Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Staying Optimistic
• Part 2 of 3: Stay Realistic
• Part 3 of 3: Don't be pessimistic

Researchers have found that optimism has positive effects on health, success, and well-being. But not everything is so simple. Positive results are associated with an optimistic but sober outlook on life, and have nothing to do with rose-colored glasses. Realistic optimism is a combination of a positive mindset and a practical approach. By learning the power of sober optimism, you will learn to achieve goals and excel at school, work, and relationships. Learn to believe in the best, keep a realistic view of things, and start fighting negative thoughts.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Staying Optimistic

1. 1 Define your values. To maintain optimism, you need to know your values. Think about what your life would be like if money constraints did not matter and there were no obstacles in front of you. Describe on paper what your personal life, work, and environment would be like in an ideal world. This will help you understand which direction to think in order to develop an optimistic attitude.
2. 2 Realize that you are creating your own life. Understand that the future is in your hands to set yourself up for optimism. You set goals for yourself and go to them.
   • Think about how you would like to see your life in a year and realize that through hard work you can achieve this.
3. 3 Look for opportunities. Being optimistic depends on opportunities, so don't miss the chances life gives you. Explore different options and alternatives, find suitable opportunities to achieve your goals.
   • Openness is the best way to find new opportunities. Start a conversation with a stranger, take a walk without a specific goal, or sign up for classes in a subject of your interest.
4. 4 Set inspiring goals. Attainable yet motivating goals fuel optimism, creating pictures of a brilliant future to strive for. Imagine in detail how you achieved your goal, think about the various paths that can lead you to it.
   • For example, if you want to travel all over the world, then set yourself the goal of saving money for flights and other essentials. Then start imagining vivid pictures of your arrival at your first destination to encourage yourself to do your day to day work towards that goal. Imagine landscapes, sounds and smells, feel them as vividly as possible.
   • Write down your goals to make them more tangible, and reread them every day to remind yourself of what you are striving for.
5. 5 Find reasons to laugh. It is known that laughter is the best medicine. Research has shown that a day's burst of humor can help you look to the future with optimism. Humor suppresses negative thoughts and stimulates positive emotions that foster optimism and hope.
   • Watch comedy or YouTube videos. Spend time with a classmate who likes to fool around, or offer to look after your 5-year-old nephew.
   • There are many reasons for laughter in everyday life - try to notice them.
6. 6 Learn to be grateful. Think about the things for which you feel grateful to stay optimistic even in difficult circumstances. Try to focus on any positive aspects of life and adjust your thoughts in a positive way.
   • To make this a habit, start keeping a gratitude journal. Take a few minutes before bed each night to write down a few things that you are grateful for today.
   • You can set a reminder on your phone so that you don't forget to make notes in your gratitude journal every day.

Part 2 of 3: Stay Realistic

1. 1 Identify cognitive biases. Cognitive biases are negative or unrealistic thought patterns that make you feel stressed or overwhelmed. The brain begins to perceive reality in a distorted form, negative thoughts and obsession with negative events and emotions appear. Popular psychology distinguishes many cognitive biases. Here are some of them.
   • Black and white thinking in the spirit of "all or nothing" - the tendency to see only extremes, without intermediate shades ("if they don't love me, they hate me").
   • Emotional justification is an attempt to tie reality to the current emotional state ("today I am not in the mood, so no one wants to meet with me").
   • Labeling - over-focusing on shortcomings (“I'm a failure”).
   • Hasty conclusions - reading thoughts or predicting troubles in the future by means of fortune-telling ("today I saw Olya, but she didn't say hello to me - apparently, we are no longer friends" or "I know that I will look like a fool at this competition").
   • Exaggerations - the desire to fan the elephant out of a fly ("I got a B in algebra, now I will not pass the exam and will stay for the second year").
   • Obligation - internal dialogue is filled with the words “should”, “need”, “have to” or “necessary” (“I should have realized that he didn’t like me”).
2. 2 Fight negative thinking patterns. Now that you know what cognitive biases are and how to recognize them, learn to deal with the logic of such thoughts. This will give you power over your thoughts and learn to continuously monitor what is going on in your head. When you notice that you are starting to think negatively, use the following strategies:
   • First, think about how true such thoughts are. For example, you thought, "Nobody loves me." It is necessary to assess how true this is.
   • Consider the facts. Are you always alone? Do people sometimes want to keep you company? Have friends or family members ever talked about how they enjoy talking to you?
   • Engage mindfulness. There is nothing good about punishing yourself for your own thoughts. If you find yourself thinking negative or unrealistic thoughts, deep breathing and awareness will come to your rescue. Breathe in the positive and breathe out the negative. Recognize all cognitive biases, but think of them as ships entering your harbor. Direct the negative to the open sea, and carefully moor the positive at the pier.
3. 3 Take responsibility. Realistic optimism means taking action to achieve your desired goals. You don't have to sit and wait for your happiness. Researchers argue that people who take responsibility for their decisions and believe in their ability to be in control tend to cope better.
   • Taking responsibility for your actions is not about trying to control every aspect of your life. You must be responsible for your decisions and accept the fact that some things are out of your control.
4. 4 Don't be fooled. Realists are aware of their inclinations, shortcomings, and inner expectations. Assess yourself critically to see which traits and beliefs help you in life and which ones need to be changed. However, by no means compare yourself to other people. Concentrate only on yourself.
   • Ask yourself about your ideas about the world, both conscious and unconscious. Do they help you or only hinder you? For example, you have come to the conclusion that people are incapable of being faithful because your last partner cheated on you. How does this help you? Will such a belief have a positive impact on future relationships? Of course not.
   • If you need an objective outside perspective, ask a close friend about your flaws and positive qualities. Friends can help you see yourself objectively and highlight traits that you might not have thought about.
5. 5 Assess the difficulties along the way. The ability to really look at a situation (good or bad) allows us to perceive life correctly. When assessing the current circumstances, it is better not to close your eyes to good and bad moments. Consider negative aspects to make changes or be flexible.
6. 6 Make a plan. A concrete and workable plan is the surest way to make your dreams come true. An effective plan isn't necessarily difficult. Any good plan provides answers to the "when" and "where" questions. By planning when and where to take a specific action, you are more likely to implement your plan.
   • For example, instead of “I’ll study tonight,” think “I’ll go and study in the library at seven.”
   • A great way to instill habits is to use the if-then method. This approach is: "If X happens, then Y will follow." Instead of "X", you can substitute time, place or event. "Y" is your response. For example, if it is 7 pm on Monday (X), then you need to spend 2 hours working at the university library (Y). According to research results, this method increases the likelihood of success by 2–3 times.
7. 7 Prepare for obstacles. Success or failure depends a lot on how you handle difficulties. People who expect to meet obstacles in their path and make plans to solve problems are more successful than those who expect an easy walk.
   • There is nothing pessimistic about this approach - it is purely realistic. Something constantly goes wrong, often due to reasons beyond our control. Pessimists find such obstacles insurmountable, while optimistic realists find solutions.
8. 8 Redefine your expectations. If your expectations are unrealistic, it can lead to disappointment. Consider if your expectations for yourself are realistic, and if not, reconsider and change them.
   • For example, if you expect to always write tests and tests with only five points, you may be terribly disappointed when you get a four once. However, a four essentially means good, and you might want to change your expectations and decide that you will be doing at least four points in time.

Part 3 of 3: Don't be pessimistic

1. 1 Reconsider your beliefs. Negative beliefs and thought patterns breed pessimism. In a pessimistic mood, put emotions aside and understand where the source of your feelings lies.
   • If the problem turns out to be false inferences or negative self-image, remind yourself that such ideas are irrational and counterproductive and should not get in your way.
   • Try to surround yourself with optimistic people. They will help you maintain the right mindset.
2. 2 Use logic to deal with negative thoughts. If you have pessimistic thoughts, then ask yourself: "How true is this?" It often turns out that pessimism is generated by emotions that have little to do with reality. Logical thinking will help to recognize the illusory nature of such thoughts.
   • For example, if you are overcome by pessimistic feelings that the employee does not like you, then do not dwell on this, but think about the reason for such thoughts. Is there a more likely explanation for this? The employee may have had a bad day, or they may be naturally gloomy.
3. 3 Remember your successes. When you are overwhelmed by pessimism, it is easy to see the negative in everything and forget about all the positive aspects. Think back to past successes to tune in to a positive mindset.
   • As needed, recall all your achievements and obstacles that you had to overcome for this. Praise yourself for graduating from university. Give yourself a mental hand for finally breaking up with your toxic best friend.
4. 4 Avoid all-or-nothing thoughts. Such thoughts easily provoke a negative mood, since any mistake (even the smallest) begins to be perceived as a failure.In reality, no one is perfect.
   • For example, people with a categorical way of thinking believe that others "love or hate" them, when in reality you can love a person, but not love his particular habits or qualities.
   • Think about what you think in these categories, and analyze such ideas for validity. Get rid of this way of thinking. Focus on being successful, not perfect. Work on mistakes and don't forget about your achievements.
   • Be prepared to stop being in control sometimes and admit that life is full of unpredictability and uncertainty.
5. 5 Get support. Feelings of loneliness and lack of support often provoke pessimistic thoughts. If you are depressed or unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel, seek support from a relative, friend, or coworker who can help you regain your optimism.
   • The support of others fills us with optimism and gives hope, so do not hesitate to ask for help in difficult times.
   • Sometimes it’s enough to just call a friend and say: “Hi, something I’m feeling depressed lately. Do you have a free minute to chat? "
   • If you are constantly plagued by pessimistic thoughts, consider seeking help from a psychologist or therapist.