Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Assess Your Chances of a Successful Relationship
• Part 2 of 3: Cherish Love and Remain Loyal
• Part 3 of 3: Dealing with Conflict

Love is a very important factor, but for a relationship to be successful in the long term, it takes more than just a feeling of love. Both you and your partner need to work on yourself and your relationship.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Assess Your Chances of a Successful Relationship

1. 1 Compare your values ​​in life. Your core values ​​in life determine your approach to life and love. Compare your own values ​​with those of your partner. If they are drastically different, then your partner's lifestyle and your lifestyle may be too incompatible to maintain a lasting relationship.
   • Consider all core values ​​in life, including faith, social beliefs, and future plans. For example, if you definitely want to have children, and your partner is definitely against it, then a successful relationship may not be possible.
   • It is also worth comparing your financial values. Consider how you and your partner spend money. Once you have a shared budget, you will need to agree on how you will spend and save money.
2. 2 Ask yourself if your partner is trustworthy. It is important to trust your partner, but you need to give your trust only to someone who really deserves it.
   • Consider what you have experienced. Ask yourself if your partner has been reliable and has always supported you. A partner who betrayed you in the past may no longer be trustworthy.
   • If your partner has already proven to be trustworthy, but you still find it difficult to trust him, then perhaps the problem lies with you. There may be some unrelated reason why you find it so difficult to trust him. Then you will need to address this issue before you can build a lasting relationship with your partner.
3. 3 See which side of you is represented in the relationship. Different people naturally bring different aspects of your personality to the fore. It will be much easier to maintain a successful relationship with someone who naturally brings your positive qualities to the surface.
   • Basically, you need to ask yourself if you are happy with who you are in the relationship. For example, if this relationship makes you feel insecure, it may not be healthy and should not be maintained, even if your partner is unintentionally showing that side of you.
   • If you are unhappy with who you are in the context of the relationship, you may be able to resolve the issue with the help of a partner or a professional therapist.You will need to determine if it is possible to solve your particular problem.
4. 4 Test your ability to deal with conflicts. Think about how you and your partner deal with conflict, both in and outside the relationship. While there will always be room for improvement, you need at least some current foundation for healthy conflict resolution if you want your relationship to last.
   • Successful couples have a knack for admitting, confronting, and solving problems. If you resent each other, avoid conflict altogether, or close down emotionally after an argument, you will need to improve your way of dealing with conflict if you want a lasting relationship.
   • Likewise, when external problems arise, you and your partner should be able to support each other. Getting closer will make your relationship more successful, but when you grow apart, it's a bad sign.

Part 2 of 3: Cherish Love and Remain Loyal

1. 1 Be equal. Both you and your partner should look at each other as equals. Both of you must acknowledge that both of you are equally deserving of love, respect, and loyalty. If one partner is less committed than the other, then the relationship will not last long.
   • If you are not ready to repay the service for the service, then do not ask for it. For example, if you want to spend an evening with your friends, you should let your partner spend the evening with his friends.
   • Divide your shared responsibilities equally. Divide household chores equally and give each other the same voice in decisions that affect both of you.
2. 2 Express love for one another. You need to express your love both through words and through actions. Work on this with your partner to find the right balance for your relationship.
   • Saying “I love you” is very important, even if you often express your love through action. Actions speak louder than words, but there are times when words speak more clearly.
   • Show your love with little physical intimacy and appreciation. For example, hold your partner's hand as you walk down the street, or surprise him with a small gift to show that you were thinking of him.
3. 3 Respect each other. Respect is just as important in a relationship as love. If the two of you are unable to respect each other as human beings, then the bond between you will eventually collapse.
   • Accept your partner for who they are. Instead of trying to change your partner, embrace all of their weaknesses and focus on their strengths.
   • You also need to make sure that both you and your partner respect you. Meet your partner's needs, but don't put them above your own.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

   
   
   Family Therapist Allen Wagner is a Licensed Family and Marriage Therapist based in Los Angeles, California. He received his MA in Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2004. He specializes in working with individual clients and couples, helping them improve relationships. Together with his wife, Talia Wagner, he wrote the book "Married Roommates".

   Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
   Family psychotherapist

   Respect is the most important component of a lasting relationship. Family therapist Allen Wagner says: “If you don’t respect your partner or feel that his opinion matters to you, you will end up criticizing him more than supporting him, and you will both be unhappy. When your partner feels that he is safe with you, that you respect and appreciate him, that he is irreplaceable, then both of you will be much happier. "

   
   
4. 4 Provide support. You will need to support each other all the time. Cheer each other up when things change for the worse, and congratulate each other when things are going well.
   • Listen to your partner's complaints and interests.Give advice whenever possible, but never underestimate the importance of a shoulder to cry on.
   • You should also give your partner the opportunity to support you. Confess your likes, dislikes, fears, and dreams to your partner. Be as open as possible about this.
5. 5 Improve all aspects of intimacy. Emotional as well as physical intimacy is very important in a relationship. You should experience the same strong emotional connection with your partner as you feel physical attraction.
   • Take the time to look good for each other. Most of the time you don't need to dress up, but on special occasions, you should put a little more effort into your appearance so that your partner understands how attractive you are to him.
   • Your love relationship should be based on a strong friendship. You must be able to share secrets, laugh and cry with each other.
6. 6 Stay positive. People with positive attitudes tend to be more successful in everything in general. This is true in almost every area of ​​life, and your relationship is no exception.
   • Stay grateful for your relationship and don't take any aspect of it for granted.
   • Take the time to reward positive relationships. Give your partner positive affirmations at least five times as often as negative comments.
7. 7 Try something new together. To prevent stagnation in your relationship, you should share new experiences together from time to time.
   • Discuss the various options you can go for and take into account your individual preferences. There are some activities that you know your partner will not like, but will like, and vice versa. Avoid these activities whenever possible and focus on new experiences that can bring both of you equal pleasure.
8. 8 Take time for yourself. Even though you and your partner are supposed to be "one" in some sense, you are both separate individuals. Invest in yourself as a person so you have enough energy to contribute to the relationship.
   • Spend time alone with yourself doing activities and hobbies of yours that do not bring pleasure to your partner. Spend some quiet time alone, meditating and relaxing.
   • Keep in touch with your friends and family. It's great if your partner gets along well with all of your other loved ones, but it's helpful to have your own separate social circle as well.

Part 3 of 3: Dealing with Conflict

1. 1 Prioritize correctly. Two people in a relationship will always face disagreements, but some of these problems will be more serious than others. Fight important battles and let go of minor ones.
   • Ask yourself if the current disagreement has lasting consequences. If not, then it might be worth letting go. If so, you may need to find a solution together.
2. 2 Communicate openly and honestly. You should always be sincere with each other, but effective communication is especially important during an argument or other disagreement.
   • No one can read minds. Instead of making your partner guess, just tell him directly what you need or want from him. You will only be able to reach a certain decision through open communication.
3. 3 Empathize. Try to put yourself in your partner's shoes and reflect on their needs. As you learn to empathize with your partner's feelings, you may be less angry and more willing to accept their point of view.
   • Every person has imperfections. Instead of seeing your partner's quirks as weaknesses, accept that those traits are simply part of their whole personality.
   • Many flaws are associated with insecurity, so picking on them during an argument will only make things worse. Instead, aim for constructive conversation and criticism.
4. 4 Make a compromise. Give a little and take a little.Instead of thinking that resolving differences should be strictly in line with either your ideals or your partner’s ideals, try to reach a consensus that satisfies both of your points of view.
   • For example, if you have a disagreement about how to conduct your dates, think of a way to include an activity that your partner will enjoy and an activity that you will enjoy. If that doesn't work, agree to let your partner plan the date, provided that you plan the next date.
5. 5 Respond very actively to problems. When problems arise in your relationship, come up with ways to proactively fix them instead of dwelling on the problems themselves.
   • For example, if you two stop spending time together, start planning time for your relationship. Plan a date with dinner, or choose an activity that both of you enjoy. Make a conscious effort to fix the problem rather than letting it go and letting it get worse.