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• Part 1 of 3: Telling your kids about breaking up
• Part 2 of 3: Being there for your children during the divorce
• Part 3 of 3: Supporting your kids after breaking up

Breaking up with your partner when you have children can be stressful and very emotional. You may be dealing with your own emotions and also worry about making the separation or divorce easier for your children. You can make breaking up less painful by calmly telling your kids about breaking up and being there for them when breaking up. You should also try to support your children after you break up so that you can still be a good parent even when you're alone again.

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Part 1 of 3: Telling your kids about breaking up

1. Make a divorce plan with your partner. You should also prepare for the conversation with your children by making a plan in advance with your partner about how to proceed. Sit down and discuss who will be living where, who will be responsible for certain daily needs and activities for the children, and when the official divorce process will begin. Being clear about these details can help reassure your children and be clearly unified.
   • For example, you can agree that your partner will move and live in an apartment nearby or in another home. You can also agree that your partner can visit the children at home or that the children can stay with him or her.
2. Choose the right time and place to talk to your children. You have to tell your kids about the divorce. By having the conversation together, with all members of the family involved, the children will all hear the same message and make it clear that you are both in agreement about breaking up. This makes the whole process less confusing and overwhelming for your children.
   • You may decide to tell your children in your family home, sitting in a comfortable room in the house. A conversation in a familiar environment can help your children to cope with the divorce better. It also gives your family the privacy needed for such an important conversation.
   • You can start the conversation by saying, "We have something we need to talk to you about. This is important and affects everyone. But you should know that no matter what happens, we will always be a family. "
3. Speak honestly and clearly. Note that you are only giving minimal information to the children without getting into the nasty details of the breakup. You can say something like, "Your mom (or dad) and I have had a hard time getting along. After much thought, we decided it is best for us to get a divorce. "Keep eye contact with your children and speak calmly.
   • Also consider the age and level of understanding of each child. Younger children may need simpler information to understand what's going on. Older children can be aware of what you are saying and process the information more quickly.
4. Let your kids know that breaking up isn't their fault. It is important for your children to know that the divorce is only between adults and that the divorce or breakup is not their fault. You and your partner should both reassure your children so that they understand that divorce has nothing to do with their behavior or actions.
   • You should also let your children know that you love them very much. You can say, "We want you to understand that breaking up is not your fault and that we love you both no matter what. We will remain your parents regardless of the divorce. "
5. Have your kids ask questions. Your children can respond by asking questions about practical matters, such as where they are going to live now or if your partner is moving. Have your kids ask these questions and answer them to the best of their ability. It is natural for your children to respond with questions and you must answer honestly to help them process the news.
   • Questions your kids might ask are, “Who will stay here?” “Should I move or change schools?” “Can I still see my friends?” And “Can I decide who to live with?” Try it out. answer your children's questions honestly and with feeling. Be reassuring and clear with your answers so that your children can better cope with the breakup.
   • You may say to your children, "For now, Mommy lives in the house. You all stay with her and Dad comes to visit on the weekend or you go to visit him on the weekend. We will do many more things together until the divorce is finalized. "
   • You can also talk about specific events that are of interest to the children, such as a birthday party or a tournament. You could say something like, "We also decided that Daddy will take you to Stephanie's party on Sunday and Mom will pick you up" or "We will both still be at your tournament Friday to cheer you on."

Part 2 of 3: Being there for your children during the divorce

1. Prepare for an emotional response from your children. Your children can have a variety of reactions to breaking up, from shock to anger, from confusion to guilt. Be prepared for your children to have a strong emotional response and try to meet their needs. You can also experience intense emotions yourself, and being there for your children can help them deal with the divorce on their own.
   • If you have younger children, they may respond to the breakup by reverting to behaviors they previously outgrown, such as bed-wetting or thumb-sucking. Older children can react with a mixture of anger, fear and sadness. They can also become depressed and withdrawn.
2. Learn to listen carefully. You can help your children overcome the difficulties of breaking up by listening carefully and being a good parent. Your children may need you to be there to listen to their concerns and fears about breaking up. Be willing to sit down with them and let them finish.
   • Try not to interrupt your children when they are speaking or shut yourself off from them with your body language. This means that you should maintain eye contact with your arms relaxed at your sides and your body turned towards your children as they talk.
   • You can ask your kids questions and reassure them if needed. Don't try to get all the answers to their questions and concerns. If you are not sure how to answer, you can say, "I am not sure how to answer your question, but I do know that I will always be there for you and that I love you. The breaking up doesn't change that. "
3. Consult with the people who need to be informed. You need to contact other people who have authority in your children's lives and let them know about the divorce. These supervisors can then keep an eye on when your children are at school or not with you. You can get updates on how your kids are doing and be notified if there are any concerns about your kids' behavior as a result of the divorce.
   • You can tell this supervisor something like, "My partner and I recently divorced. I am concerned about how it could affect the children. I know this will be a difficult time for them. Can you let me know if there are any issues with the kids in the coming weeks or months? "
4. Stick to consistent routines and habits. Sticking to consistent routines and habits that your kids are used to will help them deal with the breakup and find comfort in the familiar. Most children feel more confident and secure when they know what to expect, especially during times of anxiety.
   • You and your partner must agree to a daily routine or schedule and then make this schedule clear to the children. This way, the kids know what to expect from day to day and know that both of you are still reliable.
   • You should also maintain the same disciplinary habits with your children, even if they move into different households because of the divorce. You and your partner should enforce the same rules, rewards, and expectations of your kids to maintain a sense of stability and consistency. You and your partner should avoid changing or modifying established rules for the children, as this may confuse or anger your children.
5. Treat your former partner with respect. Do not be negative about your ex-partner in front of your children, as this can cause more tension and conflict. If you're having a hard time being around your ex, you should at least focus on being polite and respectful for the sake of the kids.
   • Avoid arguments or heated arguments with your ex-partner in front of the children, as that will only upset them more. You want to show your kids that you and your ex-partner can still be supportive, functional parents, even if you don't get along anymore.
   • You should also avoid using your children as messengers or pawns between you and your ex-partner. This can lead to further emotional problems for your children and more tension within the family.
6. Provide professional support for your children. If you feel like your children are struggling to break up and you don't have the knowledge to best support them, consider taking them to a therapist or counselor. Some children need professional help and support to ensure that they can cope well with a divorce and develop into healthy adults.
   • You could seek out a therapist who specializes in or has experience with children dealing with divorce.
   • You may also need counseling or therapy yourself if you are dealing with the divorce. Professional help can enable you to better support your children and be there for them during this difficult time.

Part 3 of 3: Supporting your kids after breaking up

1. Let your kids stay in touch with old family and friends. Even though you and your ex-partner have split up, it doesn't mean your kids will break away from all the old family and friends in their lives right away. You should try to encourage your kids to stay connected with your ex's family and close friends as this will give them a sense of stability and familiarity.
   • You should also allow your kids to spend time with old relatives and old friends. You should also try to keep the same babysitters or daycare as before the divorce.
   • Keeping your children in touch with the people in their pre-divorce lives will ensure that they have a stable network around them. This can help your children develop into healthy adults and successfully weather the difficulties of breaking up.
2. Adhere to child support payments and other financial agreements. You and your partner are likely to come to an agreement about child support during the divorce. Make sure you keep the financial agreements and that your partner does too. This will lead to less conflict between each other and will keep your children from getting involved in disputes over money.
   • If you and your partner have problems with child support payments and / or other financial agreements, you should discuss them alone and privately. Do not include your children in the discussion or use your children as pawns in the conflict. This will only create more tension and flare up emotions.
3. Provide a stable, healthy environment for your children. You and your ex should do your best to be good parents to your children, even if the two of you are no longer together. Try to continue to provide a home environment that is stable and healthy for your children. You need to take care of your own needs and stay healthy so that you can be there for your children and provide support.
   • You need to eat healthy and exercise as regularly as possible. Also take the time for self-care and pay attention to what you need.
   • In addition, keep exercising socially and visit good friends and family. They can provide you with support when you need it and in turn ensure that you are able to support your children.
4. Discuss any future partners with your children first. You have to consider your children if and when you decide to start looking for a relationship again. Take it slow and take your time, because you don't want to scare your kids by starting a new relationship quickly. If something gets serious, then you need to talk to your kids about the situation. Let them know you think you are ready to move on and keep them informed so they don't feel left out.
   • You should also let your kids know if and when you decide to move in with someone else. These kinds of decisions can upset your kids, especially if it's shortly after a divorce. Discuss them and listen to their ideas about it before proceeding.
5. Find a support system. You should also seek out support systems for yourself and your children so that all of you can get help in times of need. A divorce can be challenging for everyone involved, and support systems can help relieve any stress or anxiety you may have.
   • You should rely on professional support systems such as counselors and therapists. You may want to see a therapist one on one and suggest therapy to your children as an option.
   • You can also find support from personal support systems such as a close circle of friends or family. You can decide to have dinner with friends alone once a week or set up a family dinner with family so that your kids can feel supported.