Author:
Robert Simon
Date Of Creation:
19 June 2021
Update Date:
24 June 2024
Content
If you are worried that you are over-controlling, you are expecting everyone and everything in your life to behave according to a certain standard. You might get frustrated when an important person, friend or colleague doesn't do exactly what you want or a random meeting, party, or Sunday afternoon doesn't go exactly as planned. Determined. If you always feel the need to manage every single inch of everything to make sure it goes the way you want it to, then it's time to relax, take a step back and accept that you can't. control everything. Once you do that, you will find that when you don't try to control it is much easier to be more comfortable than just trying to be involved. See Step 1 to become a less controlling person.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Changing Your Mind
Stop being a perfectionist. One of the reasons you become so in control is because you want everything to be perfect. You may not want people to come over if your property is not cleaned, you can spend extra hours reviewing reports for typos and still not finding any. After all, this kind of behavior won't help yourself or anyone else. In fact, it just hurts you and pulls you out of your life. Remember that being a perfectionist is an imperfection, the sooner you give up your desire to be perfect, the sooner you can have a life of your own instead of analyzing. everything little by little.- Think about it: if you are afraid of people coming over because your house is not perfect, they will mostly judge that you don't want people to come and not because some pillows are misplaced.
- Perfectionism will pull people back. While it may be a good thing overall, it has negative consequences. Reading a report once to check for typos is a responsibility, but rereading the report twice or thrice is time-consuming.
Work with your self-esteem. People who are in too much control should work with their self-esteem because everything lies there. You may want to take control of your friendships and relationships because you feel like people won't like you or won't take time for you if you don't tell them every little thing they have to do. You may feel that you are of no value, and if you leave them thinking alone they will find out that they don't like you at all. You need to stop thinking that way and realize that you are wonderful, a valuable person and all you need to do is relax a little bit.- Talking to a therapist or close friend about your self-esteem problems, anxiety or any underlying cause of your controlling behavior can be of great help. You might be able to find the root of the problem that makes you become too in control.
Try to control your anxiety. Another reason you can become in control is because you were too anxious, always thinking about the worst that could happen, or scared about facing things you didn't even know. what. If you are in that situation, you need to relax and understand that dealing with obscure things is not like the end of the world. Think about all that could happen in a particular situation, not all the worst, and you will gradually feel better.- Of course, it takes a long time for you to control your anxiety through yoga, meditation, reducing coffee consumption, and spending time figuring out the root cause of the problem can also help. improve.
Stop thinking I always have to be right. Over-controlling people are often obsessed with the act of having to prove that they have the best idea to solve the problem or that their opinion of clear things is absolutely correct. If you want to take less control, you have to learn to let others get right sometimes and don't think that when you don't know the answer or if someone is more experienced or has a deeper understanding of the problem. bad.
- Think about it: what's the worst that can happen if you don't know the answer to something? It happens often with everyone. You may think that people will judge you or think you are incompetent, but things like that won't happen. In fact, they will think you were wrong if you never admit that you were wrong.
- Another way to not think that you are always right is to be willing to hurt. No one can say that this is a pleasant feeling, but this is a way to trust people and show that you are just human. You want people to be able to interact with you, right?
Learn the way to accept. If you want to stop controlling, you must learn to accept everything as it is. While it's fine to see things in the direction of the need to adjust to progress, there are other ways to manage details and make small changes until they get exactly what you want them to be. Accept the general nature of things at work, at home, and in your relationships.
- Of course, innovation is initiated by people who can see the need for change and try to do it. But we're not talking about being a hero. What we need is for you to stay calm with everything that happens around you instead of trying to "fix" a problem that doesn't really exist.
Realize that not being in control can be effective. You might think that planning your little details or planning your wedding flawlessly flawlessly can make you feel confident, or even feel great. And sure enough, there's always the motivation to be in complete control of the situation. But then do you know how you feel? Exhausted. Stress. As if you just can't get up. Instead, let people help, or empower them, maybe the best outcome for you.
- Instead of putting pressure on yourself, you have to learn to enjoy working with others to achieve common goals - or even let them work a little more than you while you rest.
- Let's start smart. You don't have to take full responsibility for a key project at work as if it were your job. Instead, let your colleague choose a lunch spot for you. Is that still so difficult? If you feel comfortable, take it a step further to allow yourself to give up control and see how you feel.
Part 2 of 3: Trusting Others
Learn to trust others. One of the most important things you need to do is realize that others are just as talented, smart, and hardworking as you are. Of course, unfortunately not everyone is. Understandably why you didn't ask your messy sister to clean the kitchen, or asked Duong Lazy to review the report for you, some of the people around us might not really help. What good can I do? But there are plenty of good, helpful people out there, and if you want to live a happier life, you have to learn to trust them, trust them to help you, and let them give it themselves. decision.
- Think about it: if you always tell your boyfriend, your best friend or your roommate exactly what they have to do, how will they feel? They will feel that you do not trust them because you think they are not as smart / cooperative / awesome enough as you. Is that what you want the people you care about most feel?
Authority. If you want to stop controlling, you have to learn how to assign tasks to others as well. Gone are the days when you gathered everything about yourself and got angry at others with a boss-like face, always getting angry - that's who you have become. Instead, learn how to assign work to others, whether it's asking a colleague to help with a project or asking a friend to choose a meal for the party you're in charge of. Once you trust the other person, you can ask for their help.
- Of course, it takes humility to ask for help from others, but you will get used to it. Everyone has to ask for the help of others and you shouldn't be an exception.
Listen to and learn from others. Besides putting your trust in others and being able to share your work with them, you should learn to truly learn from them. You may feel like you are the only one with the knowledge to teach them, but if you really listen to people, you will find yourself wrong. You are not an expert in every field, there will always be someone who understands or has more experience than you in certain fields. When you give in and are ready to listen, you will find that you have a lot to learn.
- Don't interrupt others. Let them say everything they need to say and be ready to take the time to think carefully before giving their opinion.
Let everyone be themselves. While everyone has something to improve on, you must stop trying to change people the way you want. Instead, try to be yourself and behave as they want instead of following your way of life and thinking. Of course if your boyfriend does something that drives you crazy, talk back but you can't expect him to be a completely different person, it's like he can't ask you to be. into a different person.
- It is one thing to talk about things that need to be fixed and helping others to be better. But trying to change them into someone else is a completely different story.
Find out what you are jealous of. There are many reasons to keep everything under control, including the reason you are jealous. You might get jealous if you never tell your best friend where you are going, and then she ends up going out with other friends. You might be jealous if your boyfriend doesn't call you every hour, and that means he's with another girl. You must learn to appreciate yourself, and to trust that others feel the same way about you. If you have real reasons for your jealousy, it is one thing, but if you always doubt you need to have a more rational mindset and a more positive outlook.
- Ask yourself why you feel jealous. Have you been betrayed by your past or because of your own insecurity?
- If you want a healthy relationship that can be mutually beneficial, you must eliminate that jealousy.
Part 3 of 3: Action
If what you're doing doesn't work in a particular situation, stop. Control is certainly good in many situations. If your child misbehaves, you need martial law. If your boyfriend is always late for work, you can remind him to set an alarm. But if control clearly doesn't improve the situation, then it may be time to stop. Realize when you should interfere and learn to stop the control.
- For example, if you continue to scrutinize each of your employees but result in resistance and reduced productivity, then it's time to stop. If your best friend feels hopeless about losing her job, and you call her every day to see if she has applied for a new job, then that only makes her even more upset, stop .
Share your difficulties with friends. You will take a different view of your controlling behavior. As long as someone shares your feelings and is determined to change, you can improve your actions. If you do it on your own, it will be difficult to get the motivation to actually change your mind. The love and support of your friends will help you realize that you can change, get better, and feel like things gradually settle down.
- You can meet with friends every week to talk with them about your progress. If you tell someone about your plans, you may feel a sense of responsibility for them and will be more motivated to change.
Stop advising others. One thing controlling people do is constantly "advise" people about everything from how they should behave in their relationships to what they should order for dinner. Your "advice" is really a cover of imposition or demand and you must avoid behaving like that if you want to become less in control. When other people really need advice or you think you can really help, then you should give advice, but in general, you should avoid giving advice, especially if not asked.
- If you always tell people that your "suggestion" is the best, you'll be nicknamed "know it all".
Stop planning every second of the day. Controlling people want to plan, plan and just plan. They know exactly what time they wake up, put a few spoons of sugar in their morning coffee, what time they get in the car to work, what they will wear every day of the week. If you want to stop controlling, you have to learn to let go of those things. It is important to organize things and to help you feel like you are on the right track, but allowing things to change and accepting you won't be able to foresee what will happen every second of every day of the engagement. Your life is also very important.
- Try the actual application. Enjoy the weekend without planning ahead then just doing what you want to do. If you receive a last-minute invitation to do something fun, you should agree.
- Although many people like to have a plan in place, make sure you have at least ten free hours a week without any planning. Then gradually increase it to fifteen or even twenty hours. You will be relaxed and realize that everything is fine, although you don't always know exactly what's going to happen.
Learn to go by nature. Controlling people often avoid momentary loss of control, avoid sudden trips or never do something they want to do and it's completely crazy. They had a plan and they determined to follow it at all costs. So, it's time to give up these habits, enjoy being yourself, dating people without knowing what happens next.
- The next time you're in a group, don't speak up when you need to decide what to do. Let them decide. You will find that it is not as bad as you think!
Be flexible. If you want to become less in control, you need to make flexible room for your plan. There may be a last-minute problem with your boyfriend, and you will have to change your appointment date to a later date. Is it the end of the world? Maybe the office meeting is scheduled for the afternoon, maybe your sister needs help looking after the grandchild and no one can. Be open to everything life throws at you, and be flexible so you don't feel catastrophic when a week doesn't go as you expect.
- To be truly flexible, you have to realize that, most of all, the few unplanned hours of the week or last minute changes won't have too much of an impact on your life. Once you realize that, you will feel more free and open to the possibilities.
Advice
- Remember that life is wonderful. Be grateful for what you have been given. You will experience less fear of loss and less control when you are grateful.
- Life will be sweeter if you let it go naturally. If someone chases after you and realizes they love you passionately and you can't resist it, that's a great feeling! Learning to enjoy and love yourself has been a wonderful journey.
- Fight for yourself. Don't try to appear out of control, do it for yourself. If you try to change your mind, you're still trying to control. Accept the fact that you cannot control any situation or person, only yourself.
- Talk to everyone about the problem you are having.
