Author:
Randy Alexander
Date Of Creation:
3 April 2021
Update Date:
15 May 2024
Content
No matter what age you are, your background, your great skills and factors, you'll never be too old, too beautiful, too smart to be. denied. The only way to ensure that you never get rejected is by forever not trying to do something and not interacting with anyone else. However, this is not a good way of life, so at some point you will encounter rejection. Common situations in which you may be rejected include love, work, study, sports, or business. But remember that you don't have to allow rejection to destroy you! Overcoming rejection doesn't mean you have to deny or pretend it's okay - it's about learning how to deal with problems and move on with your life.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Overcoming Initial Pain
You need to understand that pain is natural. The pain of rejection is a natural human response to conventional physiological and emotional causes. Scientific research has shown that experiencing unexpected rejection can actually cause many physical symptoms: emotional pain activates nerve cells in the brain similarly to what you do. physical pain. In fact, rejection can make you feel like it's literally "broken heart" because it activates your sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for managing many things. such as your heart rate.- Having a rejection in a relationship, such as a traumatic breakup, can trigger a response similar to drug addiction in your brain.
- According to some studies, people suffering from depression may have a harder time coping with this feeling of rejection. Because depression blocks the production of opioids, also known as the body's natural pain reliever, people who are rejected are more likely to suffer deeper and more lasting damage than people who don't have the condition. this.
Allow yourself to feel sad. Rejection causes real pain, both emotionally and physically. Denying or suppressing pain - for example, denying the pain of being rejected by the top university of your choice by saying "nothing big" - can actually make matters worse. worse in the future. You need to recognize that pain is normal for you to overcome it.- Often times, society tends to "be tough" or "suppress your emotions" excessively as though accepting and expressing your true feelings will make you a low person. However, this is not true. People who try to control their emotions instead of allowing themselves to acknowledge it will have more difficulty solving the problem, and may continue to develop other negative emotions.
Express your own feelings. Expressing your feelings will help you accept that you are going through something quite painful. Rejection can result in feelings of disappointment, abandonment, and loss, and you may have to go through an initial traumatic period to deal with the opposite of your hopes. Don't look down on or hold back your emotions.- Cry if you want to. Real crying can reduce feelings of anxiety, restlessness, and irritability. It can also ease the body's stress levels. And so real men (and even women) can cry - and should cry.
- Try not to yell, or kick or kick something. Scientific research has shown that even expressing frustration through hostility to an inanimate object, such as a pillow, can actually increase anger. for you. It is better to write about your feelings, looking back at why you were feeling angry.
- Expressing your feelings through creative elements such as painting, music, or poetry can be helpful. However, try to stay away from things that are too sad or frustrating, as they can make your emotions worse.
Examine your own feelings. It would be good if you can understand why '' why 'you feel sad after going through rejection. Do you feel frustrated by someone being selected to join the team on your behalf? Are you in pain when the person you are secretly liking doesn't have feelings for you? Do you feel useless because your resume was rejected ?? Thinking about your own feelings will help you understand how to deal with them.
- Use this opportunity to examine the potential reason behind the denial. This doesn't mean you have to criticize yourself; It's about doing the right analysis of what you want to do differently in the future. No matter what excuses you find - staying away from narcissists, submitting your homework on time, or working harder - they can give you practical ground to act instead of focusing on the nature of the rejection.
Follow the truth. It can be easy to lower your self-esteem after being rejected if rejection is a pretty personal matter, such as emotional denial. However, when you consider your own feelings and thoughts, you should try to keep your statement as real as possible.
- For example, instead of saying, "The girl I like to refuse to prom with me because I'm fat and ugly" follow what you really '' know well ": The girl I like doesn't want to go to the year-end party with me ”. It's still rejection, and it still hurts you, but a second way of thinking will help you avoid shaming or criticizing yourself because this is an unhealthy behavior.
- Rejection can actually lower your IQ. So if you're having trouble thinking through your feelings clearly, don't feel too bad about it - it's completely beyond your means.
Avoid yelling at others. Because rejection is painful, many people often respond to pain by becoming angry and / or yelling at others. This can be a way for the person to try to reassert control or ask others to pay attention to them. However, this can lead to more rejection and isolation, so while it can be easy to become angry and aggressive after rejection, try not to be so.
Take ibuprofen or acetaminophen. It may be hard to believe, but scientific research has shown that emotional pain is similar to physical pain. Because of this, using low-dose over-the-counter pain relievers such as Advil or Tylenol for 3 weeks has been shown to reduce the effects of emotional pain caused by rejection. .
- You should only take over-the-counter pain relievers and don't take more than the recommended dosage. You want to treat your pain, not develop another addiction.
Stay healthy. Eat healthy foods and exercise regularly. Alcohol or other dangerous substances should not be used as self-treatment. Regular exercise releases the body's natural pain reliever, called an opioid, so whenever you feel so depressed that you want to burst out, go for a walk, bike ride, swim Or do another activity that you enjoy.
- When you feel angry about rejection, try redirecting this energy into slightly more "violent" physical activity such as running, kick boxing, taekwondo or karate.
Friend meeting. The sense of disconnection is the biggest side effect of rejection.You should connect with people who love and support you. Scientific research has shown that having a happy, healthy interaction with someone you love can improve your body's resilience. Getting emotional acceptance from friends and family can help you overcome the pain of rejection.
Be happy. Distract yourself from painful thoughts and find ways to immerse yourself in the things that make you feel better. Watch fun shows, listen to parodies on podcasts, or go to the cinema. While joy won't heal your broken heart right away, it will help reduce anger and strengthen your positive emotions.
- Laughter is especially important after rejection because it stimulates the release of a chemical known as endorphins, feeling positive and healthy. A smile can even increase your physical tolerance of pain!
Share your feelings about rejection with someone you trust. This person could be your best friend, sibling, parent or therapist. Let them know what happened and how you feel about it. They will likely share with you about their own experiences when they were rejected and what they did to deal with it; This is quite helpful for you to learn. advertisement
Part 2 of 3: Overcoming Rejection
Practice self-empathy. Rejection can have a big impact on your self-esteem, causing you to torture yourself with small mistakes or believe you'll never be happy or successful. Practicing self-empathy can help you learn to accept mistakes and failures as part of your life, rather than obsessing over them. Self-empathy is comprised of three basic factors:
- Be kind to yourself. Being kind to yourself means developing kindness and self-understanding the same way you do with someone you love. It doesn't mean you need to make excuses or ignore your problems, but rather you need to admit that you are not perfect. Loving yourself will also allow you to love others more.
- Universal human nature. Recognizing the pervasive human nature means admitting that negative experiences, including rejection, are part of a person's life and needlessly happen to be at your fault. Understanding this can help you overcome rejection and help you realize that rejection is not from anyone.
- Mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness means not judging and acknowledging and accepting your own experiences. Practicing mindfulness through meditation can help you deal with negative emotions without focusing too much on it.
Avoid personalizing the denial. It is quite easy for us to see rejection as an assertion of our own greatest fear: that we are not good at something, that we are not worthy of love, that we will never be able to succeed. However, learning to avoid personalizing your rejection can help you learn the positives from this and make you feel less bad.
- Don't "exacerbate the problem". Exaggerating simply means overreacting to the mistakes or failures you've made while ignoring the positive qualities of yourself. If you get rejected while applying for a job, this doesn't mean you'll never find another job and will end up living in a box under a bridge. If you get a negative review on an essay or job, it doesn't mean you can't learn and improve. Exacerbating the problem will keep you from seeing that you can learn and thrive from your own experiences - even from the most negative experiences such as denial.
List your positive traits. Rejection will often discourage you and the negative voice in your head will become stronger - if you allow it. In order to counteract the urge to find your problem, be proactive and make a list of all of your amazing, positive, and powerful traits. Studies have shown that when you consciously remind yourself that you deserve and deserve to be loved, not only can you more easily overcome rejection, you can also develop ability to quickly recover in the face of future rejection.
See rejection as it really is. It is a change in what you hope to receive, often unexpected and undesirable. But it is also your chance to convert your point of view into a more useful direction. While it can be painful to go through with it, rejection can guide you on how to effectively develop strength and focus.
- For example, if you are going through an emotional breakup, the person who doesn't want to be your intimate partner makes it clear that you won't be able to stay together for long in the future. Even though this rejection is painful, it's better to see it early rather than to put heavy feelings on someone in the future to realize that the two will never match.
Let time heal the pain. This is for a good reason - time to heal because after a while, you get a more holistic view. You also get the chance to develop yourself, and this will help you see things from a different perspective. It can be difficult to get over your grief, but with time you will be able to realize that the things you have lost do not belong to you.
Learn something new. Learning how to do something you've always wanted to do will help you feel successful, and this can help heal your hurt self-confidence. Learning something new like cooking, playing the guitar, or learning a new language can also help improve your emotions.
- You might also consider doing something else like assertiveness training. Sometimes, many people have to accept rejection because they do not fully understand how to express their desires and needs. You may find that learning how to be more assertive about what you want and need helps lower your chances of being rejected.
- There will come a time when you feel suspicious about yourself when you have to try something new. Take it slowly to avoid distracting yourself. If you decide to fix many parts of your life, sometimes you will feel like you are inexperienced and this leads to mood swings. Try to overcome this emotion and realize that the "beginner's mind" is actually quite a positive state, and that you are ready to absorb a new way of understanding things.
Reward yourself. "Shopping therapy" can have a positive effect. For example, research has shown that when you shop, you can visualize how your purchases fit into your new life. Buying a sleek new look or getting a new haircut can boost your confidence.
- Don't use shopping as a solace for the pain you are experiencing, or simply cover up the problems you are dealing with. Also, don't spend too much money, or else you will increase your stress level. However, rewarding yourself with a few items will boost your spirits, especially as it sets you up on a new path toward brighter things.
Part 3 of 3: Maintaining Strength
Remember that not everyone is right for you. If your rejection revolves around a rather personal matter, such as breaking up or not being accepted to a sports team, you will easily see them as an assertion that you are incompetent.However, by becoming comfortable with yourself and remembering that there are quite a few people in this world that aren't right for you, you'll be able to accept their denial and move forward without thinking too much. about it. Remember: the more you love yourself, the less you will have to rely on for the acknowledgment of others.
Practice accepting rejection in a low-risk environment. Putting yourself in the situation where you have to go through a rejection without having major negative or personal negative consequences can help you understand that a rejection is often unrelated to your personality.
- For example, asking for something that you are sure will be rejected (but it is not so important to you) can help you deal with the rejection.
Never stop taking risks. People who have experienced rejection may develop a fear of taking the risk of stopping them from trying or approaching others because they allow fear to take control of their thoughts. Staying positive and having hope is very important when faced with rejection.
- For example, if you are chatting with a friend and you feel like being rejected in some way, you can “dodge” the conversation to protect yourself from getting hurt. While this will help relieve the initial discomfort, it can also stop you from connecting with others, and this can actually make matters worse.
- Remember: you will get 100% rejected by the opportunity you don't try to find.
Expect to succeed (but understand well that you may not be able to). This balance is difficult to achieve, but it is very important to keep your mind healthy after rejection. Scientific research has shown that whether you believe you will fail or succeed affects your efforts to reach your goals, and this can affect your performance. . Believing that you will succeed can help you try harder.
- However, it is important to remember that your view of your success does not determine your true success, only if you make an effort to do it. You are still likely to fail (and at some point in your life it really can happen) to something you feel pretty good about and have done your best. me.
- Knowing that you can only control your actions, not the results, will help you eliminate the personalization of rejection when it happens. You should know that rejection is a possibility, but you should do your best no matter what the outcome.
Practice forgiveness. When you feel hurt and frustrated by rejection, the last thing that comes to mind is forgiving the person who gave you this feeling. However, trying to sympathize with the person can help you cope with your feelings. Try to think about why the person replied "no". Often times, you will find that their actions have nothing to do with you. advertisement
Advice
- Keep a quote from basketball legend Michael Jordan in your mind: “I've missed 9,000 pitches in my career. I lost almost 300 matches. Twenty-six times I was given the task of pitching for the team and I missed. I have consecutive failures in life. And that is also the reason why I succeeded ".
- Not all denials are fair. For example, if you believe that you were denied a job by a company because of racism, you have the right to go to court to make things right.
- Research has shown that if you stay positive and approach other people and situations in the hope of gaining acceptance, you will be able to achieve it. This doesn't mean you'll never have to face rejection, but it does mean that your attitude can really affect how others treat you.
Warning
- You should process your emotions, but don't get too absorbed in them. Obsessing over negative emotions can prevent you from recovering.
- Don't get angry or aggressive, even if you feel pain. Scolding others may feel more comfortable in the moment, but in the end, it will cause you and the other person more pain.
