Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

Neil Sedaka once sang that "it is difficult to break up", a statement that is absolutely correct for most people. The decision to break up with someone important to you can be stressful for both of you. But taking the time to consider whether this is the right move, and then deciding to say goodbye to your partner appropriately, respectfully and calmly, you can ease the pain. pain and you can still break up with the person completely.

Steps

Part 1 of 2: Going to a Decision

1. 

   Avoid making hasty decisions. You need to consider your decision, not when you are sad, but when you can think clearly.
   • It is very difficult to solve a problem when you are feeling down, it will contribute to inaccurate decisions.

2. 

   
   
   Clearly define why you want to break up. It is important to have a clear understanding of why you want to break up. This helps you to differentiate "rough tracks on a smooth road" from serious and irreconcilable problems between you and the other party.
   • Only you will understand what issues are irreconcilable and which you can overcome. For example, if your partner does not treat others well or does not want children, these are factors that cannot be changed. On the other hand, a person who is not willing to help with chores is a problem that can be fixed.
   • Every couple has an argument. But if these trivial arguments are frequent and heavy, it could be a sign of deeper problems and dissonance between the two.
   • If you are in a emotionally or physically damaging relationship, that is a clear sign to end the relationship.

3. 

   
   
   List the positives and negatives. Consider making a list of the reasons why you want to end this relationship. You may also want to include both the positives and negatives about the other person and the interactions and relationships you share.
   • Looking at the positive aspects of a written relationship will help you focus on those issues instead of the negativity that accompanies the emotions you are experiencing.
   • Listing can help you avoid ending a relationship based solely on the feeling of “this is probably what I need to do”.
   • Remember that any kind of abuse is a very obvious reason to end a relationship.
   • Look at the list and think carefully, asking yourself if the relationship will ruin your life or help enhance your life.

4. 

   
   
   Decide if the situation is subject to change. If you are simply feeling sad about your partner, consider whether there is a way to change the dynamics of your relationship. Before making your final decision, you may want to focus on solving the problem, rather than simply ending the relationship right away. If change is an option, consider whether you or the other party is willing and able to change.
   • If the issue has been discussed without any progress, and you continue to feel dissatisfied, hurt, or betrayed, then breaking up may be the only way to end the problem.

5. 

   Please share your disappointment. Before you make your final decision to break up, discuss your disappointment and weigh it with your partner. Give the person the opportunity to change to make things better. If you do decide to break up in the end, it will be less sudden and lighter because you have spoken out of your disappointment.
   • Suppressing disappointment and emotion often leads to outbursts and inappropriateness of expression.
   • Try to be respectful and calm to talk to the other person about what is affecting you. Avoid yelling, abuse, or blaming.
   • If the other person has cheated or harmed you in some way, you can consider any irreconcilable differences, they are not worthy to speak out of your disappointment or have a chance to change. .

6. 

   Set a reasonable deadline for change. You don't want to fall into an endless stream of hopes for your partner's change and then be disappointed. Set a time limit for your partner to change, which makes it easier to decide in the long run.
   • You may or may not want to tell the other person about your deadlines. Making an "ultimatum" by saying "If you can quit next month we can still be together" can get the other party to agree for a short time before getting back to old habits. Future.
   • Make sure your ultimatum is working. In many cases, ultimatums are of no use. However, it may still be necessary to protect your relationship. For example, you could say, "I need to see you work hard to quit smoking or stop smoking habits." Giving an ultimatum like "I have to want a baby" will never work and will only hurt and feel guilty.
   • For some people it takes a long time to change long-established behaviors. For example, it takes months or even years for a smoker to quit this habit. Give your partner time to make an effort to change their behavior.

7. 

   Trust a trusted person. If you are having a hard time being discernible, share your feelings with a trusted person. It will help you to express your feelings and understand your situation. This person may also point out some aspects of your or your partner's behavior.
   • That trusted person could be a friend, family member, counselor or medical professional.
   • Make sure the person won't betray your confidence and tell the problem to anyone else.

8. 

   Make the final decision. After you've weighed the dynamics of your relationship, discuss it with the other person, give a second chance if possible, and make a final decision. From there you can take your next steps and plan a respectful and honest breakup with the other person, or focus on healing deeper relationships.
   • Keep in mind that your decisions are based on what is best for you - not someone else.
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Part 2 of 2: Ending a Relationship

1. 

   Schedule time to discuss the breakup. The best and most respectful way is to end the relationship face to face and discuss your arguments. A quiet place that allows you and your partner to be alone will make the process easier and avoid disruptive elements ..
   • Consider not planning time during work or school hours so that the person can go through the loss on his own without having to face someone else right away.
   • You may want to signal your partner or other important people about what the conversation is about so they can prepare themselves and not be surprised. For example, you could say something like "I want to talk about our situation calmly and peacefully".

2. 

   Choose the right place to break up. You may want to have a private conversation to avoid embarrassing yourself and others. Plus, choose a place where you can leave easily, to avoid falling into a long, round conversation.
   • If you don't feel safe with your partner, break up openly and go with someone who can support you without feeling confrontational.
   • If you and your partner are living together, breaking up can be a real problem and can be quite painful. It's up to you whether you want to move out now or not.
   • If you don't feel safe and comfortable staying in the house with your partner, make sure you have a place where you can stay. You can move all your belongings away when there is no partner at home and say goodbye when they come home or break up but still leave your belongings, with the intention of returning once everything has settled down. .

3. 

   Plan your farewell talk. Consider what you want to say to the person. Having a conversation plan can help reduce your emotional incontinence and keep you on track. It also helps you avoid hurting the other person too much.
   • A realistic conversation when you break up can take longer than necessary, especially if the other person is devastated and completely surprised by your decision. A lot of talk can go around forever, so consider setting a time limit.
   • Be honest with your partner, but don't be selfish or too cruel. You may want to consider telling the person what first attracted you to the other person or showcasing some of his or her good qualities while you share why you no longer want to remain. maintain this relationship anymore.
   • For example you could say “I was attracted to your outgoing and kind personality when we were first together, but I'm afraid we have different goals in life that it's hard to go on. together".

4. 

   Break up directly. While it's much easier to say goodbye without making eye contact, ending a relationship by phone, text, or email is an act of disrespect. important. Unless you are far apart and don't want to wait until you meet the other person to say goodbye, or you are scared of someone else, spend it with your partner - as well as your past relationship - the the respect they deserve.
   • Breaking up in person can also help the person realize that you are serious about breaking up.

5. 

   Sit down with your partner and let them know that you've decided to break up. Say goodbye in a calm and respectful manner, working towards a solution that can help reduce negativity and harm.
   • Don't slander the other person or say things you may regret. Remember that this can happen to you and hurt you in the long run. For example, you shouldn't say, "I think your personal hygiene is so horrible that I can't be with you anymore." Instead, you can say, "I think we have so different lifestyles that are hard to reconcile."
   • Avoid being overly emotional. This can help you reduce guilt and be sure of your decision.
   • You could say, "I think you're a good person with so many great qualities that make people happy, but we don't get along with what I expect in a relationship."

6. 

   Focus on the problems of the relationship, not the other party. Talk about the things that disappoint you in the relationship, not tell the other person about their problems. Talking about your partner about private matters can make the situation worse.
   • For example, instead of saying, "I'm too controlling and feeling insecure," try to say something like "I need independence and freedom in my relationships."
   • Don't put the reason for breaking up on the other person. For example, saying “You deserve more” gives your partner the opportunity to say that you are perfect for him and that there is no reason to break up. Instead, you can say “I feel we are walking on different paths. I want to develop my career in academia so it will take a lot of time to travel and be alone ”.

7. 

   Try to avoid creating false expectations. Certain open-ended phrases and words can create unrealistic expectations for the other person that the two of you might return. Creating expectations for your partner only hurts them and yourself.
   • Saying things like "We'll talk later" or "I want us to be friends / I want you to still exist in my life", will make the other party hope that everything will eventually be fine, even if even though they are no longer in your mind.
   • You will need to tell the person that you can no longer communicate. You may also need to make it clear that this is best for both of you to settle down on their own.
   • In case you still want to be friends with the other person, set criteria for this decision in your conversation. You may both find that breaking up is the best thing for your relationship. However, be clearly aware of your expectations and needs for the friendship.

8. 

   Consider the opponent's reaction. Prepare yourself for the other's arguments, reactions, and explosions. It will help you remember your decisions and reduce the chances of the other party linger.
   • Questions. Your partner will want to know why you cannot be with him no matter what he did to prevent the breakup.
   • Crying. The other person may be very sad and will show it. You may want to be comforting, but don't let the other person hold you back and change your mind.
   • Argumentative. The other person can argue about anything you said when you broke up, including examples you gave in the reason for the breakup. Don't get caught up in an argument about insignificant little details in the big picture. Let the other person understand that arguing doesn't change your mind. If the other person tries to argue with you, simply say, "I won't join the argument with you and I'll go right away if you continue."
   • Haggle and beg. The other person can promise to change or do different things to protect the relationship. If your partner hasn't changed since you've discussed your problem before, then it's too late to hope he can truly change.
   • Boom. The other person may say hurtful statements and "hit your weaknesses" to make themselves feel better. For example, if your partner calls you an ugly name, simply acknowledge it and ignore it. You can say, "I can understand that you are angry with me but I won't forgive being called like that, so maybe we should stop talking here." The risks of physical harm or violence are very serious. If this happens, leave immediately.

9. 

   Keep distance. This is one of the most difficult, but very important, parts of the breakup. Try and minimize your chances of interacting with ex and their friends to reduce feelings of guilt or create false expectations for the person.
   • If you already have children with the person, you may not be able to distance yourself. Keep the relationship as democratic as possible and put the well-being of the children first.
   • You can delete the person's number from your phone and email it from your computer.
   • If you live together, move as quickly as possible. If you are unable to move permanently, find somewhere to store your belongings and stay. Prolong the confusion even more complicated the parting process.
   • After a while, you will find that you can still be friends with your partner. In that case, be sure to set limits on this friendship and any future relationships.
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Advice

• If you're sure you want to break up with someone, it's best to do it early.However, if your partner has had a bad enough day, you may want to consider waiting for a more appropriate time. Breaking up with them when they're down will make the breakup more difficult for both of you.
• Never say goodbye in hot times. If a broken relationship cannot be mended, nothing will change once the argument is over and the anger is over. Break up when you are both calm and can talk peacefully. That's when you have the best chance of expression.

Warning

• Always take the physical threats and violence of your relationship seriously. Avoid the situation if possible or contact the authorities if necessary.