Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

Dealing with an angry person is no fun. It feels even worse if the person is your boyfriend, and anger causes him to speak or act harshly and hurtful. Regardless of whether it's cursing, insulting, or yelling, dealing with an angry boyfriend can often be extremely stressful. But either way, with a resolute and composed attitude in handling his anger, you can shape a relationship that is more respectful, positive, and healthy.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Calming the situation

1. 

   Choose the right time. People often behave grumpy when they are tired or upset, so avoid discussion when the other person is in a hurry or confusion. Instead, ask him to talk when things cool down and the two of you are calm enough to solve the problem without getting angry.
   • This tactic is not always effective, as sometimes it can be difficult to think calmly in anger. If this doesn't work, there are other ways to keep your anger from increasing.

2. 

   
   
   Let your boyfriend know that you understand his feelings. Active listening or listening and understanding are key to effective communication. Your sympathy will be like a stream of cool water rushing into a fire. Your boyfriend may be less angry because he feels more connected to you when you understand his feelings. Show understanding and repeat what you are hearing to calm your boyfriend.
   • Be as specific as possible, and avoid using old phrases like "I understand". This does not show real understanding and appears superficial.
   • Instead, try saying things like "I know you're upset because I didn't call you back".
   • Continue focusing on your boyfriend's anger. Don't redirect the conversation towards you with statements like "I understand because I feel the same way".

3. 

   
   
   Ask him what he wants from you. Rude words and actions often stem from feelings of being treated unfairly or unfairly. When you ask your boyfriend what to expect from you (in a soft voice, of course), you will lead the conversation from angry to more positive.
   • Try expressing things like "What do I need you to do now" or "What do you think I should do about this?"

4. 

   
   
   Offer to help if possible. When your boyfriend makes it clear what he wants from you, determine if it's something you can actually do or if you're willing to do. By offering to help, you can help ease his anger, stop rude behavior, and turn the situation in a constructive direction.
   • Help suggestions can vary greatly. Even just apologizing can relieve tension, as it shows that you admit part of your mistake in the argument.
   • Sometimes helping is out of your reach. For example, if your boyfriend gets fired and then takes out his anger on you, then just say “I know you are angry because of losing your job, I wish I could help you, but this is out of reach mine. "
   • Sometimes even though you can help, you decide not to, and this is completely acceptable. Let's say if your boyfriend wants you to quit school or work to hang out with him, you could say “I'm sorry. If only I had time to go out with me today, but I couldn't quit my duties. ” You shouldn't say "I don't want that."

5. 

   Try to create a sense of humor. Humor can help alleviate stressful situations by changing the mood for a long enough time to cool off your anger. Remember not to make fun of your boyfriend, because that will only make him angry. Instead, make fun of yourself or the situation. This is better for a couple who often have fun.
   • Everyone has a different sense of humor, but you can try making jokes with statements like “This is beyond my power - let me consult my other personality,” or “You Sorry for forgetting to call you. At that time, you were struggling with my dull head. ”
   • Avoid using this method if he is making a malicious and hurtful joke on you, as it will only backfire and possibly provoke insults.
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Method 2 of 3: Set limits

1. 

   Set your limits. When setting boundaries, be as straightforward as possible and make a list of behaviors that are not acceptable. Make eye contact with your boyfriend and be determined but calm to let him know that you must respect the boundaries you set. You can try practicing speaking first to feel more confident when it's time to talk to him.

2. 

   Do not accept insults or insults. Such words are a manifestation of control and humiliation, and are absolutely not allowed in a healthy relationship. Strictly speaking, the other person's insult to you about your appearance, your intelligence, your opinions or your choices is emotional abuse. When your boyfriend calls you insults, stop what you're doing, look him in the eye and say unequivocally, "Don't ever call me that again". You do not have to answer any questions or explain anything; repeat what you mean until he understands.
   • Insults not only cause painful emotional pain, but also have silent long-term destructive power, because it hurts your self-esteem and makes you dependent on your boyfriend.
   • Never blame yourself for your boyfriend's harsh words, and don't start thinking he's right. Suppose your boyfriend calls you fat when two people are arguing, never believe it.

3. 

   Absolutely not allow swearing. Swearing in an argument is like waving a red scarf in front of a gaur; it only allows negative emotions to escalate. When your boyfriend swears at you, the negative energy emitted from it will make you feel ashamed and stressed. Use “I” statements to tell your boyfriend that you're not willing to let him swear.
   • You might say something like, "I know you're upset because I didn't call you back, but I won't accept you swearing, because I find it annoying to hear those words."

4. 

   Do not shout loudly. Shouts only heat up a tense atmosphere and often make you feel angry, scared, or defensive. However, sometimes people who get angry easily do not even realize they are loud. Use the subject phrase "I" to set limits and tell your boyfriend that you don't accept screams.
   • Try saying “I won't allow you to yell at me. I feel very angry when you yell, and it doesn't help either. I will tell you after both you and I are calmer ”.
   • If your boyfriend denied that he wasn't yelling, have a tape recorder handy to let him listen to it later. When you play the tape again, gently explain that you didn't talk about what he said on the tape, you just played him back on how loud you were.

5. 

   Don't let your boyfriend blame you. This behavior is of no benefit as it interferes with communication and reduces your ability to solve problems. When you're angry, your boyfriend may blame you, tell him how bad you are and make you feel inferior. Draw boundaries and let your boyfriend know that you don't accept blame. You can do this in sentences with the subject "I".
   • Tell your boyfriend how you feel when he blames you all the way. For example, you could say, "I feel frustrated when you blame me for everything between you and me."
   • Next, use the phrase "I" to tell your boyfriend that you will no longer accept the blame.Say, “I don't think blaming each other will fix the problem. From now on I won't accept you blaming me for venting my anger. ”
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Method 3 of 3: Control your emotions

1. 

   See your anger from a different angle. You can suppress the electrical brain signals that cause negative emotions by looking at your boyfriend's anger in a different light. Tell yourself, "Maybe he has a lot of bad things today." By deliberately looking for a different perspective, you can change your emotional response and avoid being negative.
   • It's not always easy to sympathize with someone who is acting rough and tempered, but once you see their anger differently, you can keep yourself from falling on the defensive.
   • Try saying to yourself things like "He's trying hard," or "That's just his way." This way, you won't feel like you're being blamed.
   • Just because you sympathize with your boyfriend's anger doesn't mean you accept it. Once you understand that it is not your fault, find healthy ways to deal with the problem, such as setting limits or avoiding it temporarily.

2. 

   Don't be too hard on yourself. More often than not, your boyfriend's words leave you feeling angry, frustrated, scared, or helpless. Avoid these feelings by accepting yourself and the way you have chosen to deal with your boyfriend's anger. Tell yourself that even if you can't handle his anger, that's okay.
   • For example, if you feel guilty for telling your boyfriend that you can't help him, tell yourself “I wish I could help him, but I need to take care of himself. myself, even though I know he's still angry. ”

3. 

   Take note of your anger level. Your boyfriend's rude and impatient behavior can also make you angry. You might accidentally "tease him" or "pluck his hair and look for a trail" and this will only make him more agitated. Pay attention to your verbal and nonverbal language to make sure you don't throw your anger at your boyfriend.
   • Avoid statements that begin with "You are always ..." and don't criticize or sarcasm on your boyfriend's behavior. Such statements are based only on anger and only adding fuel to the fire.
   • Make a list of your boyfriend's triggers (or things that make him upset) and see how your behaviors affect him.
   • Don't blow your anger out on you or your boyfriend. Don't intentionally "hit the venom" of him.

4. 

   Tell him how you feel. Use “I” statements to accept responsibility for your feelings and behaviors without making your boyfriend feel like you are blaming. Try to be skillful in talking to your boyfriend about your feelings with statements like "I'm so sad to hear your bad words." Avoid statements that begin with "I am always ..." because these statements sound blaming.
   • Practice saying "I" statements over and over when you are not angry so that such statements come naturally and become part of your speech.
   • Sharing your emotions in this way will not only express your feelings, but also increase your level of intimacy with your boyfriend.
   • This technique can help calm your anger and focus on what you want, rather than on hurting words.
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Advice

• Don't try to reason with the angry person. Instead, avoid walking and wait until the situation calms down to set limits and fix the problem.
• Some guys tend to change their behavior in front of others to avoid being known as "rough". If your boyfriend is in this category, talk about sensitive issues in public so he can stay calm.
• Sometimes an objective mediator can be helpful. Try asking a mutual friend, relative, counselor, or someone you both trust. There is also a wealth of information on how to deal with anger in a gentle way that you can learn online.

Warning

• Healthy relationships must be relaxed and fun; Your boyfriend should never feel ashamed and upset about you, and you should never be afraid to express yourself. If the opposite is true, it is a sign of emotional abuse.
• Do not tolerate physical or verbal abuse. If you are in an abusive relationship, get help right away.
• Don't let anger dull in your heart; because at some point it will come out. Allow your boyfriend to let out his anger in a healthy way, and remember that it's okay to ignore disagreements.