Content

• Steps
• Advice

What do you do when you have a big fight with your girlfriend? You may both feel frustrated, angry, or upset. If you want to keep your relationship, there are ways to heal. Begin by understanding the argument, and then using love and humility to resolve the situation ..

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Handling quarrels

1. 

   Calm down. You cannot hope to resolve a dispute as soon as it happens. After an argument, it took time to calm down. It takes hours, even days, for you to calm down and resolve your emotions satisfactorily. Let's go hiking, visit a friend, go to the movies. Engage in relaxing activities until you are calm enough to see the problem objectively. Don't: walk away without saying anything.
   So: say "I'm confused and need some time to calm down. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

2. 

   
   
   Analyze the cause of the controversy. Quarrels rarely happen for no reason. Take the time to analyze the cause of the conflict and whether there is anything else you can do in that situation.
   • Reflect on what happened. Why are you two arguing? What caused the quarrel? What did you say? Do you regret what you said? Why or why not?
   • Always remember that memory is only subjective, especially in stressful situations. Maybe your girlfriend remembers some aspect of an argument that is different from you. This is normal, and not sure that either of you is dishonest. It's just that stress can cause incorrect memories.

3. 

   
   
   Show your feelings. After the argument, you need to accept and go through your feelings. While we may not like emotions like anger and sadness, it is more important to acknowledge them than to ignore them. Repressed emotions can cause you to explode later on.
   • Accept that emotions are not always rational. Suppose, if your girlfriend hurts your feelings, rationally thinking that she doesn't intend to do so may not help you let go of that. Be aware that both you and your girlfriend have the right to express your feelings when there is a disagreement, even when the reaction is not entirely reasonable. Don't: shout "Why are you acting like that ?!"
     So: say "I'm angry because you didn't keep your promise yesterday."
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Part 2 of 3: Settling the quarrel

1. 

   
   
   Make a plan to talk. After you both calm down, offer a chance to talk about your conflict. After a big argument, it's important to make a date to make sure you both stay calm as you enter the conversation.
   • Choose a chat time with no time limit. Choose a weekday evening or weekend when you don't have to work early the next morning. Talk early in the evening around after dinner so hunger and sleep won't get in the way.
   • If you don't live together, choose a neutral place. While you may feel awkward talking about your relationship in public, a neutral place can make sure no one feels awkward. You can choose a place where there aren't many people around, like a large, quiet cafe or a public park with no people.

2. 

   Use open body language. When discussing your conflict, use body language to show that you are open to conversation. This can allow discussion to proceed in a comfortable and productive way.
   • Eye contact. Nodding frequently shows that you are listening. Never cross your arms or make any other gestures that make you look nervous. Try to avoid tension, like fumbling your clothes or twisting your hands.
   • Nodding from time to time, as it is a gesture that shows you are listening to what she says.

3. 

   Make good use of verbal communication skills. When you are talking about an argument, communicate with trust. Your girlfriend needs to know that you are open to solving the problem, so make sure you communicate effectively with her about the consequences of the argument.
   • Be clear and concise when speaking. Don't go into too much detail and try to get straight to the point of what you're about to say. Don't interrupt when your girlfriend is talking. Ask her often if she understands what you are saying. Ask her when she says anything you don't understand.
   • Say sentences with the subject "you". This ensures that you are expressing your own feelings rather than making an objective assessment of the situation. For example, instead of saying "I overreacted because I was late and made me lose face with your friends", say things like "I feel embarrassed when you loudly in front of your friend because I came. late."

4. 

   Acknowledge your girlfriend's feelings. We often feel uncomfortable when we feel that someone is not acknowledging our feelings in a romantic relationship. Even if you disagree with your girlfriend's perception of an incident, try to make her feel acknowledged. Usually, the simple act of allowing someone to feel their feelings helps relieve stress. This releases repressed negative energy and will make your girlfriend feel like you genuinely care about making her happy. Don't: say "I'm sorry, but I'm just joking."
   Should: say "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry for making you sad."

5. 

   Find disagreement. Most couples will have a few problems about things they can't agree with. This is normal, since humans are unique individuals. Take arguing as an opportunity to find your differences between you and a way that you can get along from your differences. If you two have different expectations for time together, a relationship in general, or a lifestyle, it's important to identify them and find a solution.
   • Realize if you can find out what potential issues led to the controversy. If you have a big quarrel, then there is no doubt that it is not just a small matter. Try to find the disagreement and what you can do to settle the disagreement. Sometimes, just admitting that you feel a different problem can help relieve your stress. The two will no longer see things personally if you understand different points of your personality thinking. Don't: force your girlfriend (or yourself) to change any view of disagreement.
     Do: offer ways to limit conflicts, like avoiding controversial activities or topics while you are together.

6. 

   Sorry. After thinking about your actions and your role in the dispute, apologize for any mistakes. Apologize as specifically and sincerely as possible to demonstrate that you listened to and understood your girlfriend's concerns. Don't: try to justify your actions with "but ..." or talk about your girlfriend's manners.
   So: accept her reaction calmly, even she says, "Yes, you are bad." advertisement

Part 3 of 3: Prevent future conflicts

1. 

   Discussing new problems happened immediately. When you see trouble coming, don't ignore it. Instead, let's discuss the problem before it becomes a big deal. This way you can prevent conflicts from exploding in the future.
   • Holding things down means that when the next argument happens, you will end up repeating things from the past. This can make your girlfriend feel attacked and attacked. When a problem arises, make it clear immediately. Even a small problem can lead to anger later on.

2. 

   
   
   Find ways to resolve the argument without getting angry. Anger can make it difficult for you to react rationally to things. We often yell in anger and alienate our loved ones. Try to work with your girlfriend to solve the problem without getting angry. There's a great way to do this to take 5 minutes of expressing your feelings when you are at a disagreement instead of talking at the same time.

3. 

   
   
   Listen to your potential emotional needs. Conflict is often related to the fact that certain emotional needs are overwhelmed. When your girlfriend is upset or tired with you, see if she has needs that you haven't met. Have you two been apart lately? Have you ever been so busy you don't have time to spend with her? See if you are not meeting your girlfriend's needs and what you can do to meet them.

4. 

   
   
   Summarize what has been argued to make sure you both understand each other. After the argument, always take a moment to summarize what was arguing. How do you feel? How does your girlfriend feel? How are you two willing to deal with the situation to make sure it doesn't happen again? Taking 5 minutes to summarize the situation after an argument can prevent it from happening again. advertisement

Advice

• Make sure you are aware of a harmful relationship. When the time spent "conflict resolution" is longer than the time the two of you are having fun together, your relationship is probably not worth the effort.