Author:
Robert Simon
Date Of Creation:
21 June 2021
Update Date:
1 July 2024
Content
Negative thinking is not just a problem for some people or only occurs in certain situations. Everyone, one time or another, gets annoyed with negative thoughts. In fact, negative thoughts are a common phenomenon, around 80% of our thoughts often revolve around some negative topic. Although there are many reasons for negative thoughts, you can still learn to capture these thoughts and make them go away.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Record Your Thoughts
Keep a thought journal. It is important to keep a journal with you so that you can keep a record of when and the circumstances of your negative thoughts, and how you react to them. Often times, we are used to such negative thoughts that they "automatically" appear, or become a natural reflex. Taking the time to record your thoughts in your journal will be the first step in determining how much distance you need to go to change those thoughts.
- When you have a negative thought, jot down its contents. Also, write down what happened when the thought occurred. What did you do? Who did you stay with? Where have you been? Did anything happen that triggered this thought?
- Pay attention to how you react to it. What did you do, think, or say in response to that thought?
- Take time to reflect. Ask yourself how much confidence you have with these thoughts of yourself, and how you felt when experiencing them.
Notice times when you have negative thoughts about yourself. Negative thoughts can be directed towards others, but more often than not, they are the things that you think about yourself. Negative beliefs about yourself can be expressed through negative self-esteem. Self-assessment can be an affirmation of what "should" do, like "I should do this better." They can also be negative tags, such as "I'm a loser" or "I'm pathetic." Negative generalization is also a common expression, such as "I always ruin everything." These thoughts show that you have accepted negative beliefs about yourself and accepted them as the truth.- Keep a journal when you have such thoughts.
- As you take notes on your thoughts, try to separate yourself a little from the thought. Write "I thought I was a loser," instead of just repeating "I am a loser." This will help you realize that these thoughts are not the obvious truth.
Identify problem behaviors. Negative thoughts, especially those about yourself, often lead to negative behavior. As you write down your thoughts, be mindful of your responses to the thought. Common unhelpful behaviors include:- Stay away from loved ones, friends and socializing
- Find ways to over-rectify yourself (e.g., please people too much because you want them to accept you)
- Neglect everything (eg don't study for exams because you think you're "stupid" and will fail whatever)
- Passive instead of assertive (Example: not showing your true thoughts and feelings clearly)
Review your diary details. Seek a pattern of negative thoughts to let your core beliefs come through. For example, if you constantly have thoughts like "I should have better test results" or "Everyone thinks I'm a loser," you may have created a negative inner belief. about my own abilities, such as "I'm stupid." You are allowing yourself to think in a rigid and unreasonable way about yourself.- Core negative beliefs can do a lot of harm. Because they are deeply embedded in you, understanding those beliefs is very important, rather than focusing on changing negative thoughts. Focusing only on changing negative thoughts is like applying an emergency bandage to a bullet wound: it doesn't deal with the root of the problem.
- For example, if you have a core negative belief that you are "useless," there is a high chance you will experience more negative thoughts related to that belief, such as "I It's pathetic, "" I don't deserve someone else's love, "or" I should be a better person. "
- You will also find negative behaviors related to these beliefs, such as doing your best to please a friend because deep down you believe you are not worthy of a friendship. . You need to challenge these beliefs to change your thinking and behavior.
Ask yourself difficult questions. Once you've more or less tracked your thoughts in your journal, take some time to ask yourself if you can identify any unhelpful rules, assumptions or signs in your thinking. are not. Ask yourself the following questions:
- What are my standards for myself? What do I rate as acceptable and unacceptable?
- Are my standards for myself different from my standards for others? What is the difference?
- What do I expect from myself in different situations? For example, what do I expect to be when studying at school, working, socializing, entertaining, etc.?
- When do I feel anxiety and doubt about myself the most?
- In what kind of situations am I the most strict with myself?
- When do I expect negative things?
- What did my family teach about standards and what I should or shouldn't do?
- Do I feel more anxiety in certain situations than in others?
Method 2 of 4: Change Your Harmful Negative Thought
Consider your thoughts and beliefs. Decide that you will be more active in determining your own thoughts. Friend may control what you think. This means that you can make a daily effort to intentionally program thoughts or affirmations in your mind, as well as learn how to become more attentive and present more. Remember that you are special, there is only one in the world, you deserve love and respect - from the people around you and from yourself. The first step in letting go of all these negative thoughts is to commit to it.
- It helps if you choose a useless thought or "rule" that you want to focus on, instead of just trying to get rid of all the negative thoughts overnight.
- For example, you can start by making negative thoughts about whether you are worthy of love and friendship.
Remind yourself that thoughts are mere thoughts. Your negative thoughts are not obvious. They are just the product of a core negative belief that you have embraced throughout your life. Reminding yourself that your thoughts aren't the obvious truth, and they don't define you at all, will keep you away from futile negative thoughts.
- For example, instead of saying "I am stupid", say "I have a stupid thought". Instead of saying "I'm going to fail the test" say, "I was thinking that I would fail the test." The difference here is subtle but important to redefine your consciousness and help clear negative thoughts.
Find your negative thought triggers. It's hard to know exactly why we think negatively, but there are many theories about it. According to many researchers, negative thinking is a byproduct of evolution in which we constantly scrutinize our surroundings for signs of danger, to find things to improve or fix.Sometimes negative thoughts come from stress and anxiety, when you think about all the things that could go astray, endanger, humiliate, or provoke anxiety. In addition, negative thoughts or pessimism can be learned from your parents or family when you were a child. Negative thinking is also linked to depression, with many people saying that negative thoughts make depression worse, and that depression stimulates negative thoughts in a cycle. Finally, negative thoughts can also come from trauma or past experiences that make you feel ashamed and suspicious.
- Think about problematic conditions and circumstances related to why you feel bad about yourself. For many people, the most typical stimuli are workplace meetings, class presentations, interpersonal problems at work or at home, or significant changes in conversation. living, for example leaving home, changing jobs, away from a partner.
- Journaling will help you identify these triggers.
Be aware of the different types of negative thoughts. For many of us, negative thoughts and beliefs can become so ordinary that we think they accurately reflect reality. Try to realize that many ways of thinking can be harmful; This will help you better understand your own behavior. Here are some negative ways of thinking that many therapists call 'false knowledge':
- Eat it all, fall to zero, or think binary
- Screen your mind
- Rushed to negative conclusions
- Turn positive into negative
- Reasoning according to emotions
- Negative self-talk
- Excessive generalization
Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, abbreviated as LPNT-HV, is an effective way to change your thinking. To start to change negative thoughts, you must pay attention to these thoughts as they appear. Capture the moments when you have negative thoughts and take a moment to see what kind of negative thoughts the negative thoughts are. You can even write in your journal as you begin learning how to transform your thoughts to better understand the process.
- Once you've identified the negative thoughts you might have at work, start to test their reality. You can look for evidence against this thought. For example, if you say, "I always mess things up," think three times that you succeeded in doing something. You can also test the thought to verify it. For example, if you think, "I will faint if I have to speak in public", try staging a mock speech in front of everyone to prove to yourself that you won't faint. You can also try the survey to test these thoughts. Ask others for your thoughts to see if their understanding is the same as yours.
- You can also try to replace a few words that make your thoughts turn negative. For example, if you say "I shouldn't have done it to my friend", you could say differently, "Everything would have been better if I didn't do it to my friend" or "I I'm sad that I did that to my friend, and I'll try never to do it again in the future. "
- Over time, LPNT-HV-based exercises can help you refine your thoughts to become more realistic, positive, and proactive, instead of negative and fail on yourself.
Fight with all-you-can-eat thinking, fall back to zero. This way of thinking comes when you think that life and everything you do have only two paths. Everything will be just good or bad, positive or negative, etc. You don't leave much room for flexibility or other interpretations.
- For example, if you don't get a promotion but are motivated to try again next time, you can still insist that you completely failed and were useless, because you didn't get the job. In your eyes, things can just be good or bad, and there isn't anything in between.
- To cope with this type of thinking, ask yourself to think about situations on a 0-10 scale. Remember that it is very difficult to be at 0 or 10. For example, you could say, "My work experience for this promotion is around 6 out of 10. That means I'm not a good fit. But that doesn't mean I'm not suitable for the other positions. "
Deal with the screening in mind. When you sift the mind, you see only the negative side of everything and filter out all the other points. Such actions often distort people as well as situations. You can even exaggerate the negativity.
- For example, if your boss reminds you that you made a typo in your report, you might focus on each of these and forget all the compliments she gave you on that job.
- Focus on seemingly negative situations, like when you are being criticized, as if it were an opportunity to help you grow, rather than seeing it as an attack. You can say to yourself, "My boss loves my results, and her reporting to me about a typo shows that she values her ability to correct mistakes. I also know that I will have to fix the report more thoroughly next time. "
- You could also try to find one positive for each negative you notice. This action requires you to broaden your focus.
- You may find yourself diminishing positivity, for example when you say "I'm just lucky" or "It just happened because the boss / teacher liked me". This is also incorrect way of thinking. When you work hard on something, acknowledge your efforts.
Try not to rush to conclusions. When you rush to conclude, you admit the worst when there is hardly any evidence to back it up. You have yet to ask for more information or explain anything from others. You just make assumptions and keep making inferences.
- For example, "My friend didn't respond to an invitation I sent half an hour ago, so I think she hates me."
- Ask yourself by what evidence you have this assumption. Ask yourself to create a list of evidence to support this assumption, as if you were a detective. Friend really What do you know about this situation? What more do you need to make the right judgment?
Pay attention to emotional reasoning. You deduce that your feelings accurately reflect an obvious truth. You think your thoughts are correct and correct without asking any further questions about them.
- For example, "Since I feel like a complete failure, I must be a complete failure."
- Instead, ask yourself about other evidence for this feeling. What do others think of you? What do your results in school or work show? Is there any other evidence you can find to support or refute this feeling? Remember that the thought is not the obvious truth, even if you are feel they seem right.
Overcome with excessive generalization. When you over-generalize, you assume that a bad experience will automatically lead to many other bad experiences in the future. You make assumptions based on limited evidence and use words like "always" or "never."
- For example, if your first date doesn't go as expected, you might think, "I'll never find someone to love."
- Eliminate words like "always" or "never". Use limited words, such as "This appointment is going nowhere."
- Seeking evidence to challenge this thinking. For example, does a date really determine your love life? What is the likelihood that that might actually happen?
Accept all thoughts, including negative ones. Negative thoughts are similar to any other thought. They appear in your mind. They exist. Accepting such useless thoughts does not mean acknowledging that they are "correct" or authentic.It is you taking into account each unhelpful negative thought when you experience them and accepting that you have thought that way without judging yourself.
- Trying to control or suppress negative thoughts, such as saying "I won't think negatively anymore!", Will actually make things worse. It's like telling yourself that you wouldn't think purple elephants - purple elephants are all you can imagine now.
- Some studies have shown that accepting negative thoughts, rather than fighting them, can help you overcome them.
- For example, if there is a thought that you are not attractive, notice it and remind yourself something like, "I have a thought that I am not attractive." You are not accepting that this is true or correct, you are just accepting the existence of that thought.
Method 3 of 4: Nurturing Love for Yourself
Nurture mindfulness. Attention is a skill that helps you learn to observe your own emotions without overwhelming them. The principle of mindfulness is that you need to accept and experience negative thoughts and feelings before letting them go away. Attention is not easy to gain as you will have negative self-awareness, often accompanied by shame, such as self-criticism, self-comparison, etc. However, all you need to do is accept and acknowledge the shame without being caught up in or empowering the emotions that arise. Research has shown that mindfulness-based therapies and techniques can help you accept yourself, as well as reduce negative thoughts and feelings.
- Try finding a quiet place to practice mindfulness. Sit in a comfortable position and focus on your breathing. Count the number of times you inhale and exhale. Your mind will definitely start to wander. When this happens, don't blame yourself, but pay attention to how you feel. Don't judge that; as long as you are aware of it. Try to focus again on your breathing, as this is a real activity to keep your attention on.
- By accepting and stopping focusing on your thoughts, not letting them take control, you are learning to cope with these negative thoughts without actually trying to change them. In other words, you're just changing your relationship with your thoughts and feelings. Many people have found that their inner thoughts and feelings eventually change (for the better) when doing the above.
Note the word "should". "Do", "must" and "must" are often indications of useless rules or assumptions that form within you. For example, you might think, "I shouldn't ask others for help because my weaknesses will be revealed," or you might think, "I have to get along even more." When you notice the above, take a moment to ask yourself questions about them:
- How will this thought affect my life? For example, if you think, "I have to be more sociable, otherwise I won't have friends," you might feel shy about not accepting social invitations. You can force yourself to hang out with your friends, even if you feel tired or want to spend more time with yourself. This can cause a lot of problems for you.
- Where did this thought come from? Thoughts often come from the rules we set for ourselves. Maybe your family is very extroverted and encourages you to get along, even if you're an introvert. This may make you feel that your quietness is something "wrong", which in turn leads to a core negative belief about yourself, such as "I am not good enough right now. . "
- Does this idea make sense or not? In many cases, negative core beliefs are grounded in inflexible and rigid thinking, which bind us to unreasonable standards. For example, if you are an introvert, it makes no sense if you have to be friendly and sociable all the time. You always need time for yourself to recharge. You will even become upset if you don't have the time you need yourself.
- What will I get from this thought? Consider how you will benefit from that thought or belief. Does it help you or not?
Find other flexible alternatives. Instead of rigid rules that apply to yourself, look for more flexible alternatives. Usually, replacing it with determinative words like "sometimes," "would be great if," "I want," etc. is a good first step to making your expectations more reasonable.
- For example, instead of saying, “I have to become more sociable, otherwise I won't have friends,” limit your way of speaking to more flexible phrases: “I will accept words from time to time. Invite from friends, because friendship is very important to me. Sometimes I will spend time with myself, because myself is so important. It would be great if my friends understood my introversion, but even if they don't, I'll still take care of myself. ”
Aim for a more balanced view of yourself. Often times, negative beliefs about yourself are harsh and capricious. They have something like "I'm a loser" or "I'm a loser." These beliefs do not allow the existence of neither entirely right nor entirely false, or a balance. Try to find a more balanced view of what kind of judgment you have for yourself.
- For example, if you regularly believe that you are a "failure" because you make a mistake, try making a more moderate assertion about yourself: “I am good at something, average in a few things. and not very good at some things - like everyone else. " You wouldn't say you're perfect, because that's not true either. You just admit that, like everyone else on the planet, you also have strengths and weaknesses that need improvement.
- If you regularly take your hat off, such as “I'm a loser,” or “I'm pathetic,” change your words to accept the existence of “neither right nor wrong” : "Sometimes I make mistakes." Remember that the statement above doesn't mean you are Who it's your job do. The mistakes you make or the useless thoughts don't represent who you are.
Show compassion for yourself. If you find yourself trapped in an endless cycle of useless thoughts, cultivate compassion and kindness to yourself. Instead of blaming yourself and getting into negative self-talk (like, "I'm stupid and useless"), treat yourself as you would your friends and family. This action requires careful observation of your behavior, as well as having an overview and understanding that you will not expect your friends to think negatively about yourself. Studies have shown that self-compassion has many benefits, such as strong mental health, increased enjoyment of life, reduced self-criticism and many other pluses.
- Give yourself positive affirmations every day. This will help you regain a sense of self-worth and increase compassion for yourself. Take time every day to speak out loud, write or think about the affirmations. Some examples include: "I'm a good person. I deserve the best even though I seem to have done bad things in the past"; "I make mistakes and I have learned from them"; "I have a lot to offer the world. I have value for myself and the people around me."
- You can practice compassion while writing in your journal. When you watch for negative thoughts, show yourself your kindness. For example, when you have a negative thought, "I am stupid and I will fail the test tomorrow," check that thought with kindness. Remind yourself not to take your hat off. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes.Plan what you can do to avoid similar mistakes in the future. You can write things like, "I feel stupid because I didn't review carefully enough for this test. Everyone made mistakes. I wish I learned more, but I can't change. Next time, I will study for exam review one day in advance, I will ask tutors and teachers for help, and I can see this experience as a lesson to become more mature. "
Focus on being positive. Think about the good things. Chances are that you are not acknowledging yourself much enough for all that you have achieved in life. Impress yourself, not others. Take a moment to reflect on and reflect on past victories, big or small; This not only helps you to be more aware of those achievements, but also helps you assert your position in the world and the values that you have brought to people. Consider carrying a notebook or journal and a timer for 10 to 20 minutes. During this time, make a list of all your accomplishments and write down when you want to add something!
- In this way, you are becoming your own cheerleader. Give yourself positive words of encouragement and acknowledge what you have done. For example, you may find that even if you don't do all the exercise you want, at least go to the gym for an extra day a week.
Use positive and hopeful affirmations and language. Be optimistic and avoid self-fulfilling pessimistic conjectures. If you expect bad things, they happen. For example, if you think the presentation is going to be bad, it could be really bad. Instead, stay positive. Tell yourself, "Even if this is a big challenge, I can still master this presentation." advertisement
Method 4 of 4: Seeking Social Support
Ignore the influences of others on you. If you are having negative thoughts about yourself, chances are that those around you are sending the same negative messages into your mind, even your close friends and family. To overcome shame and move on with your life, you need to minimize the "harmful" people who will pull you down instead of lifting you up.
- Consider another person's negative claims to have a weight of 10 pounds. They pull you down and make it difficult to straighten yourself up like before. Free yourself from that burden and remember that other people cannot determine who you are. Only you can determine who you are.
- You also need to think about the people who make you feel bad about yourself. You cannot control anyone's behavior; What you can control is how you react and how much you let their behavior affect you. If a person is unreasonably rebellious, rude, contemptuous, or unreasonably disrespectful, understand that he or she also has personal problems or emotional troubles to behave negatively. However, if this person stimulates a lack of confidence in you, the best thing you can do is walk away or stay away from situations where the person is present, especially when the person reacts negatively every time. you speak up about their behavior.
Expose yourself to positive social support. Almost everyone benefits from social and emotional support, whether from family, friends, co-workers or from others in each of our social networks. It can be helpful to talk to others about our problems and come up with a plan to deal with them together. The strange thing is that social support actually makes us deal better with our problems, because social support enhances our self-esteem.
- Studies consistently show a correlation between social support and self-esteem, such as when people believe they receive social support, their self-esteem and self-worth increase. up. So if you feel supported by those around you, you should feel better about yourself and more willing to deal with negative thoughts and stress.
- Understand that with social support, there is no "everyone is the same" thought. Many prefer to have a small number of close friends whom they can rely on, while others have a broader social network to seek support from neighbors, churches or community. religion.
- Social support can take many forms today. If you feel anxious about having to talk to someone face to face, you can reach out to family and friends or meet new friends on social media, video chat or email.
Always open your arms to help others. Studies show that people who volunteer to help people tend to have higher self-esteem than others. It may sound out of the ordinary that helping others makes you feel better, but real science has shown that a sense of social connection that comes from volunteering or helping others will makes us feel more positive about ourselves.
- Furthermore, helping others makes us happier! In addition, you will also make a significant difference in the world of others. You will be happier, and others may feel the same way.
- There are plenty of opportunities for you to mingle with others and make a difference. Consider volunteering at charity cafeterias or loving homes. Participate in summer training for a children's sports team. Be ready to help when friends need support and have cold food ready for them. Volunteer at local animal rescue stations.
Consult a mental health professional. If you are struggling to change and eliminate negative thoughts and / or feel these negative thoughts harm your mental health and daily physical activity, you should make an appointment with your doctor. counselors, psychologists or other mental health professionals. Remember that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is very beneficial in changing thinking and as one of the most researched types of therapy, there is a lot of convincing evidence about its effectiveness.
- In many cases, a therapist can help you develop beneficial strategies to reinforce your personal image. Remember sometimes people can't fix everything on their own. Furthermore, treatment has consistently shown significant effects in boosting self-esteem and quality of life.
- In addition, a therapist can help you cope with other mental problems that arise from shame and lack of self-confidence, including depression and anxiety.
- Understand that asking for help is not a sign of personal strength or failure or weakness.
Advice
- Since you are human, negative thoughts most likely cannot be erased. However, it's easier to change negative thoughts over time and the frequency of those thoughts will also decrease.
- In the end, no one else but yourself can dismiss your negative thoughts. You must consciously make an effort to change your way of thinking and appreciate positive and active thinking.
- It is important to remember that, although some negative thoughts will harm and can be viewed as false knowledge, not all negative thoughts are harmful. There is a theory that people will think negatively or think about the worst that can happen to have ideas for many other options when things go wrong, especially during the planning process. plan. Furthermore, it is normal to have negative thoughts due to loss, grief, change, or other situations that provoke intense emotions, since these are the emotions and thoughts that are natural in life, now or at a time. other.
