Content

• Steps

Despite radical social upheaval and some change in value, marriage did exist as an institution in the West. The fact that people keep getting married despite pre-wedding worries may become testament to its worth. It is quite normal to fear marriage - it is an important decision that will affect your future life. Considering the decision carefully will help you make sure that the right time, right audience and venue is right. Rationalizing your future marriage will also help you accept the marriage. If you can't find the source of your fear, some strategies for overcoming the phobia may be helpful.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Understanding Why You're Afraid of Getting Married

1. 

   
   
   Re-evaluate some failed relationships. How and at what point have relationships turned bad? Consider whether you did something that hurt your feelings, or in some way. You may not be ready enough to make the promise or sacrifice. Try to make some adjustments to your current relationship to be a better partner, but also consider what you have to make sacrifices to help your relationship progress.
   • For example, if you lose your partner because you show a lack of affection, try to spend less time in the office and more time at home.
   • Or, in another example, the fact that your current partner didn't do anything to get you to end your previous relationship, thinking that will help comfort you.

2. 

   
   
   See if the person you love is really the "worthy one". Deciding if the person is "really right" has a lot to do with your appreciation. Think seriously about whether you will keep your respect for them during any sure changes in life. Their wishes may be a good way to determine this.
   • What could make you lose respect for your partner? Drinking habits, how to manage money, or how to treat friends? Or is there some area where you have had problems with that person already?
   • Think about the past of your relationship with your partner.How did he / she deal with conflict or other problem? Could the person's behavior offer some suggestions of past, present, and future respect, flexibility, and compromise?

3. 

   
   
   Think about some long-term commitments. Are you on a career path that will advance in the next few years or decades? Are you making car payments throughout the year? Do you have a house or rent an apartment every month, or rent for many years? Anxiety facing more long-term commitments is a common aspect of fearing marriage. If you want to get married, make other long-term commitments, such as those outlined above, to adapt yourself to the thought of getting married.

4. 

   Consider current level of commitment. There are two types of commitment: voluntary and reluctance. A commitment based on personal volunteering means that you imagine you living with your loved one forever, you two working together (as a team), and you can't think of yourself living with anyone else. Commitment based on reluctance means that you feel compelled to remain in a relationship due to internal or external pressures (children, division of property, family, feeling of obligation), you think about gradual change. Giving up a relationship but feeling too hard or like you've gone "too far" to end, and starting over again sounds too difficult.
   • Note that all relationships have a reluctance over time. Think about whether your reluctance is greater than the personal willingness you have in the relationship.
   • If you feel your reluctance has increased but your personal willingness has decreased, consider whether there is a way to reduce your feelings of reluctance and increase your personal willingness.

5. 

   Learn how to increase your commitment. Even if you feel fully committed to the relationship, you may be wondering how to maintain that volunteering or worrying about it disappearing. Or maybe you feel that your relationship volunteering has started to decline. There are a few actions you can take to increase your commitment to your partner:
   • Invest in a relationship. Remember that hard times are temporary. Strive to fight off hard time with your ex (something will happen for sure) to become a more passionate couple. And the good times will be back.
   • Avoid trying to scoreYou may feel like you are doing a lot in the relationship; This is because you don't know everything your partner does all the time, you just know all that friend did. Instead of measuring achievements to see who loves someone more, focus on the good things that person does and think about what you can do to make him / her happy.
   • Do not "double moves". Don't control your partner because you are afraid something will not work out. Trying to protect yourself this way can only damage the relationship, creating a prediction that you think might come true in itself. Assuming these things are progressing, then open up and be honest with your partner and work together to strengthen the relationship.

6. 

   Think about some other fears. Your fears can be more specific than these. It can also prevent you from having a conversation with your partner. However, you need to openly accept all communication opportunities.
   • If you are afraid of losing your personality or changing, remind yourself that everyone is constantly changing. Not getting married will not affect the earth's rotation. Plus, you don't lose all your benefits when getting married.
   • Finally, if you are afraid of getting divorced, think about the shame associated with getting divorced. Is this guaranteed? Even if you think so, remember that your future is not determined by marriage or divorce statistics, and you can preserve the marriage if you work to protect it.
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Part 2 of 4: Overcoming Fear of Commitment

1. 

   Understand where commitment phobia comes from. Commitment phobia is not the same as fear of snakes or clowns - it is often a fear based on lack of trust, which can come from previous distrust.
   • If you have experienced the betrayal of someone you once loved and trusted, chances are you may not be healed.
   • Betrayal may have come in the form of abuse, adultery or other destructive violence of your beliefs that can be traumatic.
   • In addition, you may be afraid to take responsibility for others, or fear of losing your freedom, or fear of losing the other person, and all of this can be related to feelings of unbelief.

2. 

   Think about what you gain from being hesitant to interact with your partner. You may feel that you are protecting yourself by not talking openly with the person. But consider a few reasons, and whether they are more important than the opportunity to have a good, fulfilling relationship with someone who truly loves you.

3. 

   Learn how to build trust with your partner. Make sure you and your significant other understand each other - strengths and weaknesses. People often ignore the negative qualities of a partner, such as anger, jealousy, selfishness, or the need to want freedom of control. But these aspects are part of who you are and / or who the other person is, and they may appear from time to time. Make an active effort to explore, discuss, and be open to learning about the "negative sides" of you and your ex.
   • As you learn about these qualities, you and your partner will build trust based on understanding who you really are and who you are, not on the notion that you will never hurt. each other (because, unfortunately it will happen).
   • Instead of promising to keep your "negative side" with you, promise that you will be aware and show it when you're hurt. Promise to work together to resolve the situation and use it to strengthen your relationship.

4. 

   Talk to a mental health professional about fear. If your inability to build trust comes from trauma, seek help from a mental health professional so you can resolve the problem. A counselor, group of therapists or a program designed to treat trauma can help you understand and overcome your fear experience. advertisement

Part 3 of 4: Allowing Fear of the Future

1. 

   Practice relaxation techniques. If your fear of getting married stresses you, find a way to relax. This can help you cope with it. When you find yourself worrying about your marriage, try a few strategies to deal with your anxiety affecting other life problems.
   • Try yoga or meditation. These exercises are designed to help you stop focusing on your anxiety.
   • Drink some coffee and alcohol. These are drugs that can affect your mood and brain chemistry. If emotional anxiety is caused by marriage anxiety, reduce your coffee and alcohol consumption.
   • Get enough sleep and exercise. These are essential for your physical and mental health, and help you reduce your fear and anxiety.

2. 

   Journal about your thoughts. Writing down your worries on paper motivates you to identify what is frightening about marriage. This is also a cure. When writing down your fear, try to find a solution. Write down why you want to get married and how your partner can help you achieve your goals.

3. 

   Remind yourself of who your partner is. Rewrite some of the stable, unchanging qualities you will see in your ex. Think about the struggles and conflicts you have faced in the past and how you overcame them. Don't let your anxiety or fear make you forget how great your partner is and all the reasons you want to be with him / her. advertisement

Part 4 of 4: Moving Forward with Your Lover

1. 

   Talk about your fears with your partner. This is a great opportunity to practice the communication skills needed to maintain any healthy relationship. For many, important life goals come to fruition as part of a marriage.Although people tend to change their minds about certain things in their life, no one thinks they themselves will not change in the future. Talk about kids, work, money, and "some non-negotiable matters." Things can be less intimidating when said to it frankly, so let it be.

2. 

   Recognize life imperfections. You, your lover, and everyone on this earth are not perfect. There will be some tough times in life whether you are married or not. Unhappy or difficult periods are inevitable. Think about whether you will be able to overcome unhappy moments with your partner.
   • Continuing to build a relationship with your ex will help you take control of some of the sources of stress and anxiety. By doing that, you also build a defense mechanism attached to your marriage.

3. 

   Talk to your partner about sexual privileges. In the West, a couple of successful marriages often depend on monogamy. Before you get married, you need to affirm that you will be faithful to each other. This is an uncomfortable but necessary conversation, and will even bring you closer together.

4. 

   Visualize yourself for 10-20 years. Your plans will change, but in general, will you find yourself married? While each person's ideal timeframes will change throughout life, having an idea of ​​what you want to achieve puts a positive perspective on future planning. Not wanting your life to change significantly is normal, just make sure your partner has the same wishes as you.

5. 

   Try living together. Not all cultures allow this, but it is effective for many as a way to determine if they are happy with their partner. Here's a way to discover the habits of both of you before you get married. Make sure you agree to accept this experiment as a goal. Your partner will have a few small habits you may see at first sight, but neither will you - maybe you just don't notice them.

6. 

   Talk to your parents. If the parents are still married, they will probably be able to tell you that they were also uncertain about the decision. They will also have some tips to help you overcome your fears about marriage that they have recognized over the years. This also gives you a real-world example of people whose marriage is still going well.

7. 

   Consider seeking pre-marital counseling. While it may feel uncomfortable to seek professional advice before a problem arises, it will help you cope with your marriage. They can also help you recognize some warning signs for an upcoming conflict.
   • Ask a friend, family or doctor for a referral to a licensed marriage and family specialist or do an online search. Your local church may also offer (or request) premarital counseling or courses.
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