Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Managing your emotions
• Method 2 of 3: Take action to start feeling better
• Method 3 of 3: Move on with your life
• Tips
• Warnings

Breaking up is often very difficult. In young people, emotions can be very strong and also difficult to handle, so you may feel like you will never be happy again. It's even more difficult when the person you dated is the one who deflowered you. The first time you sleep with someone is an impressive moment in your life, and you may feel like you will never get over them again. However, the reality is that most people nowadays no longer spend their entire lives with the person who deflowered them, and almost everyone manages to eventually move on with their lives.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Managing your emotions

1. Accept your feelings. When a relationship comes to an end, there is a period of grief. You are in a loss, and therefore you will feel very sad for a time. Accept this and allow it. Take the time to cry and come to terms with what happened.
   • Psychologists say that our first experiences usually impress us the most and continue to affect us emotionally throughout our lives in terms of important emotional experiences. This means that it will take a while to get over your ex. It also means that you will probably never forget him. Instead of trying to forget your ex, try to accept your feelings as they are.
2. Try to keep things in proportion. While a first experience is usually impressive emotionally, it is up to you whether you overdo it or not. In Western culture, deflowering is often seen as a major event in your life, but for most people it is actually not the case.
   • Give yourself a few days to be sad, then try to see things in proportion. You are still the same person you were before you lost your virginity and before you started dating.
   • Also keep in mind that you decide which romantic and sexual moments in your life are important. If you don't think of deflowering as the most impressive sexual experience of your life, that's okay. You've had an experience with one person, but a different sexual experience with someone else can be much more special to you later in life. The "big moment" may not have happened for you yet.
3. Don't put yourself down. Many people tend to think negatively about themselves when their relationship ends. This is especially true for people who have not ended the relationship themselves. Feelings of rejection can lead to a negative self-image.
   • If you feel rejected by your ex, you may think it happened because you are not good enough or beautiful enough. You may think that you will never be happy again. If you have been deflowered by someone and then rejected, it can be difficult to dismiss these kinds of thoughts.
   • If you find yourself having these kinds of thoughts, try replacing them with positive ones. Maybe your ex doesn't want to be with you anymore, but others do. His or her rejection in no way makes you a less beautiful person.
4. Be realistic about the future. If you are ready to focus on the future again, there are two things that are certain. First, you will be happy again. Second, you and your ex will both have to go your separate ways.
   • Try to be realistic about your future happiness. You were happy before all of this happened, and you will start to feel happy again. You will love others throughout your life.
   • Don't try to fantasize about getting back together with your ex in the future. Your first love is impressive, but it usually isn't forever. You and your ex are at the age when you are rapidly changing and are still discovering who you are. These changes often cause young people to break up. It's no one's fault, and all you can do about it is get on with your life and allow your ex to do the same.
5. Try to curb your grief. It is important for your own good that you limit the time you spend feeling sad about your ex. After a few days, you can keep your grief out of the other things in your life, and then you can move on to get over it.
   • For example, you have decided that you are not sad for more than an hour a day. You may set aside half an hour twice in which you allow yourself to really feel the pain, but then you will do something that will distract you and stop thinking about it. After a while, try to reduce the half hour to 15 minutes.
   • Some people find that the pain becomes boring when you imagine putting your pain in an imaginary box, which you then open imaginary on an everyday day. This can ultimately help you stop holding on to your feelings of sadness and move on with your life.

Method 2 of 3: Take action to start feeling better

1. Take your distance. As difficult as this is, if you want to get rid of the intense feelings you are experiencing right now, then you better keep as much distance from your ex as possible. Don't run into him, call him, text him, or contact your ex in any other way.
   • This doesn't mean that you can never be friends again, but as long as you have feelings of love for him, being with your ex will only make it harder to move on, as being together will bring back memories over and over again. Give it some time, and if you're ready to be friends in the future and you still want it, you can always give it a try.
   • If your ex is in the same school as you, it can get difficult, especially if you are in class together. There is no reason to be rude and ignore your ex, but avoid situations where contact with him is unavoidable. If you find it necessary, ask him to distance yourself from you.
2. Talk to others about it. You don't have to get through this difficult time alone. Share your feelings with a trusted friend or family member. It's okay to ask for help.
   • Psychologists have researched and concluded that people who often talk about their ex and break up are more likely to get over the breakup, even though you might think that talking about your ex actually provokes more feelings of sadness and rejection in people.
   • Deflowering is a sensitive subject; so make sure you confide in someone who you know will not judge you or share your intimate feelings with others.
3. Don't keep being confronted with memories of your ex. Of course, you will probably never forget your ex, and never forget that he deflowered you, but you also don't want to be reminded about it all the time. Remove items that remind you of him from sight.
   • This includes gifts you received from your ex, pictures of the two of you together, or other things like that.
   • Some people throw away or destroy things that have memories of their ex, especially when they feel angry and rejected. Sometimes people regret it. You better put them in a box so you don't have to see them. Once you've gotten over your ex and you feel less emotional about it, you can always decide whether to keep the stuff or not.
4. Write in a journal. Writing for yourself is a great way to process your emotions. Get a diary and use it to write down what you are feeling. You can use it as a diary, for poems, stories or songs about your feelings.
   • This can be just as valuable as talking to someone, and it can be a way of expressing feelings that you think are too intimate to share with someone.
   • If beautiful things happen in your life that make you feel more positive about life again, write about them in your diary. This allows you to focus more and more on the positive changes in your life.
5. Rediscover yourself. Many people struggle with themselves after ending a relationship. Even if you are in a brief relationship with someone, it is easy to see your connection with the other as an important part of your own identity. If you want to get rid of this, it is necessary that you rediscover yourself and know who you are without the other.
   • This is a very good time in your life to think about your own goals and to try new things. Maybe you are trying out a new hobby, you spend more time with your friends, you go to the gym or play a sport, or you change something that you have wanted to change in your life for a long time.
   • Focusing on the present and creating new positive experiences in your life will help you get over the feelings for your ex.

Method 3 of 3: Move on with your life

1. Give yourself time. Processing a terminated relationship simply takes time, there is no shortcut to get through the pain faster. Accept that it takes a while to get all over your ex, and don't try to speed up that process.
   • Psychologists have concluded that it takes an average of 11 weeks for someone to feel positive again after ending a relationship. Don't be surprised if it takes a little longer for you. Because there was an important event in your relationship that you first experienced, the recovery can be emotionally intense.
2. Avoid a rebound. A lot of people think it helps to get over someone if you find someone else to start something with right after you finish. Some people think it helps to get over your ex by making out with someone else. However, these kinds of "rebound" experiences are often not good for you.
   • If you start dating or making out with someone before you get over your ex, you may find yourself comparing the new person to the one you may still love. This can make you feel even more lonely than when you started dating again.
   • Getting into a relationship before you even get over your ex can end in a painful way, for those you started dating and for yourself.
   • If you have experienced your defloration as something negative, then it is completely advisable not to immediately focus on others and start sharing the bed with others. When people experience something for the first time and it is perceived negatively, it sometimes results in people seeking out similar experiences with others, which can lead to even more negative experiences and heartache. Wait until you control your emotions, and only then engage in love connections or sexual contacts with others.
3. Don't date someone again until you're ready. If you feel that you are over your ex, or at least no longer regularly suffer from intense emotions about it, then you can look for someone with whom you are starting a new relationship. Only you know when the right time has come.
   • People are often afraid of loving someone again if the ending of the relationship has been severe. It can be scary to open up to someone again and risk getting hurt again. But in the end it is worth doing. New love experiences will enrich your life and help you to see that ending the relationship with the one who deflowered you is not the end of the world.

Tips

• Take the time you need. Maybe others tell you that you should get over it after a while, especially if you haven't been in a long relationship with your ex. However, the length of the relationship does not determine how strong your feelings are, and you alone can decide how long it will take to get over them.

Warnings

• If you feel unable to handle your feelings, you may need professional help. If you have thoughts of harming or killing yourself, talk to your parents or another adult about going into therapy.