Know if your parents are mistreating you

Video: A Test to Judge How Good Your Parents Were

Content

To step
Part 1 of 4: Recognizing physical abuse and neglect
Part 2 of 4: Recognizing sexual abuse
Part 3 of 4: Recognizing emotional abuse
Part 4 of 4: Asking for help when you need it
Tips
Warnings

Abuse can take many forms. Giving a child a spanking is generally legal, but depending on its severity, it can still be classified as assault. Other forms of abuse, such as sexual abuse, are never allowed in any way, form or situation. If you believe that your parents are mistreating or abusing you, which could result in serious physical or emotional damage, then there may be child abuse. Always talk to a trusted adult, such as a teacher or close relative, if you believe your parents are mistreating or abusing you.

To step

Part 1 of 4: Recognizing physical abuse and neglect

Think about what happened. There are several things to consider when trying to find out if your parents are mistreating you. The most important factors are generally why your parent hit you and how much violence they used. Were your parents trying to teach you that something was dangerous, like walking down the street without looking? This kind of punishment is sometimes acceptable as long as it does not take on extreme or outrageous forms. Hitting yourself out of frustration is considered abuse, and so is hitting too hard and with great force.
- Were you beaten because your parents hoped it might induce you to stop doing problematic behavior?
- Do your parents ever hit you after drinking alcohol or bad news?
- Have your parents ever used an object to hit you with, such as a belt, branch, coat hanger, electrical cord, or anything other than a suit for your pants?
- Do your parents ever lose control of themselves when they hit you? For example: does a simple suit for the pants turn into a slap in the face or punches?
- Do they ever push you to the ground to keep you there?
Look for signs of physical injury. The laws about child abuse are very different depending on the country where you live. In general, one of the most serious factors is whether the violence used by your parents causes visible physical damage to your body. Your parents may be mistreating you if you exhibit any of the following physical characteristics after your parents "punished" you:
- Cuts or scratches
- Bruises
- Bite wounds
- Burns
- Stretch marks (swelling and bumps on your body)
- Pulled muscles
- Broken / torn bones
Wonder if your parents are taking care of you. Neglect is a form of child abuse. It can be very difficult to tell if your parents are neglecting you, especially if you have never known other parents or guardians. There is also the question of how much money your family has - your parents may struggle to keep you dressed and fed; not because they neglect you, but because it is not easy for them financially. To find out if your parents are neglecting you and their other children, ask yourself the following questions:
- Are your parents always well-dressed and well-fed, but unwilling to buy you clothes that fit well or make sure you have enough to eat?
- Do your clothes and shoes fit you well? Are they clean and warm or cool enough for the weather?
- Are your parents keeping you clean by telling you to take regular baths / showers? Do they make you brush your teeth and comb your hair?
- Are your parents keeping you and your siblings well fed? Or do you often go to school without enough food?
- When you are sick, do your parents take you to the doctor and give you medicine?
- Are disabled children (you or a sibling) getting what they need? Are basic necessities such as food or water made dependent on the fulfillment of a certain standard?
- If your parents leave home and there are no siblings old enough to babysit, do they ask someone older to babysit? Or will you be left alone and are you allowed to play in unsafe places / situations? How long are children left alone?

Part 2 of 4: Recognizing sexual abuse

Learn to recognize inappropriate behavior from your parents. Any type of sexual contact between an adult and a minor is considered abuse. An adult may make threats or use their position of power (as someone most people trust, such as a coach or teacher) to bully or frighten a younger person to force sex or other sexual activity. If your parents watch you undress (without helping you change), take pictures of you without clothes on, touch private areas of your body in a way that scares you or makes you uncomfortable, or pressures you or forcing them to look at or touch their private parts - that is sexual abuse.
- Sometimes being touched sexually can feel good, which can be confusing. The person doesn't have to hurt you to sexually abuse it.
Recognize physical harm from sexual abuse. Not all sexual abuse leaves physical harm, but many acts of sexual abuse cause bruises, bleeding, and other injuries. Sexual abuse can also lead to sexually transmitted infections and even pregnancy in some cases. General symptoms of sexual abuse include, but are not limited to:
- Difficulty walking or sitting due to physical pain
- Bruises, pain, or bleeding from your penis, vagina, or anus
- Painful urination or another sign of an STD, frequent fungal or urinary tract infections
Recognize sexual exploitation with media. Parents should not expose you to or create pornography about you. This includes grooming, or exposing yourself to sexually explicit content, to open up more to do this yourself. Or they may use videos / images of you for sexual acts, by themselves or others.
- Deliberately exposing yourself to pornography (videos, photos, books, etc.)
- Taking video recordings or photos of you without clothes on, for sexual purposes
- Writing about your private parts
Understand child sexual abuse. Sometimes a child is sexually assaulted by another child. When this happens, it is usually because the first child is reenacting the abuse it has been forced into before. Most children have no understanding of sex, so in most cases, if another child is forcing you or a sibling to engage in sexual acts, it is usually a sign that the child has been abused by someone.
- Talk to a trusted adult if you think someone you know is a victim of sexual abuse, just as you would talk to a trusted adult about potential parent abuse you may be a victim of.

Part 3 of 4: Recognizing emotional abuse

Know when you are being verbally abused. Your parents may yell at you to get you to stop doing something dangerous or bad, but such a one-time incident does not necessarily mean that you are being abused. But if you are repeatedly verbally abused, humiliated, or threatened, it is considered verbal abuse or a verbal assault.
- If your parents yell at you or reprimand you, this does not count as verbal abuse. This kind of rebuke is usually appropriate and has a purpose, as long as it doesn't get out of hand.
- If your parents keep yelling or saying mean things to you, even when you haven't done anything wrong, you will be emotionally abused by them.
- If your parents put you down, humiliate you, or make fun of you regularly, you will be emotionally abused.
- If your parents do not recognize your own identity (LGBT) or put you down for it, this can be considered emotional abuse.
- Any verbal threat to you, your siblings or other family members is also assault.
Recognize ignoring and emotional neglect. If a parent ignores you, tries to make you feel bad, or tries to isolate you from other people in your life (such as friends, uncles, aunts, and grandparents), this is also emotional abuse.
- If your parent refuses to look at you, refuses to acknowledge you as his or her child, or refuses to call you by your real name, this is also emotional abuse.
- If your parents don't want to touch, deny your physical / emotional needs, or say mean things to you to make you feel bad, it's called abuse.
Recognize isolating behavior. Isolation means cutting yourself off from friends, family, or other people who are important to you. Parents can isolate you from only certain people they disapprove of or people in general. This may be an attempt to stop other people from influencing you so that they can continue to steer you.
- Not allowing you to become friends with other people simply because the parent doesn't like them.
- Do not allow friends to visit or visit friends.
- You ask to reject / ignore an activity outside the home, even if your parents have the time / money for it.
- Supervise telephone conversations and other dealings with people.
- Criticizing people in order to alienate you from them.
- Taking you away from associations or even school, because they don't like the people you deal with.
Pay attention to how the parent talks about you. It's wrong for parents to belittle you, say they don't want you, or criticize your personality (as opposed to your actions). There is a difference between saying something like "You hurt your sister" and "You are a mean and terrible person". An abusive parent can make you feel undesirable in the family.
- Say they wish you were never born or that the pregnancy should have ended
- Swearing
- Say they wanted another child instead of you (such as a girl instead of a boy or a healthy child instead of a disabled child).
- Making fun of you for your looks or abilities
- Wish you were dead
- Talk about how bad / difficult / terrible you are, either to your face or to someone else within earshot
- Say how you ruined their lives
- Put you out of the house
Watch for corrupting behavior. Corruptive behavior means exposure to something that is illegal or very harmful, and possibly encouraging you to do so.
- Encourage you to steal, use drugs, cheat, bully, etc.
- Giving you drugs or lots of alcohol, or using it in front of you
- Encourage irresponsible promiscuity
- Encourage you to harm yourself or others
Check for exploitation. Parents must be reasonable in setting standards for children. For example, four-year-olds shouldn't be expected to do laundry, ten-year-olds shouldn't be expected to babysit younger siblings on the weekends, and many disabled children shouldn't be expected to do the same things that they don't -disabled peers. Responsibilities and expectations should be appropriate to a child's level of development.
- Expect things from you that do not match your level of development
- Letting you take care of a family member while you are too young or otherwise unable to do so
- Blaming you for other people's behavior
- Expecting you to do an unreasonable amount of household chores
Recognize terrorizing behavior. Being terrorized by your parents means you feel threatened or unsafe. Parents terrorize children so that their children feel anxious.
- Endanger you, a sibling, a pet, or favorite toy as punishment for doing something
- Extreme, unpredictable reactions
- Being violent towards someone, an animal, or an object in front of you (such as throwing a glass at a wall, or kicking a pet)
- Yelling, threatening, or swearing angrily
- Making high demands on you and threatening to punish or hurt you if you cannot meet them
- Threatening to hurt or harm you or others
- Mistreating someone else so you can see or hear it
Think about using humiliation or restriction of privacy, especially as punishment. Abusive parents can embarrass you or invade your privacy and be obsessive about things the parents don't want you to do. They may be of the "My house, my rules" type.
- Forcing you to do something embarrassing
- View your phone, calendar or browser history
- Removing the door to your bedroom
- Put your sentence on video to post online
- Make fun of you
- Follow you when you are with your friends
Watch for signs of "gaslighting". Gaslighting is a term for a situation where the perpetrator tries to convince the victim that the victim's experiences are not real, thus making him / her doubt his / her own common sense. For example, the perpetrator may have hit the victim and called it lazy, only to tell the victim the next day that he made it up. Gaslighting includes:
- Calling you a fool or a liar
- Telling you "That's not what happened" or "I never said that"
- Say you're overreacting
- Tell others that you are delusional or otherwise untrustworthy and not telling the truth
- Putting things differently and claiming that nothing has changed
- Say "you did that on purpose" when you make a mistake

Part 4 of 4: Asking for help when you need it

Talk to a trusted adult. The first step to reporting assault of any kind is to talk to an adult you can trust. That adult can listen to you and help find out if your parents are mistreating you. Talk to a trusted family member (such as an aunt, uncle, or grandparent), a close family friend, a school teacher or counselor, or another trusted person.
- Tell the adult exactly what happened and explain all the circumstances surrounding the incident. Is there anything that led to it?
- The adult you're talking to should be able to find out if your parents are mistreating or abusing you.
- If the adult thinks your parents are abusing you, they should contact the police. If the adult tells you it is some form of abuse, but does not want to call the authorities, you have to do it yourself.
- Your school counselor should know who to contact and how to make sure you are safe. The person may also have been trained to begin dealing with the abuse with you.
Call for help. If you know that your parents have been mistreating you or are continuing to abuse you, you should contact the police or other agency so you can move to a safer place. If you need immediate assistance, call the police, or call the children's telephone hotline to report pending cases of abuse.
- Call 112 if you think your parent is going to harm you. Your parents may exhibit characteristics that you know are going to be attacked - perhaps this will happen after they've been drinking, and you can smell the alcohol and hear screams. Regardless of the warning signs, you should call 911 if you think you are in danger. The police will then be able to come to your home and prevent your parent from harming you.
- Look up the phone number of the child protection. You can find this number in the telephone directory or by searching online - but make sure your parents don't know you are looking for this number.
- Call a crisis number. Call Safe at Home on 0800-2000. This number is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Try to escape from danger. If you are in immediate danger and have called 911, try to hide somewhere safe until help is offered. Lock yourself in a room away from your parent (with a phone, if possible). You may also be able to visit the neighbors, a friend or family member.

Tips

If your parents are abusing you in any way, don't forget that this is not your fault. You haven't done anything wrong.
Tell an adult you trust about what's going on, and find someone who believes you and is willing to help.
If the situation escalates or you are in danger, call the police. If you don't feel it is safe to call yourself, you can ask a friend to call for you.
Stand up for yourself. They think they can hit you because they think you are weak. Don't let them think that.
Sometimes, however, standing up for yourself can infuriate the other, and that person will become violent. So be careful.
Sometimes parents abuse their children when they are drunk. Try to listen to what's going on and get help for them.