Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 2: Fundamentals of Trust
• Part 2 of 2: Restoring Trust After Betrayal
• Tips

Trust is the foundation of any good relationship, especially when it comes to marriage, a commitment that (ideally) lasts a lifetime. Whether you're a newlywed looking to start off on a good note, or experiencing recent marital issues, there are techniques you can apply to get you on the right track. With respect, hard work, and patience, you can build trust in your relationship for years to come.

Steps

Part 1 of 2: Fundamentals of Trust

1. 1 Realize the importance of trust. Trust is so necessary for a harmonious relationship because without it you simply cannot be truly happy next to your partner. Consider the following:
   • Without trust, you will have reason to worry when your husband is not around. Is he doing what he says, or is he cheating on you?
   • Without trust, you cannot be 100% sure that your husband is devoted to you. Does he see this relationship as long-term, or is he just waiting for something better to come along?
   • Without trust, you cannot be sure that your husband will do everything in his power to show his respect and concern for you. Will he embarrass you, humiliate you in front of other people?
2. 2 Talk to him about your concerns. Communication is the key to developing trust in a relationship. You must be open about your feelings. If your husband does something that undermines your confidence, tell him! He can't read your mind, so if you want him to change, you have to talk to him.
   • Try to voice your concerns without an accusatory tone. You are not going to force him to make excuses. Try to be open and friendly. For example, you might say, "Hey, could we talk a little about us?" In presenting your reasons, it is better to talk about how his actions affect your feelings, rather than criticize him and get personal.
   • You shouldn't only talk about negative things - don't be afraid to talk about the good things he does for you.
3. 3 Listen to him. Good communication is a two-way street. Listen to what your spouse has to say and try your best to understand him. You don't always have to agree with him, but he deserves your attention and respect, especially if you are discussing unpleasant topics.
   • It is also very important to show your husband that you are listening to him. Maintain eye contact and nod your head from time to time. Repeat the last thing he said periodically.
4. 4 Respect his personal space. Let the new trust in the relationship begin with you. The main way to build trust is to give your husband enough personal space (expecting the same from him). This means not digging into his phone, e-mail, mail, or social media accounts. It also means not calling him constantly, asking what he is doing or demanding an explanation for what he has already done. Doing so only feeds your own self-doubt and does nothing to change what your husband is doing.
   • However, this does not mean that you should turn a blind eye to his bad behavior and ignore the evidence. Obvious warning signs (like a cryptic message that caused him to cancel dinner with you without any explanation) may be grounds for your own investigation.
5. 5 Be open about your expectations. It is very important that each spouse expresses their reasonable expectations early in the relationship. That way, if any of you is doing something wrong, you can clearly state what exactly undermined your trust. This is especially important if your expectations from your partner differ significantly from the standard "norms" (for example, do not cheat, do not flirt with others, etc.).It is also just necessary to share responsibilities in a relationship (for example, taking care of children).
   • If you haven't already, be honest with your partner about your expectations of each other. Be prepared to speak up about relationship problems, but try to talk about your feelings, not your suspicions. For example, you might say, "When you come home late all the time, it starts to feel like I'm not important to you." This way, you give him the opportunity to see how it affects you, while not making accusations that could lead to a fight.

Part 2 of 2: Restoring Trust After Betrayal

1. 1 Explain clearly to your husband how he undermined your trust. After a betrayal, your first goal is to consider how you will speak to a spouse who has shaken your trust. Just like above, you need to focus on what you are felt as a result of his actions, and not on personal attacks. But since in this case he deliberately did something that hurt you, then you do not need to remain completely calm. It makes sense to show emotion, especially if he has done something truly offensive.
   • For example, you might start a conversation like this: “We need to talk. I don't like the fact that you lied about where you were. If I can't trust you, then there may be problems in our relationship. " This made it clear that you were upset, but didn’t let your emotions take over completely.
2. 2 Give him the opportunity to rebuild trust. Betrayal can be different: from rather insignificant (cheated in order to spend time with friends, forgot about a romantic date, etc.) to global (betrayal, humiliation in front of other people, etc.). It's up to you how much your spouse's undermining of trust will affect your relationship. However, since you are staying together after a problem arises, you should give your husband a real chance to regain trust.
   • Make sure the punishment matches the crime. For example, if you find your spouse flirting in correspondence with a colleague, but at the same time he swears that nothing else happened (and you believe him), you can avoid intimacy (sex, hugs, tenderness, etc.) until make sure he is not interested in anyone other than you.
3. 3 See a family counselor. If you cannot solve the problem yourself, but want to save the marriage, do not be afraid to seek professional help. A therapist or psychologist who works with couples can help you remove the roots of the reasons that prevent you from trusting each other as a spouse.
   • There is no need to be ashamed of consulting a professional. Many couples turn to them for help in various kinds of family matters. The very fact that you want help is already a reason for pride, even if it is not something you would like to discuss at a friendly dinner.
4. 4 Consider ending the relationship if you cannot trust him. As mentioned at the beginning of this article, a happy relationship is never possible without trust. If your husband has done something that erodes your trust forever, or if he refuses to change after betraying, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship. Breaking up isn't easy, especially if you're married, but the prospect of living with someone you can't trust is never a good idea.

Tips

• Both of you are still separate individuals who deserve and need personal space. Giving him some freedom will lower your anxiety about his actions, and your husband, in turn, will be more willing to answer questions and talk more, even if you don't ask. His worries will diminish, and so will yours.
• Listening to and properly assessing your spouse's feelings and interests will help him gain trust in you.And so he is more likely to want to listen to and understand your feelings, as well as to express his position more often.