • Some children are naturally shy, but you can probably tell the difference between a child's shyness and unusual fear in reaction to a person.
   • Consider if your child has avoided certain places: regular or music school, relatives' homes, and so on.
7. 7 Look for physical signs. Physical signs of sexual abuse are rare as the rapists try not to leave a trace. However, it is important to know what physical signs may be in order to notice them in time. These signs include:
   • pain, discoloration of the skin and mucous membranes, bleeding and discharge in the mouth, genitals or anus;
   • pain during bowel movements and urination;
   • bruising in the genital area.
8. 8 Know what sexual behavior is normal and abnormal for a child. Normal sexual behavior of a child between the ages of 0 and 5 is:
   • the use of children's words in describing the genitals;
   • curiosity related to the process of having children;
   • touching your own genitals;
   • interest in your genitals.

Method 2 of 3: Talking to your child

1. 1 Create an atmosphere that allows your child to talk to you. Discussing the topic of violence is difficult for both children and adults, so it is important to do so in a safe environment.Find a moment when your child does not need to go anywhere, and a cozy place for conversation, such as the family kitchen or living room. Tell your child that you want to ask him a couple of questions and that you will not punish him in any way for any answers.
   • Do not start this conversation in the presence of people whom you do not fully trust. Don't talk about violence in front of people you suspect, including close family members.
   • It is important not to make judgments and to support the child during the conversation. Don't try to dismiss the problem or add a touch of fun. Do not express anger, even if you are not angry at the child, but at the situation.
2. 2 Ask your child if someone has touched him inappropriately. If the child is comfortable, ask him gently but directly about your concerns. Ask him if anyone has touched him inappropriately. Use words that you usually use when talking to your child to describe body parts that should not be touched by other people.
   • If the child says yes, ask him to tell you more about it. Ask questions and do not judge what is said.
   • Remember that sometimes sexual abuse does not leave a negative impression on a child, so he may not have anything to answer questions like, "Did someone hurt you?" - or: "Someone touched you in the wrong way?" Ask specific questions.
3. 3 Ask your child about any abnormal behavior you notice. For example, you might say that you have noticed that your child is afraid of being in extended care without you, or that he or she behaves strangely in the presence of someone when they come to your home. If your child has been secretive, shy, or aggressive lately, ask them what the reason is. List specific actions and ask what triggered them.
4. 4 Discuss the concept of a secret with your child. Sometimes rapists ask the child to promise to keep everything secret and may even threaten the child. If the child says he has promised to keep a secret, explain to him that adults cannot ask children to keep secrets. Tell your child that in some situations, there is nothing wrong with revealing a secret, and that the child will get nothing for it.
5. 5 Remind your child that they can always reach out to you. It is important that in any situation of communication with you the child feels safe and knows that you do not judge his words or actions. Say that you are always ready to be there, that you want to help and protect the child from all bad things. If you manage to build a relationship of trust with your child, the likelihood that he will come to you in the event of abuse will be higher.

Method 3 of 3: Protecting Your Child

1. 1 Know what counts as sexual assault. Child sexual abuse can take many forms, so it is important to know all of them. Not all forms of violence are physical actions, so even if your child has not been touched, he could still be harmed. Below are examples of what constitutes sexual assault:
   • touching a child's genitals for sexual pleasure;
   • persuading a child to touch the genitals of another person (adult or child);
   • showing a child pornography;
   • photographing the child in the nude;
   • showing a child the genitals of an adult; or forcing a child to observe sexual intercourse.
2. 2 Explain to your child that some parts of the body do not show to others. It is important to teach a child from a young age that only the child himself can touch some parts of the body. Many parents define these body parts as anything hidden under a bathing suit. Explain to your child that if someone tries to touch him in “forbidden” places, he should say “no” and tell you right away.
   • Some parents explain to their children that there are three types of touch: good, bad, and secret.Good touches are those touches that are encouraged (for example, high-five). Bad touch is touch that hurts (such as a kick or kick). Secret touches are those touches that the child is told to keep secret. Ask your child to tell you right away if bad or secret touching happens to him.
3. 3 Build a trusting relationship with your child. Children are more likely to tell their parents something if they know they will not be punished for it. It is also important for children to know that their parents will believe them. Start building a trusting and positive relationship with your child so that he knows that you are ready to be there no matter what happens.
   • If a child tells you about a problem, even if it is not related to violence, do not dismiss him. Take the child's words seriously and help the child find a solution.
4. 4 Train yourself to talk to your child every day. To let your child know that you are always open to dialogue, it is important to have regular conversations with your son or daughter. Even if you are constantly busy and in a hurry, take the time to ask your child how he is doing every day. Be aware of what your child is doing, who they are talking to, and how they are feeling every day. Thanks to this, if something unusual happens, you will immediately know about everything.
   • Provide emotional support to your child. Children who receive less attention at home are easier prey.
5. 5 Get interested in your child's school life and attend events. Abusers often target children who are unattended for a long time. Come to the child's performances, games and rehearsals. If you need to leave your child with another adult, choose an adult you trust completely, from extended relatives to teachers and family friends.
6. 6 Act according to what the child tells you. If a child tells you that they have been abused, do not ignore this information, even if the news shocks you. Remember that the most common abuser is people the child knows and trusts. In only 10% of cases, the victim does not know the rapist. If you have reason to believe that someone is sexually abusing your child, do the following:
   • Avoid contact between the child and the abuser.
   • Call the emergency services and file a report with the police. Find out what information the police need.
   • Give your child medical attention. It is important to take your child to a doctor to find out if he has been physically injured.
   • Take your child to a psychologist. The psychological consequences of abuse often remain with the child for a long time. Psychotherapy can help your child find a way to cope with the trauma.

Warnings

• If your guesses come true, take action as soon as possible. Study the child's environment (peers, teachers, parents of friends, etc.) and report everything you learn to law enforcement.