Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Evaluating your current relationship
• Part 2 of 3: Revisiting a previous relationship
• Part 3 of 3: Act on your feelings

In relationships, there often comes a time when, for whatever reason, you are forced to re-examine your feelings. You may be in a long-term relationship and you think your feelings for the other person have changed or disappeared. You may have already broken up with someone, but you are doubting your decision. Do you still love the other? Love isn't always obvious, and it can be difficult to unravel your feelings when you're stuck in a gray area.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Evaluating your current relationship

1. Think about when you started questioning your feelings. Feelings don't change overnight. It probably took a while to start loving each other and building a committed relationship with your partner. Give yourself enough time to interpret your feelings, as you can irreparably damage your relationship if you act too quickly. Don't feel guilty if you give yourself some time to sort out all your emotions, or try not to rush to figure it all out.
   • Wonder what else happened when you started questioning your feelings. Have other factors in your life changed? Maybe you have started a new job and you are constantly exhausted. Perhaps family problems are putting pressure on the relationship. Try to recognize if your apathy or confusion about the relationship stems from life's natural ups and downs, rather than feelings toward your partner.
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   Assess your behavior towards your partner. Think about things like your patience and physical attraction. Have you been lashing out at your loved one out of irritation lately? Has your interest in physical intimacy diminished? Maybe you want more space for yourself, separate from the other. These are all red flags, of course. It's normal for a relationship to lose a bit of heat when the honeymoon ends, but it shouldn't get cold!

   • Note how often you reject your partner's advances, criticize the other, lose patience with your partner, and so on. If you find yourself doing these things more often than not, then you should probably take a good, honest look at your relationship.
2. Imagine a future without this person. You must do this before taking any decisive action. When you think about your future in an ideal world, is this person a part of it? Sometimes we take our loved ones for granted, even though they are the most important people in our lives. We don't realize that their absence would shatter our world as we know it. Be completely honest with yourself if you imagine moving on without the other - would your life suffer or prosper?
   • Any breakup is tough because it means stepping outside of your comfort zone and losing someone you once cared about. However, imagine life after the first inconvenience. Would you be happier on your own? Would you be happier with someone else?
   • Recognizing that you are comfortable with someone does not necessarily mean that you love them.

Part 2 of 3: Revisiting a previous relationship

1. Remember why that relationship ended. If your relationship has already ended and you wonder if you still love him or her, think about what caused the breakup. It's easy to look back and romanticize an old relationship, but don't forget about reality. Sometimes people just give up too soon without trying to fix their problems. However, sometimes there are fundamental problems that simply cannot be solved.
   • If the relationship ended because someone made a mistake, it is important to determine whether you can truly forgive and forget. You cannot create a future with someone if you are stuck in the troubles of the past.
   • Likewise, if "no one" has changed, nothing will change in your relationship. If you broke up with your partner because you didn't trust him or her, he or she must have become trustworthy or you must have learned to trust him or her. Problems from the past don't just disappear.
2. Weigh the pros and cons of being with this person. Try to determine how your general quality of life changes when you are with or without the other. If they become your number one priority and your work performance, family relationships, and self-care all come to the side, it may not be a healthy relationship. However, if you have the feeling that you are a better person with the other person, you do not want to let that slip away.
   • Write it all down so you can really see if the positive things outweigh the negative. Don't hold back!
3. Be hard and honest with yourself about your motivation. Are you thinking about returning to this person because you are lonely? Loneliness, while painful and debilitating, is no reason to be with anyone. Jealousy is another powerful emotion that can make you long for an ex, but don't fight to get back to the other person because you can't stand that he or she has someone else. That is not the basis of a healthy and long-term relationship.
   • If you can say with certainty that loneliness, jealousy, boredom, or any other superficial emotion is not why you are considering giving romance another chance, then you may still love this person.

Part 3 of 3: Act on your feelings

1. Take some distance from this person. Take the time to do the things that make you happy and do what helps clear your mind. If you haven't spent a lot of time without your partner before, this is a great opportunity to get a taste of what life would be like without the other. It can also help you relax and determine if stress is making you question your relationship. Not only can some time alone help you sort out your feelings without any pressure from your partner, but it will also give you time to pick yourself up and decide how to proceed next.
2. Discuss your feelings with the person, if appropriate. If you're in the relationship right now, use tact to talk to your partner. Start your sentences with "I" instead of "you" because you don't want to sound accusatory or hurtful. Instead, discuss how "you" feel in the relationship. If you are not currently in a relationship with this person, decide whether talking about your feelings is appropriate. It may not be appropriate if it is playing with the other person's emotions or if he / she has a new partner.
   • Once you decide to express your feelings, it can get complicated. Don't do this unless you're sure it's something that needs to be addressed.
   • It is often easier to write down your feelings so that you can say whatever you need to say. Writing a letter can be a great way to communicate with your current or past partner.
3. Choose a plan and stick to it. In other words, get yourself out of the awful gray area. If you want to stay together (or get back together) after all this, do so wholeheartedly. If you want to break up, do it completely. You have to be fully committed to whatever you choose! If you're in a relationship and still have constant doubts about it, your relationship will suffer. You can't just be out with one foot and expect love to blossom. On the other hand, if you find yourself not loving the other person anymore, you have to end things completely. You won't be able to start a new, independent life if you keep asking yourself, "What if ...?"