Content

• Steps
• Warning

Has there been a turmoil in your current relationship? Does it make you nervous about what will come next? Maybe you only feel a sense of terror when you think about an opponent's reaction to a situation. Either way, it is likely that your relationship has started to bounce off and turn violent. It is important to know the warning signs of an abusive relationship so that you can stay safe and get out before you get hurt physically or mentally.

Steps

Part 1 of 6: Recognizing What Violence Is

1. 

   Understand the concept of violence. An abusive relationship is when a person repeatedly and persistently uses methods of mental, physical, financial, emotional and sexual control to gain power over the other. The relationship that is marked by domestic violence is one that is imbalanced by power.

2. 

   
   
   Recognize the signs of physical abuse. Physical attacks have a very different range. That behavior may be occasional or very frequent. The physical attack also varies widely in severity. It can also appear only as a single event.
   • Physical assault can be "revolving," where there is a period of lull, then escalation, followed by attacks. After the attack, a new cycle can begin again.
   • If the threat of a physical attack is ongoing, implicit or overt, you will fear for your safety or that of a loved one, even your pet. Physical violence creeps in and affects every aspect of your life.
   • Acts of physical violence seem self-explanatory or too obvious to need mentioning. But for those who grow up with the whip, they may not know that it is not normal and healthy behavior. Some examples of physical abuse include:
     • "Grab your hair, punch, slap, kick, bite or strangle your neck."
     • Deny your right to meet your basic needs like eating and sleeping.
     • Smash your belongings or furniture, such as throwing dishes or punching a wall.
     • Use a knife or gun to intimidate you, or use a weapon to harm you.
     • Use action to prevent you from leaving, from calling the police or going to hospital.
     • Physical violence against your children.
     • Drive you out of the car or leave you in an unfamiliar place.
     • Too bad and dangerous when you sit inside.
     • Forcing you to drink alcohol or use drugs.

3. 

   
   
   Know how to recognize sexual violence. This form of violence includes any unwanted sexual activity. These include "forced sex," which makes you feel like you are forced to have sex. Sexual violence also includes “forced fertility,” which means giving you no choice about getting pregnant, monitoring your menstrual cycle and the like. A sexual abuser can experience the following:
   • Control your dress.
   • Rape you.
   • Intentionally transmitting sexually transmitted diseases to you.
   • Quit drugs or force you to get drunk to have sex with you.
   • Make you pregnant or force you to have an abortion against your will.
   • Forcing you to watch pornography against your will.

4. 

   
   
   Recognize the signs of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse includes non-physical behavior. Emotional abuse often results in lower self-esteem, pain, emotional scars, and loss of confidence. Emotional abuse can include:
   • Swear
   • Constantly criticizing
   • Deliberately making you ashamed
   • Threats you
   • Use your children against you
   • Threats to harm your children or pets
   • Act as if it were all your fault
   • Isolate you from friends and family
   • Being angry with another person or engaging with another person is provocative
   • Makes you feel guilty

5. 

   Recognize economic violence. Economic violence means that the abuser prevents you from having your own money, even when you make money. They may keep your credit card or make a credit card in your name and then destroy your credit record.
   • The abuser can also move into your home but don't contribute to pay bills or other expenses.
   • The abuser may not pay for your basic needs like food and medicine.

6. 

   Recognize technology abuse. An abuser can use technology to threaten, stalk, or bully you. They can use social media to send you malicious messages, blackmail or spy on you.
   • The abuser will force you to always hold the phone and answer every time a call comes in.
   • An abuser can use social media to intimidate or physically abuse you. They may or may not allow you to be friends with anyone on social media. They may insult you on status or tweets.
   • They can insist on your password.

7. 

   Know the abuser characteristics. While everyone is different, a physically abusive lover often has certain characteristics that contribute to the cycle of violence and control. An abuser may have the following characteristics:
   • Mental stress and interdependence.
   • Gracious, popular, and talented.
   • Vibration between emotional extremes.
   • Possibly a victim of violence before.
   • May be addicted to alcohol or drugs.
   • There is control.
   • Keep your emotions secret.
   • Be rigid and judgmental.
   • There may be a history of childhood violence and violence.

8. 

   Recognize the prevalence of domestic violence. Relationship violence is more common than many people think. More than a quarter of women in the US have experienced domestic violence. Men can also be victims of a partner or partner: more than 10% of men experience domestic violence.
   • Domestic violence occurs in all strata of culture and socio-economy. Domestic violence is most common in poor areas and in people who have attended university but have not completed programs.

9. 

   Recognize that men can also be victims. Victims of domestic violence are more than just homosexuals. Men can also experience violence by women. This often happens when men are for some reason less financially capable than their women.
   • Men often feel more ashamed when experiencing domestic violence, so they often don't act. They may feel the need to preserve "men's honor". Perhaps they are afraid of revealing their weaknesses.
   • Abused men suffered additional humiliation and often had no place to turn to. People often do not believe and sympathize with their situation. This can lead to greater isolation and pain.

10. 

    Understand mental and physical abuse. Domestic violence situations can cripple and impair your health. This is comparable to the "living effect in a war zone".
    • 1,200 women die each year from domestic violence.
    • Two million women are injured each year from domestic violence.
    • Victims of domestic violence are at an increased risk of physical, mental and emotional disability. This type of violence also increases the likelihood the victim will not be able to walk by 50% without using assistive devices (such as canes or walkers), or needing a wheelchair.
    • Risks of disease also increase. Victims of domestic violence have an 80% increased risk of stroke, 70% increased heart disease and arthritis, and 60% increased asthma.
    • Victims of domestic violence are also at greater risk of alcoholism.
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Part 2 of 6: Observing Your Relationship

1. 

   Think about how you feel. If you are in a potentially violent relationship, you may feel different and negative. Notice your feelings, emotions, and actions for about a week or two. This will help you determine if your relationship has a negative impact on you, as this is a potentially violent form. Such feelings may include:
   • Lonely
   • Depression
   • Impotent
   • Shy
   • Shy
   • Concerned
   • Have suicidal thoughts
   • Fear
   • Stay away from family and friends
   • Cope with alcohol or substance abuse
   • Stuck and not hoping for a way out

2. 

   Listen to your inner voice about yourself. If the other person continually lowers and treats you badly, you may start to have negative comments about yourself. You begin to say that you are not good, not beautiful or that you are not a good person. Understand that the other person often uses such comments and the low self-esteem derived from it to gain control over you.

3. 

   Think about when and how serious your relationship was. Many abusive relationships quickly become bonded. The abuser is willing to bind without letting you get to know the other person in time.
   • Your partner may urge or force you to bond with them faster than you would like. If he does not respect your will to learn slowly, or tries to make you torment or force you into something you are not ready for, then everything is likely to turn violent.
   • Sometimes the relationship between two people is not in balance, and the other person feels like you need you faster than you need them. This also often happens in a relationship. But the push and the rush are really uncomfortable. If that happens quickly and persistently, consider quitting the relationship.

4. 

   Observe how the disputes unfold. The two don't always agree on each other, even in the best of relationships. Misunderstandings, ambiguous communication and conflicts need to be resolved quickly and decisively.
   • Notice how you and your partner handle disagreements. Do the two people calmly express their feelings and agree to come up with a solution that are both satisfied? Or did each disagreement escalate into a fierce and relentless quarrel? Did the other person begin to yell, yell, or curse? This could be a clue to what the bad thing is.
   • In particular, watch for the other person sank into a sullen, angry mood and only respond to your complaints with harsh and angry statements.

5. 

   Think about how the two of you communicate. When interacting with each other, people in good relationships communicate openly and honestly. It also means that healthy couples can share their feelings, don't win at all times, and listen lovingly, openly, and without judgment.
   • Assertive communication maintains harmony and respect between the two of you, and encourages cooperation to solve problems and problems.
   • In love there must be respect for each other. Couples in a healthy relationship must treat each other well. They do not curse, degrade, yell at, or exhibit abuse. They support each other in public as well as in private. They also respect each other's boundaries.

6. 

   Listen to how the other person talks about you. Language is a powerful tool. It can also be used to put you under the control and control of the abuser. Showing contempt while still saying that love is a sign of danger and also signaling a person is emotionally abusive.
   • No specific language can be considered a sure indicator of emotional abuse, but use context to determine it. If you are constantly defamed or looked down on, or placed below the other person, it is a sign of abuse. You must have the same authority as the other party and be on par with them.

7. 

   Note the kind of extreme jealousy. If your partner gets angry or sulked when you want to go out with your friends at night, he is overly jealous. He may question harshly every time he sees you talking to someone of the opposite sex. If you feel cut off from friends and relatives, or feel overwhelmed because you can't go anywhere without the other person, it's a sign of an abusive relationship.

8. 

   Notice the manifestation of possession. Part of violence is establishing control in the relationship, and that is including controlling you. A compulsion to affirm your feelings and demand more intimacy, especially early on, is a sign of insecure behavior that can create an abusive relationship.
   • Does your lover insist that you must have two people everywhere and never be separated? Is your lover stalking you to every event that has nothing to do with him? Maybe this is an expression of possessiveness.
   • Statements like, "You are mine, mine alone" are signs that your partner sees you as his property. He may get jealous when you normally talk to or communicate with others. The act of declaring love when you're only dating for a few days or weeks can also be a sign of an possessive and haunting lover.

9. 

   Observing volatility is difficult to predict. You may have trouble guessing how your partner is feeling. There are times when they are gently cared for, when suddenly they change their moods into threats and intimidation. For this person, you cannot know where your position is.

10. 

    Watch for the other person's substance use. Are they taking too much alcohol and drugs? Has your partner become more aggressive, annoyed, irritable, and more selfish using these things? Have you discussed treatment options with them? Are they ready to quit? An addict who chooses to go into a drunken state or high in drugs is dangerous, selfish and in need of reform. You don't deserve to be harmed and your opponent needs help beyond your means.
    • Although alcohol and substance use isn't necessarily a sign of sexual violence, abuse or excessive substance abuse is risky behavior. This should be considered along with other warning signs of an abusive relationship.
    • At the lowest level, substance abuse signals that your partner needs help.
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Part 3 of 6: Observing Their Behavior with Others

1. 

   See how your partner treats friends and family. If the person was rude or careless toward your own parents and friends, how do you think you would be treated? Remember, they may be kind to you right now when your relationship is still relatively new. But what if they no longer need to please you?

2. 

   Consider how your partner communicates with strangers. Notice if the person is disrespecting a waitress, taxi driver, doorman, or anyone else doing the service. That is a manifestation of petty arrogance. He divides the world in two, worthy and unworthy, and this feeling of unworthiness will soon fall on you.

3. 

   Examine the person's thoughts on your gender. Abusers often have prejudices about gender. Male abusers, for example, often use male privileges to oppress women. They may have negative attitudes towards women and the role of women, assuming that women should stay at home and submit to them.
   • In relationships where the abuser is a woman, it is possible that her disregard for a man has an effect on how she treats her lover.
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Part 4 of 6: Recognizing Bad Signs

1. 

   Violence is not tolerated. If your partner becomes physically violent, your relationship should end immediately. Physical violence is never “good for you”, and never is your fault. Don't let the other person use tricks to manipulate your thoughts, forcing you into feelings of guilt when you are hit. This is not good. This is definitely a sign of an abusive relationship, and it will repeat again. Please give up on this relationship immediately.
   • Threats of violence are no better than physical violence. Take it as serious and a dangerous sign of imminent violence. If your subject assaults, injures other people or animals, or generally commits violent behavior, it is a sign of a violent person that you should stay away from.

2. 

   Don't let yourself be intimidated. No matter how much you love the other person, if you are frightened in your own home, you have a problem. You may miss your lover a lot when you are apart, but are really scared when you go home.That is the clue that your relationship is out of bounds and needs to be safely ended.

3. 

   Compulsory or compulsive behavior is not allowed. If your partner forces you to do anything you don't want to do, or uses tricks to get you to agree, you need to cut off the relationship. If your partner comforts, insists, gets angry, or starts arguing until you give in to stop the quarrel, it is a dangerous and unacceptable sign of manipulation. and potential violence.
   • Abusers often insist that you do the way they want them to and won't step back until you have to agree. It could be the way you dress, the way you apply makeup, your food or your activities.
   • If your partner forces you to commit sexual acts against you, it is sexual assault, even if you are in a relationship with them or you have been willing to have sex before. sex.

4. 

   Trust your instincts. While the warning signs clearly suggest a subject of manipulation and abuse, things can remain vague. Those signs can be obscured because of the feeling of confusion and are difficult to detect. Trusting your intuition is the best way to determine if your relationship is potentially violent. If someone makes you slim in your heart or has a bad feeling, take it as a bad sign. Without having to name the event, you can tell that it is not good. advertisement

Part 5 of 6: Taking Action

1. 

   Talk to someone if you notice a change in your relationship. When a relationship begins to feel uncertain, followed by confusion or fear, it's time to take action. If you are in the United States, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE for further advice. In Vietnam, you can call 1800 1567 for advice.
   • You can also talk to a close friend, family member or another for advice. Start making a plan to end the relationship as safely and quickly as possible.

2. 

   Call 911 (in the US), or 113 (in Vietnam) if it turns violent. This is to ensure that violence is stopped, at least for the time being. Tell the police about the incident. Describe in detail what happened and show them the wound on the body. Submit photos of the traces that day and the bruises appear the next day. These photos can be used in court. Be sure to ask for the names and numbers of the police officers intervening and the case number.

3. 

   Plan your own safety. A safety plan is a detailed sheet of what you will do in case you are in danger.
   • Find this form from the National Center for Sexual and Domestic Violence Prevention. Print out this form and fill it out.

4. 

   Find a safe haven. List all the places you can go. Think of friends and family that your partner doesn't know. Include places like refuge houses. Shelters are often sponsored by nonprofits, have secret locations and are available 24 hours a day. That way, you can escape while the other is sleeping if necessary. There they can help you coordinate with government social services for benefits to get you started again. They can also help you get an order of protection, and many places also offer counseling services. advertisement

Part 6 of 6: Termination of Relationship

1. 

   Terminate the relationship as soon as possible. Make a plan to end a relationship safely. Once you have made your decision, try not to fret about the complicated feelings at this point, just do it. Now is not the time to mourn a failed relationship or reconsiderate it. This is the time to keep yourself safe.
   • When you decide to leave, the abuser will suddenly do everything possible to pull you back. But this is still just one way to find control over you. It is less likely that he will change his behavior without special psychological counseling and / or the abuser intervention program.

2. 

   Talk. Organize what you are going to say, practice first, and try to keep conversations short and pleasant. Make it clear that you want to end the relationship, and that you don't care about the ability to heal the relationship.
   • Limit the conversation to as brief as possible. Bring someone else so you won't be controlled by him.
   • If you are afraid for your safety, do not meet in person when saying goodbye, or if you do, choose a public place and go with someone else. Ensuring your safety is of utmost importance.

3. 

   Don't try to bear it. Get away from the abuser at the earliest signs as soon as possible. Find at least someone you trust when breaking up with an abusive lover. Find reliable and secure support from your network of friends and relatives to help you through this transition.

4. 

   Apply for a protection order if necessary. A protective order (PPO) is issued by the Circuit Court in your area. The PPO protects you from anyone who threatens, harasses or stalks you. The person will be barred from going near your home or work.
   • If you need an order of protection, you should also move to a new place and change your schedule for a while so that the abuser is difficult to find and harm you.

5. 

   Meet with a consultant. It is also a good idea to see a counselor who specializes in dealing with domestic violence victims. Even if you got out of the relationship before it got too bad, you may still need to talk about your experience with a mental health professional.
   • A counselor can help you avoid problematic relationships in the future.
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Warning

• If you are concerned about some of your own violence, get help. Seeing a counselor is the first step in understanding how you treat others. Counselors can also help you understand the events in your life that have contributed to your violent behavior. You may need to be in a domestic violence program or abuser intervention program. These programs can help you find motivation to overcome denial, take responsibility for your violence and learn to communicate effectively.