Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

One of the worst feelings in life is knowing that someone you love is in pain but there is nothing you can do about them. What would you say when you could only watch helplessly at the moment your loved one was holding his head and fighting the burdens of life? Perhaps you won't be able to get rid of their pain or disappointment. But you can show concern and sympathy. Never think that there is nothing you can do - sometimes, a small act of friendship helps a lot.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Direct consolation

1. 

   Hold the person, if you can. Body contact is the common language and also the first human language. If your loved one is going through a tough time, you can give them a tight hug. It sounds simple, but for someone who is sad, scared, or in pain, a warm act can be quite pleasant and may even ease the cardiovascular stress. As a result, the stress response decreases, and research has shown that hugging others reduces the person's chances of getting infected.
   • Get permission first to make sure hugging is the right thing to do with the person; Some people don't like this kind of physical contact.
   • Hold the person tightly and rub their back. If the person cries, let them cry on your shoulder.

2. 

   
   
   Encourage the person to express his or her feelings. If you find that your loved one looks like you're trying to suppress your feelings, say that they can express them. Many people feel guilty for expressing negative emotions. Others fear being viewed as "weak". Let the person know that you want them to be true to your feelings, and that you won't judge them.
   • Say something like, "Maybe you're going through a tough time right now, and I want you to know that I'm ready to listen if you want to let go", or "If you want to cry, keep crying ".
   • Psychologists claim that experiencing negative emotions is just as important as feeling positive. Negative emotions teach us a lot about the natural ups and downs of life. Thus, expressing negative feelings, as opposed to suppressing them, can be a useful tool for overall mental health.

3. 

   
   
   Offer to do anything together. Your friend will probably want to lie down all day watching reality TV shows or skimming through tabloids. The person will also want to share what is bothering them, or chat about any other topic except it. Maybe they'll want to go shopping, or just take a nap. Take a few free hours to focus completely on your hurting friend.
   • Do not set up a specific schedule; just show up. Perhaps the person will not want to do anything or feel confused about having to make a decision. However, you should have a few ideas ready in case they want to do an activity.

4. 

   
   
   Bring encouragement. If you know a few things that will make the person's face smile, use them to cheer them up. Understand that this method may not make them any better, but they will probably realize that you are trying to make them feel better and will appreciate your gesture.
   • For example, you can bring a warm blanket to the friend to bury in it, or bring them your favorite DVD-cassettes (if the person wants to watch), or share with that person. a big box of ice cream they like while they're emptying their mouths.

5. 

   Know how to help. When a friend is upset or upset, he or she won't have the energy to clean the house, go shopping, or take the dog for a walk. Volunteer to do chores around the house or complete similar chores, and that way, you should be able to help the person get rid of some of the stress. Also, think realistically and provide essentials that their friends and / or family will need during this time.
   • Or, you can call them and ask, "I know that in such a situation, you won't have time to go shopping or buying household goods. Would you like me to buy you something? ".
   • The list of essential items includes disposable plates and napkins if guests will come to their homes as well as facial tissues and herbal teas such as chamomile tea.
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Part 2 of 3: Remote comfort

1. 

   Get in touch with them. Call your friend and express grief over everything they are going through. Don't get upset if the person doesn't answer your call right away. They may not want to talk, or they may be comforting a loved one. They will call you back when possible. In the meantime, just send your inquiry into their voicemail.
   • You can say, "Hey, X, I'm sorry about what happened. I know you are busy or don't want to talk at the moment. But I want to call you to say I'm thinking about you." and I'll always be there if you need it. "
   • Many people don't know what to say to someone who is sad or depressed, so they choose not to say anything. Even if you don't know what to say, the person will be very grateful that you take care of them and be aware of the magnitude of the problem they are having.

2. 

   Suggest to call inquire. Usually, when someone is grieving, another will say "call me if you need it". If the person calls, they will feel as if they are a burden to you, and as such, they will never call. A better approach is to point out a specific time you will call so that the person knows they can count on you.
   • Text or confirm with the person that you will often call. For example, you could say something like "I'll call back on Tuesday after work to ask you about it."

3. 

   Practice active listening. Once in a while, all people need is a good listener. You should give this gift of listening to your friend. Really listen to everything the person is saying - the tone, the words, and what they haven't said yet. You should be focused and not idle. Ask questions to clarify when the person pauses to let them see that you are following the story.
   • After the person has finished speaking, summarize everything you have heard and then come up with a statement that can reassure them that even though you cannot wave your wand and heal everything, you đã listen and will present for that person. Even words that are meant to reflect everything, such as "I heard that you are very sad about ___. I feel very sad because this happened to you, but I hope you know that I will always be there. with you, "can be of great help to that person.

4. 

   Give the person an expression of interest. If you can't go over to someone's house but still want to try to cheer them up - or at least make things easier for them - by sending them the items they need. What you should send depends on the situation and up to the person.
   • For example, if the person just broke up, you could send them some comfort foods and some tabloids to help the person stop thinking about the past. . If the person has just lost a loved one, send a uplifting collection of Bible quotes or passages or a book on finding hope after loss.
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Part 3 of 3: Avoid annoying them

1. 

   Don't pretend that you understand everything. Know that different people react differently to life situations. Even if you have experienced this same problem as this friend, you should avoid saying something like, "Oh, after a while I don't feel so bad at all. When I encountered this before, I ___ ”. Your ex wants you to acknowledge their feelings, not minimize it. Instead, show empathy.
   • Empathy includes acknowledging the other person's feelings of pain by putting yourself in their shoes. Even if you think you know the feeling well, avoid generalizing the problem. For that person, this was a relatively new, unfair, and painful experience. To provide support and empathy, say, “I see that you are suffering. I wish I could do something for you ”.

2. 

   Don't give advice. When we find that someone we love is suffering, the usual response is to seek solutions. In some cases, however, the only factor that can reduce pain is time or hope. Of course, you may feel helpless about not being able to practically help your friend, but they'll value your presence more than your advice.

3. 

   Don't give clichés. In difficult times, people often look for a pointless saying that doesn't provide any comfort but only makes the situation worse. You should avoid saying words that are not supportive, copy exactly like the pattern of the greeting card:
   • Everything happens for a reason
   • Time will heal all wounds
   • This must happen
   • Things could have gotten worse
   • What is over, let it pass
   • The more things change, the more they will return to the same

4. 

   Find out how the person will accept spiritual comfort. Asking to pray for the person or advising the person to pray may seem like a harmless gesture. However, if your friend is an atheist or agnostic, they may not be comfortable with religious activities. You should learn about the person's beliefs and provide them with presence and comfort in a way that makes them comfortable. advertisement

Advice

• Don't get discouraged.Be strong for that person - there's no way you can be of help if you feel depressed.
• Avoid doing too much work. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to care for anyone. Don't upset yourself or tire yourself out of someone else's life. You should keep the balance so that you can actively help them and still allow them to recover in their own way.
• Be careful of the words you use because people in this kind of situation will be sensitive. What you need to avoid is to let go of their feelings or problems, be too rigid, too direct, or not listen well.
• Reassure and tell the person how much love everyone has for them.
• Don't judge the person. Even if you think this isn't a big deal. You should allow the person time to recover on their own accord.

Warning

• Sometimes, people do not want cuddle, talk, or be around others. In this case, let the person calm down and think about how best to reach them.