Content

• Steps

Is someone close to you that makes you uncomfortable? Although you cannot choose family or family members, you can choose how to respond to and respond to difficult family situations. Perhaps you will not be able to ignore family gatherings and even you have quite a good relationship with everyone in the family, except this person. There are a number of ways to help you cope with this situation more easily so that the time of family reunification becomes less stressful and enjoyable.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Dealing with the inevitable interaction

1. 

   Think about the behavior you desire. Before you spend any time with this relative, take a few minutes to decide how you want to behave. Perhaps you and that person have argued with each other in the past. Ask yourself about the cause of the argument and see if there is any way to avoid a similar situation during this meeting.
   • You may be proud of yourself as an Atheist, but your aunt believes Atheist will go to hell. The best way is to avoid discussing religious topics around your aunt.

2. 

   
   
   Wait before you speak. Especially if you have strong negative feelings towards someone, don't react hastily or speak without thinking. Take a breath before you speak. If you are having trouble holding back from giving negative comments, just politely ask for permission to stay away.
   • You should say "Sorry. I need to go to the restroom ”, or“ I'll go see if anyone needs help in the kitchen. ”

3. 

   
   
   Get help. If you are having trouble getting along with a relative, let your family member know (for example, a spouse, partner or sibling) that you want to reduce interaction with that person. This way, if you are forced into a discussion or argument that you don't want, you can let them know so they can help you get out of it.
   • You should agree on a sign in advance in case you need help from your family. For example, you can make eye contact or give a hand signal that means "Please help me out of this situation!".

4. 

   
   
   Enjoy. You don't need to be afraid of having family reunions because that person is there. Focus on spending time with the people you love and doing fun activities. Even if the person you dislike is in the room, focus on other factors. If you find yourself talking to the person, look for another distraction that can help you get through this interaction (like playing with your dog).
   • If you don't want to sit next to the person during a meal, suggest getting a name card and sitting away from the person.

5. 

   Keep the person busy. One way to deal with a difficult relative is to give them a task or task on family reunion. If you are cooking, you can ask the person to chop the onions or set the table for you, and let them do it the way they want. This way, your relative will feel as if they are contributing to the party, and won't bother you for a while.
   • Find ways to allow the person to participate but also keep them busy.

6. 

   Use humor. Especially if the situation is stressful or uncomfortable, you can use humor to ease the difficult behavior and improve the situation. You can make a casual comment that shows you are not taking yourself or the situation too seriously.
   • If your grandmother keeps telling you to wear a sweater, say, “She should go get a sweater for the cat too; I don't want the cat to get cold! ”.

7. 

   Have an escape plan. If you are afraid of interacting with your relative, be prepared for the reason for leaving early when you have to attend the event. You can ask a friend to call you (or you call your friend) about an "emergency", or say that the home fire alarm system suddenly rings, or that your pet is sick. Whatever excuse you feel makes sense, use it as an excuse if you are uncomfortable or angry with your relative. advertisement

Part 2 of 3: Building healthy boundaries

1. 

   Avoid heated debate. If your uncle likes to talk about politics but you don't want to talk about it, don't join the conversation. You should make an effort not to elicit family talk. Even if your uncle talks about it and tries to force you to talk, it is up to you to respond. It could be about athletic competition, about college, or rivalry.
   • You should say “We can agree or disagree and should end here” or “I don't want to argue more and I just want to have a happy family reunion without arguments like like this again ”.

2. 

   Choose your battle. Your relative will probably say something insulting that you just want to counteract or correct it right away, but take a few seconds to breathe and decide if it's worth it. argue or not. If your grandfather makes an offensive statement, ask yourself if your comment changed his point of view or if it just sparked a dispute.
   • Sometimes you need to grind your teeth to endure it and say, "You have the right to raise your own opinion."

3. 

   Resolve conflicts. If you can't bear a relative due to both conflicts, find out if you can resolve the conflict. You will have to find time to sit down, be honest with each other, and dispel the heavy air. When you approach your relative, you need to be kind, sympathetic, and not push yourself on the defensive.
   • The sooner you resolve the conflict, the less resentment will build up.
   • Be ready to forgive. You don't have to ignore the situation or pretend it didn't happen, but you should learn to forgive so that you can relieve your inner pain.

4. 

   Say no". If your relative often asks for something from you (money, unpaid work, free housing, etc.), don't hesitate to say no. Remember, it is up to you to say "no". If you want to consider things before saying "yes" right away, you also have the right to wait and rethink things before agreeing to anything.
   • You don't have to justify your response or make an excuse. Just say "Sorry, I can't do that". You don't need to explain it to anyone.

5. 

   Stay away from negative aggressive manipulation. Perhaps the difficulty is due to some kind of negative negative comment when a relative compares you to other grandchildren (“Well, Nam got accepted in college but I got into college. the community is good too ”). You may even feel manipulated by a relative's negative comments or actions. If your relative gives you negative criticism, stay away from them as much as possible and don't interact with them more than necessary; You should remember that this is not a personal issue and it is not about you.
   • If you feel being manipulated, find a strategy to free yourself from the conversation ("I'll go see if everyone needs help in the kitchen" or "I'll hang out with the grandchildren. , I haven't seen them in a while! ”). Do not participate in the conversation.

6. 

   Keep your family rules. If you are having trouble reinforcing family lines with relatives, let them know that your family rules apply everywhere at all times.If you dislike the way a relative treats your children (like telling them to eat them or feeding them unhealthy food), let that person know that their behavior is against your family rules, and this law is enforced both inside and outside the home.
   • Be upfront and realistically when discussing this with the person. You might say, "You are not allowed to play with that toy in the house, and she is not allowed to play with it here."

7. 

   Deal with a dilemma. If your relative has done something unforgivable, you can enforce whatever boundaries allow you to feel safe. Whether it means inviting the person to a family reunion, avoiding the person altogether, or letting your family know that you have decided to sever the relationship with this person. Focus on feeling safe, and not on punishing your family member.
   • Use your best judgment in informing family members about the situation. Keep in mind that while it may feel as though the situation is completely unacceptable, your family may not be the same way as you and will continue to maintain a relationship with that person.
   • Although you will want to stay away from the person for your own safety, know that your estrangement will hurt both you and your family member.
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Part 3 of 3: Overcoming feelings of hatred

1. 

   Take care of yourself. If you know you are going to spend a day with a relative you don't like, make sure you prepare well before you face the situation. If the person often makes you aggressive or irritable, make sure you get enough sleep the night before. When you get tired and grumpy at a Family Day Party, you should go home early. And remember to eat well: if your blood sugar is stable, you will be less likely to become angry or aggressive.

2. 

   Remember that it is not about you. If someone looks down on you, lowers your dignity, or says bad things to you, keep in mind that this is a reflection of the person's human nature rather than yours. Be firm and remember who you are. Do your best to ignore every word and remind yourself, “This issue is not about me. It is just a reflection of her own aunt.
   • People are often evil because they have to deal with personal problems. This happens when the person has low self-esteem, is having trouble with anger, or stress.
   • The other person may act in a particular way and believe that their action is perfectly normal. The cause is many factors, but you can consider the example of someone who allows his own fierce and competitive business to affect their personal lives.
   • Some people simply do not have the biological tools needed to feel empathy. Maybe it's due to differences in genetics or the way they were raised (for example, the environment in which they grew up).

3. 

   Realize that you cannot change this person. There is nothing you can do to change the person you cannot get along with. You may have the illusion of a happy family partying together every holiday, and when this relative comes along, that person destroys your illusion. It's up to you to let go of the delusion and accept the family you have, and the delusion is just a happy thought that doesn't come true.

4. 

   Accept your relative. Instead of approaching the person with judgment and disgust, practice accepting and understanding. Listen as they talk and try to understand their point of view.
   • Show that person loving compassion. Take a deep breath and look at that relative. Then think, “I saw you, and I saw that you are suffering. I don't understand your pain well, but I realize it and I accept that it affects me in the present moment.

5. 

   Seek reasons to be grateful. While you will feel frightened before all family gatherings, especially because you don't like spending time with a difficult relative, you can look for what makes you look forward to or feel grateful in meeting with family. Perhaps you are excited to see your grandchild again, or feel good that you got the chance to show off your cooking skills (or not cook).
   • Look for things that make you grateful before attending family reunions. This way, you can cope with the situation with a built-in feeling of gratitude.

6. 

   See a therapist. If you have trouble working through the pain a relative has caused you in the past, you should see a therapist. A therapist will help you cope with your feelings, find coping mechanisms, and help you deal with underlying feelings of depression, anxiety, or other diagnoses.
   • You might also consider family therapy if you want a relative to join you. While it won't be easy, it will help you to cope with difficult topics and discuss them with a relative.
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