Content

• Steps

Conflict is a more serious issue than disagreement. It is a problem deeply rooted between two or more people, reflecting their attitudes toward each other. Whether you try to resolve a conflict between you and another person, or help two coworkers deal with disagreements, the resolution process has many similarities. You must be determined to meet and speak frankly. Next is listening genuinely to understand the other person's point of view. Ultimately, you need to make concessions that you both can satisfy to some degree.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Determine the level of conflict

1. 

   Look for inappropriate responses. Disagreement is not as serious as conflict. However, if someone behaves more annoyingly or angrily than necessary, observe their behavior closely. That shows they either have internal conflicts or are under stress. On the other hand, if the anger is directed at another person, both may have a conflict that needs to be resolved. Whatever the situation, be careful to avoid losing control or even aggravating the conflict.
   • For example, getting angry when a friend breaks a disposable plastic cup is an inappropriate reaction. Think about your relationship with a friend to see if a past behavior or action by that person has caused you great grief.

2. 

   
   
   Thinking about stress exists outside of disagreement. If you have a conflict with someone, you will always think badly of them no matter whether you or that person are disagreeing. If you feel uncomfortable when the person enters the room, you will need to resolve the conflict. It is natural to hide conflict to avoid word of mouth. It can be difficult to deal with a mere hostility, but try to make peace with them.

3. 

   
   
   Think about how others distort your point of view. People often rate the comments or actions of others. However, if you find yourself constantly dismissing other people's ideas or work without giving them much thought, you may be in conflict with them. Before you resolve a conflict, try to separate the relationship with them so you can consider their opinions and contributions fairly.
   • For example, if you see a colleague writing a report that another colleague returns and asking for editing, take a closer look. If they can't sit down and read the report carefully, you can help them handle the conflict. Their relationships are distorting their perceptions of each other's work.
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Method 2 of 3: Solve conflicts between you and others

1. 

   
   
   Keep calm. Anger hinders you from handling differences between you and the other person. After all, the goal is to make peace instead of retaliation.Speak in a respectful manner, perhaps through a third person if necessary, that you both need time to calm down. Agree with each other about a time and place to talk and resolve conflicts.
   • Try to stay calm by remembering that the goal of handling conflicts is not about proving your point of view.
   • Another way is to ask the other person to help you with the problem. This will reduce the stress on you, making you less stressed.
   • Trying to resolve a conflict in a moment of impatience will backfire. If one of you is angry, offer to take a break so you can calmly discuss the matter.

2. 

   List your concerns. Before you meet, sit down and write down exactly what you think is causing the conflict. Try to remove as much of your past and personality from that list as possible. Think about the root cause of the problem and especially what you need to change.

3. 

   Let the other person speak. You can still state all of your views, but make sure the other person is presented with their problem. Let them speak, even if you disagree, for interrupting only adds to the conflict. The most important thing is for everyone to say why the conflict is not the 'correct' solution. Finding a way to accept differing views is at the core of the conflict resolution process.

4. 

   Make a question. If you don't understand what the other person means, ask them again. Try to wait until the other person stops talking to avoid being understood that you are interrupting them. Don't ask sarcastic or arrogant questions as that can turn conversation into debate. If you find an answer or a reason odd, remember that they have the same right to give it as you.
   • For example, a good follow-up question might be: "When do you begin to find out I'm not answering your calls?" This question is simply trying to pinpoint the timing of the conflict.
   • An offensive question might be: "Have you tried at least some way to contact me?" This question is to make the other person feel stupid and wrong. That only makes them feel offended and defensive, making it harder to resolve the conflict.

5. 

   Be creative. Try to think of as many ways as possible to solve the problem. Try to think about how to handle the conflict before you meet and continue to think about how to handle each other and start talking. Let the discussion go in as many directions as possible as long as you remain calm to effectively resolve the conflict.
   • You may have to give up what you want. For example, the root of the discord could be that your friend, who borrowed the car without asking, nearly damaged the car. They don't understand why you are upset about it, lack of understanding turns into anger. The solution here is that you do not refuse if they borrow your car on the condition that you must ask first and drive safely.

6. 

   Pause. If you feel that each person or both sides has no control over your emotions, don't be afraid to stop as many times as you need to. Stop when you start to speak loudly, before saying things that are too damaging. You also need time to think about a solution or plan proposed by the other person.

7. 

   Stay away from negative talk. Focus on the positive things instead of saying things like: "can't", "isn't" or "no". Negative words only make conflicts more difficult to resolve. In the end, what you want the other person to accept is what you want to work towards.
   • For example, don't say, "I don't like the way you borrow a car without asking questions." Although it is an important aspect of the conflict, but at the stage of how to deal with the conflict, it shows you are too focused on what happened.
   • Instead, say, "We need to agree on some rules for using my car if you continue to borrow." This statement offers a more suitable solution than merely repeating what the problem is.

8. 

   Find out what you can both agree on. There are conflicts that cannot be resolved with a single talk. Think about what to do with the conflict that you both agree and agree to return to later on. It may take the two sides to talk a few times to effectively resolve the conflict.
   • For example, you may disagree as to whether it is satisfactory for someone to borrow a car from a roommate without asking first. However, start by agreeing that the traffic trouble they cause your vehicle is bothersome.

9. 

   Consider giving in. In many conflicts, no one is completely wrong, so try to find a compromise that you both are satisfied with. Always trying to be ‘more lenient’ by finding a solution that satisfies both. However, don't let it become a competition to see who ‘knows better’.
   • One concession might be to give a roommate priority to use the laundry room on weekends and weekdays, and the other to use on weekdays evenings and weekends. By rotating using the washing machine, you avoid future conflicts over whether you both want to wash at the same time.
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Method 3 of 3: Conflict reconciliation between two other people

1. 

   Think about whether you are the ideal mediator. You may find yourself a talented consultant or someone willing to listen to what others say. However, you may not be the best mediator for all conflicts. Make sure you have a close but unbiased relationship with both parties.
   • Family members are the best mediator for sibling conflicts. Parents, older relatives, or neighbors are the people you can turn to to resolve disagreements.
   • Work conflict is more sensitive because it has a policy to control conflicts. Often times a manager or a person in charge of human resources is the right person to resolve a conflict. Study the company's manual before acting as a formal or informal mediator.

2. 

   Ask the two of you to sit together. Tell them that you want to help them resolve the disagreement. Determine when they can discuss conflicts with each other. They will not be able to frankly communicate their feelings if they do not share the same goal. They can determine it for themselves or you can suggest meeting times.
   • For example, it would be easier if it was a conflict at work. The manager may tell them that the work is affected and ask them to discuss the disagreement between the two.
   • Suggesting two bickering people to join a room to resolve the conflict might be more difficult. The most straightforward way is to tell each person that you want to help them discuss the problem with the other person. If the issue is too sensitive, you can invite them to a place to deal with without revealing to the other person. However, this is also a risky move.

3. 

   Lead the discussion. You do not have to be in control of the conversation, as this can hinder actual conflict handling. You may want to consider saying a few sentences to initiate the discussion. And finally, they need to know that their conflict is apparent in the face of an impartial witness, that the conflict is potentially dangerous. That inner truth can help you to understand the nature of the contradiction.
   • For example, you need to explain more to your children. Try talking to each child to let them know why a conflict between them is unhealthy and harmful. Remind them of the good times they spent.
   • If you are dealing with a disagreement between two best friends, you can be more concise and informal. Let them know that the conflict between them makes those around them upset and uncomfortable. They need to talk to each other.
   • For work conflicts, you can make a list of key points to address. If not, it can be done in a way that tells the parties that the conflict between them is affecting performance. Review company policy to see what you need to do.

4. 

   Give the parties a chance to present themselves. The most important part of the conflict resolution process is to give the parties the opportunity to speak. Try not to interrupt them unless they become too angry or hostile. It is natural to express emotions because they are releasing the stress they contain.

5. 

   Listen to both sides. Keep an open mind. Even if you know who's right, putting aside by giving them little time to talk won't fix the problem. You cannot settle well without listening to both sides.

6. 

   Let the two parties exchange. After giving a reason for the meeting, you will act as an unbiased witness. Intervene if the discussion heats up or no one says anything. However, keep in mind that this is your chance to talk, not you.

7. 

   Support one side if it makes sense. One side could be clearly wrong. It won't be fair to the other party if you don't admit they're right. This doesn't mean that neither side is at fault for letting the conflict drag on. However, there are situations where it is necessary to openly admit that the root of a conflict is the fault of one party.
   • For example, you can show your friend that he made a mistake when borrowing his friend's car without asking first.

8. 

   Offer some concessions. After listening to the two parties about the conflict, propose solutions for them to choose the best way. Solutions must be logical, not based on your personal opinion.
   • For example, you can leave the solutions below for your friend's car loan conflict.
     • You can stop letting him borrow your car to avoid trouble later.
     • You can keep lending, but have clear rules.
   • However, remember that you cannot solve the problem for them. You don't have to have a solution if the problem is difficult to deal with. For example, if one person's spouse leaves with another person, you will not be able to come up with a simple solution. However, helping them to express their emotions outward can be a solution for both.

9. 

   Encourage the two sides to make up. You should try to help them put an end to the conflict in a positive way. Encourage them to tell the other person that they are no longer angry. However, it is important to pay attention to their feelings. Don't force them to shake hands or ‘reconcile’ when they're not ready. That may make them angry instead of accepting.
   • Try to avoid asking either side to apologize. Just telling them to make up is enough to make them naturally apologize. For many people saying ‘I am sorry’ is a process of ideological struggle and they will do it when they are ready.
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