Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Being Heard at Work
• Method 2 of 3: Being Heard in Relationships
• Method 3 of 3: Being Heard in the Social Environment
• Tips
• Warnings

Sometimes it is difficult to understand that you are not being listened to, whether at a work meeting, or with people who are important to you, or just on the street and in the world.While there is no magic formula that will get people to listen to you, there are techniques you can use in certain situations to increase your chances of being heard.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Being Heard at Work

1. 1 Tailor your communication style to your audience. Make sure you speak in the most effective way for your audience - this is an important part of being heard. Always consider who the audience you are going to speak to when trying to be heard.
   • Think how they speak: do they speak fast, just “shoot” their ideas? Or do they speak more slowly and with more attention?
   • If you speak quickly to slow perceiving people, then they are more likely to ignore your ideas, no matter how good they are. You need to adjust the pace of your conversation to the pace of your audience's perception.
2. 2 Know your colleagues. This is part of the previous point about tailoring your communication style to your audience, but you need to know how to communicate effectively with your colleagues. If you want to be listened to, then you must speak at their level, which should be determined.
   • Find out what drives them and adjust your idea to their point of view. If they blog, read it; if they write articles for a magazine in your field, check them out. You need to get to the bottom of their ideas.
   • Find out what topics they are interested in and what they value. To be actually heard, you must tailor your ideas to what will interest your colleagues the most. For example: if you find that your colleague is really interested in preserving the environment, then you can try and show how your idea will help with preserving the environment.
3. 3 Be well informed. You really don't want to be the kind of person in the meeting who just blurt out ideas without having a clue of what's going on. Make sure you know what is going to be considered in a meeting or at work.
   • Preparing some topics and opinions on the matter ahead of time is a good way to be able to speak competently and be heard during a meeting or discussion. This will give you a starting point for expressing your ideas, especially if you are not very verbose on your own.
4. 4 Choose the expression that works best for you. You need to build on your strengths when discussing your idea, or describing a work situation, while considering your audience. If you are an unrivaled use of PowerPoint for creating presentations, then use it as a means by which you can express your ideas.
   • People learn and perceive information in different ways. You can check whether your colleagues or people in the meeting are better at reading the information visually or audibly.
   • Also, a good way to make sure everyone is following your train of thought is to mix your presentation styles. For example: you might have a PowerPoint presentation, handout, and a small discussion of your idea.
5. 5 Act quickly. This is especially important if you are someone who has difficulty speaking in a meeting or discussion. If you have ideas, act quickly. Delaying will mean that someone might be saying their idea in front of you, or the conversation will be too heated and you won't feel comfortable speaking out.
   • Of course, don't start talking if no one has asked a question or asked for ideas. It will look a little presumptuous.
6. 6 Ask questions. Often times, people are so focused on promoting their ideas that they forget that asking questions can be just as important, and sometimes even better, than just presenting ideas. Questions can help clarify a state of affairs or make people think differently about a problem.
   • For example, if people are discussing how to get the most out of the day, ask if this is what the boss wants; ask what the problem is, and so on.
   • Prepare questions ahead of time, even if you don't use them. It can help you prepare and help clarify your own thoughts.
7. 7 Make eye contact. You want people to pay attention when you speak, because only then will you feel heard. Establishing eye contact with people throughout the room means they are more likely to turn on their brains when you speak.
   • Eye contact also shows that you have confidence in yourself and in your ideas, which makes people more inclined to consider them.
   • It will also help you make sure people are listening and interested in what you have to say. If you see people not listening or showing interest, you may need to rethink how you present your ideas.
8. 8 Don't expect someone to ask for your opinion. While this may be the case in all different walks of life, it is especially true in the case of work. Often times, people are so busy presenting their ideas that they are not going to ask about yours, because they will assume that if you have an idea, then you will speak clearly and distinctly anyway.
   • You have to make a conscious effort to be heard in order to speak. If you don't, then you simply won't be heard. It can take a while to get comfortable speaking openly, but the more you do it, the better you get.
   • This is something that can be especially difficult for women who are taught not to interrupt and that interruption is rude.

Method 2 of 3: Being Heard in Relationships

1. 1 Choose the right time. Part of being actually heard is choosing the right time and the right place. This is especially important if you have a difficult issue to talk about.
   • You should choose an intimate moment, not at a public event. So if you have some kind of problem, then discussing it with your loved one in front of the whole family on Christmas Eve will not facilitate communication.
   • Plus, picking a time when you're both grumpy or already upset (on a long trip, for example) makes the other person less likely to hear you.
2. 2 Know in advance what you want to say. While you don't need to write your thesis word for word, it is a good idea to prepare yourself and know what issues you want to raise. This is especially important if you are shy or tend to find it harder to think on the go.
   • It can also keep you on track during the conversation itself, because you have more opportunities to remember what you need to discuss.
3. 3 Check if the other person is ready to hear you. While this involves choosing the right time and place, it is important that you say when you are ready to be heard. If it doesn't, then what you say or how you say it rarely matters. If a person is not ready to listen to you, then he will not hear you.
   • Body language can tell you a lot. If the person has turned away from you, is not making eye contact, or their arms are crossed over their chest, then they are likely feeling defensive or unwilling to listen to you.
   • If the person is aggressive or angry, it will be very difficult to get them to listen to what you are saying. In this case, it is best to get away from this situation as soon as possible.
4. 4 Make sure your own body language is conducive to the conversation. When you're trying to get someone to hear you, you need to make sure your body language is also conducive to this. Do your best to avoid ending the conversation by paying attention to what your body language is saying.
   • If you can, sit next to the person you are trying to reach.Make sure you maintain a sufficient distance between you and them so that the person does not feel like you are pressing on them, but close enough that you have a bond.
   • Keep your tone of voice and body language as neutral as possible. Avoid crossing your arms over your chest, or clenching your hands into fists. Keep your chest as open as possible.
   • Maintain eye contact with the other person. This will help you understand how he is feeling and if he is still listening to you, and it will help keep the connection between the two of you.
5. 5 Prepare all the conditions. You try to engage the other person in the conversation without shutting their mouths. If you immediately close your mouth to another person during a conversation, it will be nearly impossible to get them to hear you. What you need to do is discuss the general issue, not blame.
   • As an example, say something like, “I have a problem and I'm wondering if you can help me with it,” and go straight to explaining that you need help taking care of the children.
   • A second example might look like “I'm confused, I would really like you to try and help me understand,” and then move on to explaining how you feel there is a distance between the two of you and you really enjoy working on overcoming this distance.
6. 6 Express vulnerability, not anger. Anger is usually a mask for something deeper and more vulnerable, such as fear or pain. When you start a conversation directly in anger, you cut off all paths of conversation, rather than prepare them.
   • Vulnerability, while much harder (and scarier) to express, is likely more likely to be heard. This means you need to share your pain in a more thoughtful way.
   • This is why “I” statements are so incredibly important. You explain why you are in pain or why you are upset. For example: “It hurt me when you forgot to pick up your clothes from dry cleaning, because it feels like my to-do list is not as important as coming home and throwing your feet on the sofa” - sounds much better and more open than “You always forgetting to do the right things. I guess you just don't care about this important to-do list! "
7. 7 Be prepared to listen yourself. Conversation and the desire to be heard is not a one-way street. You cannot expect a person to listen to you if you are not willing to listen to them. It can be difficult to hear something about yourself or a relationship that goes against what you thought, but if you want to be listened to, you have to listen yourself.
   • Listen to what the other person has to say. If you are not ready to listen when your significant other explains their understanding of what is happening - "I forgot to pick up my clothes from the dry cleaning because I was very upset about our child's poor grades at school" - then you will come nowhere.
   • When the other person is speaking, develop active listening. If you missed something or are lost in your thoughts, ask the person to repeat what they just said. Make eye contact when he speaks and pay attention to what he is saying, not what you are about to say.
8. 8 Develop your sense of humor. Important conversations to get people to listen to you, to open up when you're in pain or upset. All of these things can be incredibly difficult and emotionally draining. If you can approach them with humor, you are more likely to move forward.
   • After all, people tend to listen to you when you approach a situation with a sense of humor rather than emotionally.
9. 9 Accept that sometimes the other person is not willing to listen. You may not always be heard. You just can't. It doesn't matter if you did everything “right”. You have set the stage, you have chosen the right time, you have remained neutral, not angry. Sometimes people are not ready for what you have to say, and sometimes they are never ready.
   • If someone is unable or unwilling to listen to what you have to say, you may need to consider whether to have a relationship with that person.

Method 3 of 3: Being Heard in the Social Environment

1. 1 Consider whether you need to speak. The essence of being heard is timing. This means you don't do it all the time. Remember, quantity and quality don't always go together.
   • Sometimes what people need is free ears. Being a person who listens to other people can be incredibly important.
   • Develop your ability to speak only when you feel it's important to say it. People will be more likely to listen to you if they know you are talking about interesting things.
2. 2 Know when not to speak. You don't need to talk to everyone. You don't have to talk all the time. There are many times and places where people are more or less receptive to conversation and listen to you. Knowing which places are good for this will make you feel more heard in the long run.
   • For example: someone who has suffered a very long flight is likely to be less receptive to your conversation than someone with whom you stand in a long line for a concert you both enjoy.
   • What about the person who wears headphones and looks out the bus window? Yes, he probably doesn't want to hear about everything in your new business of selling used Ferrari cars.
3. 3 Let people know that all you want is to speak up. There are times in every person's life when all that is needed is sympathetic free ears while they talk about some kind of injustice. Now some people, especially guys, are more interested in providing solutions than listening to your complaints.
   • Many people are happy to sympathize or listen if they know this is all they need to do. If they think they have to come up with solutions, they'll be a little shorter with you and maybe listen less.
   • Also, choose your audience. Your brother isn't the best person to complain to about your boyfriend, and your best friend might be.
4. 4 Learn to listen. One of the keys to wanting to be heard is knowing how to listen. This will not only help you find people who are most likely to actually listen to you, people who know that by listening to them, they will be more likely to listen to you.
   • Put your cell phone, or iPod, or other player away when you are talking to a person. Don't look around the room.
   • If you missed what you were told, ask to repeat it.

Tips

• Remember that speaking louder is not the same as being heard. In fact, the louder you speak, the more likely you are to scare away people who might otherwise listen to you.

Warnings

• Remember, no one is required to spend their time or attention on you, not even that poor salesperson. If you feel like no one is listening to you, you should think about what exactly you have to say.