Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Form a Real Idea of ​​Yourself
• Part 2 of 3: Learn to Accept Yourself
• Part 3 of 3: Move Forward
• Tips

The very idea of ​​personal "flaws" is flawed. "Lack" is imperfection, and there are no perfect people, so this concept is initially absurd. However, people can have personality traits, abilities, or habits that are frustrating in certain circumstances. Learn to understand and love yourself completely and come up with another name for such "flaws".

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Form a Real Idea of ​​Yourself

1. 1 Rename the flaws. Don't call flaws "flaws." Begin to view them as features and do not use harsh judgments in this concept. Options like "quirks," "habits," or "traits" are also good options.
   • You should not call your features disadvantages. Forget personal characteristics like "shy" or "withdrawn" as they carry a negative charge. Just think of yourself as a person who takes time to get used to new people, which is fine.
   • Use soft and detailed language instead of harsh and vague definitions. As you look in the mirror, say to yourself, "I really love myself." Say it out loud. Climb to the very top of a high-rise building and shout "I'm proud of myself." For example, if your flaw is very unpleasant, then climb onto the roof and shout "I am unpleasant and I am proud of myself." People will appreciate your courage.
   • Is this a "fad"? Relatively harmless flaws need not even be "corrected". Learn to live with these distinctive features.
   • Is this quality sometimes useful? Personal characteristics can be both helpful and harmful. They are not flaws. You need to learn how to use it correctly and change the behavior in a timely manner, depending on the situation. For example:
   • Perseverance can be decisive. Such a person may be adamant at the wrong time, which will lead to problems, but in another situation, such a character trait will be extremely useful.
   • Perfectionism can be beneficial. Perfectionists face challenges when they try to change an imperfect world according to clear standards and do not meet with help, but surgeons, engineers and Olympic athletes strive for excellence in their work.
2. 2 Make a list of all their merits and abilities. Indicate whatever comes to mind. Don't cross out qualities that you find repetitive or common. Write down traits such as patience, kindness, courage, determination, taste, intelligence, or loyalty. Sometimes a person is so fixated on his shortcomings that he completely forgets about the merits. A comprehensive self-image allows one to accurately and rationally assess oneself as a person.
   • If you are too depressed, consider free writing instead of a list.
   • Listen to the opinions of friends and family. Sometimes others see qualities in us that we do not notice. Try to talk about such features more often.
3. 3 List everything you are proud of. List achievements such as goals you have achieved, moments in which you were able to surprise yourself, or challenges that did not hinder you. Be proud that you have recovered from problems, helped a person in difficult times, completed work or study projects, and gained knowledge. List the skills you have mastered.
4. 4 List and understand your inclinations or needs. Freely write a list of things that you tend to do but are not proud of. Indicate the personality traits that you would like to change. Be as specific as possible. For example, instead of saying "My appearance", write "I don't like acne on my skin." If you are describing an incident, include as many details as possible.
5. 5 Assess your past experiences. How did your habits and lifestyle develop? Is it all about culture, family, biological characteristics? When do they appear? Have you often faced criticism? Are you influenced by promotional materials from companies trying to make money from your insecurities? If you say words that you later regret, then figure out the reasons. Can the situation be attributed to a lack of tact due to parenting or your reaction to an awkward moment?
   • If you are spending too much money, then think about the reasons, the first such incident and what you hope to get from this behavior.
   • The better you understand your past actions, the sooner you can forgive yourself for such behavior.
6. 6 Change your thoughts. Why do you consider these features "disadvantages"? Do these qualities have positive aspects? Take a look at your list of strengths and see if they might be related to qualities that you consider "weaknesses". Start thinking positively about your personality.
   • Perhaps you think you are an overly emotional person. Change that mindset and remind yourself that being emotional allows you to be empathetic and comforting to others during difficult times. This is why people value your care and support so much.
   • If you are too impressionable, then this quality may be associated with a creative streak.
   • The positive nature of thoughts will not change the qualities themselves, but will teach you to soberly evaluate and accept yourself.

Part 2 of 3: Learn to Accept Yourself

1. 1 Stop criticizing yourself. Treat yourself with respect, love, and compassion. There is no need to scold yourself, because you can always calmly assess the situation. Name any negative feelings you have. Say to yourself “This is the thought that I’m too fat” or “This is the typical“ everyone knows more than me ””.
2. 2 Accept positive statements from others. If you are being praised, say "Thank you." It is impolite to reject sincere and honest compliments. Refusing a compliment is a missed opportunity to create a positive bond with the person and boost self-esteem. Don't stop your friends and family from appreciating you.
   • If you are very depressed, then ask a loved one to name the qualities for which he values ​​you. Don't forget to thank and compliment in return.
3. 3 Notice when the person tries to hurt you. Sometimes cruelty is hidden under the guise of kindness. Do you have a friend who always highlights your flaws? Does someone laugh at you or often criticize you in public or one-on-one? If you are proud of what you have done, does anyone want to belittle your accomplishment?
   • Try to delete such people from your life or communicate with them as little as possible.
4. 4 Love yourself. Learn to accept yourself before you try to change.You are more likely to harm yourself if you begin to change without acknowledging your positive qualities and personal merits. Love yourself so that change will bring positive results. Treat yourself like a blooming garden that needs to be watered, pruned, and maintained, not flooded or burned down.
   • If you want to improve your academic performance, then first tell yourself: "I am smart, hardworking and want to reach great heights. I can handle these tasks."
   • Give up such thoughts: "I am too stupid and lazy, I failed in the last exam, so I will fail in the next one."
   • Form a positive mindset and start making an action plan.
5. 5 Change the way you think about working on yourself. Wanting to change something, we do not get rid of shortcomings and do not hide them, but we acquire a new skill.
   • Instead of "Talking less," tell yourself, "You need to learn to listen."
   • Instead of "Condemning others less," say, "You need to better understand and accept views that differ from my beliefs."
   • Instead of "I need to lose weight" say: "You need to better monitor your body: exercise, eat right and reduce stress."
6. 6 Notice unrealistic standards. There are a lot of images, perceptions and ideas in the world that it is simply impossible to correspond to. They can come from the media, educational institutions, friends or family. If you are dissatisfied with some of your features, then you should not share these ideas at all:
   • Look like a supermodel. Only a small number of people can look like famous actors or models. Most people are not born incredibly beautiful, slender, and rarely live up to accepted standards. What's more, celebrities always work with a whole group of makeup artists, stylists, personal trainers, designers and photographers to create the look. If you are not like them, then this is not a flaw. You are an ordinary person, which is quite normal. This pursuit of unrealistic standards will not make you a happy person.
   • Be the perfect student. Education focuses primarily on the ability to read and write, math, and science. These aspects are very important, but not everyone has the same ability. Even brilliant minds can write a test poorly or forget about deadlines. Unfortunately, no one at school judges your friendliness, artistic talent, or your athletic ability, hard work, or your thirst for adventure. Being not the best student is not always a disadvantage. Perhaps your merits are in a different area. You don't have to be an A to be a successful adult.
   • Be less "successful" than other family members. A person may consider himself imperfect if he does not have qualities that other family members value so much. In fact, you are just different. A happy and harmonious family will accept you for who you are, but sometimes it is so difficult to get along with relatives because of their peculiarities. Examples of such qualities:
     • sports interests or talents;
     • intellectual abilities;
     • political predilections;
     • religious views;
     • interest in family business;
     • artistic ability.

Part 3 of 3: Move Forward

1. 1 Understand the difference between working on yourself and having adequate self-esteem. Accepting yourself as a whole does not mean giving up personal development. You just accept all your qualities, good and bad, as a whole. A person should be himself and appreciate himself with all his shortcomings. Learn to unconditionally accept yourself as you are now - unique and imperfect.
   • If you think “I will accept myself if I can eat less and lose weight,” you set yourself certain conditions that cannot always be met. People tend to develop in order to become better and stronger, but do not put a change conditionwhere you accept yourself.
2. 2 Learn to ask for help. We all face difficulties and low self-esteem.The best way out in such a situation is to talk about your feelings and seek support from loved ones. Do not be left alone with the problem, because you deserve help.
   • If you are having difficulties at school or at work, talk to someone. The person will listen to you and offer helpful advice.
   • If you often think of yourself in a negative way, then see a professional to identify possible anxiety, depression, or body dysmorphic disorder. The situation can be changed.
3. 3 Think of yourself as an unfinished canvas. Time and experience provide opportunities to work on mistakes. Growing up and getting better takes a lot of time and makes a lot of mistakes. Be patient, as sometimes it can take years. The desire to quickly eliminate mistakes will turn into disappointment, because people grow, learn and develop throughout their lives. For example:
   • frivolous teenagers become responsible adults;
   • a third grader with low academic performance can become an excellent student when he learns new approaches to learning.
4. 4 Find support groups. Support groups range from low self-esteem to eating disorders. Find a local group with the right specifics or online platforms where you can discuss your concerns. Group members can help you better understand and accept your traits, and help you get rid of feelings of loneliness.
   • Thematically, support groups, as a rule, have no restrictions: they communicate with people with different medical problems, mental disorders, developmental disabilities and views.
5. 5 Connect with positive people. Spend time with people who help you feel better. Talk less often with those who lower your self-esteem. It is important to connect with people who make you feel happy and in a good mood.
   • Take the initiative and offer to meet. Go for walks, chat over a cup of coffee, or make and implement joint plans.
6. 6 Learn forgive. It is impossible to change the past, no matter how much we want it. Don't dwell on past mistakes that are caused by your decisions or special actions. You just have to admit a mistake to learn a lesson.
   • If you constantly think about a mistake, then tell yourself: "I made the best decision, taking into account the information and opportunities that were available at that time." Now that the mistake is part of the past, make new decisions based on the new information.

Tips

• Some "deficiencies" are symptoms of disorders and disabilities such as autism, dyslexia, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. If you have many unusual features, then it is better to study the issue and contact a specialist. An accurate diagnosis is an opportunity to get help, understand yourself better, and find a support group.