Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 2: Embrace Your Broken Heart
• Part 2 of 2: Move on
• Tips

A broken heart is a truly excruciating and painful experience. At the same time, even if it seems to you that the whole world has collapsed, this does not mean that there cannot be bright and love-filled moments in the future. Although heart wounds take time to heal, there will undoubtedly come a moment when you will regain peace of mind. Until then, there are many ways you can heal your broken heart.

Steps

Part 1 of 2: Embrace Your Broken Heart

1. 1 Unleash your emotions. After a breakup, it's natural to experience all kinds of emotions, from deep sadness to blind rage. If sadness strikes you unexpectedly, give it a way out, and it will eventually make you feel better. However, it is important to remember that emotions should not determine how you live. If you are sad, plunge into this emotion, let it splash out and move on. Allowing yourself to sink into a state of numbness with pain or constantly holding back your emotions can lead to a heart attack and also trigger unnecessary stress levels.
   • This also applies to tears. If you are experiencing a fit of sobbing, do not try to suppress it. Of course, there are situations in which tears cause discomfort (for example, if you are at work, school or in the store. In such cases, it would be good to have a couple of ways to prevent yourself from bursting into tears in public.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Amy chan

   
   
   Relationship Coach Amy Chan is the founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a recovery camp that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after a relationship ends. Her team of psychologists and coaches has helped hundreds of people in just 2 years of work, and the camp has been noted by CNN, Vogue, The New York Times and Fortune. Her debut book, Breakup Bootcamp, will be published by HarperCollins in January 2020.

   Amy chan
   Relationship coach

   It's normal to feel intense pain and fear after a breakup. Amy Chan, founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, says: “According to neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp, the refusal of a loved one and separation from him can plunge us into 'primitive panic.' Even if separation is not physically dangerous, our brains perceive this loss of connection as a threat to our existence. "

   
   
2. 2 Let go of negative thoughts. If you've been through a breakup, you may be haunted by thoughts that everyone around you wants to hurt you, or that the world is a dark and unfriendly place. It is important to remember that this is not true - there are always people ready to love you, and many wonderful moments to experience in this world.To get rid of these negative thoughts, focus on what you like and surround yourself with people and things that make you happy. Meditation is a great way to deal with negative thoughts.
   • If you feel that you are falling into a negative state, turn your attention to something entertaining and calming. Go for a walk for some fresh air, call your best friend or girlfriend to see how you are doing, or start planning a project that interests you.
3. 3 Talk to someone about what you are going through. It is extremely helpful to put your feelings into words. Talk to a family member, friend, or therapist about anything that happens to you. Chances are good that an outside observer will be able to help you sort out your feelings and come up with a plan for how to get through this period with your head held high.
4. 4 Don't beat yourself up for breaking up. When someone you trust, like your ex, unexpectedly hurts you, you can start questioning your worth. Don't let yourself slide down this slippery slope - your value is beyond doubt. Remind yourself of what your strengths are, what you do well, what you enjoy doing, and so on. Concentrate your energy around what makes you feel good about yourself. Finish the video you were working on, read a good book, or start preparing for a marathon. All of this will help you realize that despite the painful experience, you are strong enough to overcome your broken heart. SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   “Take time each night to remind yourself of the good qualities you have and that you deserve love.”

   
   

   

   Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

   Family therapist Moshe Ratson is the executive director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a psychotherapy and counseling clinic in New York City. He is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) certified by the International Federation of Coaching. Received a Master's Degree in Psychotherapy in Family and Marriage from Iona College. He is a clinical member of the American Association for Family Therapy (AAMFT) and a member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

   Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
   Family psychotherapist

5. 5 Avoid activities associated with the past. As a general rule, it's best not to dwell on the past - especially after a breakup. This means staying away from anything that reminds you of the relationship and causes hard feelings. Make a list of what you associate with this relationship and try your best to avoid these things. For example, news from your ex's social media pages might make you feel sick - blacklist him.
   • Other things to avoid include listening to "your" songs, viewing your photos together, visiting places that are of particular importance to your relationship, and the like.
6. 6 Remember to take care of yourself. Perhaps the only thing you want is to lie in bed all day, but you definitely need to monitor your health. Remember to eat and try to exercise from time to time - exercising, by the way, increases serotonin levels, which, in turn, makes you feel much happier. Eat as much as you can eat and keep your appetite alive by rewarding yourself with your favorite food (ice cream, chocolate, fresh vegetable salad - whatever you like).
   • Remember - if you decide to pamper yourself with a cold beer, wine, or a terrific alcoholic cocktail, you should avoid getting drunk. While drunkenness and some associated relaxation seem like a great antidote to a pain-poisoned heart, losing control of yourself is the last thing you need to do.In addition, the state of intoxication provokes profuse tears and a terrible hangover, which will make you feel even worse than what you are currently feeling.
7. 7 Surround yourself with love and laughter. Despite the fact that the person who you thought loved you left your life, you are surrounded by many people who are ready to do anything to give you a little love. After breaking up, plan a weekend with your family - they will give you the hug you need right now. Throw a party with your friends, go to the movies with a relative - the list of possibilities is endless. Allow yourself to relax, laugh and feel the love of others.
   • A broken heart often makes you want to be alone. While it is imperative to provide yourself with time to reflect and release your emotions, you should definitely make an effort to get out of the house, to see people who can help you get through what is happening to you.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Amy chan

   Relationship Coach Amy Chan is the founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a recovery camp that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after a relationship ends. Her team of psychologists and coaches has helped hundreds of people in just 2 years of work, and the camp has been noted by CNN, Vogue, The New York Times and Fortune. Her debut book, Breakup Bootcamp, will be published by HarperCollins in January 2020.

   Amy chan
   Relationship coach

   Try to stay busy. Amy Chan, founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, says: “After breaking up, spend time with friends and family and do healthy activities like exercise even if you don't feel like it. If you indulge your body, it will tell you to isolate yourself and either stop eating or overuse sweet or salty foods. You must make a decision to control yourself. "

8. 8 Be prepared for bad days. Don't be angry with yourself or blame yourself if one day you thought you were doing much better, and the next day you have a breakdown. Some days will be harder than others. Do not reproach yourself for the sadness you experience in such cases throughout the healing journey. A broken heart is a strange thing that cannot be repaired in one day. On days when you feel sad, angry, or a sense of loss, just allow yourself to feel it and move on. SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

   Family therapist Moshe Ratson is the executive director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a psychotherapy and counseling clinic in New York City. He is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) certified by the International Federation of Coaching. Received a Master's Degree in Psychotherapy in Family and Marriage from Iona College. He is a clinical member of the American Association for Family Therapy (AAMFT) and a member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

   Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
   Family psychotherapist

   Pain means you still have room to grow. Family Therapist Moshe Ratson says: “Accept that seeking love always carries the risk of a broken heart in the end. If you allow it, the pain will prevent you from moving on and taking advantage of the opportunities that will come your way. However, grief and healing take time, so it is important to be patient. "

9. 9 Avoid playing with your ex. You two broke up - no doubt about it. No matter how they try to sweeten the pill for you - all these "it's not about you, it's about me" or "you're too good for me" - the essence of the message remains unchanged: your lover does not want to continue the relationship. Don't waste your time on these games hoping to get it back. Trying to make him jealous, constantly calling and talking about breaking up is a waste of your precious time.Put your energy into starting a new life.

Part 2 of 2: Move on

1. 1 Minimize contact with your ex. Even if you don't have the ability to exclude contacts entirely (for example, you are in the same school or have mutual friends), you can - and should - minimize the number of contacts. Don't send your ex aggressive messages or call him in tears. Never not call him drunk. All such actions will lead to the fact that you will only feel worse. Better try your best to avoid meeting and other contacts.
   • If you are forced to see each other, for example, you are in the same class, do not give in to the urge to pounce on him and slap him in the face, beg to come back or just shout "why ?????". Better to pull yourself together and either ignore your ex, or greet him neutrally when you meet, without engaging in further interaction. Don't let your ex see your disheveled feelings.
2. 2 Ignore news from your ex's life. Whether in real life or on social media, your ex should be blacklisted. Ask your friends not to tell you about seeing or hearing about your ex. Remove him from your social media friends list. While this can be difficult to do, it will ultimately benefit you.
   • If you have mutual friends, try to avoid spending time with him as much as possible. Meet with friends separately, in a small company, or set up a day of meetings exclusively with girlfriends / friends. However, never ask your friends to stop being friends with your ex. An ultimatum always leads to a war that isn't worth it.
3. 3 Try new activities. As the proverb goes, “old beyond the threshold, new to the threshold,” one of the best ways to start a new life is to find a new activity. It's time to create for yourself a bright future full of life. Have you always wanted to go diving? Basketball? Sculpture? Do it! Join a sports team or sign up for master classes. Not only will you experience new experiences, but you will also meet new interesting people who enjoy the same things that you do (and who have never heard of your ex).
4. 4 Avoid sad songs and sentimental films. Now is definitely not the time to watch The Diary of Memory or get acquainted with romantic ballads. Listen to music that invigorates and cheers you up, forget about the list of songs that you listened to in the first days after the breakup. While this all sounds a little strange, it’s easier to move on if you not only don’t feed your sadness and sadness, but also create a blacklist of songs that remind you of your ex.
   • This, in fact, applies to all forms of entertainment - romantic movies, books, plays - anything that celebrates romance or the doom of love relationships while worth blacklisting.
5. 5 Focus on helping other people. One of the best ways to get over the bitterness of loss and move on is to sideline your situation. Instead of diving into your own problems, help others deal with theirs. Volunteer with a local charity, call a friend who is going through a difficult period, or just help your mom rearrange furniture at home - helping others will help you realize that despite a broken heart, you are far from the worst situation.
6. 6 Exercise to release your emotions. Working out in the gym is one of the best ways to reduce stress and overcome depression. By exercising to sweat, you release serotonin, which induces feelings of happiness and relaxation. Start exercising at home or join a sports club you've been planning to go to for years.
7. 7 Wish your ex all the best. One of the most serious steps that can help you truly start a new life is simply to wish the person you broke up with happiness. You don't have to tell him / her to his / her face - you just need to say to yourself, "I hope ___ is doing well." You don’t have to forgive him for breaking your heart, and you don’t have to try to forget what you went through because of it. However, letting go of your anger and sadness is very important - this is a healthy and positive step forward.
   • If you feel like staying with your former friends, make sure you're not trying to create a haven for your romantic love. If you still feel feverish at the sight of your ex, or if you still imagine each other together, it's best not to try to maintain friendships just yet. And when you become friends, remember that it will be almost impossible for you to keep from remembering your relationship - this is normal, most importantly, channel warm feelings into friendship (and nowhere more).
8. 8 Open up to new opportunities. This does not mean that you should immediately run towards a new relationship, especially if you understand that this is a relationship for you in order to fill the void that has arisen, and does not mean anything special. You risk hurting the other person. It's best to take your time, even if you meet someone who is potentially of serious interest to you.

Tips

• Remember that a broken heart cannot be healed overnight - the process takes time, but eventually you will feel the taste of life again.
• Remind yourself every day that you are a special person.