Content

• Steps
• Advice

Dealing with a parental divorce can be difficult. The situation will get even more complicated if your father starts dating. Learning how to get along with your father's girlfriend can be an emotional and awkward process. It is important that you determine the type of relationship you want to build, and then develop a few plans you can make to achieve it. There are a few things you can do to make the process of dealing with your father's girlfriend easier.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Deal with your father's girlfriend when you are a child or a minor

1. 

   Adjust your habits. If you live with your father, his dating life can have an impact on your everyday life. Even if you don't live with him full time, it will take a while for you to get used to the new person's presence. If your father's girlfriend seems to be there all the time, you need to change your routine.
   • She probably usually watches TV while your favorite shows are on the air. You should politely ask if she would mind moving to another room while you relax with your TV show. Or you can watch the program again later using the DVR recorder.
   • You can also change your habits. For example, if you get the feeling that she's in the kitchen every time you want to prepare snacks, start changing your routine. You can choose a dish to take away instead of eating in the kitchen.
   • Changing your habits is probably not the best solution in the long run. But in the early days of getting to know someone, it can be quite helpful.
   • Once you get used to your father's girlfriend's presence, you can move away if needed. Go to your room or go for a walk if you need your own space.

2. 

   
   
   Protect your own space. When a new person is present in the home, it is sometimes necessary to set boundaries.One way to do this is to identify what is considered your own space. You can have a physical space (like your own room) and also an emotionally private space.
   • If you have a private room in your father's house, ask his partner to respect your privacy. Tell her that if you close the door it means you want to be alone.
   • Your emotional space is also important. If she tries to discipline you, speak up for yourself.
   • For example, if your curfew is 11:00 pm, but she asks you to go home at 10:00, you should mention the situation calmly. You might say, "Actually, my dad lets me go home at 11 p.m. so I'll obey his rules, thank you."

3. 

   
   
   Affirm your own needs. It gets pretty confusing when your dad starts dating. Don't hesitate to let him know about the impact his love life has on you. You should ask him not to introduce all the new women he dates you to.
   • If your dad is in a serious relationship, you'll have to meet his girlfriend. But you don't have to meet anyone he dines with.
   • Try to say something like "Dad, I understand you need to be social. But I feel uncomfortable talking to a woman I don't know. Please don't introduce me to anyone." Any woman except dad's serious girlfriend.
   • Choose your words carefully. You should think ahead about what you want to say. This method will ensure that your message is completely clear.

4. 

   
   
   Discuss your concerns. Your father's lover can interfere with your life in many different ways. Maybe she will tease you, or give you unwanted advice. She may also try to discipline you in a way that doesn't fit with your family traditions. Whatever the problem, you should be clear about your concerns.
   • Talk to your father about the problem. Be clear and specific.
   • You could say something like, "Dad, Miss Mai teases me about how I like boys. This is not a topic I want to discuss with her. Would you please ask her to stop." .
   • When raising your concerns, explain how you are feeling. Say "I feel very angry when Miss Mai interrupted me while I was talking."
   • Then, give an idea to form a solution. You could say, "Dad, if you could explain to her that we don't have that kind of conversation in the house, then great."

5. 

   Get others to listen to you. Sometimes, it's not enough to just mention your worries. Since you are a young person, it will be difficult for adults, even your parents, to take you seriously. Make it clear that this situation is a big problem for you and that you do not want to continue to be ignored.
   • Set up a time to chat. Your father needs to pay attention to you completely. You can say "Dad, I need to talk to you about my conflict with Miss Tam. When can I talk to you?".
   • Allow him a chance to think. Don't ask him to come up with a solution right away.
   • You could say, "Father, I know you are facing a difficult situation. But I need your help, so I want to know your plans in a few days."
   • If your father refuses to talk to you, seek out another adult. You can ask your mother or other family member to be with you when you discuss with your father.

6. 

   Be realistic. Whether you're close to college age or nearing adolescence, dealing with a parental divorce can be difficult. Perhaps it is the cause of many changes in your life, and maybe even your living situation. Although you will want your parents to get back together, the first step in dealing with a divorce is to face the truth.
   • Face the fact that your dad has a new girlfriend. Whether this is a new relationship or has been around for a while, it's important to accept her presence in your current life.
   • Accepting the facts does not mean you cannot improve the situation. It simply means that you admit everything has changed.
   • Once you have accepted the fact that your father is dating, you can begin to take steps to deal with the situation in a positive way.

7. 

   Continue living your life. It will take a moment to organize your emotions. This is completely normal. But for the time being, don't let your father's dating life affect you. Remember that you also have to focus on many other things in your own life.
   • Spend time with friends. Dealing with your father's girlfriend can be quite stressful. Having fun with friends helps to reduce the pressure.
   • Find a new hobby. Focusing on something new in your life will stop you from thinking about your worries.
   • Try to join a sports team or school club. Being with other people is also a great way to relieve stress.
   • Make a list of all the good things in your life. When you feel upset about your dad's lover, go over the list and choose what you can focus on.

8. 

   Find a support system. Dealing with your father's girlfriend is not easy. Maybe she talks nervously and won't let you interrupt. Or maybe she doesn't care about you at all. No matter what situation you are facing, you need people you can rely on.
   • Remember that your own situation is completely different from the experience of others. But this doesn't mean they can't help you.
   • Seek support from a loved one you trust. You're probably pretty close to the aunt you like. Let her know that you are having a hard time and would love to share it with someone.
   • Lean on friends. Divorce of parents is a fairly common problem. And it's normal for them to date other people.
   • Ask about your friends' experiences. Knowing that someone has experienced a similar transition can be helpful.
   advertisement

Method 2 of 3: Establish a relationship with your father's girlfriend as an adult

1. 

   Set boundaries. His girlfriend may be an important part of his life. But if she's a new member of your family, you need to set boundaries. Holidays, holidays, and family events like weddings are very important elements that you need to manage.
   • Remember that everyone's situation is different. Perhaps you don't mind if your father's long-term girlfriend is on the family vacation. But if you don't like it, you should speak up.
   • Be clear about how you feel. You need to be tough but be kind at the same time.
   • Try to say something like "Dad, my family's time in that hut is very special for me. If for the past two days, I would have allowed Miss Xuan to come with me. But I will. I'd love to spend most of this week with his family. "
   • Holidays will be a particularly emotional time. If your dad has a new lover, don't think she has to be in every event.
   • If you host an annual light party that includes friends and family members, invite her at all costs. But this doesn't mean she has to be present on Christmas morning to open presents with your child.

2. 

   Be flexible. Being an adult doesn't mean you need to feel comfortable dealing with your father's girlfriend. However, it does mean you're emotionally mature enough to compromise. Talk to your dad about the situation and try to find solutions that work for everyone.
   • A wedding ceremony will be a social event that is difficult to handle, even under the best of circumstances.If you are going to be attending a family member's wedding, you should talk to your dad about a role suitable for his girlfriend.
   • If this is your wedding, you have the right to decide who you want to invite. Unless you have a good reason, however, not inviting your father's girlfriend won't be an act of fairness.
   • Be flexible by inviting her to your wedding. But she doesn't have to be present in other intimate activities for the day, such as helping you get ready.
   • Family photos are also quite troublesome. You should try to choose your criterion to stick to it.
   • For example, someone who hasn't been part of the family for at least a few months doesn't need to be in the photo. You should discuss what is right for everyone with your father.
   • Consider the duration of the relationship. It is understandable to feel uncomfortable when your father's new girlfriend participates in an intimate family event.
   • The longer the relationship lasts, the more flexible you must become. If you have been together for more than a year, it may be time to allow her to participate in more family activities.

3. 

   Have an open conversation. Once you have identified your feelings, you can move forward in trying to build a relationship. Hopefully you will have some time to think about the relationship you want. Are you expecting her to be your friend? Or act as a friendly aunt?
   • Start spending time together. It is okay to start the story of the two's roles in each other's lives.
   • Set up a time to chat. You should try to say, "Ms. Trang, I want to know if you have time to sit down and talk to me this week."
   • Let her know what you need from her. You might say something like, "I've got a mother. But I'm still open to building a different relationship with you."
   • Be open and honest. Be sure to show respect as well.

4. 

   Plan fun activities. Having a good time is a great way to bond. Ask your father's girlfriend to do something you enjoy. You can also plan ahead or offer spontaneous invitations.
   • Next time you go to the gym, invite her to come along. You can say "Miss Trang, I really like the kickboxing class I'm studying. Would you like to come?"
   • If you want things to be slow, you should go to the movies with her. The two of you will hang out together, but you won't feel pressured to have to talk to her during the date.
   • Do daily activities together. It would be fun to cook dinner with someone or watch your favorite TV show together.

5. 

   Find out more about her. In order to build relationships with others, you need to get to know them. Try to see her as a human being, instead of your father's girlfriend. You can start by getting some more information about her.
   • Getting to know someone can be as simple as asking about what they like and dislike. You may find that both have things in common.
   • For example, you could invite her to eat ice cream. If you both like a certain flavor, it is the simple factor that helps you both stick together.
   • After you feel more certain about your new relationship, you can dig a little deeper. Try to inquire about her profession or her family.
   • Maybe your dad has been dating her for a long time and you think you know her well. However, you should also make time to spend with the person. You can always learn something new about them.

6. 

   Be prepared to compromise. Compromise is very important in any relationship. Maybe you're upset because when your dad spends time with her, he won't have much time for you. You should compromise by asking if he can take a day off work to spend time with you.
   • If you find yourself arguing with your father's lover, take a step back and examine the situation. There might be a workable solution for both of you.
   • For example, when you disagree about where to eat dinner. You should try to come up with an alternative restaurant that works for everyone.
   • If the conflict is more serious, avoid it for a moment. Once you've calmed down, ask if you can discuss ways to compromise.
   advertisement

Method 3 of 3: Communicate effectively

1. 

   Reconsider your emotional needs. Dealing with your father's lover can be confusing or even awkward. It is important to understand that it is okay to feel chaotic. Take some time to think about your feelings and how it affects your life. This method will help you figure out how to communicate your feelings.
   • Examining your feelings can help you determine your needs. For example, are you feeling jealous? Perhaps spending more time with your father will help.
   • Perhaps you are feeling confused. In fact, sometimes, you'll be happy to be with your dad's girlfriend, and it makes you feel as though you're betraying your mother.
   • Write diary. Every day, you should write down the events of the day and how they make you feel.
   • Take some time each week to reread your journal and review your thoughts. This method will help you identify your main concern.

2. 

   Consider the other person's point of view. Your feelings in dealing with your father's lover are important. Your feelings are absolutely correct, no matter what they are. But remember that the other people involved have their own feelings as well.
   • As you determine how to deal with a situation, consider the views of others. For example, how would your father feel?
   • Maybe your dad will explain to you that she is an important part of his life. In this case, take some time to think about your father's feelings.
   • Perhaps your father had a good reason to love this woman. Try to see her from a fresh perspective.
   • You can also consider how she feels. She is probably also worried about being around you.
   • Try to visualize how she feels. She may find it difficult to get along with you and your dad.

3. 

   Chat with father. One of the keys to dealing with this complex situation is having open conversation. Let your father know how you feel about the person he loves. Take a moment to tell him about them.
   • Be clear about your feelings. Use statements like "Daddy, I feel like I'm left out when you spend a lot of time with Ms. Trang".
   • Try to write what you want to say in advance. It can be difficult to form an open conversation. Planning ahead will help reduce stress.
   • Remember that your feelings are correct. You should only explain them in a positive way.
   • Instead of saying "I hate her!", Be more specific. Say, "I feel sad when she ignores me or even speaks up at me."

4. 

   Become a good listener. You should give your father a chance to respond. Maybe this situation was quite difficult for him as well. Let him know you respect his feelings.
   • If you don't understand his point of view, ask questions. You have the right to be well informed about the situation.
   • For example, try to say something like, "Dad, I don't understand why I just want to go on a private trip with my girlfriend. Sometimes I can't let you and your sister go with me." Or something? "
   • Show that you are listening, using positive body language. Nod and maintain eye contact.

5. 

   Maintain a relationship with your father. Remember that having a relationship with your father is a top priority. If not, it doesn't matter that he has a girlfriend.Try to maintain the bond between you and your father.
   • Set a time to hang out with your dad. You might ask if you and your dad can go hiking or see a soccer match.
   • If you are unable to see your father often, find other ways to communicate. You can stay in touch via text, email, or video chat (video chat).
   advertisement

Advice

• Make a list of the factors that are creating the problem for you, and vice versa. Try to find a mature way to deal with them.
• You should maintain an open conversation with the people involved.